Read My Manga Script Plz!

[Iroguro]

Hey everyone, I posted a topic earlier in the Fan Manga area, but i thought this might be a better or more proper place to post it. Anyways, I started writing this manga script and would like for you guys and girls to read it and give me some feedback on it. Good, bad, just quit? lol, anything is fine just dont be too harsh. Anyhow, I was planning on making this a manga, but due to my lack of drawing skills, I think I'll just stick to writing scripts or short novels. I did a quick sketch of like the First few lines in chapter one, I'll post a link below for it. So far, I have 2 chapters only, so tell me if you guys like it and I'll post more. Thanks!

Chapter 1- http://www.freewebs.com/iroguro_meek/reiki.htm

Page 1 Illustration: http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/b...ongkeem/19.jpg

Chapter 2- http://www.freewebs.com/iroguro_meek/reikichp2.htm

 

[cleodux]

Hello, i read your story, Reiki i believe, please continue chapter 3, kinda curious what happen to meek after that

 

[rockleedrift]

Hi!

The script was ok. I think you might need more writing practice to get it to flow more easily though.

Though I can't be 100% sure yet it seems like a cool theme, whether its aliens or people from the future. I can imagine this being much cooler as a manga than a novel. Seeing what the armor looks like and the spaceships or whatever they are.

One thing thats just to do with my personal taste is that I'm not fond of people shouting out their attack when they do it... Sort of takes the whole "surprise" thing out of the attack.

If I was in a fight I wouldn't be shouting "right fist to your face!", but i know naruto and sometimes bleach and other manga have this.

As a script I would give it a 6,5/10. This is only because we haven't really gotten into the story yet + i feel the story could have a much better flow to it, if you understand what i mean.

If you had a talented artist on this one (couldn't see your drawings, sorry, the link didn't work, think its outdated or something :S) then it would probaby be able to go up to a 7,5/8 out of 10. but thats just with what i got now. Maybe it gets better further on.

Peace

P.S: btw, if you get the time, could you read my first two chapters as well? its on this page: http://mangahelpers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=13050 would be cool if you could comment as well =)

if that doesn't work you can find it further down on the fanfics page. under "Addy, an adventure manga".