Hako-Bune (Story)

[MonarchTheLegend]

Alright, I've been working on a story since about November 2010 and really have come to like it.

Right now I am still building up the story plot, drawing characters, working on character development, and evvveeeeerrrything else that has to do with making a successful manga.

Only thing I wish I had was the materials to create a manga.

I am only going to give you the basic storyline and if ya like it, I'll start posting the plot and the characters. As well as drawings, descriptions, and all that good stuff.

Hako-Bune (The Ark in English)
Genres: Shounen, Action, Historical, Adventure
God is grieved about his creation of men, so he sends a flood out to end the human civilization. The great ark, known as Noah's Ark, is sent out by Noah to save as much as each animal and human as possible (To keep the human race alive and animals from becoming extinct.). Ali, a runaway orphan, and his dog, Nel, find out about the ark and must find a way to it before the flood kills them both. With almost no land left in the world, rainstorms, and the world full of violent floods, will Ali and Nel be able to find the ark and live?
​

Criticism is welcomed and would love some feedback from you guys.

Thanks for ya time!

 

[Booba]

This is relly good you should get this published in yen press or sumthing..but U should try and steer cleer of typical battle, magic ect make it a breath of fresh air!

 

[MonarchTheLegend]

This is relly good you should get this published in yen press or sumthing..but U should try and steer cleer of typical battle, magic ect make it a breath of fresh air!

Yeah I know, but what I'm really trying to do is get the story to be in present day but still have that original historical feeling to it.

Would love to hear some ideas for that.

Anyone?

 

[TitaniumChloride]

The summary by itself isn't exactly my cup of tea, but I think it's a pretty solid idea. I can imagine Hako-Bune starting out with a series of isolated episodes and graduating into over-arching plots. This format is similar to Casshern Sins and many other anime/manga stories actually, but it works.

Example: Noah and (whoops, too much DGM for me ><) Ali and Nel ocasionally coming across some characters that are either in need of help or who try to hinder the two in their journey; these stories can be philosophical in nature like Kino's Journey. He then gains some companions and maybe the story can shed some focus on some kind of (evil?) group that openly defy god, and who are trying to a) collect the remaining survivors to become part of their army/force; b) find the ark for themselves; c) get into the heavens to give the deity trying to drown everybody a good smackdown; d) take over the universe; e) all the above. You can imagine what happens next. (I know I'm having fun doing that. XD)

...this idea could be quite kickass actually, potentially cliche ridden though it may be.

About not having the right materials to draw your manga, just make do with what you can get ahold of and your burning desire to entertain the masses will show you the way! *is pumped up on way too much Yugioh 5Ds shounen anime OP/ED songs*

 

[MonarchTheLegend]

The summary by itself isn't exactly my cup of tea, but I think it's a pretty solid idea. I can imagine Hako-Bune starting out with a series of isolated episodes and graduating into over-arching plots. This format is similar to Casshern Sins and many other anime/manga stories actually, but it works.

Example: Noah and (whoops, too much DGM for me ><) Ali and Nel ocasionally coming across some characters that are either in need of help or who try to hinder the two in their journey; these stories can be philosophical in nature like Kino's Journey. He then gains some companions and maybe the story can shed some focus on some kind of (evil?) group that openly defy god, and who are trying to a) collect the remaining survivors to become part of their army/force; b) find the ark for themselves; c) get into the heavens to give the deity trying to drown everybody a good smackdown; d) take over the universe; e) all the above. You can imagine what happens next. (I know I'm having fun doing that. XD)

...this idea could be quite kickass actually, potentially cliche ridden though it may be.

About not having the right materials to draw your manga, just make do with what you can get ahold of and your burning desire to entertain the masses will show you the way! *is pumped up on way too much Yugioh 5Ds shounen anime OP/ED songs*

Really appreciate the comment, since this forum is a little less active than most of the forums here.

I liked the idea about Ali and Nel helping other's the most.

One problem is that I am limited on what I can do. Since the story takes place in Biblical Times, I have to draw biblical clothes and that would make readers run away if you ask me. So I have to make it in present day so I could keep that original manga feeling.

Another problem is that I'm having trouble trying to blend it in with a different setting and present day (or at least close to present day).

