Level Up! Exp. Get! Comedy manga (Seeking Artist)

Plokman

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Ok I've had this idea for a while. But to get it started I need a artist to help me. here are the details and the script for chapter one. Oh and sorry in advance for the way I write my scripts. They tend to get a bit info heavy in parts. Oh and I'll add the maps of the places (Well much of them) Tomorrow.

Title: Level Up! Exp. Get!
approx page numbers: 19 per chapter.
major themes and plot: Gags and Rpg clichés.
Genre: Gag and action
setting: RPG fantasy world that has both classic and modern elements to it.

characters



(Jake's Concept Art was draw for me by Sketchtacular on the Rpg Rpg Revolution forums)

Name: Jake
Age: 14
Gender: Male
Weapon: Pipes, Sticks, brooms, Mops, and swords
Skill: fighting and magic
Bio: Jake is the hero of the game and state this on a regular basis. Jake at times seems very dumb but its all an act. Jake has a bit of a connection to Jen as they grew up together.
Quirks: Jake out of all characters breaks the fourth wall the most.
Description: Jake is four feet eight and one half inches tall. Jake wears a knights tunic and pants that look baggy. He has a armored shoulder plate over his right shoulder and a plate made out of a pie tin on his left. He wears a baseball cap that is made out of wood. Jake has black hair that’s short.



(Jen Concept art drawn by Ian the hedgehog on Deviant Art for me)

Name: Jen
Age: 15
Gender: Female
Weapon: Notebook, Dictionary, Video game magazines, Manga book, other types of books
Skill: Magic
Bio: Jen is Jake’s best friend and a strong fighter. She like Jake often argues with the narrator for getting facts wrong. She is a bit of a Pyromaniac and her favorite spells are those that involve fire.
Quirks: Over acts at times and for some reason beats up on Ken Shin.

Name: Ken Shin
Age: 15
Gender: Male
Weapon: Guitars
Skill: Fighting and defending
Bio: Ken Shin (Yes he says his full name as if it was his first name) is a strange guy who thinks that Guitars are very powerful weapons. He has no talent for playing the guitar but is very skilled at fighting with it.
Quirks: Hits things over the head with Guitars like they are clubs. States the obvious and thinks he is the hero.
Description: Ken Shin stands at five foot three. Ken Shin wears a tee shirt and blue jeans with a strang cloth that’s like a combo of a poncho and a scarf. He has red hair and a strange hair style. He also wears a pair of Real 3D glasses. (The newer ones not the ones with red and blue lenses.)



(Wasabee Concept Art was draw for me by Sketchtacular on the Rpg Rpg Revolution forums)

Name: Wasabee
Age: 14
Gender: Male
Weapon: Sword sized Keys. (Uses them like swords)
Skill: Fighting
Bio: Wasabee is a member of a strange warrior group that fight with Giant Keys as if they are swords. Though it seems that the training is real effective everyone laughs at it. The keys they wield are just giant keys.
Quirks: Thinks that to be a warrior you need to have a ridicules weapon. Also has a tendency to say what he is doing as if he is reading a bad script. (I.E. he will fall over and say “Anime fall!”)
Description: Wasabee wears what looks like a knights tunic with a black belt on it. His pants look like those that Samurai wear and his shoes are High tops. Wasabee is five feet five and has blue hair that has three spikes in it two over his eyes and one at the back of his head.

Name: Monty
Age: 10 (100 in human years but still looks 10)
Gender: None as Monty is a robot. But Monty thinks of himself as a boy.
Weapon: Pieces of junk
Skill: Attack and healing
Bio: Monty was born or rather built in a really really old place called the forgery. Monty was one of the Nuban models and his real name is J27. Monty from the start showed strange behavior when he farted in the face of the Mama computer. He was banished after having a round of musical farts in her throne room (the place never lost the smell.) Monty then created a new name for himself and did some work that made him realize work sucks.
Quirks: Even though hes a robot Monty farts and belches a lot. Monty also eats and drinks food and will short when ever some one mentions work.
Description: Monty is a short angular robot that is made out of what looks like bronze. Over the years Monty has repaired him self with what bits of robotics he could find. Thanks to this Monty looks like a human robot mess with his arms being differint lengths and only having one fingered hand with the other looking like a claw from a claw game. His legs look like they did when he was built but are patched with various plates that Monty riveted into place. His torso has a lot of missing plates and you can see some of the sophisticated and not so sophisticated (Hes got Vacuum Tubes in there.) part that help him run. His face is much unchanged with a light grill that lites up when he speaks and a set of eyes that look like binoculars.



