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translation-is-ready

Zettai Karen Children 150

Phantom In Paradise (4)

en
+ posted by Spikey2713 as translation on May 28, 2009 23:39 | Go to Zettai Karen Children

-> RTS Page for Zettai Karen Children 150

Chapter 150: Phantom of Darkness (4)
Page 1:
Supplement:
4 panels from the right:
*small note: R&D = Research and Development*
柏木:皆本さんにきいたわよ!?最近コソコソ研究開発室に出入りしてるそうね!?
Kashiwagi: I’ve heard from Minamoto! You girls had been sneaking around the R&D lab lately!?
柏木:まさかまた――― 私のロボットとか作ってるんじゃないですようね!?
Kashiwagi: Don’t tell me, you’ve made another robot that looks like me again!?
葵:ちっ、ちがう!!
Aoi: Th-that's not it!!
薫:実は―――
Kaoru: Actually…
1/1スケール自律可動 メカ皆本・ハーマイオニー!!
Background: 1/1 Scale mobilized Mecha Minamoto Hermione!!
皆本:どうでした?
Minamoto: How was it?
柏木:別に問題ありませんわ♥ 放っておきましょ♥
Kashiwagi: No problem at all♥ Let’s just leave them♥
4 panels from the left
圭子:「ザ・ハウンド」の主任になって二年。 私もすっかりベテランです。
Keiko: I've been supervisor of “The Hound" for 2 years. I’m now definitely a veteran.
特務エスパー「ザ・ハウンド」現場運用主任 小鹿圭子 一曹
Box: Supervisor of the SP Esper Agent “The Hound” - Kojika Keiko (Sergeant)
圭子:出動命令よ!2人とも準備はいい!?
Keiko: We've got orders to head out! Are you two ready!?
明&初音:はいッ!!
Akira&Hatsune: Yes!!
圭子:通信機にハンカチ、ティッシュ、
Keiko: Communicator, handkerchief, tissue…
圭子:初音ちゃんのおやつのちくわ…!それに―――
Keiko: Here're Hatsune’s snacks too…! And then,
圭子:スコップとビニール袋!! 準備もカンペキ!
Keiko: Scoop and plastic bag!! Everything is perfect!
明:もしかして俺用か!?
Akira: That’s for me!?


Page2 -3:
Title page:
ファントム・イン・パラダイス(4)
Phantom In Paradise (4)
迫る墜落事故。国際空港SOS!!
Statement: An Approaching plane crash. SOS at the International Airport!!
皆本:目標は新型の超大型機だ!力任せでは空中分解するおそれもあるから注意しろ!!
Minamoto: The target is the latest oversized model! It’ll blow into pieces if you use too much strength, so be careful!!
*notes: C-01 = Children 01 (which mean Kaoru)*
谷崎:聞いたな、ナオミ!!C-01の力を分散する形でフォローだ!!
Tanizaki: You heard that, Naomi!! Follow up and balance C-01’s power!!
薫:了解!
Kaoru: Roger!
ナオミ:受けとめます!!
Naomi: I’ll stop it!!


Page 4:
ナオミ:速度も重量も大きいわ!機体を壊さないためには、重心を外さず面積を拡げて、2人同時に念動力(サイコキネシス)を使わなきゃ!
Naomi: Its speed and weight are way too big! If we don’t want to damage it, we’ll have to use psychokinesis together, and spread out from its center of gravity!
薫:わかったわ、ナオミちゃん!!
Kaoru: Roger that, Naomi-chan!!
皆本:葵は紫穂と機内へ!!サイコメトリーで機体の状態を常にモニターするんだ!!
Minamoto: Go inside the plane, Aoi and Shiho!! Constantly monitor the status of the plane by using the psychometers!!
皆本:破損が生じたらすぐに報告してくれ!!
Minamoto: Report immediately for any damage found!!
葵:了解や!
Aoi: Roger!!
紫穂:準備オーケーよ、薫ちゃん!!
Shiho: Everything’s ready, Kaoru-chan!!
薫:よおおおし!!合図お願い!
Kaoru: All right!! Let’s do it!
ナオミ:さん、はいっ!!
Naomi: Ready…go!!


Page 5:
念動(サイキック)うう――― 逆噴射ッ!!!
Background: PSYCHICCCC…… REVERSE THRUST!!!
薫:だ―――っ!!
Kaoru: TAAAAA!!
客:ぎゃあああ―――!!
Passenger: Gyaaaahhhh!!


Page 6:
紫穂:制動が強すぎるわ、2人とも!!落下寸前までペースを抑えて!!
Shiho: Both of you are decelerating too fast!! Hold it steady before it drops down!!
薫:く…!!
Kaoru: Kuh…!!
桐壺:落下予想位置は!?
Kiritsubo: Where will be the landing point!?
柏木:このまま止められなければ―――
Kashiwagi: If they can't stop this soon,
柏木:ターミナルを直撃します…!!
Kashiwagi: It’ll be a direct hit to the terminal…!!


Page 7:
桐壺:どういうことだ!? 予知された時間はまだ先なのに―――!?
Kiritsubo: What’s going on!? It’s still a while before the predicted time!!
ほたる:こちら「ダブル・フェイス」!機体外壁になにかいます!!
Hotaru: This is “Double Face”! There’s something outside the plane!!
奈津子:それは―――人間…!? エスパーだわ!!
Natsuko: That’s…a human!? He’s an esper!!


Page 8:
*MM = Mysterious Man*
怪人:邪魔はさせん!!念動美しき雷鳴―――ッ(サイキック ビューティフル・サンダー)!!!
MM: Don’t interfere!! PSYCHIC BEAUTIFUL LIGHTNING!!!
ピシヵアアァッ
SFX: Pikaaaaaa!!
ナオミ:んぎゃッ!!?
Naomi: Gyaa!!?
薫:ナ、ナオミちゃん!?
Kaoru: Na..Naomi-chan!?


