Life Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Ask the Opposite Gender/The Relationships Thread

[conan]

Re: The Romance Thread

well this looks like its interesting,i am in my early twenties and havent been in a relationship
in my whole life, so its interesting to hear you guys talk about this.
my perfect version of my match would be , well having a kind heart and makes me smile on a bad day.
so its all about personality to me,looks come next,you see looks have something to do with making you smile on a bad day.
by the way i think there isnt even one female post here,hmm,wonder why that is.

 

[Gold Knight]

Re: The Romance Thread

Maybe men enjoy talking more about women than women do about men? >.>

Nah...

Oh by the way Miso is a girl and she had the second post here - and she said she loved me

 

[Anax]

Re: The Romance Thread

Women talk about men as much as men talk about women, that's what I believe. Also, these kinds of conversations thrive in companies of young men and women. It's all so funny (and those conversations are full of female giggles which make them even more energising).
I said I like smart girls because I want a girl to be like one of two personality types I've seen in Hollywood films and also met in real life (though they were all of them way too old for me back then and possibly now). I don't generally call people dumb, and I don't think I've ever met a truly dumb girl. Of course this is a different subject, one the surface of which we've scraped before, it's the matter of what intelligence is and how many forms of intelligence there are. I've met women a lot older than me with great a lot more experience in life than I have, that I could fool as easily as snapping my fingers (and not taking candy from a little kid, because that's harder than you know, unless you've tried).
Oh well... back to the topic. A girl needs only to match you (the general idea of "you") for you to like her and be well with her. Generally, as my mother says and I quote in agreement: "There are no soulmates, people are made to mate, put a man and a woman together for some time and there you have it. It's easier than most people think " This was her answer when I ask why do people think that men have affairs with their secretaries. This and: "You can't expect a man to spend as much as 12 or more hours with a woman and nothing happening between them. I'm not saying it's impossible, I'm saying it's highly unlikely".

 

[conan]

Re: The Romance Thread

Oh by the way Miso is a girl and she had the second post here - and she said she loved me

well iguess your right,that does count,you seem to have your way with women GK.

Anax,i think what your mother said is quite true,she seems to be a very wise woman.
i agree with both of her statements.

 

[okyatoks]

Re: The Romance Thread

Ah!!! Amore....

This is the life!

Maybe you hate someone, because you love him/her... Maybe you hate his/her actions, but it's ok, because you love him/her...
Maybe you hate him/her because you can't sleep, just thinking about him/her... Maybe you hate yourself, because you don't know
*WTF* you want to say to him/her... Maybe you hate him/her because he/she doesn't notices you... Maybe it's just all your imagination.
Maybe it's just your perception... But maybe it's really love... tough luck though.

 

[Miso]

Re: The Romance Thread

Generally, as my mother says and I quote in agreement: "There are no soulmates, people are made to mate, put a man and a woman together for some time and there you have it. It's easier than most people think " This was her answer when I ask why do people think that men have affairs with their secretaries. This and: "You can't expect a man to spend as much as 12 or more hours with a woman and nothing happening between them. I'm not saying it's impossible, I'm saying it's highly unlikely".

Wow...Anax - your mum has smart ideas. I love her way of thinking.

The problems in relationships might be that ppl have too high ideals for their partner. They always seek the perfect man/woman so it is kinda hard to match the expectations.

 

[Gold Knight]

Re: The Romance Thread

I think most of the problems in relationships is a superficial sense of commitment. Most people jump into these things too quickly with a weak bond to their partners. If there's a strong bond (true love), most couples can survive being apart longer without falling into affairs with other people.

But yeah,a lot of time together, constant communication, and good sex can't hurt.

 

[Predator]

Re: The Romance Thread

I once stuck upon a fact that love is a chemical reaction that creates some activity in the brain and has influence for six to thirty six months. That is, love can last for three years at most and then the couple may still be together if their relationships have become a habit. Later I saw what happened in my class and recently, when we, the old schoolmates made a party, I found out that most of the couples we thought would marry and live together had separated. Almost all of us had dropped former relations and many were tired of loving so had dropped dating for the time being.

