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I need a translation check on chapter 1 of Cyborg 009: Bottom of the Sea. Thank you.
It’s probably because of that…
The submarines sailed by charts until now…
Like a plane that was in distress because it was involved in a swirl of turbulence. . .
They probably sunk from being caught up in a vortex of ocean currents.
Lack of data
I’m not sure how to respond.
009: The sea…
009: …the sea!
The sea was the beginning of everything.
All life on earth was born from the sea.
Our mother the sea…!
The sea covers four fifths of the earth’s surface.
And yet the sea mostly remains wrapped in a veil of mystery.
What are you thinking?
The disappearances happened around this area.
All right, I should start diving and investigate.
Dr. Gilmore might be surprised that I have gone out without his permission.
I have to find the cause no matter what.
Time to start diving.
This thread is designed for translators to post their own translation to be reviewed. Since you have been posting in Non-translators' Help thread and recruiting translators, please consider using Staff and Project Resources forum for any scanlation projects if this is not your own translation work.
Meanwhile translation looks fine. I remember seeing a discussion on some of the lines in this forum but I do not seem to be able to locate it. Example: ボクはわからないことは言わない主義 (Your tl:I’m not sure how to respond. ) Literal tl would be My principle is not to /I don't comment on things that I don't know about. Nuance of the tl is different.
Actually the Bottom of the Sea script is my own translation work. I've only taken one year of Japanese, so I'm not confident in my skills and need a second opinion. Since I'm not having luck in recruiting experienced translators to help out, I decided to translate the arc myself.
Thanks for checking over chapter 1.
Here's chapter 2
Usage of heck: Just a speech style issue. JP speech is rather formal/polite.Originally Posted by trunkschan90
JP is a statement rather a question.Quote:
and --> orQuote:
あそこで- "way" can be omitted.Quote:
--> did you captureQuote:
look --> lookedQuote:
recently: recent accidents, not recently cameQuote:
どうかね What do you say?Quote:
そのまえに話す気にならんかね: Why don't you talk to me now (= before I search your boat).
So, you know who I am.Quote:
That means, you are ...?!
取り囲む is to surroundQuote:
あの母船をだ= あの母船を撃て It's not "It must be," but "Shoot."Quote:
it couldn’t have been <---?Quote:
Change this to "It's because of"
Not wrong, but "on board" is not in JP txt... The captain was talking about a cyborg/saying something about a cyborg.Quote:
Aren’t <--? Why negative?Quote:
らしいね (I guess so)Quote:
から: since you and I ...
Had a member from “Black Ghost”----> belongs to/is owned by the Black Ghost.Quote:
That's what I heard/hear.Quote:
スゲエ： a bit more than "cool." Add really or something would do.
That's why you suggest/want to ...Quote:
its --> it'sQuote:
The water pressure should be ... (get rid of : we should have suffered by now.)Quote:
Please continue to look for dedicated checkers when requesting multiple chapters.
Please help trunkschan90 using this thread or contact her via PM if you like 009.
I would like a translation check, this was my first time translating a manga chapter. It's a chapter from choujigen game neptune anthology 2.
Translation for 何かしら is missing, and あの may be singular ("that") + 袋 is a bag/bags, not clothes.Quote:
袋（fukuro, bag）vs 服(fuku, clothes)
Fine. Alt tl example: That's how it goes.Quote:
your ---> you'reQuote:
Fine. You could use "well" instead of "good."Quote:
Fine. The word "alright" is fine for a colloquial use, but if your proofreader says no, then change it to "all right."Quote:
Grammatically correct version: I'm --> I wasQuote:
but --> ,soQuote:
I'm can't ---> I can'tQuote:
Noire-san right: Noire-san, right?Quote:
Thanks for the quick reply. I did this at around 2-3 am so I wasn't really putting much thought into it. I can't believe I mixed up 袋 and 服, but it's probably because I read the chapter just before I started the translation and thought she was pointing out the clothes.
How far do you think violence is permitted for the sake of purpose?Originally Posted by neto hikari
She's saying [there are so many things wrong with this] she doesn't even know where to begin commenting.Originally Posted by neto hikari
The "sekkaku" here functions similarly to "even though" so you should delete the "long-awaited."Originally Posted by neto hikari
I don't expect you to understand me/ But allow me to say something (These are two separate sentences)Originally Posted by neto hikari
"SDF" and "jurisdictions oversea" are probably two separate points.Originally Posted by neto hikari
Though this is technically correct, simply "media" will do here.Originally Posted by neto hikari
背負って立つ = To represent (or something like that.) So I'm guessing she's complimenting the quality of her torture technique being "on the level of being able to represent the club." *I think.*Originally Posted by neto hikari
On the whole, your translation in terms of understanding is decent and accurate (other than the very few places I've pointed out.) As for the rest, the mistakes are generally grammatical error and phrasing (which is more like a problem in the English.) I have not corrected them. I suggest finding a dedicated proofreader for that
も is not "also" here, It's more like "finally." Get rid of ", right."Quote:
Alt trans: a preppy girls' schoolQuote:
Get rid of "section." You may want to state the name then the school year.Quote:
"Although" sounds a bit stiff. You can just use "but." Example: (She is) Beautiful, but she sue is strange!!Quote:
すまないな can be simply "Thanks so much for ..." or I hope you don't mind ...Quote:
連れこまれて(brought inside) vs 連れて来られて brought (to place)Quote:
よくわからないうちに: before I knew it
fine. Alt for the quality: a potentialQuote:
何かされる前に = 私が何かされる前に (something is done to me).Quote:
Change it to 彼女が私に何かする前に when you translate.
Sorry but I drugged you. You don't always translate から when it is used at the end of a sentence. This から is similar to "just letting you know."Quote:
ちょう (超) -- extremely, super, serious, realQuote:
I don't know what to say/how to respond any more!!!
What a shame, she is such a beautiful lady/woman...What a shame. She is such a beautiful lady/woman...
Are you awake now?Quote:
* See Utsu's commentQuote:
* See Utsu's commentQuote:
警察, 自衛隊, 海外の司法組織
Make a full sentence.Quote:
マスコミ the mediaQuote:
organization --> add s
実際に ... をみてもらって see ... practically --> actually see ...Quote:
This しかし means それにしても or なんとまあ showing the surprise/emotion of the speaker. Instead of using "But," you could add "indeed" after "you're" or replace it with some other words to show the emotion.Quote:
will -- wouldQuote:
It's not a reputation. It means that people would think of her in a wrong way. You may want to rephrase your trans.Quote:
Start with "I don't" and get rid of "right."Quote:
it is said --- JP uses a passive voice a lot, but change it to "you say ..." and adjust your sentence.Quote:
ゾクゾクする means getting excited.Quote:
shouldn't -- can'tQuote:
趣味 -- It's not "hobby." It means a/an taste or interest.Quote:
the/a/an/s (I didn't correct errors.)
Try to make a full sentence when possible.
Avoid a passive voice in ENG.
Last edited by mikkih; July 22, 2014 at 04:16 PM. Reason: striketrhough
So where do you think I need to improve more ? Japanese understanding, word choice, sentence structure, etc
I have some sentences from 009 Re Cyborg that need checking. The ones marked in red are that ones that need checking. The rest are for context. Feel free to correct me on any I got wrong.
This post was moved from TA mainboard. [Reasons]: A half of the chapter-long JP tx is marked in red. No actual questions are posted. - mikkih
Last edited by mikkih; August 17, 2014 at 11:30 AM. Reason: moved