Discussion Make a Funny!

[Gold Knight]

Just got this idea... and what the heck!

Well, I was thinking earlier, why should the 'General World News' forum always be such a serious place? So this thread is intended to break the ice here somewhat and make the mood a bit lighter.

So here's the thing. You know all these talk shows at night that make fun of the news? For example, David Letterman. Where does he get all his jokes from? Writers, of course, who listen to the news in the morning and so forth. Sometimes it's how some people actually learn about what happened during the day.

So I challenge you all: are YOU good at coming up with jokes based on news? Well, if you are, this is the thread to come and try your hand at it. Who knows, you just might make somebody chuckle and lift their spirits And you might find out you're a natural comedian.

Rules to keep in mind though:

1. You have to base your joke on something that actually happened (preferably a recent event). And be thorough in including a link somewhere in your post to, or c/ping and spoilering, an article reporting the news. That way you don't end up confusing people before you get your joke out.
2. Keep the mood light in here, so no serious posts allowed. You can start a different thread about the subject, though, if you really want to.
3. No racist jokes - or anything that would offend people too much.
4. No spamming - this isn't the Fun Forum. It's okay to say briefly that you enjoyed a particular joke - but I recommend just private messaging the poster to tell them how much you like it. The challenge here is for you to ALSO post a joke yourself.
5. Try to keep your joke short and sweet if you can, and limit yourself to at least three jokes per post. Give somebody else a chance

---

-

I'll start.

So you guys might have heard that a new planet was just discovered. Here's the article:

Spoiler

WASHINGTON (AP) - For the first time astronomers have discovered a planet outside our solar system that is potentially habitable, with Earth-like temperatures, a find researchers described Tuesday as a big step in the search for "life in the universe."

The planet is just the right size, might have water in liquid form, and in galactic terms is relatively nearby at 120 trillion miles away. But the star it closely orbits, known as a "red dwarf," is much smaller, dimmer and cooler than our sun.

There's still a lot that is unknown about the new planet, which could be deemed inhospitable to life once more is known about it. And it's worth noting that scientists' requirements for habitability count Mars in that category: a size relatively similar to Earth's with temperatures that would permit liquid water. However, this is the first outside our solar system that meets those standards.

"It's a significant step on the way to finding possible life in the universe," said University of Geneva astronomer Michel Mayor, one of 11 European scientists on the team that found the planet. "It's a nice discovery. We still have a lot of questions."

Guess what though...

Spoiler

They just discovered there's a Wal-Mart on it.

EDIT: By the way, if you don't feel like you're good at it, it's okay if you repeat a joke you've heard before from somebody else. But PLEASE don't overdo it by posting a lot of jokes in one post and be sure to say that you didn't come up with it. Also, you still have to find the news to go with it

 

[miyi]

A bill was recently approved in the House of Representatives, that will mandate the withdrawal of U.S. troops in Iraq, at a specified deadline.

Spoiler

BBC NEWS
US House votes for Iraq deadline
The US House of Representatives has narrowly approved a bill making further funding of the war in Iraq conditional on a timetable for a US troop pullout.

The bill provides $100bn in new war funds, if troops start leaving in October, with the withdrawal planned to be complete by March 2008.

President Bush has repeatedly threatened to veto the bill.

The commander of US forces in Iraq, General David Petraeus, had met lawmakers to argue against the bill.

Republicans and Democrats have been in deadlock on the legislation for weeks, and it finally passed by 218 votes to 208.

The $124bn bill would pay for military spending in Iraq and Afghanistan, and the Senate is due to vote on the bill later on Thursday.

"Tonight, the House of Representatives voted for failure in Iraq - and the president will veto its bill," said White House spokeswoman Dana Perino.

Although the Democrats control both houses of Congress, they do not have enough votes to overrule a presidential veto.

If President Bush does veto the bill, temporary measures are expected to be tabled to provide funding until the summer.

Military appeal

Before Wednesday evening's debate, Gen Petraeus was trying to gain support for Mr Bush's plan to increase troop numbers in Iraq, the so-called "surge", to improve stability.

"General Petraeus continued to say that he can give a comprehensive assessment as to whether or not the surge is in fact working around September," said Democratic Representative James Clyburn.

Not all the new extra US forces planned for deployment are yet in place in Iraq.

The Iraqi foreign minister also criticised the Democrats' bill.

Speaking to the BBC while on a visit to Iran, Hoshyar Zebari said efforts by Congress to set a date of October for troops to start leaving Iraq would not help his country's security or political development.

Dr Zebari said he was amazed people had started talking of a timetable when the UN resolution giving the US-led coalition its mandate would be reviewed in June, and then again at the end of the year.

The minister also stressed withdrawal of US troops would have to wait for the Iraqi military to be self-reliant.

Dr Zebari is in Tehran to press the Iranian government to take part in a key regional summit next week in Egypt on the future security of Iraq.

'Surrender date'

Al-Qaeda will view this as the day the House of Representatives threw in the towel
Jerry Lewis
Republican

"The sacrifices borne by our troops and their families demand more than the blank cheques the president is asking for, for a war without end," said the leader of House Democrats, Nancy Pelosi.

She urged the president to sign the bill, so that "we can focus on winning the war against terrorism, which is the real threat to the American people".

But Republicans have vowed to back the president's refusal to support what they call a "surrender date".

"Al-Qaeda will view this as the day the House of Representatives threw in the towel," said Republican Jerry Lewis.

Mr Bush shows no signs of budging from his determination to veto any bill tying war spending to a timetable for troop withdrawal.

The legislation was an attempt to "handcuff our generals, add billions of dollars of unrelated spending and begin to pull out of Iraq by an arbitrary date", he said on Tuesday.

"To accept the bill proposed by the Democratic leadership would be to accept a policy that directly contradicts the judgement of our military commanders."
Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/americas/6592457.stm

President Bush threatened to veto the bill, because…

Spoiler

he's worried he'll get a "C" if he misses the deadline.