Gintama 115

Chapter 115

((Shinpachi and Kondo show up at where the Kagura-Okita-Nishi fight was, and surveying the damage. Okita and Nishi are lying in a heap, unconscious, and bleeding))

Shinpachi: ....Okita-san...he...

Kondo: ....How is that...Sougo....

Shinpachi: Oh no. He's leg's broken.

Kondo: This is just too extreme. Both of them are in really bad condition. But there's no way for Sougo to have gotten his leg broken but still manage to win like that? Someone must've done it on purpose after the fight or something...

Kondo: NO!! SOUGO, YOU CAN'T LOSE!! RIGHT, SOUGO!!! YOU'RE ALWAYS THE FIRST TO UNDERSTAND ANY NEW CONCEPTS BACK AT THE DOJO, RIGHT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Kondo: YOU'RE PLAYING A JOKE ON ME, RIGHT!! COME ON, ANSWER ME, SOUGO!!!!

Kondo: ...................Unforgivable.

Kondo: I WILL NOT FORGIVE WHOEVER DID THIS!!! I THOUGHT WE ONLY HAD TO BREAK THE PLATES!! THERE WAS NO NEED TO GO TO SUCH EXTREMES TO WIN A FIGHT!!!!! DO THESE PEOPLE ONLY CARE ABOUT TORTURING OTHERS?!?!?!?!?

Shinpachi: Maybe there's a clue on there that could tell us who did this?????

Shinpachi: .....................

Kondo: DAMMIT! WHO DID THIS!!! SOUGO! I'LL AVENGE YOU!!!!!!

Shinpachi: ER--YEAH!!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!! I'LL KILL THEM!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

Kondo: Exactly! ...Wait, why are you all sweaty and nervous-looking?

Shinpachi: TOO HOT HERE!! I demand more AC!

Kondo and Shinpachi: YEAH COME ON OUT! WE'RE HERE TO AVENGE OKITA!!!!

Shinpachi: Ah, sorry for interrupting your meal.

Kondo: Wrong room. Please excuse us.

Kondo and Shinpachi: HEY WAIT A MINUTE!!!!!!!!!!

Kita: If we're hungry, we can't fight. Do you wish to join us?

Kondo: HOW CAN YOU BE THIS RELAXED, TOUSHI!?!?!?!? YOU'RE EATING THE ENEMY'S FOOD!!! ENEMY!!!

Shinpachi: Hijikata-san, what are you doing?!?!?? Maybe we should do a three-on-one?????????

Hijikata: All of you, stay out of it. Besides, that's my fried rice.

Shinpachi: Hijikata-san!!! NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BE TALKING ABOUT FRIED RICE!

KIta: Oi. Hand me that bottle of ketchup.

Hijikata: Oh, this?

Shinpachi: What the...????

Kondo: They don't seem nervous at all.

Kita: You guys wouldn't understand. The fight between the two of us has already begun.

Hijikata: As a samurai, even if it's something as simple as eating or using chopsticks, you have to do it your way. Strict and precise.

Kita: Daily activities are all chances to hone your skills. That's how you become a real samurai.

Kita: Hijikata Toushirou. Do you truly understand that concept? The idea that you should limit yourself to become a samurai?

Shinpachi: KETCHUP!?

Kondo: Fried rice with ketchup!?

Kita: Let me tell you something. People might think of me as a crazy ketchup lover, but I actually hate tomatoes. Looking at it makes me sick. But I eat the food that I hate the most, in order to train myself, and be a samurai.

Kondo and Shinpachi: THAT'S NOT TRAINING. THAT'S JUST UNHEALTHY.

Kita: Can YOU do it?

Kita: AH!? What is that!??!?!?

Hijikata: This? This is mayonnaise.

Kita: FRIED RICE WITH MAYO!??!?! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!?!? CAN HE REALLY EAT THAT?!?!? OR MAYBE HE'S ACTUALLY SURPASSI---!!!!!!!!

