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beyondStars

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Re: Someone look over my first translation? (Angel Myth ch6)(Ch-En)

Page 10:
Bubble: (你究竟是何方神圣呢?) What's your story?

I don't think this is correct. I don't know the context of the story but if I were to translate this, it should be the same as "Who in the world are you?" or "Who are you exactly?".
 

bajuwa

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Re: Someone look over my first translation? (Angel Myth ch6)(Ch-En)

ahh, yes, that would work much better.
thanks for catching that ^.^
 

Synthoxide

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My First Translation! (:

Hello! (: This is my first translation, ever. And I hope to get some decent criticism and honest feedback! I'll be translating a shoujo, called Akuma to Love Song (悪魔とラブソング).

Ah, I finished! (: Please look it over! I got lost on a couple sentences so please, help me if you can! ^^;

Thank you in advance for showing me patience! (: Translation will be under the spoiler~

Page 1:
♥ 悪魔とラブソング
♥ The Devil and Her Love Song [Akuma to Love Song]

フラフラ
SFX: wobble wobble

ぐお~
SFX: snore

マリアのことを話すのはちょっと難しいんだ
Narrator: Talking about Maria is a little difficult

ねーあの聖(セント)カトリア女子の制服の子
Girl on train: Ah, that girl in the Saint Katria Girls’ School uniform
ひどくない?
Isn't she cruel?

ゴトトン ゴトトン
SFX: Train Moving

目の前におばーさん立ってんのにさあ
Girl on Train: Even though there's an old lady standing right in front of her

それは俺がバカだからって
わけじゃなくて(それもあるけど)
Narrator: It’s not because I’m an idiot or anything (well, I am a bit stupid)

ヘーキですわりつづけてんだよねー
Girl on Train: She's still sitting there calmly
ほらやっぱ美人は性格わるいって
As I thought, pretty people have horrible personalities

可愛マリアなんていうかつまり
Narrator: Kawai Maria… how do I say it? She’s basically

Page 2:
アクマなんだよな。
a devil.

SONG(ソング).1 
Song. 1
悪魔とラブソング
Akuma to Love Song

Page 3:
横浜~横浜~
Train announcer: Yokohama~ Yokohama~

すっ
SFX: Stand

ぐー
SFX: snore

お降りの方はお足元にご注意
Train announcer: While getting off the train, please watch your step.

さっ
SFX: Move

すとん
SFX: Sit

がっ!
SFX: kick!

!?な なにすん。。。
Man: ?! What...

足ジャマ
Maria: Your feet are in my way.

あ、すいませ。。。
Man: Oh, excuse me...

。。。ちっ
Old Lady: ... Che.

Page 4:
寝てる奴カモるなんてたいした腕じゃないなスリババア
Maria: Preying on sleeping guys isn’t impressive, you pick pocketing hag.

ぼそっ
SFX: whisper

―な なんのことっ。。。
Old Lady: Wh-what are you...

せこいんだよ
Maria: You petty woman.

びくっ。。。
SFX: flinch

プミュー。。。
SFX: close

フー
SFX: sigh (of relief)

スリって。。。
Old Lady: Pick pocketing...

Page 5:
あのこなんでわかったんだ。。。!?
Old Lady: How did that child know...!?

「信じる物救われる」
Maria (Narration): "Those who believe can be saved"

シスターがしつこく説教でくり返していた言葉
Those words were said repeatedly in sister's persistent sermon

。。。。。。
Maria: ......

ぴたっ
SFX: open

でもそれは嘘だ
Maria (Narration): But that's a lie.
信じよう信じまいが現実はひとつ
Those who seem to believe, and those who don't believe all share one reality.

Page 6:
たとえば他人の目には自分がどんな風にうつっているのか
Maria (Narration): For example, what kind of way do I reflect in strangers' eyes?

めぐちん聞いた~?今日転入生くんだってよー
Boy: Meguchin, did you hear? Today, a transfer student is coming~

ああ、あれか?
Meguchin: Ah, that?
聖(セント)カトリア女子退学んなったとかいう
You mean the girl from Saint Katria Girls’ School that got expelled?

