Pun using "ki"

richvh

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In chapter 95 of 史上最強の弟子ケンイチ(History's Strongest Disciple Kenichi), after Renka goes to get a drink for Kenichi, she finds Miu talking to him, and proceeds to tell Miu off:
少しは気をつかいなさいよ〰
When Miu goes into a fighting stance, and channeling "ki":
コオオオオ
Renka yells:
その〝気〟じゃないっつーの‼
Any ideas of how to handle this without putting in a footnote on the first line? This is what I have now:

Renka (handwritten): Show some consideration*!
(SFX) Kohhh
*Literally, "Use some 'ki'"
Renka: That's not the kind of "ki" I'm talking about!!
 

njt

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I was thinking about this in the shower, how about
Better watch out on what you're focusing on!

Not that kind of focusing!
 

richvh

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I don't think it quite fits the context (that being, Renka is trying to have some time alone with Kenichi), but thanks for trying.
 

njt

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._.

guess it'd be better if I saw the manga >.> 誰が何をしてるかをまったく創造できないw
>。>
 

richvh

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創造できない
Don't you mean 想像できない?

OK, these two pages should be enough to give the context:

 

njt

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>.> and I don't know *why* i picked that kanji... probably got side tracked with the 絵文字
どんなだろう・・?(・・*)。。oO(想像図)
(ーー;).。oO(想像中)
etc >.> (いやー本当だよ?言い訳じゃないよ?信じてくれ!・・・orz)

The only thing I can think of that'd "kinda" work is

Go focus on something else!

Not that kind of focusing!

どう?w
 

shrimpy

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this is tough. often i give up and just make a note that Manga Editors usually stick in the margins.
but, taking a stab at it...

hey! I'm assigned to look after him! (context)

-Go focus on your assignment!
**highly suggest changing the kooo sfx to "focus focus"
-No, not training!!

makes marginally more sense...i hope...
 

richvh

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OK, I think I can make something like that work (though neither Renka nor Miu have an assignment, per se.)

Further context:
Shirahama Kenichi was a bullied kid until he met a marvelously talented girl, Fuurinji Miu (the blond girl), a new transfer to his 1st year high school class, who teaches him a technique that lets him beat a muscleman in the karate club he's in who had challenged him - loser has to quit the club. Although Kenichi beat him, Kenichi quit the club, stating that what he used wasn't karate, so was cheating, but then the vice president of the club, his interest piqued by Kenichi's sudden improvement, sets out to test his mettle. Miu tells him of a place that can help him, which turns out to be the dojo where she lives - Ryouzampaku, the gathering place of masters who take martial arts to extremes. Among them are the karate-ka, "100th Level Brawler" Sakaki Shio (in the first panel above), and Renka's father, Ba Kensei, Master of All Chinese Kempo, who had been the head of the largest martial arts organization in China, but had abandoned it and his family when it became too much of a hassle, and Miu's grandfather, the Invincible Superman, usually just called "the Eldest" 長老 or "Old Man" じじい. Renka had been living in Yokohama Chinatown, trying to track down her father, when Master Ba (with Kenichi trailing him) shows up there, tracking down rumors of his older brother, the black sheep of the family.

Renka showed up the previous night, just as Kenichi was feeling inadequate because all his friends seem to have special, named finishing moves, but he doesn't, and Renka told him that he should come to him to a place where he could get the one thing lacking in his training...

That place being the water park, where he can relax, but the masters had tracked them there, and put him through some "light" training (treading water holding weights above his head, climbing up a water slide, punching and kicking in the water while walking the length of the 50 m pool 100 times...)
 

HisshouBuraiKen

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Does the word "ki" come up in that context a lot? And do you translate it or just leave it as, "ki"? Judging by your first attempt it doesn't look like it, but I'd wanna be sure.
Here are a few suggestions:

We want some time to ourselves, 'kay?
I said "KAY", not "KI!!"
:eyeroll

The key point of today was to help Kenichi relax!
I said "KEY", not "KI"!
:blink

Why don't you go train or something?!
Go SOMEWHERE ELSE!
:s
 
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richvh

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No, "ki" doesn't come up in this context much at all. (Maybe it would if there was more interaction between Miu and Renka, but Renka is very much a peripheral character and won't appear again for several volumes.) The story is more centered on Kenichi's progress as a martial artist than any harem building around him.
 

HisshouBuraiKen

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I see. In the end, it's really up to you - you can sacrifice the original meaning to keep the flow and the "play on words" spirit of the exchange, or leave it as is with a note (which might be a little cumbersome, but it's not like anime where the audience has 3 seconds to read and digest it.)

Given that they're basically throwaway lines inserted for comedy, I'd lean more towards coming up with your own joke, and maybe explain the original sentence/meaning in an extra note at the end of the chapter.

There's plenty of joke material there, though, if you think about some of the English phrases one might use - "sense/feel the vibes", "read between the lines", "use your head", etc.
 
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