Hijikata: Let me tell YOU something. People might think I'm a crazy mayo lover, but that's not true. Just looking at the Kewpie doll (note: Kewpie = a brand of mayo in Japan) makes me want to vomit.

Kondo and Shinpachi: *thinking* THAT'S JUST AN OUTRIGHT LIE!! YOU'D LIE TO WIN!!!!!!!

Kita: Ohhh? No wonder they call you the demon vice commander. This was an interesting meal.

Hijikata: I want a smoke. Got an ashtray?

Kita: Before you have your smoke, shouldn't you say something like, "I'm finished with my meal?"

Hijikata: Thank you for such a nasty lunch.

Kita: HERE YOU GO! Here's your ash tray!

Kita: Oh, you're much sharper and quicker than I expected. Your sense of athleticism and instincts are both extremely exceptional. And not to mention, both honed by years of fighting in real life-and-death battles. Definitely a fighting style to be feared. Other swordsmen have no chance against you. But, those swordsmen are all third-rates. When you fight against a real kendo master, you'd lose.

Hijikata: Are you calling yourself a master now? Please. Someone as spoiled as you probably have never killed a fly before.

Kita: Hacking things down isn't kendo. Come on and show me what you've got.

Hijikata: Don't talk so big!

Kita: I've already seen through your technique. You purposely make big movements to lure in your opponents, then when they're close enough, you rely on your well-honed instincts to attack. I'VE ALREADY SEEN THROUGH YOU!

Kita: You rely on your intuition too much.

Kondo: TOUSHI!

Kita: You purposely twisted your body to avoid the plate getting hit? That's some scary instinct and reaction time. But, that's also your weakness.

Kondo: Shit. That guy really has seen through Toushi's fighting habits. (note: Kondo and Shinpachi are just sitting there and watching and commentating)

Kondo: For the Shinsengumi, when we fight, it's always between life and death. The enemy fight to not only win, but also to kill us. So even if we're just injured, it'll most likely be a really bad injury. No different from being dead. Which is why we must always be alert and have a sense of impending danger.

Kondo: Toushi's been fighting on the front lines for years now, so his instincts are extremely sharp and can sense when to attack, and how to lead the attack to his advantage. He's stronger than all of us in that respect. But---

Kondo: That guy (Kita) isn't fighting to kill. He's been in the dojo for years, and they have a completely different style than us who fight out in the real world. For him, he scopes out the other person's INTENTIONS, then move in for victory. So Toushi's overly-sharp instincts just seem to be a weakness, and it's all because of the giant plate he's got. Toushi's instincts are sharper than usual, because he needs to protect that big plate, but that also means he'll react to any movement that Kita makes.

Kondo: That guy (Kita again) uses that to his advantage and can lure out Toushi anyway he wants.

Kondo: He's (Kita) a well-trained kendo master, who can fight by controlling and determining how his opponents are planning to attack and thinking.

Kita: If this were a fight out in a dojo competition setting, I don't know how many points I just won. Even though you keep saying how in a real fight, you'd win, I don't think that's the case. Give up. That big plate is just going to put you on the defensive.

KIta: You still want to fight?

Hijikata: I don't care if it's one point, or two points, or even more than that. I don't care if I lose an arm, a leg, as long as I'm still breathing, I"ll keep fighting. That's a real brawl for you.

Kita: And that's why I hate you country gangster types.

Hijikata: Oh by the way? I borrowed an ash tray from you. I really needed a smoke.

Kita: *thinking* ...Is that...my plate....????? YOU BASTARD! WHEN DID YOU-- GIVE THAT BACK!

Kita: wait what? I still have the plate...? Then...the plate he's holding is from when I threw that saucer during the meal...???

Hijikata: I don't know what you mean by lures and baits, but if you're talking about playing tricks on opponents, I've got plenty of that.

Hijikata: No matter how much ketchup you put on your fried rice or whatever, that's still normal. Face it, you can't jump out of the confines of the dojo, and that's the limitations of your dojo fighting style. Always playing by the rules.

Hijikata: I put mayonnaise on desserts, even. Come on, let me show you how real men fight.