Re: Comics Heros vs. Manga Heros
Dark Schneider's too damn WTF Plot-device powerful. Same reason I didn't include Surfer, Thanos, Alucard, or Non-Jobbing Darkseid. Because, as one fan-comic put it, "Thanos is just Darkseid in a gayer costume."
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Hans: Hello, I am Hans.
Franz: I am Franz.
Hans: And we are here to...do commentary on the battle we are about to witness here
today on EX12001, right now a beautiful planet full of pristine mountain ranges and
white sandy shores. Who knows how it'll look after the battle?
Franz: I thought we were going to pump them up?
Hans: This isn't the show. Stop doing that stupid accent.
Franz: Fine...
Hans: Ah, it seems Team Japan has arrived first, courtesy of Easy Warp transportation
technologies. Easy Warp, putting moving men out of business since 2654 of the
Chronological Time-Stream.
Franz: These guys are packing some heavy machinery, just look at those mechas.
Hans: Size isn't everything Franz.
Franz: Is that what those losers say in that magazine of yours?
Hans: What's that supposed to-
Franz: Here comes the Avenging Society of the Justice League of America! Some of the
greatest names in all the multiverse, fighting to help find a cure for fanboyism.
Every KOed Team Japan fighter sends $500,000 dollars to The Search for a Cure,
courtesy of Tony Stark.
Hans: Strange how one of those big cosmic whatchamacallits don't just fix that.
Franz: For you Omni-screen viewers at home, witness the impressive entrance of both
sides' warships. Though, it seems to me like the SDF-1 is the better contender here.
Hans: Once again Franz, size isn't everything. We go to our fighter-cam in the
piloting seat of the Kryptonian cruiser. Lex, can you hear me?
Lex: Yes, yes, I can hear you just fine. What do you want?
Hans: Are you at all intimidated by the opposition?
Lex: Hah! This ship has the power to devastate entire planets and their fleets!
Hans: The same could be said of your rival, the SDF-1 Macross.
Lex: It'll be nothing more than a floating hunk of scrap metal once I'm through with
it. Even though I possess nothing but loathing for Superman, his people were
millennia ahead of our own technology, scientifically speaking anyway.
Hans: Thank you for your time Lex.
Franz: Both sides are being currently being presented with the rules of the fight.
Said rules include no timestops...
Hans: Ouch. That removes one of the most potent weapons available to both teams.
Franz: Dimension dumps...
Hans: Both sides lose a tool from that...
Franz: or planet-busting...
Hans: Well it'd be a shame to waste a perfectly good planet like this. I wouldn't
mind camping here for the weekend myself.
Franz: That is, if it's still inhabitable by the time this fight is over.
Hans: Ah, it appears battle officials have found that several of Team Japan member
Sakura Kinomoto's cards violate the rules of the battle.
Franz: Team member KOS-MOS is arguing with the official, let's switch to our on-the-
ground mic.
KOS-MOS: The Loop only warps existing reality. It does not place its object into
another dimension as does the Maze. Therefore, it is exempt from your rules, and is
to be kept by Ms. Kinomoto.
Battle Official: I see your point. The Loop is to stay with Sakura Kinomoto of Team
Japan, while for the time-being, we will hold the Maze and the Time.
Sakura: Ah...thank you KOS-MOS-san...
KOS-MOS: We will need all the power we can get for the battle Ms. Kinomoto.
Hans: The Leaders of both teams have been summoned acknowledge the fight and each
other, touching gloves one might say.
Franz: Of course, this needs...
Hans: The on-ground mike.
Yusuke: What's with the briefs on the outside?
Superman: Well there has to be something to break up all this blue. Besides, it's
classic.
Yusuke: So were fedoras, but you hardly see anyone wearing them nowadays.
Superman: ...
Yusuke: Something I said?
Superman: Hope you're ready for a real battle.
Yusuke: Right back at you pops.
Superman: Pops?
Franz: What a sight to see as they grasp hands. Rumor is Superman has a limp
handshake.
Hans: That's just a myth. He has the best handshake this side of Chuck Norris.
Franz: Well I'd think any handshake could be considered limp when you compare it to
Chuck Norris...
Hans: We don't need to get into that right now Franz.
