Alright so now the patterns you made lighter are TOO light. The patterns you used in the first place were pretty good in fact, perhaps make them just a tad bit lighter. At any rate thats the least of your problems right now.
We'll go a frame by frame:
2nd frame: The greys next to the dude's hair weren't redone. His ear partly disappeared xD (thanks Ivo for pointing that one out).
3rd frame: The greys in the sky should fade around those clouds. Silveril's method is a good one, but don't decrease the opacity of the layer and it might work better for you.
4th frame: Cieling shouldn't be completely grey but have a grey pattern at the beginning that will fade out (Silveril already suggested how you do that). The greys on the columns should be redone. The dude's cape and those soldiers clothing shouldn't be COMPLETELY grey (fix that by erasing the parts you shouldn't have made grey with the eraser tool). I would suggest using the same pattern you used for the girl's clothing on the 5th frame for her clothing on this frame. The greys on the floor should fade out.
6th frame: The pattern for the girl's shoulder should be the same as the pattern for her face. Right next to the girl's chick you have a part you forgot greying. Greys in the girl's eye should be redone.
Two problems that appear for evrey frame are the bluury lineart (due to the page rotating) and the bad reframing (kinda thick and not straight).
The two big mistakes that make the page look bad are the lineart and the greys that are supposed to fade.
I'm sorry if all this seems a bit hursh, I just hope you can learn from your mistakes and get better
overall good job and with such effort you SHOULD be able to produce HQ pages easily in the future