This is a thread to discuss suicidal thoughts. Are you suicidal sometimes? What makes you want to die? Have you ever tried to commit suicide? Have you ever wished you were dead?
Fell free to write your thoughts regarding this.
(For Moderators) Feel free to delete this thread if you find this Inappropriate.
Well, I'm not suicidal and I never tried to do that... but I often have thoughts about how I would do if I ever do it, like a painless way or making it look like an accident so nobody would ever know that I took my own life, shit like that.
And I did have some thoughts like "what's the point being here? Maybe being dead isn't so bad after all".
What really scared me was talking to a friend of mine who is kind of suicidal... we were talking and we think very much alike over a lot of stuff. It was last week and it really got on my head.
I'm not here to share, but I do think this is a fantastic thread to create. Most other forums seem to have a place like this and at least it could give someone an outlet and maybe a connection with others who feel the same.
It's a bit different to actual contemplate the specific act. Kind of a heavy notion. Sometimes I'd selfishly wonder if anyone would notice if I was gone, but I don't think I'd have the constitution to do it if, even if I was that depressed. (And yes, I know being suicidal is different than clinical depression)
The closest thing I ever had to a suicidal thought was one time when someone asked me what my ideal apocalypse would be. And the time I just though "wow, I have never actually thought about that". After some pondering I decided for a nuclear apocalypse. Quick, painless, it involves something like fireworks and I can sit down and watch it come while drinking a beer. For some reason I pictured myself doing that while sitting on one those those beach chairs. Dunno why I can't picture that in a more comfy chair. Not that it would matter, there is a wave of death coming at me in mere moments...
There were many times I've thought my life might be meaningless, but I've had a lot more where I've felt happy to be alive.
I've had suicidal thoughts (mostly in my teenage years, of course), not really the thoughts of an actual act but they have lead me to know that I would not take my life away. I appreciate life.
I have also wondered a lot of times whether I mean something to others and to whom exactly. A lot of times I've felt underappreciated, I've been bullied when I was a kid and throughout my early teens. The words I've heard about myself, I started to use to describe myself. Nowadays, I mostly try to appreciate myself and work on my confidence as most people do, I guess.
Sadly, my thoughts have lead to the loss of another person's trust whom I used to easily and happily call my friend.
Hey there! My name is Brigid, and guess what? You're not alone. I've been battling bipolar disorder for about a year and a half now, and trust me, its bad.
With bipolar disorder comes depression, since bipolar is basically extreme mood-swings (even when PMS isn't in effect).My moods can last from 5 minutes to 5 days. Whenever I'm happy, I get hyper and chaotic. Whenever I'm sad, however, depression kicks in and so do my suicidal thoughts, and sometimes, suicidal actions.
My BEST advice is to get a friend on your side. A friend who you can tell anything and they are there to stick with you, help you, and get help for you when you need it. However, if you don't feel like you have anyone to trust, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get help. Suicide is a serious issue and should not be taken lightly. I almost took my life once. I've had several friends who have resorted to drugs and alcohol and slitting their wrists. I've cut. I've wanted to die. I've planned my death. I've attempted my death. I understand how you feel.
Please, PLEASE, if you ever feel like you need to talk, send me a message on Skype (see my profile). I'd be more than happy to help you.
I'd be happy to help anyone with suicide, depression, cutting, drugs or alcohol. Send me a message, email, or Skype chat and I will respond ASAP. Thanks~
Last edited by Desu Desu; April 24, 2014 at 03:46 PM.
Hey, Desu! I'm sorry, I might have made my "suicidal thoughts" sound more serious than they were. It was more of a minor thing a couple of times, the last time it was during a long depressive period. Most times when I've had those thoughts, it was more about contemplating life, you know? And I think it was more about being a teenager really. xD Thank you for your concern, I'm happy nowadays and my self-esteem should be considered normal now. ^^ I also have a very supportive boyfriend, best friend and family so I am happy in general.
I hope you have sorted/are sorting out your issues. You can talk to me any time if you feel like it. I love to listen.
Suicidal thoughts have crossed my mind too many times to count and yes I had tried so before.I still got the scars over my body that will remind me forever of that grave mistake.
All of that hailed from the people in my old school mobbing me.
What do you guys think it feels like when a bunch of people just for the hell spread absolute absurd rumors just because I'm different?I don't smoke.I don't drink.I don't do drugs.I prefer reading and writing over drinking and bed gymnastics with strangers.Easy to say "Ignore such people".Not when the Teachers join in and do nothing against it.
Must be nice having rich daddies to offer some funds to the school to protect their children's future.And of course, it had to be a Social School.People training to be Social Workers.