ゆーすけおはよー♥
Girl: Yuusuke~ Good morning~ ♥

おはよー
Yuusuke: Good morning~
なーすけー頭いんじゃん?
Yeah. Aren't they really smart in that school?
なんでうちみたいなバカ校くんだろうねー
I wonder why she decided to go to our stupid school, you know?

その現実は人との別れ時に知ることになっているらしい
Maria (Narration): When separating from people, it seems like that reality is known.
退学の日にあたしは言われた。
I was told on the day of my expulsion,

Page 7:
「あんたは人を汚れさせる」
Maria (Narration): "You disgrace people"

カラッ
SFX: open

可愛マリアです
Maria: I'm Kawai Maria.

Page 8:
ざわ
SFX: commotion / talk

ちょっと。。。犯罪的にかわいくね?
Person 1: Hey… Shouldn’t it be a crime to be that cute?

かおちっちぇー
Person 2: Such a small face~

ほそっ
Person 3: So thin~

ざわざわ
SFX: commotion / talking

さすが聖(セント)カトリア出身~てかんじ
Person 4: As one would expect from a Saint Katria girl

なにそれ関係ねえじゃんバカじゃね男子
Person 5: What? That has nothing to do with this, you idiot.

ざわ
SFX: commotion / talking

何よ何頭身?
Person 6: What, weren’t we talking about her body?

宇宙人。。。
Person 7: She’s probably an alien…

ざわ
SFX: commotion / talking

つーかさ退学まじ? なんて?
Person 8: Did she really get expelled? Why?

ガタン
SFX: stand

やっぱエッチがらみ。。。
Person 9: I bet it was for a sexual relationship…

はーい 俺の席のとなり空いて。。。
Yuusuke: Hey~ There’s an empty seat next to me…

暴力事件。
Maria: Violence.

Page 9:
教師を殴りすぎて退学になった
Maria: I got expelled because I hit a teacher too much.

じーん。。。
SFX: stare


Maria: ?
知りたいんじゃないのか
Didn’t you want to know?
答えさせる為に聞こえるような声でじゃべっていたんだろう
I thought I should’ve answered because of your loud gossiping,
それとも多少うわさを楽しむ期間があった方がよかったのか
or should I have let you all enjoy yourselves, instead?

ちょ。。。ちょっとあたしらべつに。。。
Girl: H… Hey, we didn’t mean anything…

まーまーま
Yuusuke: Wait, wait~

Page 10:
せっかく転校したんだからさぁリセットでいーじゃん?
Yuusuke: You just transferred. Why don’t we start over?
えーとね俺神田優介でいっからねー
Um, I’m Kanda Yuusuke.
マリアっちわかんねーことあったらきいてよ
Mariacchi, if you don’t understand anything, just ask me!

ああ…
Maria: Ah…
監視しなくても奴介な問題をおこす気はないし
If you’re planning on keeping an eye on me, you don’t need to worry about it.
おまえもたいして他人に興味ないくせにムリして声かけなくていい
You also shouldn’t speak up about someone you have no interest in.

固。
SFX: harden

ざわ
SFX: commotion / talking

え。。。優介ってそーゆーヒト?
Person 1: What… Yuusuke’s actually like that?

あの女がかってに言ってんじゃん
Person 2: She’s just making it up.

………
Meguro: ……

Page 11:
あの子なんでわかったんだろ~?
Yuusuke: How did she know~?
どっからみても明かるく楽しいクラスのラブリー優介じゃんね~?
I still look like the fun, cheerful, class’s lovely Kanda Yuusuke, don’t I~?

うわべだけな。
Meguro: Only on the outside.

はっきりいうなよお
奴かかしてるのに
Yuusuke (Side text): Are you trying to say that I’m failing?

…よくわかんねぇな
Meguro: I just don’t get it.
たまたまなのか異常にカンがいいのか
Is she unexpectedly clever, or is she good at understanding weird things?
あてずっぱなのか確信があんのか
Is it guesswork, or a conviction?
悪意なのか気ィつかってんのか
Is it just evil intentions? What is her motivation?
どっちにしろ関わりたくねーな
Either way, I don’t want to get involved with her.