What do you think of that?

 

[Gold Knight]

Re: The Romance Thread

Well, high school is the worst time to get into a relationship, I think. Before people can find each other, they have to find themselves too, and most kids at high school age are still searching for their identity, their dreams, or ways to make their dreams come true.

My parents are still deeply in love, they met in high school, they've been married for 40 years now, so I'd say my folks are the exception to the rule, though.

I think there's just a lot of varieties. Maybe the 3-year rule's true in general, but it all depends on the partners' personalities too.

 

[Galth]

Re: The Romance Thread

Well, as far as i know, the average time a 'love' lasts is about one year, after that it changes to a 'fondness' of eachother (need...better...word). Also:

It seems that women who 'hook up' on a men can have two goals:
sex partner or long-term relationship

But, if you are considered a sex partner, you can grow into the long-term person in ''her' mind, but not the other way round... ( just some story i read/heard somewhere... )

 

[Tamerlane]

Re: The Romance Thread

Well, high school is the worst time to get into a relationship, I think. Before people can find each other, they have to find themselves too, and most kids at high school age are still searching for their identity, their dreams, or ways to make their dreams come true.

This is so true. My first relationship started in high school and then years later, fell apart. I look back on it now and I see that I really had no idea what I wanted and realized that we were nothing alike (exact opposites in fact).

It seems that women who 'hook up' on a men can have two goals:
sex partner or long-term relationship

-_-

I really beg to differ here. I know that I personally would never just 'hook up' with a guy just because of those two reasons. Not to mention that the idea of seeing someone just for sex is totally beyond me. From personal experience when I enter into a long term relationship it is so much more complicated than just wanting someone to be there for the long term. I want a lot of things from a relationship that will include, I admit, sex and something long term, but I also want someone I can talk to, have fun with, and share wonderful memories together. Also from the guys that I know some of them want the same thing.

It is just that love is a lot more complicated and involves deep lasting emotions if you are really in love with someone. Time will not make it go away or fade.

I think most of the problems in relationships is a superficial sense of commitment. Most people jump into these things too quickly with a weak bond to their partners. If there's a strong bond (true love), most couples can survive being apart longer without falling into affairs with other people.

But yeah,a lot of time together, constant communication, and good sex can't hurt.

I really agree with that. They always say that a great relationship starts with just beinging able to talk to each other and enjoying each others company. If you take the time to get to know someone before jumping into a relationship with them you can really learn if you are meant for each other or not and thus possibly spare you a lot of pain later. Ahh if only I realized that in high school my life would be totally different than it is now. =/

 

[Anax]

Re: The Romance Thread

According to my mother (and probably some psychologist who said it in a book my mother happend to read) most women can't just see a man sexually alone, that to have sex with a man they have feel something for them too. Men on the other hand can have sex with just about any woman just because they have to get it out of their system. It's because we were made differently, based on different standards, different purposes etc. etc. Of course these opinions aren't absolutes...

For example my friends and I where once commenting on a very popular commercial with a bachelor living alone in his home, havign a fridge ful of <product X> (a sweet) and some famous model appearing in his doorstep dressed for (kinky) sex saying "I'd do anything for <product X>". All my friends said I'd have sex with her in exchange for that whereas I'm saying not only me but also they could under no such circumstance have sex with that woman. That is because in our fantasies women are enjoying themselves too, when the woman you are having sex with is enjoying it, the whole experience is countless times better. No, imagining that I'd be having sex with a woman who could be potentially disgusted by my looks and is eagerly waiting to get this done with so she can go and enjoy <product X> is just like a nightmare! Of course the marketing department of that company new exactly how to present things in a way my friends put no thought to it... Dwelling in fantasy for long can make reality give you a nice scare.