Franz: Oh? It seems that the tactics and strategy period for both teams has just
begun. Due to the inherent need for secrecy for both teams, we go now to a roster
breakdown, brought to you by the Sphere Co. Sphere, being one of the most random
developments in video game history is only one of the things we do.
Hans: The Avenging Society of the Justice League of America is being led by Superman,
the Man of Steel himself. Many have called him the greatest hero of the multiverse,
and many have also strongly disagreed. The buzz surrounding this guy seems to be as
endless as his legions of adoring fans, and his appeal to just about everybody.
Franz: Rounding out Team Comics' strategy department is the "I'm better than you at
everything" King, Batman! Also with him is the All-American War Hero, Mr. Stars and
Stripes himself, Captain America! Building for Team Comics is the all-in-one inventor
and multi-tool the mutant Forge!
Hans: Filling out this powerhouse roster is the beautiful and powerful amazon, Wonder
Woman.
The Odinson, the master of Mjolnir, the God of Thunder, Thor! The man with the wisdom of Solomon, the strength
of Hercules, and all that Jazz, Captain Marvel!
Franz: Not to be confused with Captain Mar-Vell.
Hans: The man who's only limited by his imagination and his will to think it, the
one, the only, Hal Jordan, the Green Lantern!
Franz: Speaking of green, also battling is the Mean, Green, Fighting Machine, fueled
by rage and a dose of gamma radiation, a being of potentially unlimited power, Dr.
Bruce Banner, better known as The Incredible Hulk! Moving on to yet another last son of his race, this time from a planet much closer to Earth, the Swiss-Army Knife of Superheroes, the Martian Manhunter!
Hans: Also introducing a man who's not to be taken lightly. The ruler of Kahndaq
himself, the Egyptian pantheon rolled up into one powerful bad motha, Black Adam!
Franz: Almost all of them are powerhouses, capable of taking down lesser worlds on
their own. Let's see who Team Japan has brought to bear on their considerable foes.
Hans: Leading the pack is one-time badboy turned Spirit Detective, a willful warrior
with a heart of gold, Yusuke Urameshi!
Franz: The Ultra Japan-Originated Hyper Squad Revolution: Force of Ultimate Power,
Warriors for the Universe *gasp*, man that's a long name, chose quite the leader.
Aside from being a powerful warrior in his own right, Yusuke's fiery spirit and
seemingly bottomless determination make him a good choice to field a team into what
will surely be one of the greatest fights to ever take place in the multiverse.
Hans: Taking the head for planning the strategy for this fight is Ami Mizuno, better
known as the level-headed, super-brilliant Sailor Mercury!
Franz: She can trouble my waters anyday...
Hans: ...Right. Rounding out the tactics division is calm, cool, observant, Kurama!
The man who the fangirls just can't seem to get enough of!
Franz: It's probably those big, dreamy eyes of his. It's as if they're looking right
into your soul, into your deepest thoughts and passions. Either that or it's because
the man can toss together a mean organic salad.
Hans: Are you okay?
Franz: Fine, why do you ask?
Hans: Nevermind.
Franz: Building for Team Japan is Bulma!
Hans: There's a choice I didn't expect.
Franz: Don't underestimate her abilities Hans, she's an incredible super-genius, even
if her role in the show did get diminished to nearly nothing as time went on.
Hans: We can say that about anyone that wasn't born with a tail.
Franz: The team of pugilists gathered for the fight starts off with the leader of the
Shuffle Alliance, the King of Hearts himself, Domon Kasshu!
Hans: Domon takes his blatant metahuman powers and abilities to the next level by
acting concurrently with his mecha, the God Gundam, and combining them with his impressive martial arts prowess.
Franz: The half-demon Goddess, the queen of lightning herself, Goddess 2nd Class,
Urd!
Hans: I wonder how she and Goldilocks, I mean Thor, would get along if they went
out...
Franz: That's a question for the ages isn't it? Next up, piloting Gundam Wing Zero,
the boy with a heart of ice, Heero Yuy!
Hans: Bah, that guy's a total bleeding-heart inside.
Franz: I dare you to say that to his face. Now we have the pilot who was thrust into action by circumstances outside his control, the Lion of Antiles, Leo Stenbuck, piloting the Orbital Frame Jehuty!