Page 9:
薫:ナオミちゃん―――!!!
Kaoru: Naomi-chan!!!
谷崎:ナオミ―――っ!!
Tanizaki: Naomiiii!!
初音:大丈夫か、ナオミ姐さん!?
Hatsune: You’re all right, Naomi-neechan!?
ナオミ:あ…ありがと、初音ちゃん…!とっさに念力(サイコキネシス)でシールドしたからなんとか……
Naomi: Th..thanks, Hatsune-chan…! I just managed to use psychokinesis to shield myself, so……


Page 10:
谷崎:おおッ、ナオミ―――っ!!
Tanizaki: Ohhh Naomi!!
圭子:ぎゃーっ、初音ちゃんえらいっ!!
Keiko: Kyaa! Great job, Hatsune-chan!!
明:ワオーン 今夜は肉だ―――!!
Akira: (Woof) Tonight’s reward is meat!!
葵:あんたが雷を操ってるんか?
Aoi: You’re the one who controls the lightning?
葵:よくも…!!滑走路に埋めたるっ!!
Aoi: How dare you…!! I’ll bury you inside the runway!!
怪人:ククク!!
MM: Kekeke!!
葵:なに!?
Aoi: What!?


Page 11:
葵:雷と一緒に……テレポートを!?
Aoi: He’s teleported…together with the lightning!?
初音:雷が来る……!!気をつけろ、姐さん!!
Hatsune: It’s coming…!! Be careful, sis!!
怪人:念動(サイキック)―――
MM: Psychic…!
薫:く…!!手を離せない―――!!
Kaoru: Gyuh! I can’t take my hand off!!
紫穂:葵ちゃん、逃げて!!
Shiho: Aoi-chan, RUN!!
パカン!!
SFX: BANG!!
怪人:んな…!?
MM: What the…!?
怪人:新手か?
MM: An newcomer?


Page 12:
皆本:じょ…冗談たろ!? ハンドガンが当たるかフツー!?
Minamoto: You…gotta be kidding!? You hit it with a hand gun!?
賢木:いや、今のはラッキーだった。二発目はねえな…!
Sakaki: Well, that’s just lucky. There won’t be a second hit…!


Page 13:
紫穂:賢木センセイ…!!
Shiho: Doctor Sakaki…!!
怪人:く…!!リストラだ、経費カットだで、仕事はキツくなる一方―――
MM: Damn..!! While restructuring and cutting the budget, making the work harder…
怪人:そのくせ安全第一だの責任重大だの勝手なことぱっか言いやがって―――!!
MM: And yet they just keep on telling us to hold huge responsibilities for safety first!!
怪人:機体整備なんかやってられっか―――!! 落としてやる、こんなモノ―――!!
MM: No more with the plane’s maintenance!! I’ll destroy this stupid thing!!
皆本:せ…整備スタッフなのか!? エスパーはいなかったはずだぞ!?いつ覚醒したんだ!?
Minamoto: H-he's a mechanic!? So he didn’t use to be an esper!? When did he awaken!?
葵:そんなアホな理由で…!! このボケえええ―――!!
Aoi: For such a stupid reason…!! An idiot like you……


Page 14:
葵:東京湾でアタマ冷やせ―――ッ!!!
Aoi: Should cool off inside the Tokyo Bay!!
怪人:あ……
MM: Ah……
怪人:んぎゃあああ―――っ!!
MM: Gyaaaaahhhh!!
皆本:よくやった、葵!! 薫が苦戦中だ!ブーストフォーメーション!!
Minamoto: Well done, Aoi!! Kaoru’s in trouble! Boost Formation!!
紫穂:了解!!
Shiho: Roger!!
葵:ここが使いどころやね!?
Aoi: We’re going to use it here, right!?


Page 15:
皆本:「ザ・チルドレン」トリプルブースト―――!!
Minamoto: “The Children”, TRIPLE BOOST!!
皆本:解禁ッ!!!
Minamoto: RELEASE!!!


Page 16-17:
薫:な…なんとか―――
Kaoru: Somehow…we….
薫:とめたよ、皆本……!!
Kaoru: managed to stop it, Minamoto……!!
皆本:よし…!!よくやってくれた!!
Minamoto: Ok…!! Great job!!
柏木:予知発生確率急速に低下!! 30%…10%…  1%以下……!!
Kashiwagi: The probability of prediction has suddenly dropped!! 30%...10%... less than 1%...!!


Page 18:
*B.P. = Black Phantom*
柏木:確率変動値「7」の予知を、阻止しました!!
Kashiwagi: We've stopped the precognition of "Probability Fluctuation 7"!!
薫:ちさとちゃんの誕生日も行けそうだね!!
Kaoru: We can make it to Chisato’s birthday party!!
紫穂:うん……!!
Shiho: Yeah……!!
薫:みんなが――― 力を貸してくれたおかげだ…!!
Kaoru: It’s all thanks……to the strength of everyone…!!
B.P.:フフ……!! よかった。
B.P.: Fufu……!! I'm glad.
一件落着!!だが、幽霊(ファントム)の意図は何だったのか…?
Statement: The case has been settled!! But what was Phantom’s true objective…?

END OF CHAPTER 150: PHANTOM IN PARADISE (4)

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#1. by Spikey2713 (上級員 / Jyoukuuin / Sr. Member)
Posted on May 28, 2009
I will need proofread to check out if there's any mistake in grammar using, the meaning and accuracy of meanings. Thought now I have confident, checking is more important. So please take care of me^^
#2. by Nihil (Registered User)
Posted on May 29, 2009
This chapter was another improvement -- you're doing much better with articles and prepositions. The main problem was using past perfect ("had ___ed") when present perfect ("have ___ed") fits better. The general rule is to only use past perfect when the action of considering the completed action is also in the past -- that is, if you're considering a completed action, use present perfect. Maybe look it up in a textbook/online somewhere, since I can't really explain it too well =P I'm probably not even using the right terms ^^

Anyway, here're my changes, same format as last time. There were a few pages I didn't have to note anything at all on -- definitely a big improvement since 148 ;)

---------------------------------------

Chapter 150: Phantom of Darkness (4)
Page 1:
Supplement:
4 panels from the right:
*small note: R&D = Research and Development*
柏木:皆本さんにきいたわよ!?最近コソコソ研究開発室に出入りしてるそうね!?
Kashiwagi: I’d heard from Minamoto! Lately, you girls had been waving around the R&D lab!?

