Life Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Ask the Opposite Gender/The Relationships Thread

[Hanihime]

What's the nicest way to turn down a date with a guy? :S

 

[kkck]

Just say that you don't like him that way, be straightforward and polite (I prefer if girls are like that at least).

Anyways, I wanted to know what people think of this. Some time ago a girl with whom I was under the impression I had a connection with broke up with her boyfriend. There are some distance issues so an actual relationship would seem very unlikely for the most part though. Anyways, we remained in contant and whatnot, at least on my part even if something was impossible now it is not like we won't see each other again during the summer break which is not very far away anyways. Still, recently I noticed she changed her facebook profile picture to one with her and her ex boyfriend however she has never actually said he is back with him. I never really asked her about it but I still made the decision to just forget about this girl and move since I could have been horribly wrong about the apparent chemistry I thought we had or in a worst case scenario get involved in a rather awkward situation. Now, recently she texted me as we started chatting and whatnot. One thing she said caught my attention. She mentioned how upon going home her family was going to be out of town for a while hence she was going to have her place for herself for a somewhat reasonable amount of time. Under normal circumstances I would think she is pretty much suggesting we would be able to spend a bit of quality time alone so to speak. Now I am confused to say the least. Did she ever went back with her ex? Did I completely misread everything and actually she said that in the most innocent manner? Or is she being sneaky and intends to have a guy here and another one there (in which the worst case scenario I am "the other" guy-I'd honestly be cheated on than be the other guy). I also know for a fact that she was having a lot of trouble with her apparent ex boyfriend. To make things more complicated she also mentioned she had broken up with him before and he "convinced" her to get back together with him. Depending on how I stringed these together I have developed several theories but I still have no clue as to what the deal is here. Any thoughts?

 

[Zeltrax]

I'm not really one to talk but anyway..

If you have no clues, have you tried asking her about her ex-boyfriend?
She might be angry if you touch on that but since she changed her profile picture at facebook, I don't think she might mind much.
If so, what is her answer to that?
As you mentioned:

To make things more complicated she also mentioned she had broken up with him before and he "convinced" her to get back together with him.

I really think you should ask her about this after reading this, there is a chance that she still loves him and just take you as a friend.
To be honest, maybe she is just taking you as a friend and there's also a chance that she might just be taking you for the ride and still love his boyfriend. Of course, you yourself should have already thought of that.
And no, I don't think you misreaded anything. if she's inviting you and just you alone, it means something..either as a friend or...

Not to be harsh to you, the way I see it after reading your post. I think that girl knows you have something for her and by inviting over it might be a way to show that she wants to know you more but unless you can confirm that she isn't taking you for a ride and is still in love with her ex, I don't think you should take any moves, I won't I'll try to ask how she feels about her ex.

Just a penny of my thoughts.

 

[baboysai]

I say go ahead and take on the invitation. Then try the cold shoulder and "force" her to decide. You may not be fussy about her situation. In fact, you could act like you don't care what she does, then when you stop talking to her make her feel like you're no pushover.

then, you wait.

 

[kkck]

I'm not really one to talk but anyway..

If you have no clues, have you tried asking her about her ex-boyfriend?
She might be angry if you touch on that but since she changed her profile picture at facebook, I don't think she might mind much.
If so, what is her answer to that?
As you mentioned:

I really think you should ask her about this after reading this, there is a chance that she still loves him and just take you as a friend.
To be honest, maybe she is just taking you as a friend and there's also a chance that she might just be taking you for the ride and still love his boyfriend. Of course, you yourself should have already thought of that.
And no, I don't think you misreaded anything. if she's inviting you and just you alone, it means something..either as a friend or...

Not to be harsh to you, the way I see it after reading your post. I think that girl knows you have something for her and by inviting over it might be a way to show that she wants to know you more but unless you can confirm that she isn't taking you for a ride and is still in love with her ex, I don't think you should take any moves, I won't I'll try to ask how she feels about her ex.

Just a penny of my thoughts.

I have obviously considered asking her about her ex boyfriend however I chose against that. I don't feel I am in a position where I can demand an explanation and I find the whole topic awkward to say the leas. Given both of those factors I would rather avoid the topic as a whole and wait for a situation where I could bring up the topic casually or I can demand an explanation.

