Done Help me recheck this translation.

[psyblade]

The situation is: this long hair girl and this boy is trying to solve the misunderstanding between them and the black short hair girl. but they ended up making this misunderstanding become more serious.

Raw:

Spoiler

And this is my translation of the two pages:

Spoiler

p1:
Girl: If you fires missiles here, this school will blow up!
Girl: So you need to touch it again, to cancel it.
Boy: Waa
Boys: Yuki, I feel jea... you are bad.
Boy: Not on my purpose
Girls: Even if you guys are relative,　there are things that you two can do and should not do.
Girl: I do it just for the safe of everyone here.
Boy: Hikari!?
Boy: It's ended
Boy: I am totally being hate.
Girl: Yuki, I still have some solutions to solve this problem.
Girl: Just use this "Ero weapon - Doki Doki Perfume" and it will be fine.
Boy: Doki Doki Perfume?

p2:
Girl: This weapon is used to suppress a large battle.
Girl: The one who inhale this will be irritated, and will become the pacifism (******) one, who will disarm (undress) all people nearby and do a love expression (kiss).
Girl: If everyone in this school is ******, so you will the one who is "normal"
Boy: No.
Girl: Or, I will use this Ero Weapon - Oppai Hypnosis to edit everyone's minds....
Boy: You dont have any solutions that is honest, right?
Boy: I...
Boy: Of course I dont want...
Boy: To be thought as a ****** by everyone
Boy: But, more than anything
Boy: I dont want to be misunderstood by Hikari

I dont think, I translated it wrongly, but I seem it's a bit not logic. At first, they tried to solve the misunderstanding between them and the short hair girl, and end up making the misunderstanding become more serious, but the following page, the girl offer some solutions to make everyone stop thinking the boy is a ******.

Thanks in advance.

 

[mikkih]

The situation is: this long hair girl and this boy is trying to solve the misunderstanding between them and the black short hair girl. but they ended up making this misunderstanding become more serious.
And this is my translation of the two pages:

Spoiler

p1:
Girl: If you fires missiles here, this school will blow up!
Girl: So you need to touch it again, to cancel it.
Boy: Waa
Boys: Yuki, I feel jea... you are bad.
Boy: Not on my purpose
Girls: Even if you guys are relative,　there are things that you two can do and should not do.
Girl: I do it just for the safe of everyone here.
Boy: Hikari!?
Boy: It's ended
Boy: I am totally being hate.
Girl: Yuki, I still have some solutions to solve this problem.
Girl: Just use this "Ero weapon - Doki Doki Perfume" and it will be fine.
Boy: Doki Doki Perfume?

p2:
Girl: This weapon is used to suppress a large battle.
Girl: The one who inhale this will be irritated, and will become the pacifism (******) one, who will disarm (undress) all people nearby and do a love expression (kiss).
Girl: If everyone in this school is ******, so you will the one who is "normal"
Boy: No.
Girl: Or, I will use this Ero Weapon - Oppai Hypnosis to edit everyone's minds....
Boy: You dont have any solutions that is honest, right?
Boy: I...
Boy: Of course I dont want...
Boy: To be thought as a ****** by everyone
Boy: But, more than anything
Boy: I dont want to be misunderstood by Hikari

I dont think, I translated it wrongly, but I seem it's a bit not logic. At first, they tried to solve the misunderstanding between them and the short hair girl, and end up making the misunderstanding become more serious, but the following page, the girl offer some solutions to make everyone stop thinking the boy is a ******.

Thanks in advance.

A few comments:

Spoiler

p1:

Girl: I do it just for the safe of everyone here.

I do it just -->alt tl: It's for ...
safe - safety

Boy: It's ended

It's ended --> I'm finished

Boy: I am totally being hate.

hate - hated?
You chaould change the voice from passive to active by starting She ...

Girl: Yuki, I still have some solutions to solve this problem.

to solve --> for

Girl: Just use this "Ero weapon - Doki Doki Perfume" and it will be fine.
Boy: Doki Doki Perfume?