What really makes me wonder though is this (change of subject): If MH helpers wasn't a forum, rather a groundbraking new kind of coffeeshop where people are meant to go and talk. Imagine different part of the coffeeshop meant for different discussions and imagine us all here talking face to face. Would we react the same? I'm quite positive that my attitude changes a lot when there's women around, especially beautiful women like Miso or Erin. It's not any devastating change that could make you guys hate me or anything, it's something that sometimes not even my friends notice, but I do because I'm a selfish, self centered, self observing weirdo. My choice of words changes, my body stances changes, my gaze changes. It's like forming a soft barrier in front of me to protect me... not even I know from what. I've also noticed that in my friends, even though it's something subtle and hard to see. So, think about it. We are a bunch of strangers here talking freely, I have personally talked about parts of my self most of the people I've known for almost 2 years in Kavala dont' know (check my thread if you don't know what I mean). It's like opening a door to that wall just by being here! After all my body, my voice, my facial expressions, all that are beyond limits for you... All you can see is my writing style, something that can be structured with a lot of care and be meddled with a lot before actually being shown. Making a long story short I don't think this conversation could be held if we were talking face to face to other strangers. I also think that even we don't think each other a stranger should we meet, we'd feel somewhat like strangers. This forum is the only thing that binds us together and without it that's what we are... It's one things that I like about forums: you don't need an excuse to have a conversation with anyone, you just start a thread

Anyway, I'd like to know what all of you think about the things I mentioned! Please do comment

 

[Tamerlane]

Re: The Romance Thread

According to my mother (and probably some psychologist who said it in a book my mother happend to read) most women can't just see a man sexually alone, that to have sex with a man they have feel something for them too. Men on the other hand can have sex with just about any woman just because they have to get it out of their system. It's because we were made differently, based on different standards, different purposes etc. etc. Of course these opinions aren't absolutes...

You have a very smart Mom. I know that just from listening to a lot of guys conversations it seems really obvious to me that for a lot of men sex is more of a pleasurable act rather than an emotional one. I am sure that there are exceptions to this like there is in anything else. It just supports what I was saying above, that to me as a women, the thought of sex without emotional attachment is really unpleasant and appalling.>_<

Spoiler: My thoughts that may not be quite on topic. ^_^;

(check my thread if you don't know what I mean). It's like opening a door to that wall just by being here! After all my body, my voice, my facial expressions, all that are beyond limits for you... All you can see is my writing style, something that can be structured with a lot of care and be meddled with a lot before actually being shown. Making a long story short I don't think this conversation could be held if we were talking face to face to other strangers. I also think that even we don't think each other a stranger should we meet, we'd feel somewhat like strangers. This forum is the only thing that binds us together and without it that's what we are... It's one things that I like about forums: you don't need an excuse to have a conversation with anyone, you just start a thread

Ah I could have a lot to say about this based on my rather unique experience with the internet, forums and relationships. First of all I actually met my fiance online on a forum. We spent almost a year and a half just talking via AIM, the phone, Skype, and even thru letters. Not to mention monthly flights back and forth from TN and Ohio. During that time we really started discussing how easier it was to talk about personal things online than it would be in real life. What we decided was that the very act of typing and its very impersonal nature allows a certain amount of freedom, just like you were saying. I mean you can not see the other persons face or hear the tone of their voice when they are reading something you posted and chances are you are never going to meet them either.

But I have also met a lot of people from online in real life too besides my fiance. In fact the forums that we now currently run make it a point to try to get together once a year. I remember the very first time that we did it and we were all so nervous because we were afraid on how we would all react in real life. I mean would everyones personality be the same? Would it be easy to talk to each other? There were all sorts of quesions. So when we finally all met in real life we were nervous at first. But then we gradually came to see that our online personalities were very similiar to the ones that we had in real life and that we could all talk and joke around just like we had on the internet. I think that it brought us all much closer together and I would like to think that I have made some friends that I will have for the rest of my life.

However, personally I think that the internet can really effect your real life relationships and give you the opportunity to meet new people if you let it or even want it. Although just like anything else though you have to use caution and be careful. I would have never agreed to meet the people that I knew from a forum unless I was certain that they were honest and safe. I mean it took us years of talking to finally get together.

