Done Shchelkunchik 27

[Elanor Pam]

Gag scenes are the death of me, and not always because of their inherent hilarity. (I do love the references to the original manga in here, though!)

http://mangahelpers.com/downloads/read-online/54012/20 - last pannel, last balloon

ううっ なんてヤらしい人間なんだ。。。
祖先のおばあさん辺りにこんな歪んだ性格の人がいたんじゃないかって思えるくらいだ。。。！

- Uuh, what a terrible person... it makes you wonder if there wasn't someone with this kind of warped character around his grandmother's level of ancestry...!!

http://mangahelpers.com/downloads/read-online/54012/21 - first pannel

おまえは私の黒い館別名。。。 悦楽の園の主人だ。。。
私というパトロン を満足させるために
私のヴァイオリンとして美しき音色お一生奏でるのだ~~

ああっ。。。 なんて美しくも屈折した友情関係~~

- You are now a resident of my black mansion known as... the Garden of Delight...
- I, your Host, will play for your pleasure
a most beautiful melody on my violin...

- Aah... what a beautiful but warped friendship...

 

[mikkih]

I just have a few comments:

Yours: - Uuh, what a terrible person... it makes you wonder if there wasn't someone

---> Change "wasn't" to "was" <じゃないかって＝wonder if ....This should not be a negative but affirmative.>

Your Quote: 悦楽の園の主人だ。。。

---> Please change 主人（master）　to　住人　(resident). Your translation is correct.
美しき音色お to を


Yours: I, your Host, will play for your pleasure a most beautiful melody on my violin...

--> The person who plays the violin is not "I." Please please me ....

 

[Elanor Pam]

Thanks for the tips. Also, about those typos XD; sorry about them, my jap word processor doesn't always imput what I write, and similar kanji sometimes go right over my head as I imput them.

Please please me ....

So it's basically an order? "Play a most beautiful melody on my violin to entertain me, your patron..." something like that?

"Entertain me, your patron, by playing my violin with all you have..."

Hm.... this could get homoerotic. Though considering the author is parodying shounen-ai...

 

[mikkih]

>Hm.... this could get homoerotic.

As you translated next, this is "a beautiful but warped friendship..."

Using your words......"Entertain me, your patron, by" <becoming my violin to> "play the most beautiful melody. " is more likely what it says.

By the way, JP(N) word processor would be preferred to avoid a derogatory term.

 

[Elanor Pam]

D: I keep forgetting that it's considered derogatory in America I'm really just trying to shorten the word. I'll keep that in mind.

Hmm... "Entertain me, your patron, and become my violin to play the most beautiful melody with..." is this keeping with the sentence's original meaning? (still trying to rewrite it so that it rolls out of the mouth better)

 

[mikkih]

I = patron
You = (下僕 Servant, according to the previous pages, and) resident of the Eden of pleasure & my violin (or maybe violinist)

Basically, the message is "I" want to be served and be entertained by you. (This is not the translation.)

That is how I read the phrase, but wait to see other members' comments.

 

[Elanor Pam]

orz How come one sentence is so much trouble... wish a third opinion would come. :/

 

[AoiKage]

Hmm... let me see what I can do here...

私というパトロン を満足させるために
私のヴァイオリンとして美しき音色お一生奏でるのだ~~

"Play the violin and sing a wonderful tune..."
"to entertain me, your patron"

Or if you want it more literal:

"I'm your patron, so in order to make me satisfied" (or "to entertain me")
"Take the violin and start playing a beautiful melody for me"

Not so sure about that バイオリンとして, It could something like "Since you are my violinist..." or stuff like that, but I'm not sure anyway, so I left it out the actual translation.

 

[Elanor Pam]

Thanks, I think I'll use a variation of your first translation.

The バイオリンとして might really be "become my violin", since the "patron" is the violinist and the "resident/servant" can't play for shit. The violinist, however, can manipulate other people with music... and has a history of doing so for cheap amusement... I don't know where to go from here, though XD;

So, maybe:

"Be my violin and play me a wonderful tune...
to entertain me, your patron"

Hmmm?

 

[AoiKage]

Oh, sorry, I didn't know that background story

Anyway, your variation looks pretty good to me

 

[Elanor Pam]

It's got to convey the meaning in the original without sounding unwieldly d if you say it does, then I'll go with that!