Page 12:
めぐ~またそーやって人を拒絶して!
Yuusuke: Megu~ You’re rejecting people again!
神田優介
Sign: Kanda Yuusuke

俺はああいう人の図星をついてくるよーな奴が一番嫌ぇなんだよ!
Meguro: I hate people who worry about other people’s business the most!
目黒伸
Sign: Meguro Shin

めぐちんてほんとネガティブだよね
Yuusuke: Meguchin, you’re really negative, aren’t you?
あーほらなんかすっかりハブんなってるし
Ah – look. She’s completely left out.
転入初日なのに
Side text: Even though it’s only her first day.



Page 13:
征服買うから購買部どこが教えてくれ
Maria: I need to buy a uniform, so tell me where to find the store.

えっ俺?
Yuusuke: Eh, me?

矛盾してねーか
Meguro: Isn’t that a contradiction?
さっきはムリして声かけんなっ つった奴によ
Not too long ago, you unreasonably told us not to force ourselves.

そうだな悪い
Maria: That’s true. Sorry.
おまえは本当は面倒でもことわらない事を美徳とするだろと思って
I thought you couldn’t refuse to help, even if it is bothersome.
そこにつけこんだ
I used that quality about you.
自分で探す
I’ll look for it myself.

じゃた
SFX: stand

おまち!!
Yuusuke: Please wait!!

Page 14:
おつれいたしましょ
Yuusuke: Let me take you there!
ね~マリアっち~なんでそんなセキララなの?
Mariacchi, why are you so blunt?
さっきの「暴力事件」のことだってさ~
Even with your violent incident.
黙ってりゃ分かんないのにマイナスイメージバクロじゃちゃって
Because you didn’t keep quiet about it, it broke my nice image of you.

あたしは人を汚れさせるらしい
Maria: I seem to disgrace people.

は?
Yuusuke: What?

だから自分の汚れもみせないと
If my own impurities aren’t shown,
せこいだろ
it seems petty.

Page 15:
そっちのがせこいじゃん
Yuusuke: Isn’t that way of thinking petty?
だってさ~汚れなんてみたくないもん
Because no one wants to see your impurities.
服もメイクも部屋も弁当もラブリー方がいーっしょう
People want to see clothes, makeup, home-made lunches, and lovely things.
人づきあいだっておんなじさぁ
It’s the same with socializing.
たとえばさっき俺に言った「たいして他人に興味ないくせにムリすんあ」
For example, when you said “You shouldn’t speak up about someone you’re not interested in”
きっついよ これ~
That really hurt~
軽く死んだもん
I died a little.
だけどこれをラブリー変換しますと
But, with a lovely transformation, it turns into

Page 16:
「その気もないのにやさしくする誤解しちゃうよ?」
Yuusuke: If you do kind things for me without any feelings, won’t that create a misunderstanding?”
あ これ首の角度ポイント
Ah, tilt your head
ちょっと上目づかいがいっかなー
and have an uplift your eyes, no matter what.
マリアっち今反対んなったるし
Mariacchi, right now, you’re the opposite of that.

………
Maria: …….
そんな風には思ってない
I wasn’t thinking that way.

売店
Sign: Store

いーの いーの 
Yuusuke: It’s okay, it’s okay
これなら俺だって悪い気しない
If you do this, I won’t feel bad.
マリアっちもかまわれたくないきもちは伝えられるし
Mariacchi, you also don’t want to be bothered.
目的ははたすじゃん
It accomplishes that purpose.



Page 17:
うそかホントかどーでもいーのさぁ
Yuusuke: Whether it’s a lie or the truth isn’t important.
退学の日シスターは言った
Maria (Narrator): On the day of my expulsion, the sister said to me,
「あなたのそのカンのするどさはあなたの個性です」
“Your cunning perception is your personality.”
カチャ
SFX: open
そーそーあいつー
Girl: Yeah, that girl!

Page 18:
「でもあまりに鋭くて」
Maria (Narration): “But with too much perception”
「あなたの気遣いさえも逆に相手をおいつめる」
“your concern only drives the others into a corner.”

