Gintama 693

[Gintama 693 Translation by Kewl0210]
Page 1:
SFX: GOGOGOGOGO
SFX: GOUN
Top Insert: ☆The TV Anime, 'Gintama' Silver Soul Arc is airing every Sunday at 1:35AM on TV Tokyo and affiliates!!
Someone: Seirei Gate preparations complete.
We're ready to launch at any moment.
Insert: The weapon of destruction waits for the moment----!!
Title: Lesson 693 UHO
Author: Sorachi Hideaki
Middle Insert: ☆The newest, Jump Comics Volume 74 now on sale with great fanfare!! ☆The long awaited 2nd ship full of mud!! The live-action Movie 'Gintama 2' finally hits theaters August 17th (Fri.)!!
Tendou: What is the situation on the surface?
Someone: Using our Edo disciples,
we've removed all possible interlopers around the Terminal,
but they have undergone slight resistance.

Page 2:
Ten: ..........
Send down the invasion unit.
Someone: The moment we land at the Terminal, we'll use the Seirei Gate.
Guy: !!
What is this...?!
Ten: What is it?
Guy: The ominous form of a ship in the skies nearby.
They couldn't possibly have noticed the presence of this ship, could they?
Is that...

Page 3:
Gorillas: UHO
UHOUHO UHOUHO
UHOHHO UHO UHO UHHO
UHOHOHO
UHO UHO UHOHOHO
Kon: .........
Uhoh.

Page 4:
Gorrillas: UH HYA HYA HYA
SFX: DOH BABAN DON DON GASHAN GASHAN
Gorrilas: UHoHHO UHOHO UHO
UHOHOHO UHHO UHOUHO
Kon: UHOUHO
UHOHOHHO
Gorrillas: UHYAHYAHYA HYAHYAHYA
SFX: PAN PAN
Gorrilla: OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO
SFX: GASHAN GASHAN

Page 5:
Kon: ...I have no idea
what anyone's saying.
What in the world
is so funny?
Why are
they hoisting me up?
I really
don't get it.
Why
is all this...
Why.
Why...?

Page 6:
Kon: I'm...
going to search for the Yorozuya.
If it weren't for them,
we wouldn't be here right now.

Page 7:
Kondou: Sougo,
If you don't want to be the foundation for a new era, that's fine.
What do you say we swing these swords
for those we've fought alongside all this time?
We're going to live alongside them.
In order to cut open the path for that country, for that era,
we'll swing this sword that is the Shinsengumi.
Okita: Then, Kondou-san,
are you also going to fight for them...?
Kon: What I've got to do
has already been decided.

Page 8:
Kon: I'm marrying a gorilla.
SFX: GOGOGOGO
Kon: WHYYYYYYYYY?!!
I know I've asked this a bunch of times already, but...
why am I the one that has to marry a gorillaaaaa?!!
Matsu: Kondou,
you're asking this now? ["now" in italics.]
Phone: Tottsan
Kon: I thought you'd made up your mind and been doing bridegroom training for a while now...
Kon: Yeah, but Tottsan, I can't help but feel there's something weird about this!!

Page 9:
Matsu: Kondou, since ancient times, the creature known as a man
has lived his life controlled by the alternate personality they call his lower half.
You could say life is nothing but wiping up after one's lower half.
Accept your fate already.
When you do certain deeds, all you can do is take responsibility for them.
Kon: Uh, forget alternate personality, do I have the lower half of a centaur or something?! I don't remember doing anything with a beast like this.
Just suddenly getting pulled into something like this and being told a kid is your kid is just...
Matsu: Play dumb all you want, that whole gorilla-like area from the corners of his eyes to the bridge of his nose look just like yours, don't they?
Kon: Uh, forget gorilla-like, that's an actual gorilla!! He clearly just looks like his mom!!
Matsu: Relax, Kondou. Pretty much all kids look like gorillas right after they're born.
Like when I first saw my daughter, I was pretty shocked and anxious about her future,
but before you knew it, she became cute as a button.
And then in the blink of an eye, she got so far from me we can't even wash our underwear in the same load.
SFX: SNFF
Kon: Uh, in the blink of an eye he turned into a regular old gorilla!
And in a totally non-nostalgic way, he's tearing my underwear off!!
SFX: UGAAAA

