Fun Thread Answer the Question with a Question! - Part 1

Rein Avara · Nov 23, 2015

Doesn't really depend on how serious the individuals are about their relationship, be it present or future?

DoctorApollo · Nov 24, 2015

Naomi said:
Don't you think that being friends with someone is vital to make any romantic relationship work?

I mean, there's plenty of that "part time lover, full time friend" Beatles stuff for sure, and there is an undeniable importance to actually liking and getting along with your significant other on a personal level, but don't you think that as part of the courting process it's important to be as clear as possible about your intentions?

The thing is that from my experience, guys who are wishy-washy and unclear about the fact they want to romance the girl are seen as lacking confidence and being immature, and even if the girl is actually very interested, the expectation is on the guy to act and thus it will not go anywhere unless/until he does, and then it might even be too late, has it not been the same in your experience?

Rein Avara · Nov 24, 2015

DoctorApollo said:
I mean, there's plenty of that "part time lover, full time friend" Beatles stuff for sure, and there is an undeniable importance to actually liking and getting along with your significant other on a personal level, but don't you think that as part of the courting process it's important to be as clear as possible about your intentions?

The thing is that from my experience, guys who are wishy-washy and unclear about the fact they want to romance the girl are seen as lacking confidence and being immature, and even if the girl is actually very interested, the expectation is on the guy to act and thus it will not go anywhere unless/until he does, and then it might even be too late, has it not been the same in your experience?

I really dislike how a lot of the expectations are on the guy, what if the guy can't express them self very well, what then?

DoctorApollo · Nov 24, 2015

Master Piplup said:
I really dislike how a lot of the expectations are on the guy, what if the guy can't express them self very well, what then?

In that case, that guy needs to learn to express himself; this isn't just a matter of romantic relationships, all social interactions require people to learn to present themselves well, whether it's friends or job interviews, don't you think so?

Copy Panda · Nov 24, 2015

Hll, would you consider taking your question to the confession thread or so? It might be just me, but from what I read (on this page alone), isn't responding back in questions kinda tedious? :lmao

Rein Avara · Nov 24, 2015

Yeah you're right on that one, but at the same it's also a matter of the question, if the guy does muster up the courage and confidence to express/confess, what happens if and when he's rejected? Won't his efforts be wasted?

DoctorApollo · Nov 24, 2015

You're missing the bigger point, which is that if the guy is open about his intentions in the first place, he can confess his feelings and get rejected before he's too invested, right?

If you wait until you're friends with a girl for months or even years, and fantasize about how perfect you two would be together, your heart is already in it for the long run, and you will rip yourself apart when you get rejected; however, by being honest with yourself and the girl in question right off the bat, you get it out of the way early and the rejection is much better in that case, isn't it?

Rather than focusing on the rejection itself you ought to realize there's two options here, presuming you like the girl: the first is lying to yourself and to her by pretending to only want to be friends until you hurt both people involved (even if she was interested!), and the second is being honest and getting hurt just a little bit; the real question is would you rather be the guy who waited too long and ripped his heart to shreds, or the guy who tried (and got rejected) by making a move on some girl he recently met and doesn't really care about?

Rein Avara · Nov 24, 2015

Now you're starting to pique my interest, I would have be the guy who's tried (and got rejected) by making a move on some girl he recently met and doesn't really care about, I guess it's better to try and fail rather than not trying at all don't you agree?

Hll · Nov 25, 2015

TSPanda said:
Hll, would you consider taking your question to the confession thread or so? It might be just me, but from what I read (on this page alone), isn't responding back in questions kinda tedious?

How was I to know serious discussion would spring from my naive doubts?

At any rate, I will keep this advice in mind, especially the one of Doctor Apollo, when I am interested in a relationship, my previous rejection is still lingering on with me and I have yet to find a girl with whom I want to have a relationship, at any rate @DoctorApollo, you speak fro experience, did you go through something like this?

DoctorApollo · Nov 25, 2015

Of course, like all guys I did the whole "try to be friends and she should develop feelings just like i did!" thing when I was younger, now that i am marginally less young and stupid i know it doesnt work; the success rate (and positive reaction!) you get from having the confidence to state your mind are much much higher, even those who reject you end up respecting you a lot more, hasn't everyone gone through the cycle?

Rein Avara · Nov 25, 2015

I think everyone has gone through that cycle, it's a pain for one too but at the end of the day it gives us experience on what not to do in the future right?