Gintama 471

Hmm. Sorachi is king of turning cliche-sounding-premises into buckets of gold colored euphamisms, and so far he seems to be doing it again. Of course the truth is in the ending...



{The story up until now:}
{Both Hijikata and Gintoki were in a traffic accident that they managed to get out physically unscathed from. The souls within them however were ejected and ended up going into the opposite bodies. With no choice but to take leadership of each other’s organizations while searching for a means to return to normal, the question becomes what will happen to the two of them? And more importantly what will the fate of their two organizations; the Yorozuya and Shinsengumi be?}
(Panels: Of the Yorozuya//Shinsengumi’s Vice captain//Gin-san//Hijikata-san//GIVE ME BACK MY BODY!!)
(Side text- Freedom? Or Bound by the law…?)
GINTAMA
Dude: Now he’s 20 minutes late.
The vice-captain is always seated 30 minutes before our meetings…
Has anything happened to Hijikata-san?
(Sfx- Hiso hiso hiso *whisper whisper whisper*)

002
Dude: This is bad ain’t it?
According to the Vice captian’s own laws, ‘No matter the reason, and despite the facts, anyone who’s late to a meeting is seen as slacking off on the samurai code and should prepare for seppuku’.
And he was the one who decided on that himself!
Kondo: Hey Tetsu….couldja check on Toshi for me?
Sasaki: Y—yessir!!
(Sfx- Garaaa *clatter*)
Shinpachi: Good morning!
I say that but does anyone here even wake up that early?
No helping it, I’ll just get things started per the usual.
(Sfx- Garaaaa *clatter*)
Shinpachi: Hey! Good morning Kagura-chan!! Sadaharu! Wakey Wakey! It’s time for breakfast!
Huh? They’re not here?
What’s going on here?
No way that lazy group could….

003
(Sfx- Garaaah *clatter*)
Shinpachi: Gin-san what---
(Sfx- Garaaah *clatter*)
Sasaki: Vice captain! It’s already morning and you’re late for the mee—
(Sfx- Dogoshaaaah *craaaaaash*)

004
Ginkata: Bastard…
(Sfx- Para para *clatter clatter*)
(Sfx- Para para *clatter clatter*)
Hijitoki: What time do you think it is?
Ginkata: It’s only 8:30 dammit!
Ain’t this the time people sleep?!

005
Hijitoki: It’s already exactly 8:30 with 54 seconds to spare!
Hasn’t the battle already started?!
Cut your belly.
Slacking off on your civic duties as a samurai means seppuku.
Ginkata: You’re dismissed.
Now’s the time to go back to sleep.

006
(Side text- A morning of both body and spirit….)
GINTAMA
Lesson 471: I have V shaped bangs, and he’s a permhead.
SORACHI HIDEAKI
(Sfx- Shaaah *sssshhh*)
(Sfx-Shaaaah *Ssssh*)
Ginkata: Dammit. I open my eyes and everything’s the same as before.
Though I suppose it was gonna be like this to begin with.
Hijitoki: This is the worst.
I wake up in the morning and have to see this failure looking back at me.
Ginkata: The freak is up with his hair?
I preen it and fix it and it just settles back into a V lock. It’s pissing me off.
This guy’s gonna have shitty V bangs even after he’s bald.
Hijitoki: It’s like his face is permanently relaxed.
Damn it. His eyes and eyebrows are like flopping away from each other. There’s a permanent space here.

007
Ginkata: Forgettaboutit. It’s annoying to bother.
(Sfx- Kasaahh *fwaap*)
(Sfx- Pori pori *scrtch scratch*)
Ginkata: I’ll just do things my way.
Hijitoki: If I spend my time eating sweet stuff my body and hair roots are gonna fall limp.
(Sfx- Kaan *tupp*)
Hijitoki: First thing’s first. I’ll fix things up before they get worse.
Right down to even his skin pores.
Kondo: Hey Sougo….
Did he like…eat something rotten or something?
Okita: If you’re talking about his brain, then maybe eating mayonnaise day in and day out mightta rotted his skull.
Kondo: To break his own laws….
(Sfx- Fwaaaah *yaaawn*)
Kondo: He mighta fooled the other soldiers but his demeanor is…