-"Heard" is already in the past, so you don't need to use "I'd" before it. Just "I've heard" works better ("I heard" would also work, but it sounds better with "have").
-"Had been waving" should be "have been", since they presumably still are "waving" (see next note)
-"waving" doesn't make any sense in this context. Running it through Google gave out something mentioning the word "sneak", which would fit better.
-Nice work on the prepositions in this sentence, they're all correct.

Ex: I've heard from Minamoto! Lately, you girls have been sneaking around the R&D lab!?

柏木:まさかまた――― 私のロボットとか作ってるんじゃないですようね!?
Kashiwagi: Don’t tell me, you’d made another robot that look alike me again!?

-"you'd" should be "you've" -- the important thing here is that the action of 'making the robot' is closer to the present, not in the past.
-"look alike" should be "looks like". "Alike" is generally only the subject of a to-be verb (e.g. "they're a lot alike").

Ex: Don't tell me, you've made another robot that looks like me again!?

葵:ちっ、ちがう!!
Aoi: No, it wasn’t!!

-Again, present tense works better, so use "doesn't" instead.

Ex: No, it doesn't!!

薫:実は―――
Kaoru: Actually…
1/1スケール自律可動 メカ皆本・ハーマイオニー!!
Background: 1/1 Scale mobilized Mecha Minamoto Hermione!!
皆本:どうでした?
Minamoto: How was it?
柏木:別に問題ありませんわ♥ 放っておきましょ♥
Kashiwagi: No problem at all♥ Let’s just leave them♥
4 panels from the left
圭子:「ザ・ハウンド」の主任になって二年。 私もすっかりベテランです。
Keiko: I’d become supervisor of “The Hound" for 2 years. I’m now totally a veteran.

-Since the action of "becoming" only happens once, and the first part is probably more referring to the state of "being supervisor", using "I've been" fits better.
-"Totally" in that context has a slangish feel. If that's your goal, leave it; otherwise, use "definitely".

Ex: I've been supervisor of "The Hound" for 2 years. I'm now definitely a veteran.

特務エスパー「ザ・ハウンド」現場運用主任 小鹿圭子 一曹
Box: Supervisor of the SP Esper Agent “The Hound” - Kojika Keiko (Sergeant)
圭子:出動命令よ!2人とも準備はいい!?
Keiko: It’s marching order! Are you two ready!?

-The first part needs an article to be grammatically correct, like "It's the marching order!". However, to be more idiomatic, you might wish to say "we've got our marching orders!" instead.

Ex: We've got our marching orders! Are you two ready!?

明&初音:はいッ!!
Akira&Hatsune: Yes!!
圭子:通信機にハンカチ、ティッシュ、
Keiko: Communicator, handkerchief, tissue…
圭子:初音ちゃんのおやつのちくわ…!それに―――
Keiko: There’re also Hatsune’s snacks…! And then,

-This works grammatically, but to flow better you might say "Here're Hatsune's snacks, too...!" You don't necessarily have to change it, though.

Ex: Here're Hatsune's snacks, too...! And then,

圭子:スコップとビニール袋!! 準備もカンペキ!
Keiko: Scoop and plastic bag!! Everything is perfect!
明:もしかして俺用か!?
Akira: That’s for mine!?

-With a preposition already expressing possession ("for"), you don't need to use the possessive form of "me". So just "that's for me" works.

Ex: That's for me!?



Page2 -3:
Title page:
ファントム・イン・パラダイス(4)
Phantom In Paradise (4)
迫る墜落事故。国際空港SOS!!
Statement: Approaching plane crash. SOS of International Airport!!

-Using "an" before "approaching" would make it flow better.
-You need an article before "international airport", since it's a common noun and thus generally takes an article. If it said "Touten International Airport", you wouldn't need an article.
-"of" might not be the best preposition... "at" might work better.

Ex: An approaching plane crash. SOS at the International Airport!!

皆本:目標は新型の超大型機だ!力任せでは空中分解するおそれもあるから注意しろ!!
Minamoto: The target is the latest huge-sized plane! It’ll blow into pieces if you use too much strength, so be careful!!

-Changing "huge-sized" to "giant" would sound a bit better, though it's not a necessary change.

Ex: The target is the latest giant plane! It'll blow into pieces if you use too much strength, so be careful!!

谷崎:聞いたな、ナオミ!!C-01の力を分散する形でフォローだ!!
Tanizaki: You heard that, Naomi!! Follow up C-01’s power in separate form!!

-I'm not sure what "in separate form" means. Probably either "by yourself" or "in a different manner". I'm not going to make a suggestion since I don't know.

薫:了解!
Kaoru: Roger!
ナオミ:受けとめます!!
Naomi: I’ll stop it!!


Page 4:
ナオミ:速度も重量も大きいわ!機体を壊さないためには、重心を外さず面積を拡げて、2人同時に念動力(サイコキネシス)を使わなきゃ!
Naomi: Its speed and weight are way too big! If we don’t want to damage it, we’ll use psychokinesis together, and spread from its balancing area!

Good work on getting the right form for "its" in both cases. Grammatically, this line is fine. To improve its flow, here are a couple minor things:
-Add "have to" before "use psychokinesis" -- this is an idiomatic thing that English generally uses in "If we don't want" conditionals.
-Add "out" after "spread".
-Change "area" to "point" -- "balancing point" is an idiomatic phrase in English.
-Minor thing: since "spread out" uses the same subject as "use" does, there shouldn't be a comma before "and spread".

Ex: Its speed and weight are way too big! If we don’t want to damage it, we’ll have to use psychokinesis together and spread out from its balancing point!

薫:わかったわ、ナオミちゃん!!
Kaoru: Roger that, Naomi-chan!!
皆本:葵は紫穂と機内へ!!サイコメトリーで機体の状態を常にモニターするんだ!!
Minamoto: Go inside the plane, Aoi and Shiho!! Be always monitoring the status of the plane by using psychometer!!

-To improve flow, change "be always monitoring" to "constantly monitor".
-Add an article before "pyschometer" -- in this case, "your" probably works best. Also, I would pluralize psychometer, assuming they each have one.