(Concept art drawn by Ian the hedgehog on on Deviant Art for me)

Name: Evil-Bob
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Weapon: Paint brush and a Stuffed Parrot
Skill: Magic, Sword Fighting, Throwing things
Bio: Evil-Bob is the son Evil-Will and wishes to show his family what he can do as a Evil. Evil-Bob is a sorcerer whos powers are gained from the Medallion of Fooby he wears around his neck. For some unexplained reason (At least to Evil-Bob since he does not know that the Medallion of Fooby is a good Medallion.) His spells often back fire on him with cartoonist results.
Quirks: Ends up hurt by his spells, Has a habit of shouting “by Fooby I will!!” Only to end up hurt, has a fear of spiders that is like that of Cheese from Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends, Thinks he can fly only to fall very hard on his face, Breaks the fourth wall and complains that hes not getting enough screen time.
Description: Evil-Bob is five feet tall and though he is twenty years old he has the look of a Teanager. He wars a Blue untucked Tee shirt, A pair of red jeans, Old boots that look like pirate boots, a baseball cap over his black hair on backwards and a cape that has small gold shapes on it. The Medallion of Fooby is worn on a blue crystalline chain around his neck. The Medallion it self is a golden coin in shape with red, blue, green, yellow and pink crystals around it. In the center it has a Newt with dragon wings embossed on it in a silverish metal.

Name: Kenny
Age: 30 (204 in human years.)
Gender: Male
Weapon: Hand cannons (Like cannons on a pirate ship but able to be held in his hands)
Skill: Marks man ship, Healing
Bio: Kenny is one of the Woodoes a plant like race that lives in the Forest of Meh. Kenny is one of the rare Mushroom Woodoes and he really can’t stand the fact that everyone thinks hes stoned. Kenny has roamed far and wide to get rid of this but because he is a mushroom it rarely works.
Quirks: Sneezes because he is allergic to Fungus spores, has bladder control problems when he is frightened, Explodes and then regrows from the Ashes when he is angry, constantly forgets he is a marksmen and trys to fight with his fist.
Description: kenny is five foot eight. Being a Mushroom Woodoe he is human is shape but has fingers that end up in mushroom tops and his head is mushroom shaped. The mushroom cap parts of him are crimson with white marks on them. His skin is blueish brown. He wears a pirate like coat and slightly baggy pants with a thick red belt. He has ammo belts with mini-cannon balls in them over his shoulder. Like most woodoes he wears no shoes and has root like feet.



(Concept art drawn for me by SakuraYabuki on Deviant Art)

Name: Plokman
Age: 22
gender: Male
Weapon: Keyboard
Description: Looks like the picture but with human eyes instead of the green visor. (The visor is for another thing.) He is my self insertion since this is a Gag comic and all fourth wall joke will be done every now and again.

Areas (So far)

Craydon: Craydon is the world on which the comic takes place. It's a world of many stories. Most are RPGs of some sort.



(A basic map of the Levlone Peninsula. Shows where Intro Town is, The Meh Forrest, The Moc Sea, Jun's Place, The Forgery, and Fort Gema)

Levlone Peninsula: This is where these places are located.



(A Basic Map of Intro Town's Entrance and where the The Cade is. the labels indicate 1. The Cade. 2. The Arcade Cabinet shaped door. 3. Cinder Block built wall. 4. Normal brick wall. 5 Flux Capacitor shaped path.)