008
Kondo: Relatively speaking his rules and laws are extremely strict to the point of obsessiveness…
But it’s because he is the exemplification of rigidness and harshness that the that the other soldiers fear him as the demonic vice-captain Hijikata Toushiro.
Okita: But he just slept in. No biggie.
Kondo: Yeah, but look at him now…his face is drooping…
Yamazaki: Ah! Vice-captain!
Good morning!!
(Sfx- Zaahhh *Sffft*)
(Handwritten- Good morning!!)
Ginkata: Shut up with that garbage early in the morning…
Are you people at the Sasaki animation institute of seiyuu studies or something?
Yamazaki(?): The Fifth, sixth, and seventh unit are all ready sir!!
Ginkata: Ready for what? Radio exercises? I don’t have a seal with me.
Yamazaki(?): No, that’s not what I mean!!
We’re ready to sortie! Today we’re supposed to be on duty patrolling the city…
And we’re looking forward to you leading us Hijikata-san, as always!
Ginkata: What does ‘as always’ mean? In any case today’s Hijikata-san is a little different than usual, let me make that clear.
Yamazaki: Well…no I mean, you usually read the laws you wrote up for us before the soldiers head out.
Ginkata: Oh right.
Listen up guys! I hope you didn’t forget the iron clad laws of our Shinsengumi!!
The first article of these laws is….
Um…it’s that….

009
Ginkata: Anyone who blames anyone else for forgetting the laws…
Is slacking off on the samurai way and will have to commit seppuku!!
{Uh, it’s you who totally forgot isn’t it?!}
Yamazaki: Um…excuse me Vice-captain…I’m pretty sure that’s not the first article.
Ginkata: And a seppku for YOU.
Yamazaki: W—wait a minute please…I’m just saying I haven’t heard that artcle of the law before.
Ginkata: Oh. My bad. That’s article 434.
Yamazaki: There’s also no article 434.
Ginkata: Anyone who says there’s no law one or 434 has to commit seppuku!!
Yamazaki: Um…why are you being so vague in regards to the articles between one and 434?!
Ginkata: Shut up. I changed the articles and laws yesterday.
Yamazaki: Whoa! I didn’t hear about that!! What do you mean?!
Ginkata: The second law is anyone who’s overly anal about the first law…
Commits seppuku!!
(Sfx- Zuuunn *doom*)
{He’s totally screwing aroooooound!! He’s forcefully trying to pin them ddooooowwwwn!!}

010
Ginkata: You idiots…are you going to be satisfied just naiievely asking me every little thing you have to do?
Whether I know all of the laws or can rattle them off or not doesn’t matter. Laws are things you gotta just have deep in your bodies.
You’ve got this chummy little setup where you have iron clad laws that make you warriors?
Listen. People really don’t have time for that crap.
You guys take this to heart.
You don’t need a bunch of laws and stuff to tell you each and every thing you should do, nor do you need me to be your nanny that lays out your plans for ya either.
Yamazaki: Vice-captain..
Are you saying that the laws are abolished….?
Ginkata: Do what you want.
(Sfx- Zahhh *Sffft*)
Ginkata: I’m gonna follow my own laws.
The first of which is going to sleep for the third time today.
Kondo: W—wait!
Toshiiiii!?

011
{Yorozuya laws.//1) Being late is slacking off on civic duty and results in seppku.//2) Skimping out on your rent is slacking off on civic duties and results in seppuku.//3)Those who do not pay wages are slacking on civic duties and this results in seppuku.//4)Those who monopolize pay and use it to gamble are slacking on civic duties and this results in seppuku.//5) Permhead, just commit seppuku already.)
Shinpachi: Um…Gin-san..
Just what is this?
(Sfx- Giii *ree*)
Hijitoki: They’re the laws of Yorozuya. I’m gonna straighten the lot of you up with iron clad rules.
This time I’ll overlook it and let you go, but starting with the next infraction, anything you slip up on comes with the lofty price of seppuku.
Kagura: But this is mostly things you do Gin-chan, yes?
Hijitoki: Who’s Gin-chan? Call me president.
The me up until yesterday was sucked up a cats’ ass and died.
The me sitting before you now will have nothing to do with a shiftless life of depravity that’s going nowhere. So don’t get it twisted brats.
Kagura: But it is you that is the most depraved, yes?

012
Hijitoki: For now, although I’m reluctant to do so…
(Sfx- Pasaahh *fwap*)
Hijitoki: I’ll give these to you.
It’s the wages for the work you’ve done up until now.
Considering that you’ve been helpful in some ways I’ve also thrown in a little extra.
This is so that you understand I’m not the sort that says you should do as I say and not as I do.
As for where you should spend your ages…
(Sfx-Dofuuuhhh *thooomm*)
Kagura: You THUUUUUG!!
Where did you get this money? A bank? A convenience store? Did you take a mans life savings?!
(Sfx- Gofuhhh *blooogh*)
Kagura: I did not raise you to pay wages by strong arming others, no!
(Sfx- oi oi *sob sob*)
Hijitoki: Um sorry, but who are you accusing of using unscrupulous methods to get you a paycheck?!
Shinpachi: It’s trouble Otose-san!! Gin-san…Gin-san…paid us wages and has rent money!!
Otose: What did you say?! We have to alert the townspeople!!
No doubt that a meteor is going to fall and smash us all!!
(Sfx- Kan kan *dong dong*)
Hijitoki: This body truly sucks dammit!!