Ex: Go inside the plane, Aoi and Shiho!! Constantly monitor the status of the plane by using your pyschometers!!

皆本:破損が生じたらすぐに報告してくれ!!
Minamoto: Report immediately for any damage found!!
葵:了解や!
Aoi: Roger!!
紫穂:準備オーケーよ、薫ちゃん!!
Shiho: Everything’s ready, Kaoru-chan!!
薫:よおおおし!!合図お願い!
Kaoru: All right!! Let’s do it!
ナオミ:さん、はいっ!!
Naomi: Ready…go!!


Page 5:
念動(サイキック)うう――― 逆噴射ッ!!!
Background: PSYCHICCCC…… REVERSE THRUST!!!
薫:だ―――っ!!
Kaoru: TAAAAA!!
客:ぎゃあああ―――!!
Passenger: Gyaaaahhhh!!


Page 6:
紫穂:制動が強すぎるわ、2人とも!!落下寸前までペースを抑えて!!
Shiho: Both of you use too much on braking!! Hold it on pace before it drop down!!

-"use too much on braking" should probably be "are braking too much", to make the sentence structure simpler.
-"on pace" should probably be changed to "steady".
-"drop" should be "drops" (remember, it's a singular subject, so the verb form in the present generally has an 's' at the end).

Ex: Both of you are braking too much!! Hold it steady before it drops down!!

薫:く…!!
Kaoru: Kyuu…!!
桐壺:落下予想位置は!?
Kiritsubo: The land point will be!?

-Idiomatically, use "landing point" instead.

Ex: The landing point will be!?
Rephrase: What's the landing point!?

柏木:このまま止められなければ―――
Kashiwagi: If it won’t stop for now,

-"for now" implies a temporary state. Since I'm not sure about the meaning, here are two possible ways to say this:

Ex: If they can't stop this for now,
Ex 2 [more likely]: If they can't stop this soon,

柏木:ターミナルを直撃します…!!
Kashiwagi: It’ll be direct hit to terminal…!!

-You need an article before "terminal" -- probably "the".

Ex: It'll be a direct hit to the terminal...!!


Page 7:
桐壺:どういうことだ!? 予知された時間はまだ先なのに―――!?
Kiritsubo: What’s happening!? It’s still a while before the prediction!!
ほたる:こちら「ダブル・フェイス」!機体外壁になにかいます!!
Hotaru: This is the “Double Faces”! There’s something outside the plane!!
奈津子:それは―――人間…!? エスパーだわ!!
Natsuko: That’s…a human!? He’s an esper!!

Nice job on this page ^^ You might wanna say just 'This is "Double Faces," but that's all.

Page 8:
*MM = Mysterious Man*
怪人:邪魔はさせん!!念動美しき雷鳴―――ッ(サイキック ビューティフル・サンダー)!!!
MM: Don’t interfere!! PSYCHIC BEAUTIFUL LIGHTNING!!!
ピシヵアアァッ
SFX: Pikaaaaaa!!
ナオミ:んぎゃッ!!?
Naomi: Gyaa!!?
薫:ナ、ナオミちゃん!?
Kaoru: Na..Naomi-chan!?


Page 9:
薫:ナオミちゃん―――!!!
Kaoru: Naomi-chan!!!
谷崎:ナオミ―――っ!!
Tanizaki: Naomiiii!!
初音:大丈夫か、ナオミ姐さん!?
Hatsune: You’re all right, Naomi sis!?
ナオミ:あ…ありがと、初音ちゃん…!とっさに念力(サイコキネシス)でシールドしたからなんとか……
Naomi: Th..thanks, Hatsune-chan…! I’ve somehow use psychokinesis to shield it, so……

-"I've" is right, but to match it, "use" should be "used".

Ex: Th... thanks, Hatsune-chan...! I've somehow used psychokinesis to shield it, so...


Page 10:
谷崎:おおッ、ナオミ―――っ!!
Tanizaki: Ohhh Naomi!!
圭子:ぎゃーっ、初音ちゃんえらいっ!!
Keiko: Gyaah! Great job, Hatsune-chan!!
明:ワオーン 今夜は肉だ―――!!
Akira: (Woof) Tonight’s rewards are meats!!

-Idiomatically, "meats" is rarely used unless referring to cooking. English generally just uses the word in the singular.

Ex: (Woof) Tonight's reward is meat!!

葵:あんたが雷を操ってるんか?
Aoi: You’re the one who control the lightning?

-"you" is (here) a singular subject, so "control" should be "controls".

Ex: You're the one who controls the lightning?

葵:よくも…!!滑走路に埋めたるっ!!
Aoi: How dare you…!! I’ll bury you inside the runaway!!

-A "runaway" is someone who's run away. A "runway" is what an airplane takes on and off on, so you probably want to use that instead.

Ex: How dare you...!? I'll bury you inside the runway!!

怪人:ククク!!
MM: Kekeke!!
葵:なに!?
Aoi: What!?


Page 11:
葵:雷と一緒に……テレポートを!?
Aoi: He’s teleport…together with the lightning!?

-"teleport" should be "teleported".

初音:雷が来る……!!気をつけろ、姐さん!!
Hatsune: It’s coming…!! Be careful, sis!!
怪人:念動(サイキック)―――
MM: Psychic…!
薫:く…!!手を離せない―――!!
Kaoru: Gyuh! I can’t hold my hand off!!

-Is the meaning more like "I can't take my hand off!!"? If so, change it to that.

紫穂:葵ちゃん、逃げて!!
Shiho: Aoi-chan, RUN!!
パカン!!
SFX: BANG!!
怪人:んな…!?
MM: What the…!?
怪人:新手か?
MM: Newcomer?

-Assuming this isn't a proper noun, I would put "a" before it.

Ex: An newcomer?


Page 12:
皆本:じょ…冗談たろ!? ハンドガンが当たるかフツー!?
Minamoto: You…gonna be kidding!? You’d hit it with a hand gun!?

-"Gonna" should be "gotta".
-"You'd hit" is past perfect, but since the shot just happened, normal pefect works better. So, just "You hit".

Ex: You... gotta be kidding!? You hit it with a hand gun!?