I was thinking on making an imaginary world, but I'm not sure if that will work. So if I can get my setting right and the time it takes place right (Other than biblical times) and also keep that same feel of the story of Noah's Ark, I can start my story and hopefully it being successful.

....But I'm stuck trying to figure this out .

 

[TitaniumChloride]

These forums may be a bit inactive, but I think it's because not many people can take the initiative of going through all the works and give constructive feedback. It is a lot of work after all. @_@ Thankfully yours was bite-size. ^_^;

The 'helping people' thing is very common actually, and seeing it in a world-about-to-end scenario would leave a deeper impression on readers than most other genres I think.

I wouldn't say that the biblical clothes would have definitely made everyone run away, as long as you spice it up a bit maybe. Red River-- a historical fantasy shoujo manga set in ancient Turkey-- seems to have done alright.

As for the present time setting for Hako-Bune, I think you could try disaster movies like The Day After Tomorrow for inspiration; that movie includes scenes where whole cities become flooded. Maybe apocalyptic works too though I'm not so familliar with those settings.

 

[Booba]

PLEASE DONT MAKE THIS A BATTLE MANGA show off urr writing abillities and u should put a lot of mystery and forshadow in it

 

[SUUUPPPAAA!!!]

PLEASE DONT MAKE THIS A BATTLE MANGA show off urr writing abillities and u should put a lot of mystery and forshadow in it

He can always do both, which I would love to see lol. Are you doing your own art pal?

 

[mrvinni]

I also think you shouldnt turn this one into a battle manga.

I think your problem is, that having an ark in a modern world setting would be kind of weird (cause we have planes, giant ships, rockets and stuff)...
So I think a cool solution for that would be if something happens that shuts off electricity. Like a computer virus or a giant emp bomb or something like that.
That would transport this "historical" feeling pretty good I think, because the people are all helpless without electricity...

 

[Booba]

mabe the flood should be some type of scifi spirit stuff that only the boatt can withstand

 

[MonarchTheLegend]

Are you doing your own art pal?

Yeah. Doing the art is awesome. I might post some pictures up of it here when I get done with all the ones I am doing. If you guys would like that

PLEASE DONT MAKE THIS A BATTLE MANGA show off urr writing abillities and u should put a lot of mystery and forshadow in it

I'm trying to do alot of these. Now I am still going to add in Battle Manga, because I'm an actiony guy myself. I'll be still adding in all the other key aspects just as much as the battles. If I level both of them out good enough, it'll be awesome.

I think your problem is, that having an ark in a modern world setting would be kind of weird

That's exactly what I'm trying to figure out here, but adding a Sci-Fi event in the story will make it irrelevant

I've been doing alot research, and I'm still going to do the flood by having God flood the earth again because God has given up humanity to their own wickedness. Although, I'm still going to have to add in the Ark , since I like the name Hako-Bune.

 

[SUUUPPPAAA!!!]

Yeah. Doing the art is awesome. I might post some pictures up of it here when I get done with all the ones I am doing. If you guys would like that



I'm trying to do alot of these. Now I am still going to add in Battle Manga, because I'm an actiony guy myself. I'll be still adding in all the other key aspects just as much as the battles. If I level both of them out good enough, it'll be awesome.



That's exactly what I'm trying to figure out here, but adding a Sci-Fi event in the story will make it irrelevant

I've been doing alot research, and I'm still going to do the flood by having God flood the earth again because God has given up humanity to their own wickedness. Although, I'm still going to have to add in the Ark , since I like the name Hako-Bune.

Hell yea! Post it whenever you can!

 

[MonarchTheLegend]

Hell yea! Post it whenever you can!

Heck, I'll post it right now (Since I love seeing replies). I'll post a few pics.

Spoiler: Headshot of Ali

Spoiler: Hilarious Picture of Ali

Spoiler: My Personal Favorite: Ali and Nel

Spoiler: Ali and Nel on their boat (Whisper) riding the sea's

If you look hard, you can spot Nel on the bottom sleeping...

Spoiler: Hako-Bune Logo Art (Might change)

I'm not going to be posting any other character's that I've made up for the story yet mainly because I'm not entirely sure of the plot. However, if the characters that I have made up for the story are not part of the story as I develop it, I'll be using them as individual characters (Cause I like them and their personalities .)

