Fairy Tail RPG: Sign-up & Discussion

[Rarhyx]

The most immediate problem is one of grammar, namely that you don't have any. In one giant paragraph about his history there's only one full stop/period and it's right at the end. You'd have to raise the level of writing up until it's at least easily readable. I don't care when someone misspells something or uses a comma in the wrong place, but at least make some effort.

Speaking of it... am I not to bad at english? xD
I could swear I make many mistakes in my sentences, especially with commas

 

[dark angel KaRamo]

Speaking of it... am I not to bad at english? xD
I could swear I make many mistakes in my sentences, especially with commas

i'm not so good with punctuation in sentences it was one of my challenges back in the days in school

---------- Post added at 06:31 AM ---------- Previous post was at 06:21 AM ----------

Well I haven't said I'll re-open character applications yet (if I ever do), but I'll assess your profile if you want me to. As it is, even if applications were open, there are revisions to be made before I'd accept it.

Spoiler

1) The most immediate problem is one of grammar, namely that you don't have any. In one giant paragraph about his history there's only one full stop/period and it's right at the end. You'd have to raise the level of writing up until it's at least easily readable. I don't care when someone misspells something or uses a comma in the wrong place, but at least make some effort.
2) Apart from it being very difficult to read and understand, your character's history is mostly ok. Ignoring stuff about Magic (I'll get to that later), its not a suitable background for a Dragon Slayer. The canon has established that all DSes were raised by a dragon until 7/7/X977 etc. but their pasts before that are all a mystery. In other words, if you're charatcer is going to be a DS, you can't make any reference to his life before he met his dragon.
Alternatively, you could cut out the stuff about being DS and stay as the son of a scientist.


3) Magic:

Okay, so I gave commenting on every one individually. Suffice it to say, a lot of then are over-powered.

Anither problem is that the effects of your Magic are too many and too varied. If we look at the other DSes:
Natsu: uses fire to deal damage and increase the power of his attacks.
Gajeel: uses iron to increase his defenses and turn his body into a weapon.
Wendy: uses air to create tornadoes, cleanse illness or power up the attacks of others.
They're all using one thing/element to do two or three things.

Laval: can a) power up the strength of attacks
b) use light to fire beams, cause explosions
c) use some kind of dark magic to blow enemies away, deprive them of oxygen
d) fire meteors
e) teleport attacks away
f) control gravity
g) increase atmospheric pressure
h) summon stars
i) cause a mini black hole
j) increase his own speed and destructive abilities

Plus according to your history, at the age of 8, Laval had mastered a type of magic that lets him move at the speed of light. Does that not seem over-powered to you?

The canon DSes all use one element each; fire, iron, sky. Lava's element appears to be "everything found in space". What's to stop someone making a DS whose element is "everything on Earth" who can summon tsunamis, volcanoes, hurricanes, earthquakes etc?

I did make an effort in using commas in my sentences it's just i'm not so good with them, not ever one is well advance in paragraph writing man. And wow so many things are wrong i didn't know i made him so powerful I'll work on it or change is ability altogether.
And i think it's because i chose laval to be a Dragon Slayer that make you say he has too many different type of space magic spells cause Mirajane Strauss has six type's off magic.
Darkness Magic
Lightning Magic
Sleep Magic
Take Over
Transformation
Water Magic
but anyway i will change it maybe i'll make him stay a DS or just a normal wizard with darkness magic

 

[RaveDragon]

Speaking of it... am I not to bad at english? xD
I could swear I make many mistakes in my sentences, especially with commas

I've seen worse don't worry, i can understand you and your writing is clear =]

 

[Tame]

Speaking of it... am I not to bad at english? xD
I could swear I make many mistakes in my sentences, especially with commas

Yeah, I've never had any difficulty reading your posts.

i'm not so good with punctuation in sentences it was one of my challenges back in the days in school

---------- Post added at 06:31 AM ---------- Previous post was at 06:21 AM ----------