Next up is Captain Emo, the boy who spanked his monkey to the cute redhead's unconscious body, the pilot of Eva Unit-01, Shinji Ikari!
*A loud cry of "WHAT?!" and a thunderous smack can be heard far-off in the distance*
Hans: The girl who was sealed up for 700 years and doesn't have yet a wrinkle to show
for it, the Space Pirate with ample assets in all the right places, the woman with
crazy hair and an even crazier personality, Ryoko Hakubi!
Franz: For the purposes of this battle, Ryoko has been limited to only 1 gem.
Hans: The hotty with the crazy bra-gun, the warrior in high heels, the android with
the best figure this side of 18, and the only character anyone can seem to remember
from Namco besides Heihachi, KOS-MOS! Not to be outdone, the cyborg Kunstler with a
penchant for fighting, the girl who never loses her head, Gally!
Franz: Next up are two feisty redheads with an appetite for destruction! One is a
total mental case, and the other scared ****less of her sister! Piloting Eva Unit-02 is Asuka Langley Soryu! And the Pink Sorceress herself, the Bandit Killer, Lina Inverse!
Hans: We now come to the magical girl with a smile that'd make even Darkseid's heart grow three sizes, the mistress of the aptly-named Sakura Cards, wielder of magical powers ranging from the cute to the terrifying, Sakura Kinomoto!
Franz: Now Hans, despite her innocent appearance, I think that Sakura will be one of Team Japan's keystone members. The sheer versatility of her magic makes her a powerful tool. If Team Japan can play her cards right, they'll have that much more to use against the opposition. Besides, I have to question if Superman could bring himself to knock-out a ten year old girl.
Hans: Who knows, I'm sure Black Adam won't have any qualms about it though. Moving on, we come to the boy of rubber who ate one of the legendary Devil Fruits, the kid who dreams of being the Pirate King, Monkey D. Luffy!
Franz: It should be noted Luffy will be in his Gear 2 mode during this battle, which increases his strength and speed, but also suffers from several drawbacks.
Hans: And finally, one of the best bounty hunters in the multiverse, her incredible skill matched only by her beauty, Samus Aran!
Franz: Well there's still some time remaining before the tactics and planning stage of the battle is over. We'll be right back with the starting bell after a word from our sponsors.
[to be continued]
Hans: Here we are folks, privy to the most anticipated battle in rumbles history.
Franz: It's the Avenging Society of the Justice League of America fighting against The Ultra Japan-Originated Hyper Squad Revolution: Force of Ultimate Power, Warriors for the Universe!
Hans: There's the starting bell!
Franz: Team Japan immediately opens up with a heavy barrage of firepower! Missiles, machine-gun fire, bombs, and icebeams fly forward from the combatants already on the ground! From the SDF-1 Macross come the Variable Fighters and making their way to the ground to support the onslaught are the Destroids.
Hans: There go the twin buster rifles, cutting a swath through the landscape.
We can see the Comics Force from here, twisting and weaving with incredible agility!
Hulk takes a direct hit from several of Jehuty's homing missiles, but he only seems to be getting angrier! Hal Jordan is holding up a force field of pure willpower to protect his fellow heroes, but how long can he last?
Franz: What's tha-Domon Kasshu scored a direct hit on Jordan with a Bakanetsu God Sekiha Tenkyoken! What a mouthful!
Hans: Hal is sent flying backwards, but he quickly regains his composure.
Franz: The Destroids are on the ground and firing. It's hard to make out the fighters from here with so much ordinance flying through the air!
Hans: Yusuke Urameshi gives the signal for the hardier members of his team to move up. Following him are Ryoko Hakubi, Monkey D. Luffy, and Samus Aran.
Franz: Superman saw everything with his telescopic vision, and is now waving to the other members of his team, probably to initiate some kind of plan.
Hans: Martian Manhunter has turned intangible and has gone underground, while Thor is rapidly spinning Mjolnir, the lightning is flying through the air!
Franz: The skies are darkening over the landscape here, Thor is summoning a hurricane! The Valkyries are having serious trouble now where there was once nothing but clear blue skies!
Hans: We must remember that as a God of Thunder, Thor does have significant weather manipulation as part of his powerset.
Franz: And here comes a barrage of crystal missiles courtesy of Lex Luthor!
