Done Happy Negative Marriage 01

[scrubb]

Ok, for the truly brave, I need someone to look over Happy Negative Marriage, chapter 01 for both translation accuracy and proofreading. I'm more concerned about translation accuracy. Unfortunately, I'd like to have the whole chapter examined, as I made a number of errors the first time through (I've since incorporated corrections.), and I'm not certain I caught them all on my second pass. There is a LOT of text in this manga, but any help you can provide is appreciated.

Here is a link to the translation. RO raws are linked therein. You can leave comments in this thread or the translation. Thanks for your help.

---

Nobody wants to check this over, eh? I wonder what the average turnaround time is for series that aren't mega-popular.

 

[Amzy]

My Japanese definitely isn't perfect, but I'll give it a try if it's alright with you. I'll try to finish it ASAP.

edit--

There were some accuracy issues and other minor things, but great work overall. =) I really liked how you translated the meaning over and didn't just stick too literally to the original Japanese. It made the chapter flow well and much more interesting to read while I was checking(instead of spending time trying to figure out strangely arranged sentences!). Anyway, I'll put down what you wrote and then the changes I did underneath it.


01
婚活FUCK!草食男子？うるせー！ほっとけ！！そんなキミに贈る新連載！！
Left sidebar: Fuck married life! A vegetarian man? Shut up! Leave me alone!! We bring you that kind of new series!
-->Left sidebar: Fuck dating! A loser? Shut up! Leave me alone!! We bring you that kind of new series!

婚活 means the things you do that lead to marriage like dating/courtship, not necessarily marriage itself. 草食男子 is a phrase used for guys who can be viewed as losers. To quote the dictionary I used, "young men who are not competitive as in tradition male stereotypes, including the avid pursuit of money and sex, and who may also be kind, cooperative and family-oriented".


04
独身男の言い分を代弁甘詰流婚活ドラマ
Tagline: On behalf of the bachelor himself A drama about married life packed with sweetness.
-->Tagline: On behalf of the bachelor himself A drama about love and dating packed with sweetness.


05
あ゛ァ
Kei: Vha?
-->Kei: Aah?

Well, you probably know this already, but あ゛ doesn't exist in the kana alphabet. I think it was something created for colloquial use. Anyway, it has the same pronunciation as あ and the diacritical marks just indicate emotional emphasis. So just translating it as "Ah" would be fine.


06
うわ．．．朝メシめんどくせェな／なァ　ケータこのケーキ食ってもいいか？
Gla: Damn...early meetings suck. / Hey Keita, can I eat this leftover cake?
-->Gla: Damn, it’ll be a pain to make breakfast. / Hey Keita, can I eat this leftover cake?

I think you mistyped 朝メシ in your transcript.


いいですよ先輩が買ってきてくれたんですから
Kei: Go for it. Sempai bought that for me.
-->Kei: Go for it. You were the one who bought it, after all.

I may be wrong, but I think he's referring to the guy he's talking to. If not, feel free to change it back. ^^;


08
地味ィな仕事だが...まァオレに合ってる／給与も含めて不満はない
Box: It's simple work...but it suits me. / And they gave me a grant, so I can't complain.
-->Box: It's simple work...but it suits me. / They’re paying me, so I can't complain.


人にも恵まれている...と思う／居心地はいい何も不満はない
Box: I'm also good with people...I think. / I'm content. No complaints at all.
-->Box: I’m also surrounded by good people...I think. / I'm content. No complaints at all.


09
裏表ないいいやつだ
Box: He's a straightforward guy.
-->Box: He’s a good, straightforward guy.


っていってもウチのカミさんの手料理だけどな／でもミク　ケーキ焼いたりするのうまいんだぜ？／一度ケイタにもさァ...
Ka: Even if I say that, it's just my Kami's home cooking / And wouldn't it be nice if Miku baked a cake? / And just for you too...
-->Ka: Even if I say that, it's just my landlady’s home cooking / But Miku’s cakes are really delicious. / You should try one sometime.


