Life The MangaHelpers Confessional Thread - Part 3

[space case]

My mind melts whenever I have a said 'episode'
and I hate it

 

[Raven]

I used to look down on suicidal people and I thought they are cowards and selfish, I really lacked the sympathy towards them and i didn’t really care about how they felt. I always thought suicide is an easy way out, I considered it cheating.. I only started to change when I found myself heading for the same direction. I would suffer everyday i woke up for years and I really hoped to never wake up again. I would get angry when i see someone hoping for death or express suicidal thought because it was going against my beliefs. In the back of mind I always believed that those who off themselves don’t love themselves but it turned out that it is actually the final act of love towards yourself when your life is only about pain. Im in much better place now but i wanted to vent this out.

 

[Charlie]

I used to look down on suicidal people and I thought they are cowards and selfish, I really lacked the sympathy towards them and i didn’t really care about how they felt. I always thought suicide is an easy way out, I considered it cheating.. I only started to change when I found myself heading for the same direction. I would suffer everyday i woke up for years and I really hoped to never wake up again. I would get angry when i see someone hoping for death or express suicidal thought because it was going against my beliefs. In the back of mind I always believed that those who off themselves don’t love themselves but it turned out that it is actually the final act of love towards yourself when your life is only about pain. Im in much better place now but i wanted to vent this out.

Yep proud of you Raven. My 2 cents are - Life is worth living not because its easy but because its hard. Its about overcoming those challenges, self perceived, self imposed, environmental, various factors or not.

 

[Farfalla]

It's beyond a core belief consequence - it stems from a serious disease and it shouldn't be taken lightly but it totally should be taken kindly.

 

[Sanity Check]

I have a baby kitten.

That likes water.

Didn't know it was possibru.

 

[space case]

I am so timid around people and it hurts me more than not.

 

[Raven]

I don’t like how people see me as violent heartless person, I did crazy things that no one can imagine

 

[Core D. Roy]

Yep proud of you Raven. My 2 cents are - Life is worth living not because its easy but because its hard. Its about overcoming those challenges, self perceived, self imposed, environmental, various factors or not.

I took a different route in my more suicidal years. It's as simple as I am certain that life has the possibility to be interesting or novel, and from what I believe happens after death, death is most likely incredibly boring. I'll have until the heat death of the universe to be comfortably dead, I'll stick out a measly lifetime for now. I'm still a broken mess in dozens of other ways, but I'll most likely live until this rental car beater of a body croaks from some other cause.

--- Double Post Merged, Oct 23, 2024, Original Post Date: Oct 23, 2024 ---

It's beyond a core belief consequence - it stems from a serious disease and it shouldn't be taken lightly but it totally should be taken kindly.

Beyond yes, but a corrupted core belief can very easily be a consequence of that disease. You can't just logic your way out of that sort of thing, but it's probably best to give it the old college try either way while you're getting actual help.

--- Double Post Merged, Oct 28, 2024 ---

Literally the next day after I posted this a friend committed suicide. The wake is tomorrow.

I'm so tired.

 

[M3J]

Literally the next day after I posted this a friend committed suicide. The wake is tomorrow.

my condolences

 

[Charlie]

I took a different route in my more suicidal years. It's as simple as I am certain that life has the possibility to be interesting or novel, and from what I believe happens after death, death is most likely incredibly boring. I'll have until the heat death of the universe to be comfortably dead, I'll stick out a measly lifetime for now. I'm still a broken mess in dozens of other ways, but I'll most likely live until this rental car beater of a body croaks from some other cause.

--- Double Post Merged, Oct 23, 2024, Original Post Date: Oct 23, 2024 ---

Beyond yes, but a corrupted core belief can very easily be a consequence of that disease. You can't just logic your way out of that sort of thing, but it's probably best to give it the old college try either way while you're getting actual help.

--- Double Post Merged, Oct 28, 2024 ---

Literally the next day after I posted this a friend committed suicide. The wake is tomorrow.

I'm so tired.

Sorry to hear about your friend / loss.
Without getting into the nitty gritty and conplications. I'd always said that
If I had one super power I'd want prevent unnecessary loss of life.