賢木:いや、今のはラッキーだった。二発目はねえな…!
Sakaki: Well, that’s just lucky. There won’t be another second hit…!

-"Another" and "second" are redundant (both imply the existence of a first hit). I would remove one of them.

Ex: Well, that's just lucky. There won't be a second hit...!
Or: Well, that's just lucky. There won't be a another hit...!


Page 13:
紫穂:賢木センセイ…!!
Shiho: Doctor Sakaki…!!
怪人:く…!!リストラだ、経費カットだで、仕事はキツくなる一方―――
MM: Damn..!! While restructuring on cutting the budget, making the works harder…

-"While" introduces a dependent clause, which needs an independent clause to attach to. However, it's not followed by one, so you should either remove the "and" from the next sentence or change "while" here to "they were".
-I think the "on" is implying that cutting the budget is related to restructuring, but using just "and" should imply that as well (and be more grammatical).
-"the works" should probably be either "work" or "working".

Ex. 1: While restructuring and cutting the budget, making work harder,
Ex. 2: They were restructuring and cutting the budget, making work harder,

Ex: Damn...!!

怪人:そのくせ安全第一だの責任重大だの勝手なことぱっか言いやがって―――!!
MM: And yet they just keep on telling us to hold huge responsibilities for safety first!!

Depending on which way you changed the above line, either:

Ex. 1: They nonetheless just keep on telling us to hold huge responsibilities for safety first!
Ex. 2: And yet they just keep on telling us to hold huge responsibilities for safety first!

怪人:機体整備なんかやってられっか―――!! 落としてやる、こんなモノ―――!!
MM: No more with the plane’s maintenance!! I’ll destroy this stupid thing!!
皆本:せ…整備スタッフなのか!? エスパーはいなかったはずだぞ!?いつ覚醒したんだ!?
Minamoto: M...mechanic staff!? So he didn’t use to be an esper!? When did he awaken it!?
葵:そんなアホな理由で…!! このボケえええ―――!!
Aoi: For such stupid reason…!! An idiot like you……!!

-You need an article before "stupid reason" -- here, "a".

Ex: For such a stupid reason...!! An idiot like you...!!
Rephrase, if you want to be grammatically correct at the expense of losing the original punctuation: For such a stupid reason...!! An idiot like you...


Page 14:
葵:東京湾でアタマ冷やせ―――ッ!!!
Aoi: Should cool out inside the Tokyo Bay!!

-Idiomatically, use "cool off" instead of "cool out".
-Also idiomatically, use "in" instead of "inside".

Ex: Should cool off inside the Tokyo Bay!!

怪人:あ……
MM: Ah……
怪人:んぎゃあああ―――っ!!
MM: Gyaaaaahhhh!!
皆本:よくやった、葵!! 薫が苦戦中だ!ブーストフォーメーション!!
Minamoto: You’ve done well, Aoi!! Kaoru’s in trouble! Boost Formation!!
紫穂:了解!!
Shiho: Roger!!
葵:ここが使いどころやね!?
Aoi: We’re going to use it here, right!?


Page 15:
皆本:「ザ・チルドレン」トリプルブースト―――!!
Minamoto: “The Children”, TRIPLE BOOST!!
皆本:解禁ッ!!!
Minamoto: RELEASE!!!


Page 16-17:
薫:な…なんとか―――
Kaoru: Somehow…we….
薫:とめたよ、皆本……!!
Kaoru: managed to stop it, Minamoto……!!
皆本:よし…!!よくやってくれた!!
Minamoto: Great…!! You did it!!
柏木:予知発生確率急速に低下!! 30%…10%…
Kashiwagi: The probability of prediction had suddenly dropped!! 30%...10%...

-"Had" should be "has", since the dropping is occurring in the present.

Ex: The probability of prediction has suddenly dropped!! 30%...10%...


Page 18:
*B.P. = Black Phantom*
柏木:確率変動値「7」の予知を、阻止しました!!
Kashiwagi: We had stopped the precog of “Probability Fluctuation 7”!!

-"Had" should probably be changed to "have" -- again, past perfect here is unnecessary.
-"Precognition" probably fits better in place of "precog" (precog generally refers to a precognizant person, rather than a precognition.)

Ex: We've stopped the precognition of "Probability Fluctuation 7"!!

薫:ちさとちゃんの誕生日も行けそうだね!!
Kaoru: We can go to Chisato’s birthday party!!
紫穂:うん……!!
Shiho: Yeah……!!
薫:みんなが――― 力を貸してくれたおかげだ…!!
Kaoru: It’s all thanks……to the strength of everyone…!!
B.P.:フフ……!! よかった。
B.P.: Fufu……!! That’s good.
一件落着!!だが、幽霊(ファントム)の意図は何だったのか…?
Statement: The case has settled!! But what’s actually Phantom’s intention…?

-"settled" might be better phrased as "been settled" or "been resolved".

Ex: The case has been settled!! But what's actually Phantom's intention...?


END OF CHAPTER 150: PHANTOM IN PARADISE (4)
#3. by theopguru (Registered User)
Posted on May 29, 2009
I just want thank you for your great effort and continued improvement.
It seems that several discouragement from some callous members will not get to you. That is the strength of a real man!
#4. by Spikey2713 (上級員 / Jyoukuuin / Sr. Member)
Posted on May 29, 2009
Thank you. theopguru. I'd glad that I had improved it. Though I still rookie on this. But I love this manga a lot that I try to made it more popular. For that I will take on any opinion or anything for the sake I will improve it more. (Also regret about the mess I made last week and try not to let it happen again, really)
Once again, thanks for thinking of me as a real man.
#5. by theopguru (Registered User)
Posted on May 30, 2009
Last week's translations weren't the top-notch, but I read it and I could still fully understand what was being said.

I just had to stop for ~10 seconds on the occasional phrases to understand them. Apart from that, your job was excellent and you shouldn't be put down by snide remarks from people who can't do 1% of the job you have done.

Also, thanks for your work. I enjoy reading ZKC - it is a great series - and scanlators like you make it possible for non-Japanese speakers like myself to enjoy the manga.
#6. by Thaewyn (Registered User)
Posted on May 31, 2009
Ok, to cut down on chatter, I'm going to just include the lines that I think should be changed. Most of it is good, or Nihil already pointed out the necessary changes. It's mostly idiomatic stuff that could use some tweaking.