* You could add a foot note for sfx doki doki.

p2:

Girl: The one who inhale this will be irritated, and will become the pacifism (******) one, who will disarm (undress) all people nearby and do a love expression (kiss).

* inhale "this": "胞子" can be translated
* 興奮中枢が刺激され is not translated. 刺激される is not irritated.
* You don't need (undress), but add " " for 「」
* 「平和主義者」is not translated.

Girl: If everyone in this school is ******, so you will the one who is "normal"

will - will be
you will the one who is "normal" --> you will look "normal."

Girl: Or, I will use this Ero Weapon - Oppai Hypnosis to edit everyone's minds....

Alt tl for edit one's minds can be manupilate one's memory. a
Oppai - you could add a footnote if you don't translate [/quote]

Yuuki - the guy who is misunderstood.
Hikari - the one with short hair. She stands up and leave the classroom. (She probably thinks that Yuuki is a pervert.)
Yuuki's relative? - the girl with long hair. She make silly suggestions to help out Yuuki.

What part do you find confusing?

 

[psyblade]

Some of my answers to your comments

Spoiler

I do it just -->alt tl: It's for ...
safe - safety

hate - hated?
You chaould change the voice from passive to active by starting She ...

This is probably my English grammar mistakes and typing mistake.

* You could add a foot note for sfx doki doki.

I know what Doki Doki is, but, I think it's just a name.
And, I found some confusion in this. I dont know how should I translate this word: "兵装"
All the dictionary, said, this word meaning is "weapons, armaments". But I think it is more like a skills, a moves, or a features of the robot, not a weapon. For example, I dont think "エロ兵装 - 催眠術" in p2 is a weapon.

* 興奮中枢が刺激され is not translated. 刺激される is not irritated.

I think this is also one of my bad word-using skill. Maybe, I should have translated it as "stimulated"
I think I completely understand what those sentences is, but it's hard to write it in English.

平和主義者

I translated it as "pacifism man". I think I better translate it as "pacifist"

will - will be

Another typing mistake.

I dont understand why the girl suddenly changed their mission from solve the misunderstanding between the boy and the short hair girl to "erase" everyone's bad thinking of the boy.

They tried to solve the misunderstanding but ended up making the problem more serious. After that, the girl said "I still have some solutions for this problem" in p1. I think this "problem" is the misunderstanding between boy and the short hair girl.

But, in P2, she offered solutions to solve the bad thinking from everyone, not the misunderstanding with the short hair girl. The boy said "Of course, I dont want to be thought as a ****** by everyone, but..." in the end of p2. I think, it's a bit not logic.

Maybe, because the long hair girl want to solve all the problems at once (the previous misunderstanding between the boy and girl and the the bad thinking from everyone that they just have made), but the boy think he want solve the misunderstanding with the short hair girl, not erase it.

Or maybe, The long hair girl wanted to solve the bad thinking from everyone that they just have made. But the boy refused because he thought those suggestions is all weird and he thought that solve the misunderstanding with the short hair girl is more important than solve the bad thinking from everyone.

Or maybe, just because I am so stupid that I cannot understand the mangaka.

 

[mikkih]

Replies to your questions in spoiler:

Spoiler

I know what Doki Doki is, but, I think it's just a name.

Yes, doki-doki (meaning thump-thump) is a part of the name. Footnotes can be helpful to your readers who don't understand JP. Same goes to oppai (boobs) in "Oppai Hypnosis." Those names are supposed to be funny, but readers need to understand what they mean to begin with.

And, I found some confusion in this. I dont know how should I translate this word: "兵装"
All the dictionary, said, this word meaning is "weapons, armaments". But I think it is more like a skills, a moves, or a features of the robot, not a weapon. For example, I dont think "エロ兵装 - 催眠術" in p2 is a weapon.

兵装：armament；soldier's equipment
催眠術 itself is a technique/skill, but it's just a part of the name.
「おっぱい催眠術] is a name of 兵装, a weapon.

I dont understand why the girl suddenly changed their mission from solve the misunderstanding between the boy and the short hair girl to "erase" everyone's bad thinking of the boy.

