- Joined
- Sep 23, 2007
- Messages
- 432
- Reaction score
- 14
- Gender
- Male
- Country
-
the intro was great the character build up was sharp linguistically ur leaving clues all over the place and i like that
*i forgot to mention the way the driver was counting down the time from minutes right to seconds, it shows two things 1-he's a sharp thinker or 2- he's made this same trip may a time*
i cant really say what will need work yet, because the dialogue hasn't started. so i havent seen how u jump from dialogue to narration, thats the most critical id say, to see how u let the character comment at the end or durring a coversation/event. another thing i need to wait and see is how well you paint a picture with words, to describe the location and any ties the characters may have to them.
but your character build up is seriously sweet.
sorry paperyomiko its my fault i went on and on and on....
*i forgot to mention the way the driver was counting down the time from minutes right to seconds, it shows two things 1-he's a sharp thinker or 2- he's made this same trip may a time*
i cant really say what will need work yet, because the dialogue hasn't started. so i havent seen how u jump from dialogue to narration, thats the most critical id say, to see how u let the character comment at the end or durring a coversation/event. another thing i need to wait and see is how well you paint a picture with words, to describe the location and any ties the characters may have to them.
but your character build up is seriously sweet.
sorry paperyomiko its my fault i went on and on and on....
Last edited:
) and i commented on it for many posts but he deleted it thinking it wasn't up to scratch and is gonna put it back so Everyone can comment on his writing skills. 
can i go live in the usa??? i'll only have holidays on christmas
But I got lucky, and made it work 