Some people were actually shocked when they learned that Finestela does translations as well...
Anyway, quick self-introduction. My name is Finestela, most of you would know me as "that crazy chick who uploads a bunch of obscure series that people never read". Just to let you know... I do translation work as well
However, due to the fact that it's been 9 years since I last did formal translation for manga (actually, it was BL doujinshi... lol), my English translation skill is "rusty" at best... (Let's skip the more harsh adjectives for now )
Currently, I've picked ToLoveRu as well as DeroDero as practice (and promotion for DeroDero), and would like to have any help I can get. njt was kind enough to go over DeroDero ch.1 for me, but I still would like to find more to help with Tranlation checking as well as proofreading for the 3 translations I've done.
Translation | Raw
Translation | Raw (Tank Vol.01)
Translation | Raw
Anyway, I'm going to need all the help I can get, so anyone with suggestions/comments/whatever is welcomed!
Thanks ahead guys ^^
Last edited by Finestela; May 26, 2009 at 05:56 PM.
I read some of those obscure series of yours...
Anyways, I only took a quick look through DeroDero 268, but I don't see any blatant accuracy problems. If anything, the problem is that you're too accurate, and you sacrifice flow and readability for the sake of an exact translation. Take for instance:
"Hino Dad: Hey? I didn't know such interesting shop exists"
The scene is father and son, talking casually. Imagine you're the Dad. Would you say it that way in casual conversation with your son? It's an accurate translation, but given the scene and the tone in the original Japanese, something like "Hey, I didn't know they had a cool store like this" has much better flow and still keeps the original meaning. 「存在」="existence," as you put correctly, but "exists" isn't used often in casual English, so you don't need to use it exactly, as long as you can leave the impression that the Dad didn't know about the store before.
Here's a phrase I thought was really well done:
"Mimio: Meh, I don't have anything that I really want..."
I love the use of "Meh." I will definitely be stealing that for my future translations. It takes the meaning and translates it spot on, plus it sounds like something you would actually say.
Some other places in particular to re-consider phrasing, possible use of idioms:
Hino Dad: Just pick a guardian spirit you want that's within affordability...!
Store Owner: If you're not satisfied with your guardian spirit, you may always sell it back
Owner: Since one of the main reason for people to continue to have misfortunate is due to the weakness of their guardian spirit's power
Mimio: Dad, you're being way stubborn // I'm thankful already for your thought...
Hope this helps.
Last edited by Meriken; May 25, 2009 at 10:46 AM.
I mean you are absolutely right with my being too precise and actually sacrificing flow.... The first time I tried to run it down and fix some of the flow problem myself, I realized that the main character is just a punk ass instead of some straight-A student... and he wouldn't really speak like that in real life
I'll go over it sometime today while at work, but thank you so much for your input! ^^
Thank you so much Binky for proofreading all three of them! ^^
Last edited by Finestela; May 26, 2009 at 07:04 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
I'm going to approve this translation for release, but I'd also like to make a few minor edits in the process. Is it okay if I go in and change things, or do you want to spend some more time on it?