Let me know what you think about the art. More art will come, but I am focused on the story as well.

Hoping to see some more suggestions and comments =D.

 

[SUUUPPPAAA!!!]

Heck, I'll post it right now (Since I love seeing replies). I'll post a few pics.

Spoiler: Headshot of Ali

Spoiler: Hilarious Picture of Ali

Spoiler: My Personal Favorite: Ali and Nel

Spoiler: Ali and Nel on their boat (Whisper) riding the sea's

If you look hard, you can spot Nel on the bottom sleeping...

Spoiler: Hako-Bune Logo Art (Might change)

I'm not going to be posting any other character's that I've made up for the story yet mainly because I'm not entirely sure of the plot. However, if the characters that I have made up for the story are not part of the story as I develop it, I'll be using them as individual characters (Cause I like them and their personalities .)

Let me know what you think about the art. More art will come, but I am focused on the story as well.

Hoping to see some more suggestions and comments =D.

WOOOOO!! That's what I'm talkin bout!! Awesome art dude, and let me say, you're art style fits perfect for a battle manga hahaha, I know some people might be mad about that lol. But it's awesome good sh*t my friend haha. ARTIST/WRITER FOR LIFE!!

 

[TitaniumChloride]

The art's not bad; it's recognizable and somewhat distinctive. At this point, I think you should just focus on getting whatever story you have out there, rather than making gorgeous, static art. Worry about anatomy and all that stuff after you're 100% sure you'll do this manga till the end, though feel free to work at those skills whenever.

Also,

I've been doing alot research, and I'm still going to do the flood by having God flood the earth again because God has given up humanity to their own wickedness. Although, I'm still going to have to add in the Ark , since I like the name Hako-Bune.

This is probably way too spoiler-y, but is the Ark in this story definitely the Ark used by the original Noah? (Feel free to keep silent on this, I'm just curious as to what exactly is your Ark since there's various interpretations.)

 

[vegnadragon]

I don't think that the clothing style fits the time period right.

 

[Zeltrax]

Not bad, not bad at all! I can't wait to read your first chapter
I really like Ali and his dog, it reminds me of natsu and happy.
The dog is so cute too and Ali looks like a cool guy, I hope you don't make him too generic though!
Nice art by the way

 

[MonarchTheLegend]

I don't think that the clothing style fits the time period right.

The setting won't be in Biblical Times, so character clothing designs might change. Or I might even keep them.

The clothing that Ali is wearing is an Inner Tunic with a scarf around his neck and some pants rolled up. The Inner Tunic was a Biblical outfit but I added the pants myself cause they fit Ali pretty well.

Not bad, not bad at all! I can't wait to read your first chapter
I really like Ali and his dog, it reminds me of natsu and happy.
The dog is so cute too and Ali looks like a cool guy, I hope you don't make him too generic though!
Nice art by the way

I love the character of Ali myself and the character of Nel. Even if they weren't apart of the story I'm making, they'd stand out alot by themselves.

This is probably way too spoiler-y, but is the Ark in this story definitely the Ark used by the original Noah? (Feel free to keep silent on this, I'm just curious as to what exactly is your Ark since there's various interpretations.)

You're right about that. Since the setting will change, I'm thinking of a way to still add in the ark.

More art will be coming up soon as well. Still drawing art of course and more of the story will be posted soon.

Still hoping to see some replies. Thanks everyone!

 

[SUUUPPPAAA!!!]

Hola!!! Working on any panels yet?? Or just fine tuning your drawings or story? lol I don't mean to pry but I have high hopes for ya hahaha. And I don't wanna be selfish but I WANNA SEE MORE!!! hahahaha jkjkjk

 

[MonarchTheLegend]

Hola!!! Working on any panels yet?? Or just fine tuning your drawings or story? lol I don't mean to pry but I have high hopes for ya hahaha. And I don't wanna be selfish but I WANNA SEE MORE!!! hahahaha jkjkjk

Oh sorry for not giving any updates. I've been working on more drawings, and more drawings (Also watercolored drawings.).

I've been fine tuning the storyboard and everything. I'm still trying to create a plot so I can start forming out the main characters and minor characters.

Also working on Chapter 1 rough drafts so I can get the feel of writing again.

As I said before; more art will come, but I am focused on the story as well.