Intro Town: The town that we start in. This is Jake and Jen’s Home town. Intro Town is a medium sized Town and has a shop, a Armor store, A Hotel (No no inn) and a few other things of interest most of which will be out of your grasp till midway into the game.

The Cade: A Arcade that is always open. They have a very large selection of games to chose from. The Sign is shaped like a old game controller and it's door is shaped like a arcade cabinet.



(Outhouse dreams drawn by my dad.)

Outhouse Dreams: A small shack near Jake's house that on the outside looks like a Outhouse. In truth it's bigger on the inside being a two story house.

The Fair that Rarely Ends: This is the Fair that starts every year on the outskirts of Intro Town. The Fair gets its name from the fact that It only ends when the Mayor has consumed his fill in corn dogs and that takes almost 11 months. The fair has game that you can play for rare items and Weapons as well as for laughs (One of the games is Out eat the Mayor.) A word of caution don’t eat at the corndog stand on the east side. It is cursed and only the mayor can eat there without getting his head set a flame.

Meh Forest: A large Forest of strange trees as well as real one far from Intro town. Meh Forest is home to the Wodoes race a race of humanoid trees and plants. There are strange Catrats that live in the forest as well as some Opossum thing that won’t attack anyone.

The Moc Sea: A vast sea to the west of Intro Town. The Moc Sea separates the island that the Forgery is placed on. The sea must be crossed to reach Howmidoin and the great railway.

Howmidoin Continent: A shore line far from the Levlone shore that can only be reached by crossing the Moc Sea.

The Great Railway: The Great Railway was built many many years ago and is used to cross Howmidoin.

Shrinkadinka Village: A village that exists inside a enchanted building. The building is enchanted to never need repair which is good since once you enter it you are shrunk down to the size of a toy. The village is large since it stretches through every room of the building. Most people who live here are only about two inches tall. It is possible to return to normal but to do so you must leave the building the village.

Tall Grass Field: A very large field that has never been mowed in about ten years. Because of that the grass is neck high but can be cut by swords. There are a few hermits living here and there but mostly its just a field.

The Forgery: A self sufficient robot factory located on a Island in the Moc Sea. The Island is connected to Howmidoin by a railway bridge. Many robots here are built to live and work on the Island but a few are built for places in Howmidoin. The robots here are ruled by a Queen that no one knows the name of but everyone calls Mama Computer.

Whade City: The largest City in Howmidoin. Whade City is home to almost every race that can be found in Howmidoin. The city has a bit of a pollution problem and many who live there are jerks but there are many good people.

Tower of Whuba: A ancient tower that No one knows who built and that’s where it got its name. Some say there are Giant Robots that one can pilot is the reach the top. Sad thing is no one can open the stinking door at the base.

The Happies: By far the weirdest place in all of Howmidoin. The Happies are inhabited by creatures who look like hippys but with blue hair. The light of the Happies glows in a strange light that many liken to a bad trip. One thing is true don’t eat anything you didn’t bring with you.

Objects and Items



Level Indacator: A device that allows the person wearing it to see what level they are, Their HP, AP, MP and acess their inventory (Every character has one.) A Level Indacator is given to anyone who joins the party. Jake's Team wear theirs on a fingerless glove.


Chapter on script

Chapter 1

(A computer desktop is shown. A mouse cursor is scrolling over to a icon that is shaped like a shield with a sword and a Key with a sword handle crossed behind it. The letters LU and EG are on the shield. The Cursor double clicks on the icon. The desktop goes black and a loading sign is shown.)

(A small word window like in a RPG game pops up. (This will be called the narrator from here on))

Narrator: Oh not you again! What do you want now?!

New Story? Load? Quit? (Please pick quit)

(The cursor clicks new story)

Narrator: Perfect. Now I have to make up a new story again! Give me a moment to collect myself.

(The narrator now displays a loading sign.)

