By the way Shelter, I just noticed the ff.net version has one extra sentence at the end.
"When Riful's hands dart back to his right arm, he jerks it at her. Rolls of her flesh fasten themselves on his arm."
Looks like you got started on what happened next but made a mistake when you cut it.
Oh, and Shieky, I've gotten started on a new Outtake. Sorry, more work for you soon
Can't wait for your outtake, Dany
Edit: in other news, I did some changes to this story that I posted.
And I'm looking forward to your next chapter for The Language of Frogs .
The outtake is done BTW, I've sent it to Shieky for proofreading. I don't know if he'll have the time to do it, but even if he doesn't I'll probably post it by unedited the end of next week. If I wait, the new canon chapter will probably ruin it since it mentions the current battles.
Ah, to hell with it, here's a sneak peek.
Well after weeks of hard work I have finally put all of my things together.
Allow me to present to you my Claymore fan fiction called: Claymores of the Pure Heart. You can read it here. The story is currently in it's 4'th chapter and more will be added in time, I am planing for at least 4 or 5 more until I finish it.
The story take place in the 7 years loop, from the Invasion of Pieta to Clarice's mission on the North. It will show us what exactly were Claymores doing in the past 7 years they were missing. Here is the short intro for story:
"In this story we shall see what exactly happened to Claymores between fall of Pieta and their reemergence 7 years ago. Many say that they have been all that time in the north, planing downfall of the Organisation and usually hanging out together. But only Ghosts themselves know what happened in that seven years, and the darkness that lies among the stars..."
Any feedback is highly appreciated, especially let me know if I stayed true to characters and if I need to change/update something.
One more thing: this story is crossover with another universe, and while everybody here knows what Claymore is and its setting I doubt that many know about the other one. I cross it the best I could and added little explanation for those who knows nothing so that they can still enjoy the story. If you want to know more you can see it here:
Thank you in advance.
Last edited by Brother Coa; January 20, 2013 at 07:24 PM.
This is the second chapter for the fic that Shiek and Dany have asked me to write. It's a month late, so I hope you'll some time to read it.
I apologise in advance for any errors in grammar or canon. This is the first unedited draft.
You guys wanted dark, so this is as dark as it gets.
Again, I appreciate any constructive criticism, especially in regards to the plot and characters.
Second chapter, yeah! And we got a deeper understanding of the relationships of this odd group.
Strangely enough, this chapter didn't give me the same vibe as the first one. It's hard to explain, but all in all, it seemed less... tense for lack of a better word. Where the first chapter gave me a 'razor edge' feeling, where things were building to a breaking point, here it seems like the ball is already rolling and nothing can be done about it anymore.
This was mainly exposed by Riful's words to Raki. Apparently she has made her choice, and Dauf is aware of it (though he won't accept it). So in the end, Raki remains the one fighting it - though it looks like a losing battle. The only question is how it will happen, and if he will snap and actually claim his prize, rather than the prize claiming him. My guess is that the final chapter will have a 3rd fight against Dauf where things will come to an end, probably a 'do or die' if Dauf's attitude in this chapter is any indication.
A quick note on Riful, I was surprised when you had her being dominated by Dauf during sex when he's supposed to the one enduring her. Likewise with the hint of a masochistic streak at the end. And I'm sure she was aware of Raki watching, and how it affected him. While it may seem OOC, it also serves to reinforce her manipulative image.
Anyway I'm really curious about how you'll wrap things up.
For the final chapters, I'll try to balance the two. Thanks for sounding out these issues.
Btw, I haven't been here for a while. Has any of your new stuff been posted?
I rarely post here anymore, everything goes straight to ff.net. And aside from the completed outtake from last time, no, there hasn't been anything. I've sent a Skyrim one-shot to Shieky for proofreading, and have an ongoing project since last year, an Alice in Wonderland parody with the Claymore cast, but nothing has been released.