Basically I've gotten scared of people, of everyone.I even have trouble interacting with my family.Friends?Lost them all due to these Hyenas.I can't even leave my House without trouble, always fearing everyone around me.
Long story short, I've really feel like I lost touch with this world.
I can't find work due to my fear, nor can I find an apprenticeship.The only thing I did was almost forced labor due to my countries Bureaucracy demanding it if I want some money to live and what I get is hardly enough.
To put it simply, I pretty much got no life anymore.
I can't make friends, my relationship to my family is getting worse and worse, I can't find work, I can't really interact with people anymore.
Sitting here, on this Computer is about the only way of communication left for me and I can even feel it affect me now.
One day it got to me harder than ever and I had decided to end it.
Without giving too much detail on what happened for the sake of rules, let's just say it's not just my wrists that are scarred.
I sometimes feel there is no reason to live. Life itself is a pain. If I die now, nothing will happen. I doubt I'll be missed by anyone. Most important thing is, If I die, I won't have to live anymore.I Won't have to go through pain everyday. But I'm probably too coward to try committing suicide myself. I wish I had a fatal disease like cancer. So, I could die without doing anything by myself. I also feel, If I could give my lifespan to someone who's dying but wants too live desperately.
If commit suicide, everything would end for me. That would be nice for me since I don't like the way my life is. Neither I can make my life the way I want. I can't change what is already done. Still I can't bring myself to do it. I guess that makes me pathetic.
What I wrote in another forum in a similar topic:
I've felt suicidal before. Like, ¨why do I even bother¨ or feeling like living is a constant pain in the ass and just trouble, so why bother.
A guy I knew, prolly one of the most wonderful people I've ever know, did it last year. I got super sad about it because, once we were in HS and I was feeling a bit down, he said something like ¨Dude, if you have a problem, just talk to me. Sometimes we just need somebody¨ but I was never there for him apparently. We were never really close, just neighbors that chatted every time we saw each other at a club, but still.
Just thinking in my family and friends, and how they'd react about it, ¨kills¨ the idea of having an ¨easy way out¨ and just dying, so I've never even considered it.
@Beatrice, I would love to know you more atm to actually give a better advice, so I'm just gonna say what I feel as an outsider. You're being too harsh on yourself. ¨Just keep fighting¨. I felt super down some weeks ago, actually avoiding contact with other people, but then I just stood up and said ¨F@ck it, living shouldn't be hard, it should be easy. I'm here to enjoy this.¨ and it actually worked. Went back to school, started doing sports, hanging out with new people... It might be harder for you, but nothing is impossible. I really hope that everything works for you ASAP (and if it doesn't, it will eventually. Fortune favors the brave) and please, pleeeeeeeeease, don't try anything like that again.
@Phil my PoT buddy, I'd say the same words I said to Beatrice but ¨weaker¨. Dude, you're freaking 18, there's so much for you (and well... everyone here I guess, but duuude you're so freaking young). And no, you can't change what you've done. So? Life is, most part of it, trial and error. Just keep living, keep making ¨mistakes¨ (it would be actually worse if you literally didn't do anything) and enjoy yourself, you're a funny dude!
Also, whoever reads this thread. A lot people feel suicidal because they have no one to talk about this stuff. They have no one to rely on... and they should find someone. Sometimes we have just too much shit in life and need to release it.
And just in case, going to the Psy is perfectly normal and I'd avice anyone that feels like that to go there. I've never had some ¨treatment¨ myself, but I know some people whose Psys did wonders, and I can totally understand why.
Last edited by Hardy; April 29, 2014 at 11:09 PM.
I have had suicidal thoughts since I was in second grade. They weren't terrible when they started but they got worse over the years. It got to the point where I was thinking of it everyday and I was really depressed. Then I just gave up completely and stopped caring. I stopped caring about my life and what was going on around me. When I did that I didn't feel pain anymore, I didn't feel happiness either but I rarely did anyways. Complete apathy. The only thing is that it pretty much turned me into a sociopath, but that isn't really a problem for me.
Is it weird if I say that I have those thoughts more often than I probably should? While it may seem sad, I'd still like to think of myself as glass-is-half-full kind of person. Unfortunately, I'm also a bottles-up-one's-feelings kind of person, so to people close to me like family and friends, they think of me as someone full of joy. Eh, life is going to get better soon.
Couple of times I have had similar thoughts, I walked to the kitchen, grab a knife, and pointed it to my abdomen, daring myself to go along with it. Apparently, I lacked resolve to see through the action to the end. I concluded that I still feared death more than life.
I don't think there is a certain frequency that would be a normal value to be suicidal, so, it's not that weird, if you ask me.