As for whether she knows about me liking her, I am reasonably sure she does. Even though I never actually told her I never made a secret out of it. I thought that would be a good approach since she actually still was with her boyfriend when I started to like her (he is from some other country so he was not anywhere near). Also, as I would have never actually said anything about it, should things go in an unpleasant way I could have just denied everything(I would fake insanity lol). As for her relationship with her boyfriend, from what I understand she has broken up with him a few times at least(not the other way around). I am not sure of what to make of the whole "convincing her" part though. I have reasons to suspect she actually is not 100% happy where she is located at now so perhaps those factors make a relationship appealing although I really don't want to guess about that.

 

[M3J]

from what I understand she has broken up with him a few times at least

She can't make up her mind, can she? This could be a risky business if you do go out with her. :\

 

[Aazholh]

I can't understand how women can move on and forget about you like you never existed while I'm still there wondering what happened.

 

[Freid]

Isn't that more common with men?

 

[Zeltrax]

True.
It happened to me, but it takes both hands to clap.

 

[Freid]

I originally wrote a post about different types of women but I decided to water it down into a rap about egotistical women. It's supposed to be mildly informative but is mostly just a light hearted post

Some women are egotistical – They often act cynical
And what's typical - is that these women often wear lots of much make up,
Probably to shape up
But hey, I ain’t saying they ain't logical.

They lead men on and temporarily raise their mojo
Playing games with them just to boost their own ego
Like a placebo - their act is just a façade,
so you gotta write a card
Telling 'em 'fuck you, good day you retard', I'd rather be a homo.

Now, y'all don't get me wrong, I don't promote hostility
and I won't promote aggression
But playing tricks and flipping like a light switch?
Nah, woman that shit just ain't cuttin' it
Ima round up this lyrical delivery,
Guys, leave your egotistical woman or load your AK-47 semi,
Say 'stop your shit, woman
I aint no mutha fuking teletubby'
And hope that she would get it.

I hope it makes some sense. I just thought it would be nice to do something like this since I'm a fan of rap.

 

[baboysai]

hehe, interesting rap.

BTW, I just saw on facebook that my ex had a girlfriend already.

I didn't know what to feel, really. Since I've happily moved on and am working an ongoing relationship with somebody else myself. I sort of feel happy that he too has moved on, and that I wouldn't have to be burdened by some sort of blame from the previous relationship. My heart doesn't hurt about it but it's like... beef stuck on a tooth, you know? It doesn't hurt but there's something stuck there... >.>

 

[Zeltrax]

I think it is naturally to feel that way, it'll be weird if you don't feel that way.
It'll go away soon I think.

 

[kkck]

Well, if you didn't feel anything then you probably did not care about her very much to begin with. Anyways, I do think it is important for people to have a certain ability to just move on with their lives and it is good to be able to do it reasonably fast. I have a couple of friends who are simply incapable of moving on with their lives and sheers stupidity stops them from actually getting back together... anyways, observing this has shown me it is important it is to just be able to make up your mind, act cold, and move on.

 

[Zeltrax]

I agree about everything kkck said except for the act cold part.
Doesn't really have to be that way, you can still be friends and you can still smile when you see her/him.
Shows that got over it and gotten stronger.

 

[kkck]

I didn't mean cold as in being cold towards the person but rather being cold when making the decision. I guess I did not make that very clear.

 

[Zeltrax]

Ah I'm sorry.
Cold and cool huh.
it's hard for me to move on although I'm a guy. But I'll bear with it.
For me, love is not my main concern, there's too many things out there for me to experience. What about you?

 

[baboysai]

True about the "cold" part. If what you mean is "being firm about your decision and standing by it".

I'm a person like that. Once I've decided, I don't want to regret it so I stick by it and take it like a man, well, you know what I mean, hopefully.

 

[kkck]

^That's what I meant lol. Wonder why I couldn't just say that.....

 

[Freid]

For me, love is not my main concern, there's too many things out there for me to experience. What about you?

Yeah, love' ain't a necessity for me also, and is a rather trivial aspect of life right now. Even if a woman ain't high maintenance, it's good for a man to treat her as such, and in order for me to be able to comfortably do that, I would need to have gotten many things out of the way first.

 

[baboysai]

so uh... there's this guy at work who's GODAWFULLY RELENTLESS about hitting on me. I mean, flattering in a way, but god, how tireless can a guy get just to score or something?

He tried asking for a kiss and I said "Dude, seriously I will crush your balls so that you won't have children for twenty generations". He still tried to kiss me and I whacked him in the head with a roll of polyethylene wrap (for kitchen use, mind you). What a jerk.