Narrator: Ok! I got one! First I got to go through the spiel of telling you about the world of Craydon. *Ahem* In a land far away in another dimension of course is The Land of Craydon. (As he says this a world map is shown.) There are many continents and places. There is always a story and many heros find that they just finish a quest just to start a new quest. All thanks to you! Our story like most here starts on the Levlone Peninsula. In a small town called Intro town.

(A view of Intro Town is shown. The town its self has a lot of Carnival stands like at a fair. At one stand a man can be seen running back and forth his head on fire.)

Man: Ah put it out put it out put it out!!!!!!!!!!

Lady who is with him: I told you not to.

Man: I wanted a corndog!!!!!

Narrator: Intro town. Every year a carnival is held and it lasts for many weeks. Ok lets face it the carnival lasts as long as the mayor can stuff himself on corndogs and that is a long time. There are many stories in this place. Many are just the town drunk. Others are heroic. (The scene changes to show Outhouse Dreams.) This here is the home of our hero Jake.

(Jake pops up from nowhere)

Jake: Ok Narrator you know that isn’t my house!!!

Narrator: Jake will you quit interrupting?!

Jake: That ain’t my home!! If your going to set the story up do it right!

Narrator: Fine! Now get back to where your supposed to be! (Jake leaves) Heros can’t even keep from breaking the fourth wall. Moving on our story begins (Jake’s house is shown.) in this small house here.

(We are now in a room that has a desk with a few old books on it. The bed in the corner has its sheets messed up and a few books strewn on it. A wall hanger in the corner has a few baseball caps on it that are clearly made out of varying woods.)

Narrator: This is Jake.

Jake: I think they get it Narrator.

Narrator: Fine I’m not even going to tell you your quest.

Jake: You know you got to!

Narrator: Yes I do. But the rules don’t say when now do they?! Well I’m out of here till I want to be! Yoink!

(The Narrator’s window vanishes)

Jake: (Angry) Now wait a fooby flip… (Sarcastic) Perfect. As if I needed this kinda crap. Oh well. (Jake looks towards us) Now I need to ask what type of combat style are we using today? I know from Brytus you used turn based last time so what will it be? Turn based? Real time? MMORPG? (The word MMORPG appears over Jakes head. As it does Jake’s face suddenly becomes fearful.) Holy crap! (Jake is now pleading with us) I..I..I was just kidding about the MMORPG thing. Could we try Rael Time? Please please please? (The words “Fine Real Time” appears over Jakes head. Jake now looks clearly relived.) Phew. That’s a relief. The writer would of skinned me if we’d done a MMORPG.

(Plokman appears from outside the panel. as he does so Jake's eyes bug out.)

Plokman: (Giving Jake the lazy eye) Can I help it if I got a crappy Computer?!!

Jake: (Looking a mix between nervous and embarrassed) Uh I didn’t..

Plokman: (Still with same look) Oh sure I’ve played the one that’s Java based but even then my computer didn’t like it. (Plokman suddenly looks like he realized something.) Oh uh. Never mind. Uh carry on. (Slips out of panel sheepishly.)

Jake: (With a Sweat drop and unnerved) I fear for my safety.
 
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Theorangefox

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Re: Level Up! Exp. Get! Gag manga (Seeking Artist)

I like the title, very original!

Okay here is my opinion on your story. First off the artwork actually looks like the prototype for a real video game, are you making a story or a game? The way this is going I'd honestly think I'm reading something more of a childish play, I'm not making this up this is seriously how I feel when i read this so if you want to jump all over me about it then fine.

Also this guy Wasabee his fighting style is the exact same concept from Kingdom hearts, using kyeblades as swords. And as for the other characters I'm not so sure how their weapons and magic are going to work, It seems like you've just randomly equipped them with items.

I'm not flaming here I'm just saying I've read children's literature and all this you've typed up fits the same theme as what I've seen in my youth. And I have never heard of Gag manga before, don't you mean comedy? I have read a comedy manga before based on a fantasy adventure called "Last fantasy" It's pretty good and maybe you should find it on the internet, it might give you ideas since what I'm seeing here is the same concept as that manga except they keep it all simple and not too complicated.

