Yes, I am trying to do something here, but as long as what I am trying to do is for the sake for only myself, I don't want that kind of strength. That's why I said I'm not strong enough. I'm still pretty much an egoist and even though I'm trying to be considerate of others, there are times when I just lose to my ego.
I don't really need an antagonist in my life. As some stories have taught me, a man's biggest enemy is himself. I am already complicated enough to handle without the antagonist to make things worse.
---------- Post added at 09:14 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:14 PM ----------
As long as the concept of winning exists, so will the concept of losing. The sole way to escape that cycle is to end the battle altogether, which I believe is nothing but a divine being's capability.
In a way, I have come to think I will end up dying anywhere on the path to such highness, so, I shall still keep going even when I know I'm not going to make it.
Have you read Plato's Allegory of the Cave? I suggest you try it if you haven't. That may help you impersonate both your self and your ego in some way.
And yeah, we'll never make it into a perfect being in this world, but at least we try as long as we live.
Not actually read it, but I know the summary. Actually, my problem with my ego (ego as in egoism, not ego as in the aspect of consciousness) is like letting go of the habit you've had since you're kid, you know? It's already in my subconsciousness, and it's hard (near impossible, really, or actually... impossible?) to control subconsciousness!
And vice versa. We live as long as we try.
I'd say you are being a bit too much brutally honest towards yourself here. You seem to place your awareness at the back of your mind so that it'll constantly keep nagging at you, but in reality, it's only when you learn how to cast aside that mechanism every once in a while, you will feel the tension ceasing. Otherwise, it'll end up draining your energy, and faith altogether.
Confronting your subconsciousness is futile. It's like battling out your mirrored image from a past time. No matter what the result is, you will definitely end up feeling like the losing side after a while.
Ideas will not bed right away after you shape them up. It takes time. It takes massive time. Therefore, the younger you get control over yourself, the better.
Though it may seem so, that's not a shallow form of optimism. What I'm stating here is attached to realism itself.
Last edited by Gats; December 11, 2012 at 05:03 PM.
Hello . How are you ?
My name is matzik , you can only call me by that name . Nice to meet you :
There is a good chance that you are the first person in twenty-odd days to ask this question
Nice to meet you, too, matzik. You can call me whatever you wish to.
Samples are below:
Assign a code letter H, just use consonants hktkn (not convenient, though), vice versa aueie (um, not ideal), Haku as an abbrevation..
That's all I can come up with right now. If I had the slightest of good taste in picking good nicknames, my nick would be a lot more cooler, don't you think so
Ok then Haku'chan
Hope it doesn't bother you