---------- Post added April 03, 2013 at 09:04 PM ---------- Previous post was March 30, 2013 at 08:44 AM ----------
Oh, I forgot, there is a typo here :
At his right, she sees Riful.
I am a writer that has been working on something I refer to as a "Original Claymore fanfiction" that I have been working on for one and a half year.
It is called "Original" because 98 % of the cast is my own OCs and it take place in the world of claymore albeit a little different...
It is called the Silver-Eyed Angel, and is a Alternative Universe story tbased on the asumption that chapter 126 of the Claymore Manga been the last one.
The events diverted from there in a certain unexpected way...
Here is the link to it...
I am currently doing some updates on it´s older chapters on it and it is a ongoing story.
It even has its own wikipedia.
Last edited by Nanozom; April 29, 2013 at 11:07 PM.
Firstly, yes, this is dark - this is exactly what I hoped for when I envisioned Raki and Riful together....I wouldn't necessarily say you were stealing Howlingmember's thunder with this story in the least: your story is so much more different then his - his, for instance, is much more light-hearted, and yours, well, it's not.
I didn't complain at all however, because, as before, it was more what I had in mind when I first envisioned this idea -- and goodness, it was dark: your descriptions were spot-on, and you really made Riful and Dauf to be like animals, and I like your description of yoki (maggoty flesh, toxic sludge) since it does seem very close to what I would expect as well.
The fight was actually one part which I didn't expect, and I was happy to see it - it was like seeing two males fight to dominate the female, which is exactly how Riful likes it: it definitely pushed the animal-esque vibe of the story and just how brutal it is....and Raki wants no part of it, no part of any of it.
When I envisioned a Raki/Riful story, I expected it to be dark, yes, but there would still be romance between them...they would be pulled from the black/white extremes they both exemplify and meet in the middle, especially with foreplay. Here though, Riful is, simply put, abusing him....it's not even about sex, nevermind romance, but about Riful trying to conquer a new toy for herself, and him to be just as sycophant as Dauf...in that sense, it's even more darker then I expected, and makes me wonder if, in the final chapter, she will actually succeed in her hunt or Raki will escape from this jungle.
I checked for errors, and I honestly couldn't find anything worth changing, except this strangely placed period (your .life, and me) - other then that, It's just as descriptive as all your other works (which always was, in particular, what you were very good at), and dark at that....I think it's easily the darkest Claymore thing you've ever written in all honesty, and you definitely write dark stuff Shelter - if nothing else, it's certainly the most raw, which I wonder if it's a nice change of pace for you, given you are so used to abstract imagery and emotional moments like in PTSD. Here, something so raw, base, and sexual....it's certainly very different in that regard.
Wonderful work as ever Shelter: I wish you all the best, and can't wait for the final chapter
Someone do a crossover of Claymore and Game of Thrones.
---------- Post added at 04:04 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:46 PM ----------
There are things I'd like to see explored in fanfic, for example I picked up on a hint of sexual jealousy from Rubel over Clare.
Raki and Clare has been done to death but still I like reading the older fanfic, of Raki X Clare pre-timeskip (including what people wrote pre-timeskip about when Raki was older). This isn't just about the older girl X younger boy thing but it was the first time I read romantic fanfic from a perspective I related to. I can't remember the fanfic but there was one going into detail about how Clare doesn't have the same feelings other people take for granted, but she feels devotion and fascination towards Raki. I've only felt that once, but its unmistakable.
Shame I lost my password there.
Since it's been a while since I've posted anything here, here's a sample of my current work in progress. Parody fic, based on the 'Code Geass: Nunnally in Wonderland' OAV.
TBH, the first part of Claymore reminded me of a folklore motif about a wicked father figure disapproving of the maiden's suitor, implying sexual tension, and traditional folklore is in the public domain anyway.
You're the master of fics with authorial intrusion, and after all these years you still do in ever so obviously, without apology. I like that your author is always blatantly manipulating the story this way and that. Even better, his intrusion here fits the actual events of Alice in Wonderland nicely.
Also I got the DD joke