Don't give up on this story though, I'm having trouble with my own since it doesn't seem to have much appeal to other users. What I'm saying is you need to rework the characters, go more indepth into the story and what's the plot? Sorry if you need time to post that but it'd be nice to see where this story is going. And remember this is criticism, it helps to make your work better, it's not telling you to give up and delete everything you've done.
 
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Plokman

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Re: Level Up! Exp. Get! Gag manga (Seeking Artist)

I like the title, very original!

Okay here is my opinion on your story. First off the artwork actually looks like the prototype for a real video game, are you making a story or a game? The way this is going I'd honestly think I'm reading something more of a childish play, I'm not making this up this is seriously how I feel when i read this so if you want to jump all over me about it then fine.

Also this guy Wasabee his fighting style is the exact same concept from Kingdom hearts, using kyeblades as swords. And as for the other characters I'm not so sure how their weapons and magic are going to work, It seems like you've just randomly equipped them with items.

I'm not flaming here I'm just saying I've read children's literature and all this you've typed up fits the same theme as what I've seen in my youth. And I have never heard of Gag manga before, don't you mean comedy? I have read a comedy manga before based on a fantasy adventure called "Last fantasy" It's pretty good and maybe you should find it on the internet, it might give you ideas since what I'm seeing here is the same concept as that manga except they keep it all simple and not too complicated.

Don't give up on this story though, I'm having trouble with my own since it doesn't seem to have much appeal to other users. What I'm saying is you need to rework the characters, go more indepth into the story and what's the plot? Sorry if you need time to post that but it'd be nice to see where this story is going. And remember this is criticism, it helps to make your work better, it's not telling you to give up and delete everything you've done.
Wow this was by far the most intelligent reply I've ever had. Ok lets see.

Originally I started this as a RPG Maker project. So at first the art was being done for the purpose of creating a game. I decided since I have no talent for programing my self to turn it into a comic/Manga. The story was meant to start out like that for the first two or three chapters since I have to set a few things up. After that I planed on making it even out into a much more intelligent style. And I have no intention of getting angry at you for your opinion. It is honest and I can fault you for that.

Well there is a key thing that seperates Wasabe from Sora and the Keyblade. First Wasabe's weapon is a giant sword size key. The Keyblade is a Sword and Key hybrid and it has mystic powers. Wasabe's keys are just chunks of metal or wood that can open and lock of equivalent size of the key. I understand how you got the idea that I was copying KH as I am a fan of KH but I tried to separate it from the Keyblade so it was different.

Like I said I know your not flaming since for one thing you didn't cap everything. Like I said it will start out like that then evolve. As for me using Gag manga I believe thats what they call it in Japan. What I mean is it would fall into the same lines as Bo-bo-bo-bo Bo-bo-bo or Dr. Slump. So yeah here in the states it would be a Comedy Manga. As for Last Fantasy and it's sequal Side quest I've read them and they are good. I have gotten a lot of inspiration from them just the same.

Thank you for the vote of confidence. By the way what is your story? As for the plot of mine it will be reveled as I go since like the "Narrator" said he has to tell Jake his quest (This world is kinda like the RPG Fate in which the game can be started many times but never the same twice. It may not even be a RPG.) but not at the start. Seeing as it is a Comedy like Dr. Slump The plot may not even show up for a few chapters since I've got quite a few Cliches to get through befor I even think of leaving Intro Town.
 

Theorangefox

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Re: Level Up! Exp. Get! Gag manga (Seeking Artist)

Wow this was by far the most intelligent reply I've ever had. Ok lets see.

Originally I started this as a RPG Maker project. So at first the art was being done for the purpose of creating a game. I decided since I have no talent for programing my self to turn it into a comic/Manga. The story was meant to start out like that for the first two or three chapters since I have to set a few things up. After that I planed on making it even out into a much more intelligent style. And I have no intention of getting angry at you for your opinion. It is honest and I can fault you for that.

