Done Tsugumomo ch 05 - Tricky lines.

[scrubb]

Below is my translation for pg 156-159 (Right half of this page and following three pages.) of Tsugumomo, chapter 05. The lines I'm especially concerned with are in bold. I also think I lost who's saying what at the bottom of 156. This whole section is so technical though, I'm sure I probably got some other things wrong. Any corrections/clarity you all can provide are appreciated.

-S

156
Kiriha: What is the curse? // Let's see. // The curse is a gap in the bends and distortions of the physical world... / Or the detritus...of creation's foundation.
Kazuya: I don't get it at all...
Kiriha: Of course not. // It existeth everywhere, like the air. / Feelings calleth to it and it warpeth the very nature of reality.
Kazuya: So is it similar to what they call “mana” in an RPG?
Kazuya: ...Whatever you Tsukumogami call it...

157
Ki: Theoretically, one could alter the world according to his own thoughts using the curse.
Ka: If you wish for it and it's granted, dreams become reality...
Chi: Can that really...
Ki: Verily.
Ka: I want to get taller! I want to get taller! I want to get taller! // Nothing happened! What's up!
Ki: Thou / MORON / Dost thou really think such middling effort will work?!
Box: Take a young man who dreameth of being muscular and brawny, for example.

158
Box: If he continueth to wish for success whilst training his body, / the curse addeth slightly to the end result of his training.
Box: Normal // With Curse Effects
Ka: They aren't really any different.
Ki: That's how it is. // A normal density of the curse produceth such a minor effect. / Furthermore, people who taketh in the curse unknowingly // may have the effect amplified by the “common thoughts” that likely existeth in the region that surroundeth them. / The effect is not an addition, but a multiplication of its strength. // Consequently, it is extremely difficult to overcome if there are many others with similar common thoughts in the area.
Arrows: COMMON THOUGHTS
Ka: This is complicated...
Ki: Nonetheless, that only a single aberration occurred in a densely populated area like a school...

159
Chi: Then // the density of the curse was very high only in the library yesterday... / is what you're telling us?
Ki: Exactly! // Thou art a clever one, Chisato. <3 // Since the curse is also a natural phenomenon, its conditions changeth much like the weather. // There are days of high and low curse density, / areas of frequent and rare occurrence. // However, the level of curse needed to generate such a powerful amasogi // doth not normally amass in one place like that.

 

[YAMIshin]

only the those with the bold ones...

156

Kiriha: errr... Suso (the curse)? <note: I think this is talked by different person>
Kiriha: Well...
Kiriha: Suso is the the left over of the thing that controling the strains of this world // or in other word, the detritus of all origins <note: some myth said that world is made by strains>

157:

Kiriha: MORON!! There's no way such anomaly would occur.



Hope that's help ^^

 

[Unproductive]

Very nice actually. I didn't see anything critically wrong with bolded areas.

The curse is a gap in the bends and distortions of the physical world... / Or the detritus...of creation's foundation.
>>>
If forced a rewrite here: I was a bit on the wordy side.

The curse existeth in the gaps of the strains and distortions of the physical world... / perhaps it is the detritus (dregs)... left among the fundamental constitution of all existence.

Ki: Thou / MORON / Dost thou really think such middling effort will work?!
>>>>
This is perfect. Avoiding the literal interpretation is the way to go.


Ka: If you wish for it and it's granted, dreams become reality...
Chi: Can that really...
>>>
Ka's sentence is a noun fragment.

Ka: The stuff of dreams that can grant any wish or desire...
Chi: Does that really ... (exist) ?


Ki: That's how it is. // A normal density of the curse produceth such a minor effect. / Furthermore, people who taketh in the curse unknowingly // may have the effect amplified by the “common thoughts” that likely existeth in the region that surroundeth them. / The effect is not an addition, but a multiplication of its strength. // Consequently, it is extremely difficult to overcome if there are many others with similar common thoughts in the area.
>>>
In the middle sentence, the subject isn't people. There the subject is the strength of the curse.

Ki: That's how it is. // The effects of the normal level of the curse wouldst only be so minor. // However, when people taketh part in the curse unknowingly // its effects will be amplified by the "common thoughts" that existeth in the world that surroundeth them. // The amplification is not an additive, but a multiplicative increase in strength. // Thus, in a place with many people that share similar common thoughts, it is extremely difficult to diffuse its power.