Chapter 150: Phantom of Darkness (4)
Page 1:
Supplement:
4 panels from the right:

Aoi: No, it doesn't!!
(t) - Th- That's not it!!

4 panels from the left

Keiko: We've got our marching order! Are you two ready!?
(t) - We've got orders to head out! Are you two ready!?


Page2 -3:
Title page:

Statement: An Approaching plane crash. SOS at the International Airport!!
(t) - An airplane is about to crash. SOS at the International Airport!!
[Keep 'SOS' for the direct translation, or switch to 'Mayday' for flow]

Minamoto: The target is the latest giant plane! It’ll blow into pieces if you use too much strength, so be careful!!
(t) - The target is a new model oversized aircraft! ...


Page 4:

Naomi: Its speed and weight are way too big! If we don’t want to damage it, we’ll have to use psychokinesis together, and spread out from its balancing area!
(t) - [replace 'balancing area' with 'center of gravity']

Minamoto: Go inside the plane, Aoi and Shiho!! Constantly monitor the status of the plane by using the psychometers!!
(t) - [replace 'using the psychometers' with 'using psychometry']

Minamoto: Report immediately for any damage found!!
(t) - Report immediately if you notice any damage!!


Page 6:

Shiho: Both of you are braking too much!! Hold it steady before it drops down!!
(t) - You're decelerating too fast, you two!! Try and keep it just slower than freefall!!

Kaoru: Kyuu…!!
(t) - Kuh...

Kiritsubo: The landing point will be!?
(t) - Where will it fall?


Page 7:

Hotaru: This is “Double Faces”! There’s something outside the plane!!
(t) - [I think their team is just called "Double Face", not plural]

Natsuko: That’s…a human!? He’s an esper!!
(t) - It's... a person!? He's an esper!!


Page 8:

MM: Don’t interfere!! PSYCHIC BEAUTIFUL LIGHTNING!!!
(t) - I won't let you interfere!! PSYCHIC BEAUTIFUL LIGHTNING!!!


Page 9:

Hatsune: You’re all right, Naomi sis!?
(t) - [might want to just leave it 'Naomi-nechan']

Naomi: Th..thanks, Hatsune-chan…! I’ve somehow used psychokinesis to shield it, so……
(t) - Th..thanks, Hatsune-chan…! I just managed to use psychokinesis to shield myself...


Page 10:

Keiko: Gyaah! Great job, Hatsune-chan!!
(t) = [more like 'Kyaa!' like fangirl squee~ kind of sound]


Page 13:

[This page was interesting. I took some liberties with the translation in order to make Aoi's line at the end make more sense.]

MM: Damn..!! While restructuring and cutting the budget, making work harder…
(t) - First they restructure, then they cut budgets. That makes all the work harder.

MM: And yet they just keep on telling us to hold huge responsibilities for safety first!!
(t) - Then they have the nerve to tell us that the planes have to stay in perfect condition!

MM: No more with the plane’s maintenance!! I’ll destroy this stupid thing!!
(t) - Forget bringing this plane back in one piece! I'll destroy the stupid thing!!

Minamoto: M...mechanic staff!? So he didn’t use to be an esper!? When did he awaken it!?
(t) - H- He's a mechanic!? There shouldn't have been any espers here, when did he awaken!?


Page 14:

Aoi: Should cool off inside the Tokyo Bay!!
(t) - Go cool your head off in Tokyo Bay!!

Minamoto: You’ve done well, Aoi!! Kaoru’s in trouble! Boost Formation!!
(t) - Well done, Aoi!!


Page 16-17:

Minamoto: Great…!! You did it!!
(t) - Ok...! You did great!!

Kashiwagi: The probability of prediction has suddenly dropped!! 30%...10%...

(t) [missed bubble] - Less than one percent!

Page 18:

Kashiwagi: We've stopped the precognition of "Probability Fluctuation 7"!!
(t) - The Level 7 Probability Fluctuation that we predicted has been stopped!!

Kaoru: We can go to Chisato’s birthday party!!
(t) - It looks like we can make it to Chisato's birthday party!!

B.P.: Fufu……!! That’s good.
(t) - [maybe switch 'That's good' with 'I'm glad' ?]

Statement: The case has been settled!! But what’s actually Phantom’s intention…?
(t) - But what is Phantom's true intent...?

END OF CHAPTER 150: PHANTOM IN PARADISE (4)
#7. by Shinobu1286 (Registered User)
Posted on Jun 3, 2009
Chapter 151: Phantom In Paradise (5)
Page 1:
Supplement
4 panels from the right
メカ皆本:この服でよろしいでしょうか?
Mecha Minamoto: Do I look good wearing this?
メカ皆本:みなさん。
Mecha Minamoto: Everyone.
みんな:何か……このロボットには―――何かが足りない…
Everyone: Kinda… there’s something not right… about this robot…
メカ皆本:こ、こんなの恥ずかしいですう~~!!許してくださいよお~~!!
Mecha Minamoto: Th..This is so embarrassing!! Please stop this~~!!
不二子:ね?
Fujiko: How is it?
みんな:(キヵアア~~ッ) これです、管理官!!!
Everyone: (Gyahh!!) That’s the one, director!!

4 panels from the left
京介:次のシリーズからいよいよ、僕も本編に参加しようと思う。
Kyousuke: I think I'm about to show up in the next arc of the main story.
真木:…たそうだ。我々の出番があるかはわからんが。
Magi: …is what he said. We don’t know when our turn will be.
真木:各自一応、用意はしておけ。
Magi: Everyone, please standby, just in case.
みんな:ういーっす!
Everyone: Okay!
パティ:あの、先輩。
Patty: Err, sempai.
澪:ん?何でもききな、新入り♥
Mio: Hmm? Just ask anything, newcomer♥
*small note aside: The Japanese words 'moe' = 'cute' has the same reading with 'moeru' = 'to burn'*
パティ:仕事に参加することには萌え…いえ燃えてるわ。ただし、アキバとブクロへの攻撃は許さない。
Patty: I feel MOE…no, I feel like burning up for taking the job. However, I won’t allow any attack to be made on Akiba and Ikebukuro.
パティ:あとテニミュとイベントの日は休むから。
Patty: I'll also rest on the day of the Tennis Music event.
*small note: Tennis Music = Musical Prince of Tennis”
澪:は?てに…?何?
Mio: Huh? Tennis..? What?