I did make an effort in using commas in my sentences it's just i'm not so good with them, not ever one is well advance in paragraph writing man. It's not even that your punctuation isn't perfect, it's that there isn't any at all. And you don't have to me amazing at writing, but if you read my first post under "Rules" I do ask that applicants have a decent standard of literacy.And wow so many things are wrong i didn't know i made him so powerful I'll work on it or change is ability altogether.
And i think it's because i chose laval to be a Dragon Slayer that make you say he has too many different type of space magic spells cause Mirajane Strauss has six type's off magic. Partly yes, but you still have a greater number of types as wells as much stronger spells.
Darkness Magic
Lightning Magic
Sleep Magic
Take Over
Transformation
Water Magic
but anyway i will change it maybe i'll make him stay a DS or just a normal wizard with darkness magic

Anyway this is all a moot point as we're not accepting character applications at the moment and I have no intention of doing so in the foreseeable future.

 

[Rarhyx]

I'm officially mindfucked now.
In your latest post you mixed Junsei and Argent >.<
now I don't know who is Argent and who is Junsei

+

are we speaking of join date or bios-post? xD

 

[RaveDragon]

Argent is the baddy, Junsei is are master, I understood what tame meant though xD

 

[Rarhyx]

yeah but junsei attacked sniff? :P
The cowardly Junsei grinned
wtf? xD

 

[RaveDragon]

yeah but junsei attacked sniff? :P
The cowardly Junsei grinned
wtf? xD

I know, Tame just made a mistake

btw Tame im working on okami's backstory arc, ill pm you the details when im done, then you can have fun with it and tweak with it how much you want =]

 

[Ghan]

I thought we were going through a flashback lol

 

[Tame]

Derp!! Stupid me, sorry!! I've editted my post now.

It goes by time spent in the guild so Sniff (7 years) guards Terry (5 years) who guards Okami (4) who guards Dante (2) who hopefully knows that Sniff's been in the guild the longest and that he should therefore guard him. :P

 

[dark angel KaRamo]

Anyway this is all a moot point as we're not accepting character applications at the moment and I have no intention of doing so in the foreseeable future.

OK then, and good luck with your RPG

 

[Tame]

Woah, the arc's coming to a close! One more attack from Dante (that way everyone will have landed a successful attack) and Argent will be toast. After that all that's left to do will be to wrap up the arc! And our characters get their fee!! ^_^

 

[RaveDragon]

Woah, the arc's coming to a close! One more attack from Dante (that way everyone will have landed a successful attack) and Argent will be toast. After that all that's left to do will be to wrap up the arc! And our characters get their fee!! ^_^

This is soo exciting, our first complete mission.

Spoiler: party hard

oh i have to send you okami's story arc. no need to do it now, only when we want ^^ xD

 

[Tame]

I'm looking forward to reading it!! And yay, I don't think I've ever actually been in an RPG where we've finished an entire arc! :P

I have lots of ideas for the next one; It's going to be the ship arc (don't worry the ship is so big that unless it's sailing it doesn't even rock in the water, so Dragon Slayers are safe. :P). Also, because of things that are going to happen in it, it'll be easy for Rarhyx to join in mid-way through if he's back before the arc ends.

 

[Rarhyx]

good to know

 

[RaveDragon]

Good i can't make okami spend so much time carrying terry and with wings xD
yay that was a cool one!

---------- Post added at 06:16 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:47 PM ----------

i sent 0kamis story arc =D

---------- Post added at 07:13 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:16 PM ----------

oh and do we have dorms like fairy hills?

 

[Tame]

oh and do we have dorms like fairy hills?

Erm, sure, why not?

 

[RaveDragon]

Then I guess Okami and tora will live in the girls dorm btw what are we going to do now? Go back to the guild for a while?

 

[Tame]

Posted - New Arc begins!! So yeah, I've rounded up this arc; hope it's okay, I just didn't want to let the RPG stagnate at this point. I've also started the new arc, but right now it's just set in and around the Guild so there's no rush. And oh yeah, feel free to create NPC members of the Guild if you wish, y'know, just minorish ones if you want your character to have a conversation with them or something.

 

[RaveDragon]

Tame Tora is my exceed not alica =P