Sorry if that got a bit off topic from realtionships but I guess that relationships are sometimes not only about the people that you love but the people that you interact with and are friends with as well.

 

[Gold Knight]

Re: The Romance Thread

This is so true. My first relationship started in high school and then years later, fell apart. I look back on it now and I see that I really had no idea what I wanted and realized that we were nothing alike (exact opposites in fact).

My parents are exact opposites too... they literally "completed each other" so to speak. I've noticed exact opposites can love each other if there's a lot of attraction and chemistry, and my folks had it. They've said often that they never had a fight the first five years of their relationships. My dad pretty much spoiled my mom. They went on trips around the country. Sometimes I have a hard time understanding how the heck they ended up together though, they're so different, but I think it made for a pretty interesting relationship and I guess that's another reason why they may have lasted so long together.

But when they started having fights - is when money became a bigger issue (when my dad became disabled and had to stop working). They were strong enough to get through all these issues, but I would still say that money is the biggest relationship-breaker there is.

I really agree with that. They always say that a great relationship starts with just beinging able to talk to each other and enjoying each others company. If you take the time to get to know someone before jumping into a relationship with them you can really learn if you are meant for each other or not and thus possibly spare you a lot of pain later. Ahh if only I realized that in high school my life would be totally different than it is now. =/

What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. Your experiences make you all the more wise for later on. You have a guy now that you like and I'm sure you wouldn't have it any other way now, right?

According to my mother (and probably some psychologist who said it in a book my mother happend to read) most women can't just see a man sexually alone, that to have sex with a man they have feel something for them too. Men on the other hand can have sex with just about any woman just because they have to get it out of their system. It's because we were made differently, based on different standards, different purposes etc. etc. Of course these opinions aren't absolutes...

I think it should be natural for people to want to make sure that their sex experiences have some significance. After all, it's literally giving yourself to somebody else. You don't want it to be JUST anybody that you meet.

It's maybe a little of a pride thing. If you truly like yourself, than usually more than not you will only want to share yourself with a person you truly like, too.

I think deep down, a lot of guys out there don't like themselves. And a lot of women do. That's my theory anyway.

If MH helpers wasn't a forum, rather a groundbraking new kind of coffeeshop where people are meant to go and talk. Imagine different part of the coffeeshop meant for different discussions and imagine us all here talking face to face. Would we react the same? I'm quite positive that my attitude changes a lot when there's women around, especially beautiful women like Miso or Erin. It's not any devastating change that could make you guys hate me or anything, it's something that sometimes not even my friends notice, but I do because I'm a selfish, self centered, self observing weirdo. My choice of words changes, my body stances changes, my gaze changes. It's like forming a soft barrier in front of me to protect me... not even I know from what. .... Anyway, I'd like to know what all of you think about the things I mentioned! Please do comment

I've actually had this experience already with Nah-Nah, by viewing her webcam on MSN. I did feel a little less certain than usual.

There's just so much that a face can add to the atmosphere that smileys simply can't provide, but that wouldn't stop me from wanting to meet all of you personally

Besides I'd still be doing written conversations, heh.

 

[Tamerlane]

Re: The Romance Thread

My parents are exact opposites too... they literally "completed each other" so to speak. I've noticed exact opposites can love each other if there's a lot of attraction and chemistry, and my folks had it. They've said often that they never had a fight the first five years of their relationships. My dad pretty much spoiled my mom. They went on trips around the country. Sometimes I have a hard time understanding how the heck they ended up together though, they're so different, but I think it made for a pretty interesting relationship and I guess that's another reason why they may have lasted so long together.

It is so nice to hear about a couple that is able to stay together like that. I guess it really comes down to what kind of exact opposites that you are talking about. For me it involved drugs and alcohol. He was really into his drugs and partying and I was not. He had no idea what he wanted to do with his future and I did. These were sorts of things that were a bit difficult to get around (though not for lack of trying believe me). ^_^;

What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. Your experiences make you all the more wise for later on. You have a guy now that you like and I'm sure you wouldn't have it any other way now, right?