Those 2 suggestions are to solve the same problem.

They tried to solve the misunderstanding but ended up making the problem more serious. After that, the girl said "I still have some solutions for this problem" in p1. I think this "problem" is the misunderstanding between boy and the short hair girl.

But, in P2, she offered solutions to solve the bad thinking from everyone, not the misunderstanding with the short hair girl. The boy said "Of course, I dont want to be thought as a ****** by everyone, but..." in the end of p2. I think, it's a bit not logic.

Maybe, because the long hair girl want to solve all the problems at once (the previous misunderstanding between the boy and girl and the the bad thinking from everyone that they just have made), but the boy think he want solve the misunderstanding with the short hair girl, not erase it.

Or maybe, The long hair girl wanted to solve the bad thinking from everyone that they just have made. But the boy refused because he thought those suggestions is all weird and he thought that solve the misunderstanding with the short hair girl is more important than solve the bad thinking from everyone.

Or maybe, just because I am so stupid that I cannot understand the mangaka.

Misunderstanding: The guy looks like a perverted moron to all his classmates including the girl with short hair. In reality, he is simply acting like that for a good reason, to save the world for example. There is no romantic or perverted relationships between him and the girl with long hair.

If you are in love with someone, you don't want the person to dislike you. Here in this manga, he doesn't want to be misunderstood specially by Hikari (the girl with short hair) probably because he really likes her. That's all it is.

The girl with long hair makes a couple of suggestions. One was to turn everyone into a pervert, so that he would not stand out (as a ******). The other was to manupilate people's memory so that they wouldn't remember anything that make them think of him as a creep (or whatever).

皆の記憶を修正すれば ---
* 皆(everyone) includes Hikari (girl with short hair)
* 修正 is to correct
(Erasing memory and manipulating memory are a bit different. )

 

[psyblade]

OK, I think I was just too "極端". (I really dont know how to write this word in English )
And, I still have somthing to ask. What does this sentence mean?

脱がせようという敵の攻撃を脱ぎかけという自らの攻撃に転じるというのか

I translated it as

"This skill is "change the power of enemy "clothes undressing" attack into own's "undressing" attack power??"

//I understand what 脱ぎかけ is, but it's very hard to translate into English, even it's hard to explain in my mother tongue.
//The skill I am mentioning is some kinds of counter attacking skill.

Does it correct?

 

[mikkih]

脱がせようという敵の攻撃を脱ぎかけという自らの攻撃に転じるというのか
I translated it as
This skill is "change the power of enemy "clothes undressing" attack into own's "undressing" attack power??

Your proofreader may get confused, so make sure you get rid of the extra " (the first one) and add 's to enemy. "Own's" can be changed to her/his own.

*Alt translation ideas:
脱がせよう means: attempt to undress someone. -----> "Undressing Oponents"
脱ぎかけ means: unfinised undressing yourself. ---->"Half-undressed"

 

[psyblade]

OK, thanks, and sorry but I have another thing to ask. It's is not Japanese.

Spoiler

Does XXX-XXXX-XXXX is Phone number?
Does 1-333-52-8 is Home Address? //I found some Japanese home address example in the Internet, but it is not so long like this one.
Does Hoshi Ume is name? Because I have never heard a lastname like this. "Hoshi".

 

[mikkih]

OK, thanks, and sorry but I have another thing to ask. It's is not Japanese.
Does XXX-XXXX-XXXX is Phone number?

Yes, it's a cell phone number. (Land-line number would be in 10 digit in most cases.)

Does 1-333-52-8 is Home Address? //I found some Japanese home address example in the Internet, but it is not so long like this one.

Yes.

Does Hoshi Ume is name? Because I have never heard a lastname like this. "Hoshi".

Yes. Hoshi is a family/last name. Ume sounds like a given name of an old lady - like a great grandma.
Also, Hoshi Ume sounds similar to Umeboshi (plum pickles), and I found it a bit funny.

Next time, please make a new thread when you have a question (even if it's very short). That way, other members do not need to read through all the posts. thx!