Of course my views on arranged marriage are what I think it's about. I think it's about parents selecting a spouse for their child, and forcing or manipulating their child into marrying that person, regardless of whether the child wants to or not. Then, to make it worse, you said your culture basically rejects (or at least frowns upon) divorce, so the person is stuck with that spouse, regardless of whether love comes after marriage or not. I think all of those values are ridiculous and make the parents controlling jerks! I don't personally know that many people that have dealt with the pressures of their parents arranging marriages, but I do know one person very well. Her mother and father chose a man for her when she was 16, she didn't like him, and decided to marry a man she truly loved when she was 18. Her parents resent her for it and are CONSTANTLY trying to manipulate her into leaving him and going with someone else just because they think he is "below" her. He loves her, can provide for her, is helping her through school, treats her as an equal, and makes her happy.
What I was saying is that your opinions don't seem to be based on facts, but what you think are facts.
But no, the person isn't necessarily stuck with the spouse. It's up to them. Like I said, a friend of mine divorced her husband (love marriage), but she doesn't mention it among family in India since it's a taboo subject.
I also have another friend (who's about 38 or older) whose in-laws (Indian) disowned their son because he didn't marry an Indian. The mom even said he could have her as a mistress as long as he married an Indian girl. They only accepted him BECAUSE she popped out a kid. And as of now, they're happy as hell and she still loves him, and he her.
My first reaction? WTF? Especially at the mom... you'd think she'd actually discourage the whole cheating thing, considering she should know how it'd feel.
If you really wanna know how I feel about Indian culture, Pakistani culture, Middle East culture, Hindu, Muslim, and whatnot, then it can be summed up in two words, "fuck it." Far too judgmental and far too disrespectful of the women. I find it hard to accept a culture that at the very least, can't respect women or consider them equals. I don't agree with the idea of arranged marriage or forced marriage, but it's not as bad as you make it out to be.
Be happy you're not a brown woman or living in Middle East, Pakistan, or India. Appreciate the freedom you have, and the fact that you won't be judged for everything you do. And that in America, and in your culture, you're more likely to get justice if a man ever treats you like shit.
My point is that you're judging arranged marriage without knowing the facts. ONly reason I'm defending it is because I like to argue/debate, especially against the grain. I don't agree with the idea, nor am I rejecting it.
So I'm sorry if what I know about arranged marriages is negative and that reflects on my views. I've just seen it wreck relationships with families for no sensable reason.
When the person went for love marriage instead of obeying their parents' wishes? Not sure if that's a bad thing, cuz if my parents disowned me for marrying who I wanted to marry... not sure if I'd really want to be associated with them after that. There are positives and negatives to arranged marriages, like there are with love marriages and in a way, forced marriages.
I see arranged marriage as same as gay marriage or normal marriage - don't care if it happens, it doesn't affect me. Freedom ftw. Though, I suppose arranged marriage is different from what I think, as parents let their kids choose nowadays.
Why would you take a gamble on love coming AFTER marriage, when you can just fall in love before it? I mean, what the hell is the point in that?
Desperation to get married? I'm talking about Indian culture's point of view. And usually, parents and even aunts and uncles try to get the girl married as soon as possible when she's an adult. Few of my friends are about 21-27, but the family is trying to find husbands for them or encourage them to get married. It's annoying how women have to get married while they're young, and how older generations think that the older the women are, less desirable they become.
The whole system is flawed, to be honest. Or at least, the way of thinking. Know what sucks? It's the women who are usually the victims here, as if it's their fault.
Did I say love marriages don't have cheating? Don't put words in my mouth. I don't even feel like I implied it. Of course they do. I'm just saying I am FAR less likely to fall in love with someone else and cheat on my loveless spouse than I am if I feel truly loyal and affectionate towards them. I doubt many people would say they would feel otherwise.
I'm just saying, singling out cheating as a negative reason for arranged marriage doesn't work. But in many cases, the spouses do fall in love. It depends on the kidn of person they are, and in many cases you get to talk to them before anything is accepted.
You would be right. I have a completely negative view on it.
Only issue is that I THINK that your negative views aren't based on facts.
Ok. Consented arranged marriage.... I don't really think we're talking about the same thing here anymore. Do you mean (for example) the parent says, "honey, I think you and this guy would make a great couple. You should consider marrying him"? Ummm.... That's is by no definition "arranged marriage" in my head. That's suggested marriage. If that's what you're defending here, then I completely agree with you and there's nothing wrong with it. But you're using the words "arranged marriage" verrrryyyy loosely.
No, but I think we are talking about different things. Arranged marriage in my culture is probably different from arranged marriage in your culture or definition. Arranged marriage would be parents choosing the boy/girl after getting their kid's permission, I guess? Watch some Hindi movies if you wanna get a better idea.
Though I'm not sure how accurate it is.
Sorry, I didn't word it correctly. I meant that forced marriage isn't socially or legally acceptable here, unlike arranged marriage. Of course it still happens, due to coercion and manipulation.
HEE HAW, YOU AIN'T BEEN DOWN SOUTH WIT DEM REDNECKS, HAVE YA SON?
. I don't like opening up about personal issues to people that I don't think as a friend.