Yup yup that is how I like to look at it now. I have someone I am so in love with and treats me so well that you are right I would never have it any other way. I just consider myself very lucky. :es::

It's maybe a little of a pride thing. If you truly like yourself, than usually more than not you will only want to share yourself with a person you truly like, too.

I think deep down, a lot of guys out there don't like themselves. And a lot of women do. That's my theory anyway.

I never really thought about it like that. It is a really good point.

 

[Predator]

Re: The Romance Thread

I think deep down, a lot of guys out there don't like themselves. And a lot of women do. That's my theory anyway.

Completely agree. We have seen the statistical proof in the Member Picture thread, if we read the authors notes.
Also those who like themselves are put down. That's pretty common to roll out those who differ, even if they differ in a good sense. I've lost my count already, how many times I've been called "narcist" or "wierdo" only because I don't consider myself ugly and like to reffer to myself as beautifull. And it's not only about guys. Girls take it even worse. Seems like they've used to hearing their boyfriends saying how bad they look and pointing out the flaws. (That was kinda risky, girls might oppose that probably)

It's an old wisdom that one can't see the beauty around him, if he can't see his own beauty (or something like that, maybe it was about liking and loving). I wonder why so many miss that?

 

[okyatoks]

Re: The Romance Thread

I know that sex is really important in a relationship... But it should not start a relationship...
I think sex should be the culmination of the relationship.

I been through a lot of relationships, but what's the most important thing in every relationship that I had is this: giving respect to each other: like giving space, accepting friends of each other, respecting cultures, beliefs and even tastes, knowing what offends each other... or better yet knowing each other.

It has been said by many philososphers and sages across the ages: "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." or "Do not do to others what you do not want them to do to you." I suppose this quantifies respect.

But then again, in order for these things to come true, you must accept and respect yourself, I know it's easy to say, but it's really hard to do it.

Predator_U is right in saying:

It's an old wisdom that one can't see the beauty around him, if he can't see his own beauty (or something like that, maybe it was about liking and loving). I wonder why so many miss that?

Love yourself, and everyone will love you! (As Predator_U says it... not the Narcistic view or any negative way)

And with love for your mate and yourself... I know anyone of you could pull this through (A great relationship... that is)

 

[Miso]

Re: The Romance Thread

Yes. I think it can be a (serious) problem if you don't like yourself - for you and for every relationship you have.

Well...no one is free of criticizing oneself, one's outer appearance, character traits and so on.
Most ppl see themselves as ugly because of the way media and society shows us how we should look like (girls like barbie dolls....uhh).
And because most ppl are affected by this public image they want to have the cutest boyfriends or the most beautiful girlfriend.
Well...of course your looks are not something you can wash away but I have experienced that it is the character I value much more.
Some ppl should try to look thru the outer shell and take a look what's inside a person.
I see this as a reason for some relationship break aparts (sorry for the crappy English). Some ppl get together because they find the other one attractive on a first look and then they become a pair but yet they just don't fit well to each other. They just were driven by the outer appearance.
Naturally, I'm not speaking of everyone here. It's just a theory I have.
Actually when I was much younger *cough - highschool (around 14/15) - cough* I tended to look for the outside. Of course it's the first you notice and at this age it wasn't so easy to talk with a boy (because I was shy) so I just looked for the good looking ones and those who didn't match my ideal I just ignored. I think that this was a fault, nowadays.
hmmmz....(this is an example of telling you ppl something which I haven't even told my friends...perhaps because we don't discuss about this...but anyways...)
(And while reading thru my post I notice I got carried away from what I really wanted to say but I don't care now b/c it's already late in the evening. duh.)

 

[Gold Knight]

Re: The Romance Thread

Well...no one is free of criticizing oneself, one's outer appearance, character traits and so on.

