New Manga

[Animekid123]

Hey guys i'm new here i just wanted to let everyone know i'm working on a manga that i would love for u guys to see and rate when i'm done that would be awsome anime manga and videogames are like my passion i just love creating them so i would really appreciate it i'll give u guys a summary about the first chapter ok so it's like this.......... A boy named unmei his personality is nervous kinda shy sort of a mix between ichigo and tsuna from bleach and katekyo hitman reborn but anyway yea so one day he bumps into this girl named sayori and just when he apologizes she vanishes later on he is in school like a normal kid a bully is threatening a little nerd kid and unmei happenes to be at the scene well he gets tired of acting so scared so he stands up to the bully and asks him to leave the kid alone then unmei get's beat up and the priniciple shows up and they both get nailed after school detention well then after that unmei is walking home and the night seems oddly weird there is a sense of death around so he keeps walking then out of nowhere a syn appears i will explains what sins are next time continuing when that appears unmei is scared out of his life he doesn't know what to do so just when the syn is about to strike him dead the mysterious Sayori appears once more to save him but she didn't come to save him she came cause she felt the strange sense well that's all for now but when i upload it you'll see what happenes next thanks for your time guys

 

[TitaniumChloride]

This beginning had been done by so many other stories out there already that it's not interesting anymore, though I guess it might be better if there were some interesting details. The name 'unmei' is kinda cliché too.

It would also be nice if you could punctuate your posts....

 

[Ray_1092]

This beginning had been done by so many other stories out there already that it's not interesting anymore, though I guess it might be better if there were some interesting details. The name 'unmei' is kinda cliché too.

It would also be nice if you could punctuate your posts....

I have to second that.
I have to second the punctuation mess ups too... It would be easier to understand if it was punctuated correctly ...

 

[Cro]

Your first mistake was telling us how he is similiar to two very popular characters in manga. If you wanna make it successful you have to show us how your character is different from not only those two but from any other character.

Like said above, there are some interesting details but this sort of idea has been done a lot. Try to add in a wild twist. Other than that, keep it up.

 

[Kina-san]

Hi!
My dream is also to be mangaka. My story is done and the first chapter is almost done. I would like you to see my manga and if you can, please comment^^ Here is the link: http://kikyou-n.livejournal.com/2893.html I hope you will support me^^ Thank you for reading this^^