Done translation

[mel418]

A new character appears on the scene! Ok, so he just tells his name then something relating to his name. His name is Haba Kirimaru 羽々斬丸

Kirimaru 羽々とは大蛇のことだ
haba means the serpent (:S)

Kirimaru 咬みつこうとする大蛇を斬るーわかるか？
you try to bite me and I cut the serpent - understand? (again, :S)

Kirimaru お前の牙―　折らせてもらう！！
Ill break that fang of yours!!

any opinions?

 

[Meriken]

It's basically correct. You just need to find ways to make the English more convincing. That means fiddling with objects and tenses, and adding expressions. You don't have to limit yourself to the exact words in the Japanese.

ex.
you try to bite me and I cut the serpent - understand?
>>I will slay any serpent that bares its fangs upon me---Understood?

 

[mel418]

alright, thanks for the tip!