え゛！！
Kei: GHE!!
-->Kei: Eh?!

Same thing as the あ゛ issue.


10
両...親／／オレの？え？／／え゛？
Kei: Pa...rents // mine? Huh? // Vha?
-->Kei: Pa...rents // mine? Huh? // Eh?!


お嬢さんも素晴らしい女性なんだ
Tsu: And the girl is a splendid woman as well.
-->Tsu: And the girl seems like a splendid woman as well.

Not really a mistranslation, but らしい just indicates more of a hearsay kind of tone.


11
その時は必ず私が力になるから／...僕はね
Tsu: Back then I was certain I'd be helpful. / ...I really was.
-->Tsu: I’ll definitely try my best. / ...I really will.


12
お見合いっ！！？／だ誰がッ！！
Roommate2: ARRANGED MARRIAGE!!? / WH-WHOSE!?
-->Roommate2: A marriage interview?!/ WH-WHOSE!?


13
母ちゃん...もう心配だておめえのこと／このまんまじゃ母ちゃん死ぬのも死にきれねって...／おねげだすけ啓太郎
Mom: Yer mom...is getting worried about ya. / At this rate I'm gonna wear out and die before.../ Please listen, Keitarou.
-->Mom: Yer mom...is getting worried about ya. /I can’t possibly die in peace with the way things are./ Please listen, Keitarou.


なんだよっ！！
Kei: Who's there!!
-->Kei: What are you looking at?!


16
Box: I have friends who come over and play games all night.　
-->Box: I have friends who come over and play fighting games all night.　

Kei: Arranged marriage?
-->Kei: A marriage interview?


17
Box: I don't have any real feelings about them.
-->Box: I don’t have any interest in them at all.

R2: It's not just an arranged marriage. / Whoa, close one.
-->R2: It's not just a marriage interview. / Whoa, close one.

R2: They're butt ugly, or have shitty personalities. Those are the kinds of people who do arranged marriages.
-->R2: They're butt ugly, or have shitty personalities. Those are the kinds of people who do marriage interviews.


19
Kei: More than being popular or not / I'm screwed anyway.
-->Kei: Doesn’t matter if I’m popular or not. / I'm screwed anyway.

Box: Is this really a
-->Box: Me?

Box: marriage
-->Box: Get married?

Box: conversation between two 30 year-old men?
-->Box: Is this the kinda conversation two 30 year old men have?

Gla: Especially if I want her to like me./ Even if that's not what I'm thinking...
-->Gla: Even if… / I’m not trying to get her to like me.


21
Kei: Bvha!?
-->Kei: Eh?!

 

[scrubb]

Thanks Amzy. And just in case it helps anyone else, I'm going to respond to a few of your comments.

婚活 means the things you do that lead to marriage like dating/courtship, not necessarily marriage itself. 草食男子 is a phrase used for guys who can be viewed as losers. To quote the dictionary I used, "young men who are not competitive as in tradition male stereotypes, including the avid pursuit of money and sex, and who may also be kind, cooperative and family-oriented".

I foolishly assumed 婚活 was some kind of shorthand for 結婚生活. Must remember to check the dictionary for ALL words I'm not certain about. Same goes for 草食男子, although, since it appears to be an idiom, there's an extra layer to peel away there.

Well, you probably know this already, but あ゛ doesn't exist in the kana alphabet. I think it was something created for colloquial use. Anyway, it has the same pronunciation as あ and the diacritical marks just indicate emotional emphasis. So just translating it as "Ah" would be fine.

Yeah, I do. I did spend a little time thinking about what kind of sounds it might represent, though, since that emphasizing dakuten would otherwise be lost in translation. In retrospect, my approximation wasn't very English-sounding either. When I see あ゛ I think of a sort of gutteral "huh", but how would you spell that? This may just be one of those things that can't be brought across without losing something...

I think you mistyped 朝メシ in your transcript.

Indeed I did. That's the danger of going too quickly.

