Question Friends vs. Acquaintances: Being Nice or Being Taken Advantage Of?


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下級員 / Kakyuuin / Jr. Member
Sep 9, 2021
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United States
So here's my dilemma. I'm kind of, how do you say it, niave? I tend to be unjudgmental by default (and is one of my biggest faults at times) and indifferent. It has recently come to my attention this is considered 'mean' or in another way, 'difficult' to understand when it comes to making relations last. So I'm no expert or nothing, but I understand people pretty well (I tend to study more than anything, I like to observe how people interact with one another, by example). It's not a trait that is really meant to judge, but rather to learn and adapt to my situation.

So here's my question in regards to the thread's purpose.

I literally have no connections. No 'friends' IRL or well, anywhere. I consider many people to be if not outside of the friend zone and in the acquaintance zone. Sometimes due to my indifference of one or the other zones, I tend to say too much that it makes situations awkward. That is due to me being quite open about anything I've experienced or have interest in. I'm not afraid to say what I feel like saying, doing, or feeling. So does that make me, whose a loner in a sense, a strange or mean person? That I don't tend to consider other people as either friend or acquaintance?

I mean, I won't go and tell you important things that could be detrimental to my health or well being, or if you're someone I hold disdain for (which by the way, takes ALOT for me to get mad and hold a grudge at the same time). But from the inside perspective, I find it odd that someone would consider 'being a friend' means 'doing things that you both enjoy as friends' as better or the right way all the time. What if you simply wish to be nice to someone? They needn't be friends per-say to treat them or do something kind do they?

Here's my situation.

I lived with some peculiar individuals not that long ago, last year-ish. I recently moved in-town (from out in the middle of butternut nowhere) and have even gotten a job, so I'm not a NEET anymore, but still a shut-in alas. I never really had 'liked' or 'disliked' them, despite their obnoxious behavior and often typical actions of children that need a lesson. As example, there was one person that had a very bad obbsession with food. To the point they would try to make it look like I was eating what wasn't mine, like raw bread dough for instance. They'd leave cans of it hidden in my trash (as the time I had a baby Vole I kept as a pet I rescued so there was a lot of bedding being thrown out every so often.) and other items that quite frankly, should make anyone fume and boil over over...

However. I do not care anymore nor have any feels of hate or disgust. I've gotten over it. So is it wrong to treat people whom, not my friend nor anyone I care to be around, still treat them and do nice things for them? Am I simply being taken advantage of? But the other problem is they are under the impression that they are my friend, yet I can't really bring myself to say I'm not. I don't want them to be mad at me, yet I don't care if I am or not in the first place. I simply do not wish to hurt their feelings.

So if you were in this situation, what would you suggest? I'm thinking of inviting these 'persons' to a event where I will pay for them to enjoy themselves. Honestly, I see it as a way to pass time and do something useful and nice for another. But I'm not sure how to go about this. I'm genuinely a kind person, but I often miss communication skills and means of what is different between being obliged and being truthful to others when I feel indifferent.

So yeah, it's complicated. I'm not very good at the whole 'social scene' but I sure can act like it. Though I generally really don't feel much when it comes to 'relationships' with others. It seems so foreign to me. Why must you be friends with someone when you can simply be nice to everyone? I don't really care if I get something in return or not. All I want is to make others pleased. Their gratitude is enough for me, regardless if they are my friends or a random person I meet somewhere. Does it mean I have commitment issues? Do I possible lack common sense? What is it that even defines someone as one who is different from an acquaintance? I've very few connections. So I don't know who to ask these sorts of things...