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It has potential, but it's a little too close to Full Metal. Not that it's a bad thing to be influenced, seeing as some really good stories have come from such inspiration, but if it's too close it becomes harder for fans to get into it. If you want help, I'd be glad to lend whatever assistance I can.
Also I'm guessing English might be your second language, if so you seem to have a better handle on it than quite a few Americans, so good job there.