可愛マリア!!
Girl 1: Kawai Maria!!
けさ電車ん中でたまたま見たのー!
This morning, I saw her on the train!
ひどかったよねー
She was so mean
ぜんぜん席ゆずらないで
She wouldn’t give up her seat
降りる時ねてるオッサンけりとばして
And when it was time to get off, she even kicked an old man!

うそー
Girl 2: No way!

すわったバーサンに「死ぬ」っつったんだよー
Girl 1: And she whispered “Die” to a sitting old woman!
目元で
In her ear!

えーこあー
Girl 3: What? That’s scary-

まじでー
Girl 4: Seriously?

がちゃ
SFX: open

それは違う
Maria: That’s not right.

びくっ
SFX: twitch

Page 19:
あの老婆はスリの常習犯で寝ていた男性は狙われていた
Maria: That old woman was a pick pocket, and was preying on that sleeping man.
だから起こした
So, I woke him up.

な なに バカじゃん?
Girl 1: Wh-what, are you an idiot?
んないいわけ
What a bad excuse.

本当のことだ
Maria: That’s what happened.

でもさでもっけるってなくね?
Girl 1: But, then, you wouldn’t have kicked him, right?
ねー
Girls: Right
ねー死ぬとかさーっ
Girl 1: You wouldn’t have said die, either

ああ…つまり真実がどうかはどうでもよくて
Maria (thoughts): Aah, for them, it doesn’t matter if it’s the truth or not.
いちゃもんつけたいだけか
Do they just want to pick a fight?
じゃあ説明してもききたくないだろうな…
Even if I give them an explanation, I guess they wouldn’t want to listen…

ねー
Girls: Right-
ねー信じんなーい
Girl 1: Yeah, as if we would believe that.

ラブリー変換
Yuusuke (flashback): Lovely Transformation

あ…
Maria: Ah…

は?!
Girls: Ha?!

Page 20:
首の角度
SFX: head at an angle
くいっ
SFX: Tilt

あたしはちょっとひどいとこもあるかもだけどよろしくね♥
Maria: I may say cruel things sometimes, but please take care of me. ♥

ラブリーは難しい…
Maria (Narrator): Lovely Transformation is hard…

ぴたっ
SFX: look

でも
Maria (Narration): But

Page 21:
ここに来たことに意味があるなら
Maria (Narration): If there’s a meaning in coming here,

ふりっ
SFX: Turn

あたしは
Maria (Narration): I

…征服を
Maria: Uniform...

なれるかもしれない
Maria (Narration): might get used to
なにも汚さないものにー…
Not disgracing anyone…

征服を…かえた
Maria: I… changed into my uniform
ここのセーラはかわいいな
The sailor uniform here is cute.

Page 22:
似合うだろうか
Maria: Does it suit me?

じんっ。。。
SFX: stare

似合うわねーよ
It doesn’t suit you.

ひ ひどーい目黒
Girl: H-how mean, Meguro!
似合ってるよ可愛さん
It suits you, Kawai-san!

そーだよ目黒ちょっと変わってっから気にすんな
Other girls: It does! Meguro is just a little different with people’s feelings.

わい わい
SFX: Chatter chatter

てゆーかカトリアの方が征服かわいーのにもったいなーい
Girl: I mean, even though Katria’s uniform is way cuter than ours, you look really good!

ガタ
SFX: stand
おたおた
SFX: shuffle shuffle

カトリアってさー毎年神奈川の征服ランキング1位じゃん
Girl: Katria… don’t their uniforms rank number 1 in Kanagawa every year?
十家なんて毎回最下位だもんねー
Girl: Doesn’t our school get lowest rank every year?
アハハハ
SFX: Hahaha
じぎゃく~
Everyone: Masochism~

あれめぐどこいくの
Yuusuke: Where are you going, Megu?

サボリ
Meguro: Skipping.

ねーねー可愛さんのしてるクロスペンダントかあいくないー?
Girls: Hey, hey, isn’t Kawai-san’s cross pendant cute?
どこで売ってんのー?
Girls: Where’d you get it?
ああ…これシスターにもらって
Maria: Aah… the sister gave it to me.