I think there's a difference between looking for self-improvement and actually not liking one's self, though.

Most ppl see themselves as ugly because of the way media and society shows us how we should look like (girls like barbie dolls....uhh).

Sometimes I think Barbie dolls are the worst thing to have happened to girls in today's society. Imagine all these girls playing with these shapely dolls at a young age and thinking "Hmm.. this is how I should try to look like?"

I feel a great deal of sympathy for all the girls that's ever really tried to meet that standard and fell short and let it depress them.

Sometimes I think today we may have more girls who don't like themselves than ever, as a result...

Some ppl should try to look thru the outer shell and take a look what's inside a person.

That's true, but it has to start somewhere. I CAN'T be attracted to a person whose appearance isn't interesting to me. I've tried it before on dates, and even though she was a cool person personality-wise, and even cooked dinner for me once, I wasn't able to feel anything for her. And she wasn't even that bad looking either, she was just ordinary.

Even looking into a person, you can't force yourself to like that person if you don't have a spark of attraction for him/her on the outside. Love isn't meant to be forced. It just happens. Either 1) on first sight or 2) as a result of being with somebody for a long time and becoming comfortable with him/her and appreciating his/her other qualities ( a great sense of humor definitely recommended ) .

But for a relationship to really take off fast, physical attraction does matter.

I see this as a reason for some relationship break aparts (sorry for the crappy English). Some ppl get together because they find the other one attractive on a first look and then they become a pair but yet they just don't fit well to each other. They just were driven by the outer appearance.

I agree with that though. If it's just physical attraction, it won't work out either.

It depends on the person on what kind of relationship will be successful for him/her. Some people look more on the inside, and usually they will be the most successful. But I think people who look on both the outside and the inside will be OK too. The people that will have the most difficult time are the ones who look only on the outside.

( And it's 'break-ups,' hehe )

Actually when I was much younger *cough - highschool (around 14/15) - cough* I tended to look for the outside. Of course it's the first you notice and at this age it wasn't so easy to talk with a boy (because I was shy) so I just looked for the good looking ones and those who didn't match my ideal I just ignored. I think that this was a fault, nowadays.

It's nature, though. When you get down to attraction, we're not that much different from animals. In finding somebody who we want to be with for the rest of our lives, we're choosy because - mostly due to wanting our children to look beautiful and be strong - we instinctively feel like we might regret it later on if we feel like we've made a mistake. I'm just guessing, but I think women possibly might feel this way more than men, because they are the ones to bear the children, after all. It's nothing to be ashamed of, that's the way life made us.

But because we're still NOT beasts and are significantly more complicated than animals in the way we think, feel, and react to the world, we have to concentrate on finding an emotional match as well. And since this is something outside of nature, we have to work harder on remembering that.

hmmmz....(this is an example of telling you ppl something which I haven't even told my friends...perhaps because we don't discuss about this...but anyways...)
(And while reading thru my post I notice I got carried away from what I really wanted to say but I don't care now b/c it's already late in the evening. duh.)

I think you were pretty much on topic xD

 

[Miso]

Re: The Romance Thread

That's true, but it has to start somewhere. I CAN'T be attracted to a person whose appearance isn't interesting to me. I've tried it before on dates, and even though she was a cool person personality-wise, and even cooked dinner for me once, I wasn't able to feel anything for her. And she wasn't even that bad looking either, she was just ordinary.

Even looking into a person, you can't force yourself to like that person if you don't have a spark of attraction for him/her on the outside. Love isn't meant to be forced. It just happens. Either 1) on first sight or 2) as a result of being with somebody for a long time and becoming comfortable with him/her and appreciating his/her other qualities ( a great sense of humor definitely recommended ) .

But for a relationship to really take off fast, physical attraction does matter.

Yes...that's right, of course.
I have some friends who are not physically attractive to me (I'm not saying that they are ugly or don't look good but they are not my type) so even though I like their personalites I would not begin a relationship with any of them because for me they just aren't in the assortment.