Page 10:
Matsu: Well, sounds like at least you're gettin' along well. Anything change about Princess Bubbles?
Kon: She's in the middle of changing her wedding outfit for the 3,423rd time.
Weddings on planet Shoujou go on for 3 months straight and today's the last day.
Once the ceremony's over, I'll be reduced to being completely a gorilla in both body and spirit.
Please, help me, Tottsan. I thought I could go through with this for the sake of the country, but I can't take it anymore!!
The ceremony is happening in space just above earth. If you act now, there might be a chance to...
Matsu: I told you, Earth's in no position to do that right now!
Kon: That's why you've got to! I need to fight, too!!
Matsu: Leave things down here to us. You gotta get as much money as you can out of the gorilla country.
I told you, that's your battle.
Kon: I can't! I still don't even have a clue what these gorillas are saying!! I'm just playing along by randomly blurting out UHOs every now and then!!
Matsu: Don't gimme that half-hearted shit!!
What can a rotten banana that couldn't make a single gorilla happy possible do if it comes back home?!!
That kid's your kid, there's no doubt about it!!
I made sure to hear all the details from them!!
SFX: GOH GOH GOH

Page 11:
Matsu: You had a wedding ceremony with Princess Bubbles before, remember?
That kid's the kid you gave her in the banana-cutting ceremony back then, apparently.
Kon: What the hell kind of pretext is thaaat?!!
T/N: I don't remember this. How long ago did this happen? Uhh... Oh god this is from volume 14. Remember that? It was like 60 years ago. You people reading this probably weren't even born when that came out...
Kon: You saw yourself that nothing happened back then, Tottsan!!
Matsu: So after you dumped the princess, she was so heartbroken that she disappeared for a while.
Night after night, she would fool around with no-good gorillas, inhale and light up bananas, and live an all-around wild life.
Kon: What does lighting up bananas mean?! Is that like a delinquent thing for gorillas?!
Matsu: And when she got back, she had that child in her belly.
Baby Robert Gorilly Junior.
Kon: Uh, she gave it a totally different guy's name!! Why couldn't it at least be Isao Junior?!
Anyhow, that's clearly one of the no-good gorilla's kid!! You're just trying to foist him onto me, aren't you?!!
Matsu: Kondou, listen ta me. You know how from a human's perspective, all gorilla's faces look the same, right?
So see... it all works out. So go embrace that gorilla kid
the same as you would any other.
Kon: That does not make it 'work out'!! Don't try to put a positive spin on it!!

Page 12:
Kon: Hey, Tottsaan!!
Tottsaan!!
That asshole, he hung up on me!
SFX: BUZAZA
SFX: BUCHI BUCHI BUCHIN
Handwritten: UOOOoOOo
Kon: I'm sorry, Junior!!
I can't be your dad!!
Not when I've got
my family waiting for me down there!
I know they're
waiting for me to come back,
so I've got to go back to ea-
!!
Gorillas: UHOH!!

Page 13:
Kon: Get out of my waaaay!!
I don't wanna hurt any of you!!
Please, mooooove!!
Goddammit. I'm not getting through to 'em.
Handwritten: UHO UHOOH!!
Kon: UHOoooooo!!

Page 14:
Kon: Even in that situation, saying Uho got them to hoist me uuuuup?!!
Just what the hell do my Uhos mean to them?! Just how much can you fall into pleasing people?!
Damn, I just ended up back at the ceremony.
Even if my uho's put smiles on these gorillas' faces, I sure don't feel like I have anything to smile about.
I need to somehow master these uho's and get out of here.
But not only do I not know what their uho's mean, I don't even understand my own. How in the world can I...
Handwritten: UHOO
SFX: DOGAAA
Kon: !!
SFX: DOGOAAN
Gorilla: UHOooooooooo
SFX: OOOO

Page 15:
Gorilla: UHOooOoOO!!
Kon: No way... Is he...
Junior's.. real...?!
Gorilla: UHOoOoOoO
Kon: For some reason, his uho's, I can somehow understand.
Did their difference in social status tear his love with the Princess apart?
Gorilla: UHOoOoOoOoOoOOO!!
Kon: He crashed this wedding
so he could take her and that child back...
---Now's my chance. Right now,
if I use him, I can end this ceremony.
Yell! Go full-gorilla!
And the words of your soul will reach him!
I'll give you back the princess, so let me go back to Earth!!
Top: UHOooooo
Left: Translation: The princess is mine. If you want her, just try to take her! This gorilla's grip ain't nothing to sneeze at!!
Insert: ☆UHOHOHO...
-----UHOH!!
Bottom: Gintama
...Lesson 693
/ End