Hans: What's this? Superman and Wonder Woman have taken up positions behind 2 of the crystal missiles, and they're accelerating hard! They're going at multiple mach speeds ladies and gentlemen!
Franz: Yusuke attempts to get off a spirit gun, but it's too late, the crystal splinters into a thousand pieces as it collides into Urameshi! Superman is now attempting to freeze Yusuke with his superbreath in an attempt to quickly remove the leader of Team Japan from the battle!
Hans: Nearby, Wonder Woman has smashed into Samus, but those shields of hers hold up!
Now Captain Marvel and Black Adam enter into the battle zone, speeding streaks of red and black!
Franz: What has Green Lantern been up to, and the Hulk as well? It appears Jordan is...yes, Jordan is using his ring to bathe Hulk in gamma radiation, boosting his strength with each passing second as the other heroes fend off Team Japan!
Hans: Young Sakura Kinomoto holds her ground against the fierce hurricane's winds under the protection of the shield card! Wait, she's going for, can we get a zoom-in? Yes, it is!
Franz: Team Japan is going for the win right now, as she prepares to release the power of the Erase card! The battle may be over in just a few short moments folks!
Hans: But what's this? She's suddenly stopped! Team Japan member Gally fights the winds to reach her fellow teammate to find out what's going on!
Franz: Sakura is clutching at her head, it seems she's struggling, and, in a shocking development, young Kinomoto has collapsed! No, she's fallen asleep as is attested to by our brain wave scanners, courtesy of Mobile Hospital Technologies, bringing the hospital to you since 2134 of the Chronological Time Stream. What on earth has happened here?
Hans: Martian Manhunter erupts from underneath the soil, an explosion of earth and bedrock!
Franz: He used his potent telepathic abilities to knock out Sakura, and in doing so has knocked out Team Japan's potentially most powerful member! In non-violent manner too!
Hans: She should thank her lucky stars they didn't ask Black Adam to take her out. J'onn J'onnz turns around, only to be nailed by Gally with a Hertz Strike to the gut!
Franz: Manhunter's teeth must be rattling around! Panzer Kunst may be specialized for cyborg combat, but that doesn't mean non-cyborgs are at all immune to it's devastating attacks.
Hans: Gally follows up with a punch, but the Manhunter's incredible martian resilience is allowing him to recover from the first strike!
Franz: Gally strikes again, and, good God, Manhunter's arm is blown off from the shoulder!
Hans: That second punch wasn't just a punch, it must've been a Verschlag!
Franz: The incredible energies that Gally built up inside Manhunter were then released by a second follow-up strike, the Hertzer Nadel!
Hans: Gally wants to finish this quickly, now that she has the advantage, she goes for a strike to the head and-
Franz: Martian goes intangible! Gally is thrown off balance as her fist collides with nothing!
Hans: J'onn has grabbed Gally, hefting her up over his head with his one arm!
Franz: The shocked Gally is about to counter-strike-
Hans: J'onn has smashed Gally over his knee! His incredible Martian strength said to be only slightly inferior to even Superman's!
Franz: That HAD to hurt! Gally doesn't look so good as she desperately tries to crawl away from the Martian Manhunter, who has regenerated his lost arm.
Hans: KOS-MOS has intervened, hefting a huge boulder at the Manhunter, who, caught by surprise, is knocked back!
Franz: Meanwhile Ryoko and Wonder Woman are engaged in vicious aerial combat! Each is fighting the force of hurricane strength winds as they come at eachother!
Hans: A huge strike from Ryoko, but Wonder Woman matches her blow for blow! Ryoko moves back, and unleashes a barrage of hair needles at the Themyscirian warrior, who is dodging at incredible speeds with those magic armguards!
Franz: But it was just a diversionary ploy, as Samus hits Diana square in the back with her freeze beam! Diana is up to her neck in ice and Ryoko moves in with an energy sword-
Hans: And is locked in a green vice by Hal Jordan!
Franz: Samus prepares to fire in order to free Ryoko, but not before an enraged Hulk collides into her! Luffy rushes in to help the Bounty Hunter, the rain water hitting his body evaporating into steam the moment it hits him!
Hans: We've just recieved word that 60 seconds are up! Sakura Kinomoto is out of the battle!