Well there is a key thing that seperates Wasabe from Sora and the Keyblade. First Wasabe's weapon is a giant sword size key. The Keyblade is a Sword and Key hybrid and it has mystic powers. Wasabe's keys are just chunks of metal or wood that can open and lock of equivalent size of the key. I understand how you got the idea that I was copying KH as I am a fan of KH but I tried to separate it from the Keyblade so it was different.

Like I said I know your not flaming since for one thing you didn't cap everything. Like I said it will start out like that then evolve. As for me using Gag manga I believe thats what they call it in Japan. What I mean is it would fall into the same lines as Bo-bo-bo-bo Bo-bo-bo or Dr. Slump. So yeah here in the states it would be a Comedy Manga. As for Last Fantasy and it's sequal Side quest I've read them and they are good. I have gotten a lot of inspiration from them just the same.

Thank you for the vote of confidence. By the way what is your story? As for the plot of mine it will be reveled as I go since like the "Narrator" said he has to tell Jake his quest (This world is kinda like the RPG Fate in which the game can be started many times but never the same twice. It may not even be a RPG.) but not at the start. Seeing as it is a Comedy like Dr. Slump The plot may not even show up for a few chapters since I've got quite a few Cliches to get through befor I even think of leaving Intro Town.
Thanks for being a professional.

You've cleared up quite a lot now, I can see where you're going with this story, before I was really confused with what I saw but your explanation helped.

It's good that you've taken something from one side and said "Hey i know this won't work here (This being your game project) but i can work it into something else! (that being your story)" I'll wait until you post more stuff since this is just a beginning of what's to come.

You've also cleared up the part about Wasabe and his weapon's but i think other people will get onto you about the whole keyblade thing, just explain to them as you did to me!

As for my story I'm still finishing up the script for chapter one, the prologue is already in script format and you can read it by following the link in my signature (below the the pic of the kyuubi!) I wish for the best for your project! And thanks again for not throwing toys out of the pram! :)
 

Plokman

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Re: Level Up! Exp. Get! Gag manga (Seeking Artist)

Thanks for being a professional.

You've cleared up quite a lot now, I can see where you're going with this story, before I was really confused with what I saw but your explanation helped.

It's good that you've taken something from one side and said "Hey i know this won't work here (This being your game project) but i can work it into something else! (that being your story)" I'll wait until you post more stuff since this is just a beginning of what's to come.

You've also cleared up the part about Wasabe and his weapon's but i think other people will get onto you about the whole keyblade thing, just explain to them as you did to me!

As for my story I'm still finishing up the script for chapter one, the prologue is already in script format and you can read it by following the link in my signature (below the the pic of the kyuubi!) I wish for the best for your project! And thanks again for not throwing toys out of the pram! :)
I do try to be polite. I also understand what you meant so there was no way I was going to get angry.

Thank you I'm glad I could clear that up. I look at what I wrote earlier and can see how it could be confusing.

Yeah if I can't work something from one angle I try it from another. That way my idea still can work but in a new way.

Yeah I'll have to do that quite a lot I'm sure as time goes on since his weapon for all intents is a key like sword.

I checked it out. I also left a reply there. Hope you find it interesting.
 

Theorangefox

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Thanks for checking out my story!

I hope to see more of your work soon. Keep checking back on mine because there might be updates and stuff along the way!
 

Plokman

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Ok here is chapter two. Note like I said to Orangefox the first chapters will be simple and then they will become more complex at the time of like script four.

Chapter 2: Mandatory Long Winded Exposition

(Jake is still in the same place as we just left him.)

Jake: (Wonderingly) Soooo What now?

(Digital words appear over his head. These are different from the ones from before.)

Words: Hold out you right hand.

Jake: (Looking up) Is this going to hurt?

Words: Just do it!

Jake: (Jumps as if scared) Yikes! (He thrusts out his right hand) Ok I’m doing it! (Jake’s Level Indacator glove appears on his hand as he watches mesmerized) Oh pretty.