Page 2:
Title Page:
ファントム・イン・パラダイス(5)
Phantom In Paradise (5)
どんなに時が流れても、この日の思い出は色褪せない。運命に引き裂かれたとしても……
Statement: No matter how time flows, the memory of that day won't fade. Even if destiny pulls us apart…


Page 3:
柏木:負傷者はナオミちゃんを含め、12名。いずれも軽傷です。
Kashiwagi: Including Naomi-chan herself, there’re 12 hurt. All of them are minor injuries.
柏木:予知は完全に回避されたと思われます。
Kashiwagi: We believe that we've completely prevented the prediction.
ナオミ:よかった……!!作戦は成功れすね!!
Naomi: All right…!! The mission was successful!!
谷崎:無理せず休みなさい、ナオミ……!!
Tanizaki: Please don’t exert yourself, Naomi..!! You need to rest!
初音:誰!?
Hatsune: Who is that!?
桐壺:で、
Kiritsubo: And…


Page 4:
桐壺:ザ・チルドレンは無事、ちさとちゃんのお誕生日を祝えると!!実にめでたい!!
Kiritsubo: The Children are free to celebrate with Chisato-chan at her birthday party!! That’s really a joyous thing.
皆本:いやそっちはそんな重要じゃねーだろ!!
Minamoto: What's going on there isn't that important!!


Page 5:
奈津子:あ、でもあれ見て!!
Natsuko: Ah, but look over there!!
みんな:え?
Everyone: Eh?
ちさと:あれ?東野クン……!?
Chisato: Huh? Touno-kun…!?
東野:これから明石んち行くんだろ?その前に―――
Touno: You’re leaving for Akashi’s house, aren't you? Before that…
東野:これ渡しことうと思って……
Touno: I think I’ll give this to you.


Page 6:
ちさと:これ……私に!?ありがとう……!!
Chisato: This is…for me!? Thanks!!
東野:俺も去年もらったたからな。た……誕生日おめでとう!!
Touno: Because you did the same for me last year. Ha..Happy Birthday!!
圭子:おお―――っ!!甘ずっぱ―――!!
Keiko: Ohhh!! That’s so sweet!!
桐壺:ヒューヒュー!!
Kiritsubo: *Whistle~*
柏木:かわい―――!!
Kashiwagi: How cute!!
皆本:あんたら…
Minamoto: You guys…
東野:ちょっと降るかも。早めに行ったほうがよくね?
Touno: It might rain any time now, so you should hurry up and get going.
ちさと:うん。じゃ、またあとで!
Chisato: Yeah. See you later!


Page 7:
不二子:空港周辺では局地的に荒れるみたい。でも、落雷事故の予知確率はゼロだってさ。
Fujiko: It seems to be stormy around the airport. But, the probability of the lightning incident is zero.
不二子:本来、この雷が事故を起こすはずだった……
Fujiko: Originally, this lightning should have caused the incident….
不二子:なのにあのエスパーがそれを前倒しにした…  ……って可能性は?
Fujiko: However that esper's the one who accelerated it to happen… Is there any possibility for that?
皆本:それは… 立証するのは不可能です、管理官。
Minamoto: That’s… we're unable to be sure of that, director.
皆本:落雷するかどっかは確率の問題です。前もって事故を起こしたからって、確率が変化するとは限りません。
Minamoto: Whether lightning or not is pure chance. Like the previous incident, there’s no limit for what the probability fluctuation could be.
不二子:数学的にはね。でも―――
Fujiko: Mathematically, yes, but…


Page 8:
不二子:予定より早い事故の発生と予知の消滅。そこにからむエスパー。
Fujiko: “The incident which started earlier and the precog was defeated. An esper must have been involved in this.”
不二子:あなたのカンはなんて言ってる?
Fujiko: Why did your sense tell you about that?
皆本:それは…
Minamoto: About that…
不二子:だからデキちゃえって! ね!?
Fujiko: So hurry up and do “it”! Right!?


Page 9:
皆本:犯人の方はどうだった、賢木?
Minamoto: Sakaki, how was the criminal?
賢木:自供と透視は一致した。仕事に不満があったところに突然ESPが覚醒。情緒不安定になって発作的に犯行に及んだようだ。
Sakaki: His confession matched with what I’ve read from him. He suddenly awoke the ESP when he got frustrated with his job. His emotional instability drove him to commit this criminal act.
皆本:何者かが奴をエスパーとして目覚めさせた可能性は?
Minamoto: Could someone have awoken him as an esper?
賢木:うーん、潜在的エスパーだったのは間違いないんで、ありえないこともないとは思うが…
Sakaki: Well, there’s no doubt that he was a potential esper, but there’s no reason that's impossible, either.
桐壺:人為的に強力な犯罪エスパーを生み出した?そんなことが可能ですかね?
Kiritsubo: The criminal esper was created artificially? Is that possible?
不二子:やり方によるんじゃない?負傷や極限状況で能力が強化されたり増えたり―――
Fujiko: It must depend on situations. Injuries or extreme situations could strengthen the abilities…
不二子:そういう例はあるわけだいね。
Fujiko: Cases like that have happened before.


Page 10:
不二子:兵部京介。 グリシャム大佐。 不二子だってそうよ。 危機に瀕して、通常では不可能な成長を遂げ、超度(レベル)も能力も増えているでしょ。
Fujiko: Hyoubu Kyousuke, Colonel Grisham, even Fujiko, too. In a pinch, it achieves unbelievable growth, and levels up the ability and power.
不二子:それにね、末摘さんが面白い話をしてくれたわ。
Fujiko: Furthermore, I heard something interesting from Suetsumu-san.