みしてみしてー
Girls: Let me see, let me see-
えーシスターってほんとにいんだ?
What, “sister”? Do those really exist?
すげー
Amazing~
まじもん?
Seriously?

Page 23:
ねーちょっとつけさしてー
Girls: Hey – let me wear it!
なんか変わった形
It looks so strange!

ああ それはクロスの種類のひとつで…
Maria: Aah, that’s one type of cross…

あれ マリアっちうまくやってんじゃん
Yuusuke: Ah, Mariacchi is doing good.

優介―パワプロかしてー
Boy: Yuusuke~ lend me your Power Pro-

えーくわしい~可愛さんってやっぱ宗教の人?
Girls: Eh~ Kawai-san, you know a lot! Are you religious?
つかカトリアって礼拝とかあんでしょー
Doesn’t Katria worship?
じゃあ全員神様とか信じてんだ!?
Does everyone believes in god?!
なんかこわーっ
That’s so scary!
……
Girl: ……

そういうわけじゃない
Maria: That’s not really true.

うちぜんぜんそーゆーのないからさー
Girls: We aren’t that kind type of school at all~
ごめんねー
Sorry~
征服もかあいくないしさー
Our uniforms aren’t cute, either
可愛ぜんぶランクおちちゃうねー
Kawai-san, all our rankings are last
あっ ねえねえもしかしてうちらって見下されてる?
Ah, hey, hey, maybe you’re looking down on us?
カトリアってそーゆーかんじー
Katria seems like that

集団でかたまって見下したがってるのはそっちだろう
Maria: It seems to me that you all are the ones who look forward to looking down on people.

キーンコーン
SFX: bell chiming

…鳥は自由だ…
Maria (Narration): …The birds are free…
そういえば神様は羽をもっていないんだったか
But even if you say so, God didn’t have wings, did he?

Page 24:
悪魔にさえあるのにー
Maria (Narration): Despite the fact that the devil did-

ばた ばた ばた
SFX: hit hit hit

Page 25:
いまごろ泣いてんじゃねー?
Girls: Do you think she’s crying right now?
ゴミすてから帰ってきたら誰もいなくて
If she came back from throwing out the trash, and saw that no one’s there
征服ズタズタだもんねー
And her uniform torn-
そーそー
Yeah, yeah
可愛にゴミすていかせたのグッジョブ!!
Good job on getting Kawai to take out the trash!!
あんたも征服やぶんの早技だってじゃん
You too! You were really fast at tearing up her uniform!
あたし手さわいーからぁー
It’s because I have quick hands
旗っぽくしたのまじうけるー
You even made it look like a flag
旗だよ旗―
Flag! Flag!
ありんねー
Thanks-

あれ 女子今日そうじ当番っしょ?
Yuusuke: Hey, aren’t you guys on cleaning duty today?

どきっ
SFX: blush

Page 26:
もうおわったの!
Girls: We already finished!
優介も早く帰りなよー
You should hurry home too, Yuusuke!

あ ねーめぐみなかった?
Yuusuke: Ah, wait, have any of you seen Megu?

しらなーい
Girls: I don’t think so~

どこいったんだろなーめぐ…
Yuusuke: Where did you go, Megu…

じゃーねーゆーすけ
Girls: Bye, Yuusuke!

ばいばーい
Yuusuke: Bye-bye!

ばた ばた
SFX: hit hit

退学の日あたしは言われた
Maria (Narration): On the day of my expulsion, I was told
親友だと信じていたともだちから
By my best friend and people who I believed were my friends,

♪…amazing…♫
Maria (singing): Amazing

Page 27:
「あんたは人を汚れさせる」
Maria (Narration):“You disgrace people.”

めぐ みーっけ
Yuusuke: Megu, I’ve found you.
休み時間からずっとサボったねー
You ended up skipping everything when you were resting.

午後の授業で当たるのがやなんだよ…
Meguro: In the afternoon classes, I get called on to talk…

めぐ 英語できるじゃん
Yuusuke: Megu, you can speak English.
帰国子女なんだから
Side text: You’re a returnee.