Words: This is the Level Indacator. It shows you HP with that red meter, Your AP with the aqua meter and your MP with that one at the bottom. The MP meter will be blue and is empty now because you have yet to learn any magic. The number display in the center is your level.

Jake: (Looking at the indacator) Um ok. Whats the button here for?

Words: That is the menu access button. Press it and you can arrange your party, (Jake looks tired) check your inventory, your party’s status, (Jake has fallen asleep) special items, The World Map and you can switch out members of you party…… Are you asleep?

Jake: (Jumps awake) Huba whuba who da? Oh! Sorry.

Words: Never mind. Now just one last thing. You’ll be able to recruit just about anyone into your party

Jake: (Ecstatic) Oh yeah!

Words: Let me finish. You’ll be able to recruit just about anyone into your party provided they have a name, are not on a quest and have a different Indacator

Jake: (Holds up his hand) Wait a tick. Other styles of indacator? What do you mean by that?

Words: I’ll get to that. Now lastly on recruitment. They must have some ability to fight and not at a level more than five above yours.. So you can’t recruit anyone at level six right now. Now to your question you are not the only hero who has a quest in this world as you know. The other heros who have started their quest are each given a indacator for the journey. To make sure that no two teams interfere with nother beyond talking they are each given a different style Indacator.

Jake: (Looking at his indacator as if it is a watch. Clearly he is a bit impatient.) Ok is that it? Can I go now?

Words: Yes. If you need any help activate you menu and select help. I’ll give you advice.

Jake: (Clearly Sarcastic) Whoop de do basil.

Words: Very funny. (They vanish into a cloud of dust and enter the face of Jake’s indacator.)

Jake: (Staring in disbelief at what just happened) Ok that was the freakiest thing I’ve ever seen.

(The scene now zooms out to show Jake’s room.)

Jake: So I guess I’ll look around my room then. (Cricket chirps. Jake now looks annoyed.) Yeah who asked you?!
 
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Theorangefox

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Interesting, short and sweet. I can definitely see where you're going from here and I get the proper feel of an RPG game. So now Jake has to go and recruit members for his party but only at a specific level, it's good that you consider these things so that one single party doesn't consist of people with god like levels and others that are weak! :tem

Now you just have to consider the start of the adventure which is always the most important, will jake run into a deadly hunter who tries to kill him on sight but befreinds him later? does he have to save a dashing young female who joins him on his quest? I don't know since you're the writer but consider how you can execute this well. This chapter is definitely a good improvement!

I suggest you look at a few RPG games on youtube, you can get an idea of how first missions always go, and because of how broad rpg games are there's no limit to what the story can involve as long as it doesn't get complicated with too much stuff. Nice work in the end keep it up! :D

sorry it took me so long to reply, i didn't even receive any email notifications plus i done a lot over the holidays!
 

Plokman

Registered User
初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner
Joined
Dec 21, 2010
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38
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Interesting, short and sweet. I can definitely see where you're going from here and I get the proper feel of an RPG game. So now Jake has to go and recruit members for his party but only at a specific level, it's good that you consider these things so that one single party doesn't consist of people with god like levels and others that are weak! :tem

Now you just have to consider the start of the adventure which is always the most important, will jake run into a deadly hunter who tries to kill him on sight but befreinds him later? does he have to save a dashing young female who joins him on his quest? I don't know since you're the writer but consider how you can execute this well. This chapter is definitely a good improvement!

I suggest you look at a few RPG games on youtube, you can get an idea of how first missions always go, and because of how broad rpg games are there's no limit to what the story can involve as long as it doesn't get complicated with too much stuff. Nice work in the end keep it up! :D

sorry it took me so long to reply, i didn't even receive any email notifications plus i done a lot over the holidays!
Glad you like it. I'm still trying to come up with the next chapter. Yeah I thought that be a great way to keep that from happening.

Yeah a lot of things I got to figure out. I'm going to get to the third chapter very soon.

Good idea. I'll go look at some of the better ones.

I'm sorry too. I've been meaning to come back but I keep forgeting to and like you I had no notice of a update.
 
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