Done [JP] Translating lyrics

[warywhim]

Hi! I need help with a couple of lines from some lyrics

研ぎ澄まされた　時間の中で
淫らな欲望を晒す
あの日の鼓動が　鳴り止まない


I think I'm having the most trouble with the first line. From what I've looked up, 研ぎ澄ます is used mostly in the context of sharpening a blade or sharpening your senses. I can't figure out how to translate it well in the context of time.

The last line is also a bit troubling to me. I have something like "The throbbing from that day never stops ringing" .... but that sounds really awkward to me.

Any ideas?

Thanks!

 

[mikkih]

研ぎ澄まされた　時間の中で
淫らな欲望を晒す
あの日の鼓動が　鳴り止まない

I think I'm having the most trouble with the first line. From what I've looked up, 研ぎ澄ます is used mostly in the context of sharpening a blade or sharpening your senses. I can't figure out how to translate it well in the context of time.

Meaning of 研ぎ澄まされた時間: your 2nd definition (sharpening your senses)

You could perhaps say:
sentient moments; moments of sentience

The last line is also a bit troubling to me. I have something like "The throbbing from that day never stops ringing" .... but that sounds really awkward to me.

Literal tl - (My) heartbears of the day have yet to stop.
"I can still feel the excitement" or something that line instead of "heartbeats do not stop" would also work.

 

[warywhim]

Thanks!

How does this sound?

In moments of sentience
My impure desires are exposed
The excitement from that day is still ringing​

I think I struggle with balancing fluency and fidelity. Do you think translating it this way diminishes from the Japanese feeling?

 

[mikkih]

Thanks!

How does this sound?

In moments of sentience
My impure desires are exposed
The excitement from that day is still ringing​

I think I struggle with balancing fluency and fidelity. Do you think translating it this way diminishes from the Japanese feeling?

It sounds great to me.

impure <-- (You don't need to change)
If you want to play around with words, lustful or lecherous might also work for 淫らな.