人前でじゃべんのがやなんだよ…
Meguro: I don’t want to speak in front of people…

マリアっちがみんなを敵にしちゃったよー
Yuusuke: Mariacchi got everyone to hate her.

知るかよ
Meguro: I don’t care!
どーしよーもねーあの女
That woman is helpless.

♪amazing grace…♫
Maria (singing): Amazing grace

信じても救われるとは限らない
Maria (Narration): Even if you believe, it’s not always true that you’ll be saved
あれからずっとあたしのこころの中は
Because of that, for a long time, in my heart,

Page 28:
にげだしたい
Maria (Narration): I want to run away

♪how sweet the sound ♫
Maria (singing): How sweet the sound

誰かうたってる…?
Yuusuke: Someone singing…?
すげーきれーな声…
Wow~ such a pretty voice…
なにこれどこ語?英語?
What language is this? English?

♪that saved a wretch ♫
Maria (singing): That saved a wretch
「-なんてやさしいひびき」…
Meguro: “How sweet the sound”…

Page 29:
♪like me… ♫
Maria (singing): like me…

「私のようなどうしようもない者もすくわれた」…?
Meguro: “That saved a wretch like me”…?

自分がきらい
Maria (Narration): I hate myself.

それ歌詞? 訳しての?
Yuusuke: Are those the lyrics? Did you translate them?
なんのうだこれ
What song is this?

♪I once was lost ♫
Maria (singing): I once was lost

これ…賛美歌だ
Meguro: This is… a hymn.

ごめんなさい
Maria (Narration): I’m sorry.

Page 30:
♪but now I’m found ♫
Maria (singing): but now I’m found
♪was blind, but now I see… ♫
Maria (singing): was blind, but now I see…

かわりたい
Maria (Narration): I want to change.


Yuusuke: Ah
マリ…
Mari…

誰かに好きと言ってみたい
Maria (Narration): I want to try saying “I like you” to someone

Page 31:
自分を好きと言ってみたい
Maria (Narration): I want to try saying "I like you" to myself
心から
From my heart

Page 32:

Yuusuke: Ah,
ごめんねー立ち聴きして
sorry for easedropping~
マリアすっげー歌うまいじゃん
Maria, wow – you’re good at singing.

さっきはすまなかったな
Maria: I'm sorry about earlier.

Page 33:
せっかく周囲との会話のきっかけを作ってもらったが生かせなくて
Maria: Even though you went through great pains to start the conversation, I couldn’t use the chance you gave me.

きっかけ? 何?
Yuusuke: Chance? What?

べ べつにっ
Meguro: N-nothing!

「似合うわねーよ」
Maria: “It doesn’t suit you.”
わざと悪になったろう
You were mean on purpose.

なんだそーなの?
Yuusuke: What? Is that true?

ちがうっ俺は
Meguro: That’s wrong! I was…

めんどうみがいいんだなおまえ
Maria: You’re a very good person.

ちがっ
Meguro: Wrong!

そーなんだよめぐって実はさー
Yuusuke: Yeah, Megu really is-

てめーやめろ
Meguro: You! Stop it!

Page 34:
おまえらおにあいだな
Maria: You two suit each other.

ちょっ…までそれはどういう
Meguro: Hey… what does that mean?!

もーてれちゃって
Yuusuke: She didn’t mean it like that

下校時刻になりました
Intercom: It’s the end of the day
みんなさんすみやかに帰宅しましょう
Everyone, please hurry home.

あれっ 
Yuusuke: Ah.
今日から下校の音楽かわったんだ!
Today, they changed the after school music!
これってさっきマリアが歌ってたやつじゃね?
Wasn’t this what Maria was singing earlier?
なんかえらく明るいかんじになってるけど
This one gives you a really cheerful feeling, but

Page 35:
うちねー下校の音楽月替わりなんだ
Yuusuke: The music at the end of the school day changes every month,
でもこれマリアの歌とふんいき違いすぎだな
but this is so different from Maria’s song and mood.
ほんとに賛美歌?
Is it really a hymn?