Franz: Our battlecamp camera shows a worried Kurama, who is clearly upset over the loss of Kinomoto.
Hans: So far in the battle, the Evas, Gundams, and Destroids have held their distance, acting merely as fire support. But now, Shinji and Asuka are heading into the battle, their Evas taking huge strides!
Franz: The Valkyries however, have been unable to function in these adverse weather conditions brought upon them by Thor. They have since switched into Battloid mode and have taken up positions amoung the Destroids.
Hans: Speaking of Thor, he has rushed in to confront the Evas head on! He is being accompanied by 2 of the Kryptonian battlecruisers crystal tank offspring, who fire upon the Evas, but to no avail has their weapons bounce off the Evas' AT fields.
Franz: The Evas are firing upon Thor with their massive guns, but having little effect on the God of Thunder, who is pounding on the AT Fields with little effect!
Hans: Thor recoils in pain as a mighty blast of lightning strikes him from the side!
Franz: It's Goddess 2nd Class Urd! That blast was an example of her impressive lightning magic.
Hans: She's going for it again, but this time Thor brings Mjolnir up to intercept the blast! And Thor is talking with Urd!
Franz: What are they saying? Activate the on-the-ground mic!
Thor: Fie! Thou fancy thyself a Goddess? Forsooth I have battled Gods and Demons whom to them, thou wouldst be a mere insect!
Urd: Yeah right! Is this the best you can do Goldilocks? Even my little sister Skuld could take you down easy!
Thor: Thine arrogance wouldst be your own undoing, but verily I shall show unto you that I AM the God of Thunder!
Hans: Good Lord! Thor is generating enough electrical output to power a continent! Oh please, I hope none of these highly advanced blinking consoles explode, that'd be just too cliche!
*blinking consoles explode due to the incredible amount of energy*
Franz: Oh Hans, Cliche is the name of the game!
Hans: Urd has called upon World of Elegance to try and protect herself from the incredible power coming from Thor, while the Evas have been been knocked back through the air, the only thing that saved them were their AT Fields, but they don't appear to be trying to get back up. It's insanity down there folks, one can see the air itself being scorched!
Franz: Thor has stopped, his incredible outburst of power has drained him significantly, even the hurricane he summoned appears to be significantly less fierce than before.
Hans: Urd is hurt as well, with zig-zagging scorch marks on several places over her body. The Battle between God and Goddess is still going as Thor makes the first move, Mjolnir carrying him to Urd with lightning speed!
Franz: Urd seems poised for combat, but does she have the pure physical brawn to stand any chance against Thor?
Hans: Thor moves in, ready to strike, they're only inches from eachother when-
Franz: Urd locks lips with the God of Thunder, whose fist hangs trembling in the air, and than slowly falls to his side!
Hans: What has happened here?
Franz: Let's go see the instant replay!
Hans: It appears during the incredible attack by Thor, Urd quickly slipped what appears to be a small foreign object into her mouth. She must've passed said object into Thor with the kiss.
Franz: Urd is well-known for her use of magical potions, often causing trouble for her very own sister, Belldandy, by her use of various love potions.
Hans: This is the first time I've ever seen anything like this folks. Urd has let go of Thor, who's falling...falling...falling.
Franz: And hits the ground with a mighty thud!
Hans: This just in, Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley Soryu are called KOed! It appears Thor is in for the same fate.
Franz: Urd may have been the victor, but it was a pyhrric victory for Team Japan, losing 2 members to the 1 Thor, and leaving a very badly hurt Urd.
Hans: But, but now Team Japan's tacticians can enter the battle. Here come Sailor Mercury and Kurama, just as another crystal barrage is fired by Lex Luthor!
Franz: The Battle is still raging on! Urd and Gally are badly hurt. Team Japan has lost Sakura Kinomoto, and Eva Units 1 and 2, along with who knows how many Valkyrie fighters due to the hurricane.
Hans: Meanwhile, the Justice Avengers have lost one of their most powerful members, Thor! The hurricane is already gone as the remaining Valkyrie fighters reassume their fighter forms!
Franz: Still want to go camping here?
Hans: 'Long as I've got chicken.
Franz: Wait, what's this! Oh my goodness!
Hans: Holy God!
Franz: What excitement, it's, it's...
[to be continued]