いいですよ先輩が買ってきてくれたんですから
Kei: Go for it. Sempai bought that for me.
-->Kei: Go for it. You were the one who bought it, after all.

I may be wrong, but I think he's referring to the guy he's talking to. If not, feel free to change it back. ^^;

I run into this kind of confusion often in manga. Since they never use names if they can use a more impersonal title instead, it only adds to the confusion. Fortunately, I don't think it matters much in this instance, but you are probably right.

08
地味ィな仕事だが...まァオレに合ってる／給与も含めて不満はない
Box: It's simple work...but it suits me. / And they gave me a grant, so I can't complain.
-->Box: It's simple work...but it suits me. / They’re paying me, so I can't complain.

The dictionary I used gave "allowance; grant" as the definition, but WWWJDIC includes "pay; salary; wages" etc. This is why it's good to check multiple sources sometimes. Although, as a researcher, a grant wouldn't be too far off the mark either...

人にも恵まれている...と思う／居心地はいい何も不満はない
Box: I'm also good with people...I think. / I'm content. No complaints at all.
-->Box: I’m also surrounded by good people...I think. / I'm content. No complaints at all.

恵まれる also means blessed, so it means "I'm blessed to be with good people", but I like the compactness of your suggestion given how small that box is. I like to hav mercy on the typesetters.

っていってもウチのカミさんの手料理だけどな
Ka: Even if I say that, it's just my Kami's home cooking
-->Ka: Even if I say that, it's just my landlady’s home cooking

That would have been more obvious if not in katanaka. That term is also new to me, so I'm not surprised I missed it.

お嬢さんも素晴らしい女性なんだ
Tsu: And the girl is a splendid woman as well.
-->Tsu: And the girl seems like a splendid woman as well.

Not really a mistranslation, but らしい just indicates more of a hearsay kind of tone.

...Except that "subarashii" is its own word. So in this case, the らしい isn't grammar, but part of the word.

その時は必ず私が力になるから／...僕はね
Tsu: Back then I was certain I'd be helpful. / ...I really was.
-->Tsu: I’ll definitely try my best. / ...I really will.

Subject verb agreement is vital here, and I missed it.

お見合いっ！！？
Roommate2: ARRANGED MARRIAGE!!?
-->Roommate2: A marriage interview?!

お見合い doesn't immediately mean an arranged marriage. My oversight.

このまんまじゃ母ちゃん死ぬのも死にきれねって...
At this rate I'm gonna wear out and die before...
-->I can’t possibly die in peace with the way things are.

Weird-ass grammar I've never seen before, coupled with an accent I've also never seen before. Care to explain how you came up with this?

Box: Is this really a // marriage // conversation between two 30 year-old men?
-->Box: Me? // Get married? // Is this the kinda conversation two 30 year old men have?

In this case つーか, which is a contraction of と言うか, means more like "or rather", instead of "a conversation about something like X"

Gla: Especially if I want her to like me./ Even if that's not what I'm thinking...
-->Gla: Even if… / I’m not trying to get her to like me.

I'm going to go with a bit of a hybrid: "Even if I'm not explicitly thinking / about getting her to like me."

 

[Amzy]

Ack, I missed the whole subarashii part. @_@ I'm glad you caught that. I should be more careful next time. I think I misinterpreted the second to last quote there also, so please do change it accordingly if it makes more sense. ^^;


About the question you asked me for the line: このまんまじゃ母ちゃん死ぬのも死にきれねって...

Without the accent, the sentence would've gone something like this: このままじゃ母ちゃん死ぬのも死にきれない
死ぬの of course means "to die"/"death". 死にきれない means "I can't possibly die all the way". It follows the same grammatical structure as 食べきれない, which means "I can't possibly eat [all of this]". So it would've been something funky like "I can't possibly die my death all the way". From the context, it seemed like "I can't possibly die in peace with the way things are" made sense.

 

[NaweG]

Would you still like a PR on this? I'd be happy to oblige.

 

[scrubb]

This translation has been finalized for several months now. Can someone approve it so it moves out of the pending list, please?