013
Hijitoki: See?
(On checkbook- Ooedo 3 corners UFO bank.)
Hijitoki: This is without a doubt my checkbook. Burn an image of it into your eyeballs!!
Shinpachi: Understood president! It is as you say!
(Sfx- Suzhaah *shfft*)
Hijitoki: That was a pretty quick 180 dammit!! You guys are the completely shiftless ones!!
Next time you guys doubt me, it’s seppuku time understand?
Both: Yessir!
Hijitoki: Listen up you two. What’s important is working hard to earn your way through life. If your organization is this splintered then you’ll never make any headway.
That’s why I came up with the laws ofYorozuya.
For the sake of the organization they are a tough set of legislation.
Even if parts of the organization are killed off the organization must live.
If you start off with this resolve then becoming one with the organization and ensuring your efforts won’t be in vain becomes possible.
To begin with you’ll need to…
(Handwritten- Oh dear.)

014
Hijitoki: How are things on that end?
Ginkata: No progress really.
I mean I’ve found uses for these underlings but…
Returning their souls to what they used to be before they werew bent out of shape is proving difficult.
(Sfx- Vooon vooon vooon *vrrrm vvrrmm vrmmm*)
Kondo: Hyaahahahaahah!!!
Hey Toshi? What’s the deal brah?! We’re about to go wreck up some patriots! You in?!
(Sfx- Vooon vooon *vrrrm vrrrm*)
Kondo: I hear they’re gathering on the third warf!!
Ginkata: Okay. I’m on my way now Gorilla.

015
Ginkata: And?
What about you?
Hijitoki: I investigated your underlings to find a use for them…
As for how things went…well…
Shinpachi: What are you bastards doing on a public road?
President, should I remove these vagrants from here?
I, Shimura Shinpachi of the second Yorozuya unit shall adhere to the Yorozuya law.
(Sfx- Zaaan *doom*)
Shinpachi: I will slay all evil!!
Hijitoki: Wait glasses.
Just let them go. They’re not vagrants at all.
Ginkata: I see…
Hijitoki: We’ve both made no progress huh…

016
Both: AS IFFFFF!!!
RATHER THAN MAKE PROGRESS, THINGS ARE HEADING BACKWARDS AND FAST!!
Hijitoki: WHAT THE HELL IS THAAAAAAAAAAAT?!
(Handwritten- Hey! Are we gonna do this or not brah?!)
Hijitoki: Where did the Hells angels come from?! Look at ‘em!! They don’t even look like they know what the law is, much less being the officers that enforce it!! What the hell is that Gorilla doing?!
What are you doing to my house while I’m out dammit?!
Ginkata: It’s cause you’ve got a boring rulebook up their asses that they’re so stiff!! I just took it out so they’d have a little breathing room dammit!!
And what the hell did you do?! You’re stealing my stuff bro and I don’t appreciate it!!
What does ‘Slay all evil’ mean?! Go and stop him! Stop him before he tries to do a Gatotsuu!!
(TN- Gaototsuu is a move done by Saitou Hajime in the anime Rurouni Kenshin. It’s said the real Hijikata came up with the technique.)
Hijitoki: Are you retarded?! Do you think that unruly mob you had before was good for anything? You should be happy that I managed to marginally make things better!
Ginkata: And your group should revere the damn Vice captain who reintroduced freedom to them!!
???: Stop right there.
(Sfx- Jakkii *clatter*)

017
Okita: If you lay a finger on Toshi-san..
I ain’t gonna just look the other way boss.
Hijitoki: WHY AND HOW THE HELL WERE YOU WON OVER DAMMIT?!
I haven’t been able to win you over in the least!! How the hell did you do it?!
Kagura: That is our line.
If you move that katana even a little bit…
I will slay Toshi dead, yes?
Ginkata: HEEEEEEEY!! STOP WITH THE GATOTSU ALREADY! STOP WITH THE ZERO STANCE TOO!!
Okita: This is interesting. Which will be faster? My Kuzu ryuusen or your Gatotsu ogino style? Lets make it a speed match.
(TN- Kuzu ryuusen…Trash dragon flash? I think.)
Kagura: As you wish, yes?
Both: Who wished for what dammit?! You guys are just looking for a reason to gun each other down!!
Wait! Wait! Calm down and stop this!!
(Sfx- DOgaaaaaaaah *Thooooom*)
Both: AAAAAAAAAGH!!!
(Side text- We apologize for this week too.)
GINTAMA LESSON 471………..END.