 

[Raven]

I don’t like how people see me as violent heartless person, I did crazy things that no one can imagine

love how 90% of this post is missing, probably I shouldn’t type before sleep lol

 

[Darklord#10]

I used to look down on suicidal people and I thought they are cowards and selfish, I really lacked the sympathy towards them and i didn’t really care about how they felt. I always thought suicide is an easy way out, I considered it cheating.. I only started to change when I found myself heading for the same direction. I would suffer everyday i woke up for years and I really hoped to never wake up again. I would get angry when i see someone hoping for death or express suicidal thought because it was going against my beliefs. In the back of mind I always believed that those who off themselves don’t love themselves but it turned out that it is actually the final act of love towards yourself when your life is only about pain. Im in much better place now but i wanted to vent this out.

I've never felt sympathy for people who commit suicide.

--- Double Post Merged, Nov 25, 2024, Original Post Date: Nov 25, 2024 ---

My daily life consists of working out, studying, reading manga and working out extra. I basically sleep at the gym. I also spend my time watching Islamic videos(I enjoy it a lot). I stopped talking to my friends

 

[space case]

I confess more often than not.

seeing and hearing things is no fun

 

[Sanity Check]

My stance is: there is no need for suicide.

Do as much good as you can, before the end.

That's all I got.

 

[Raven]

I used to criticize people who don’t stand their families like their parents or siblings. I only had contempt for those people. I used to think that no matter how horrible and toxic your family might be, You must support them and forgive them for everything they did to you. Now I have turned 180 on this. If they are abusive and keep on hurting you physically or emotionally then fuck them really. Not every family is perfect and I regret giving out an ignorant advices to people who complained about their families and I had the audacity to ask them to be tolerant without seeing the full picture. Ignoring someones pain because of some personal beliefs is more or just as abusive and toxic. It’s brave and healthy for us to be so firm in our stance to remove a toxic relationship from our lives even if they are family.

 

[space case]

How does one escape the inescapable
when your mind tricks you with such ease
I feel hopeless and frightened

 

[TitaniumOxide]

Once I almost did it. But my selfish thoughts saved me. Part of me said once it is over nothing matters. But I was so selfish I came to realize, if I am dead there's no more sushi. No more sex. No more One Piece. It scared the shit out of me even though it'd end all my suffering at the time. So everytime I went down that dark hole I just did the most selfish shit so I can enjoy a little and forget a little. Idk if it is the right thing to do to be selfish but I think it saved my life?

I realized then, that sometimes, being selfish especially if it harms no one else, it is actually being selfless to yourself. I think in being selfish, I learned to love myself. Still feel pretty depressed at times but I haven't had such suicidal thoughts for years now.

 

[space case]

My mask is always on
too tough to remove

the world is a dangerous place

 

[Charlie]

So this happened last week but whilst helping a neighbor pack for their family vacation. I ran into a childhood acquaintance from some odd 30 plus years ago. At first I didn't recognize him but couldn't shake that familiar feeling and it took a while for me to piece the clues together but eventually I did.

But once I realized who he was I kept it to myself because I didn't really know him and probably only interacted once or thrice.

It triggered some memories of the past juvenile behavior of mine and took me down memory lane. So that was kind of nice.

Two memories I recall him from - one was a dance at school (i danced with a hot girl and he wanted to as well but she refused him) and the second was me throwing an egg at his house for just a random reason. I was with my girlfriend at the time and this was probably around the 7th grade. Somehow this mofo found out it was me and egged my house a week later. I didn't see him do it but there was an egg there. (Someone ratted me out)
And that's about it from our encounters.

So getting back into the current timeline. Whilst at my neighbors house her mom says to him this is Fins (my brother) older brother do you know him. (I also didn't know he knew my younger brother)I overheard this and was intrigued to hear the answer to which he promptly replied a strong 'no'. Which low key urked me but made sense when I thought about it. And I didn't bother to change or correct him either.

But anyways life is interesting in who we encounter sometimes..... Also interesting to compare where we were back then to our present time. Traveling down memory lane recalling the past while reminiscing in the present.

Just wanted to share thanks for reading.

 

[IL 10]

On the surface, I take pride in my individuality.
Beneath it all, I really wish I were normal.