Page 11:
紫穂:いらっしゃーい、ちさとちゃん!!
Shiho: Welcome, Chisato-chan!!
薫:ハッピー バースデー!!
Kaoru: Happy Birthday!!
葵:おめでと―――!!
Aoi: Congratulations!!
ちさと:う…うわ!? なにこのケーキ…!?何人分!?
Chisato: W..Wah!? What is this cake!? That’s for how many people!?
薫:えへへー、これはね―――
Kaoru: He he, about this one…
SFX: Kon, Kon.


Page 12:
メアリー:ハーイ!!巨乳美女が飛び出すサピラーイズ!!
Mary: Hi!! A pop-out surprise by a huge-breasted beauty!!
メヤリー:盛り上がってマスか―――っ!? ……って、アレ?
Mary: Did you all get excited!? …Eh, huh?
メヤリー:これ……子供のバースデーパーティーじゃないデスか!?
Mary: Isn’t this…a birthday party for kids!?
薫:そだよ?映画みたいにハデにしたくてメアリーに来てもらったんだけど…
Kaoru: Yeah? This is how it was done in the movies, so I thought I could bring Mary here...
メアリー:こーゆーのは独身サヨナラパーティーとか、男性の集まりでやるのデース! ワタシドンビキされてマース!!
Mary: That’s for a bachelor party or a party thrown for men!! I was tricked!!
不二子:あ、映像間違えた。
Fujiko: Ah, wrong picture.
皆本:……… あの…バカ。
Minamoto: ……that…idiot.


Page 13:
不二子:…じゃなくてこっち!
Fujiko: This is the one!
末摘:催眠能力者(ヒュプノ)としては、ネガディブな感情を持ってる人は、術をかけやすいかもです。
Suetsumu: As far as hypno users goes, it's easier to use the technique... on someone who holds negative feelings.
末摘:たまっている不満や怒りを利用できるからです。 もし超度(レベル)が高い特殊なヒュプノなら――― 常識では考えられない変化を相手に及ぼせるかもしれませんね。
Suetsumu: They can use the suppressed frustration, or anger, within them. As for high-level hypno user, it could cause an unbelievable effect on the target that would deny their common sense.
不二子:ね? 気になるでしょ?
Fujiko: See? Don’t you feel curious?
賢木:……ってか、映像が気になるんですけど。
Sakaki: …What I’m curious about now, is the picture.
桐壺:末摘さんは修正を入れた映像以外はNGなのだ。
Kiritsubo: Suetsumu-san’s edited it, since the rest was NG.
不二子:……まだバラバラだけど、不二子は重要なパズルのピースが集まってきているように思う。 何かが―――
Fujiko: Even though it’s still a mess, Fujiko seems to have gathered some important puzzle pieces. It could be…


Page 14:
不二子:チルドレンに近づいてきてるんじゃないかって、 そんな気がするわ。
Fujiko: Someone is trying to get close to The Children, that’s what worries me.
ちさと:わあ…!!かわいい……!!
Chisato: Wow…!! So cute…!!


Page 15:
葵:パッチン止めはちさとちゃんのトレードマックやからな。
Aoi: We bought hair clips since it had become Chisato-chan’s trademark.
紫穂:3種類あるから時々使ってね。
Shiho: There’re three kinds of them, so put them on sometime.
ちさと:ありがとうみんな…!!
Chisato: Thanks, everyone…!!
薫:あと、あたしからこれも―――
Kaoru: One more thing, I will also give you this…
薫:東野と勝負が近いもんね!?
Kaoru: You'll decide on something with Touno soon, right!?
ちさと:何の勝負よ―――ッ!?
Chisato: What do you mean, "something"!?


Page 16:
悠理:あの…… 私からはこれ…
Yuuri: Err… What I’ve got here…
紫穂:なになに?
Shiho: What is it?
葵:あ、これ知ってる。
Aoi: Ah, I know about this.
葵:「生命球」やん。水草と魚がエサと空気のバランスとってて、世話せんでもこの中だけでずっと生きていけるねん。
Aoi: It’s called an “EcoSphere”. The fish and the plants are in a balanced ecosystem that takes care of air and food, they'll able to survive without being cared for.
薫:くわしいね?
Kaoru: You know a lot about this?
葵:あ…や、ちょっとね♥
Aoi: Ah… well, sort of ♥
悠理:私…友達のプレゼントなんか初めてで、何買っていいのか―――
Yuuri: This…is the first time I've bought a present for a friend, so I couldn't think of anything else…
ちさと:かわいいよ、ありがとう。
Chisato: That’s cute, thanks.
ちさと:でもこれ… おうちで水槽に出しちゃっていい?
Chisato: But… Can I put the fish into a home aquarium?


Page 17:
ちさと:だって、ずっと狭いところじゃ、かわいそう。広い水槽でたくさんメダカも入れてあげたいの。
Chisato: Because it’d be sad for it to live in this narrow place. I'll put in a lot of killifish inside the larger aquarium for it.
ちさと:お友達がたくさんいた方がこの子もきっと―――
Chisato: It will much better for it to have a lot of friends.
悠理:そうね。……うん。
Yuuri: You’re right. …Okay.
薫:よしっ、それじゃ…ケーキ食べよっ!!
Kaoru: All right, how about we…eat the cake now!!
薫:もう1回ローソクともす?
Kaoru: Want to light the candles again?
ちさと:もういいよー。恥ずかしいじゃない~~
Chisato: Thet’re fine already. It’d be embrassing~~


Page 18:
悠理:本当は…もうひとつプレゼント買っちゃって―――
Yuuri: Actually…I had bought another present…
悠理:どっちにしようか迷ったんだけど……
Yuuri: I was wondering what to do with it, but……
悠理:これはまだ今度、薫ちゃんに贈ろう。 その日も絶対……
Yuuri: One day, I'll give this to Kaoru-chan. On that day…
悠理:事件なんか起こさせない。
Yuuri: I won’t let anything bad happen.
守られた、貴重な時間。それは、奇跡的な調和の上に成り立った、永遠に色褪せない楽園(パラダイス)の記憶…次号、新展開。
Statement: Precious time that was protected. An eternal memory of a non-fading paradise, created under miraculous harmony… Next issue, a New Development.


CHAPTER 151: PHANTOM IN PARADISE (5)

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