アレンジがちがうだけだろが
Meguro: It’s just different arrangement, I think.

ねーマリア
Yuusuke: Hey, Maria
あたしかっこーくる?
Are you coming to school tomorrow?

Page 36:
あたりまえだ
Maria: Naturally.

Page 37:
ああ 違ったなこうだ
Maria: Ah, that wasn’t right.
そんなにあたしに会いたいの? 心配しなくてもちゃんと来るわ ♥
Did you want to see me that much? Don’t worry, I’ll come. ♥

死ぬ!!
Meguro: Die!!

ラブリーのツボはつかみにくいな
Maria: Getting lovely transformation right is hard.
「あたしが会いたいから」の方がよかったか
Maybe “Because I wanted to see you” would have been better?

そっちのがうそっぽー
Yuusuke: That way seems like a lie!

Page 38:
「ウソか本当かはどうてもいい」
Maria: “Whether it’s a lie or the truth doesn’t matter.”

マリアは
Narrator: Maria is

うそつき
Maria: Liar.

可愛マリアはアクマなんだけど
Narrator: Kawai Maria is a devil, but

ばさっ
SFX: Shift

Page 39:
わらって…?
Yuusuke: She smiled…?

なんだか とても
Narrator: somehow, I see
きれいなアクマに見えるんだ。
A very beautiful devil.

Page 40:
悪魔とラブソング
The Devil and Her Love Song [Akuma to Love Song]
 
Last edited:

mikkih

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Re: My First Translation! (:

Hi. The manga is entertaining. I don't quite like the Maria girl that much though...

Anyway, here are a few suggestions:
(1) Girls' School, not Girl's School, and
(2) Isn't it almost a crime to be that cute? The raw is not "犯罪人にしてはかわいくね?" 
ちょっと。。。犯罪的にかわいくね?Person 1: Hey, isn’t she too cute to be a criminal?
:)
 

cmertb

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Re: My First Translation! (:

I can't believe I'm saying this after it's been said to me so many times, but your tl is too literal in a few places. Try to word it more naturally. For example, "Even though there's an old lady standing in front of her eyes" --> would you really say this in English? You'd say "in front of her", with no "eyes", right?

Some lines that need to be fixed:

それは俺がバカだからって
わけじゃなくて(それもあるけど)
Narrator: I'm an idiot, but even so, that's not the reason (Well, it might be, but)
It's all one clause here, which means: "It's not because I'm an idiot (although there's some of that too)"

可愛マリアなんていうかつまり
Narrator: In short, Kawai Maria is called things like

Page 2:
アクマなんだよな。
a devil.
Kawai Maria is... how should I put it... basically, a devil. {There's another interpretation possible, but in any case, I don't think "called a devil" is the meaning here}

Might be more, but let someone more experienced handle it. :D
 

Synthoxide

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Re: My First Translation! (:

Hi. The manga is entertaining. I don't quite like the Maria girl that much though...

Anyway, here are a few suggestions:
(1) Girls' School, not Girl's School, and
(2) Isn't it almost a crime to be that cute? The raw is not "犯罪人にしてはかわいくね?" 
:)

Hello! (: Believe it or not, I actually am not a fan of Maria, myself. I like Meguro a lot more. ^^;

(1) That's my grammatical error. XD Sorry about that.
(2) Thank you! I wasn't too sure about that line. But I understand it now. :D

Thank you very much~ :D

I can't believe I'm saying this after it's been said to me so many times, but your tl is too literal in a few places. Try to word it more naturally. For example, "Even though there's an old lady standing in front of her eyes" --> would you really say this in English? You'd say "in front of her", with no "eyes", right?

Some lines that need to be fixed:


It's all one clause here, which means: "It's not because I'm an idiot (although there's some of that too)"


Kawai Maria is... how should I put it... basically, a devil. {There's another interpretation possible, but in any case, I don't think "called a devil" is the meaning here}

Might be more, but let someone more experienced handle it. :D

Oh wow. o_o I hadn't even noticed it. It does sound pretty unnatural, doesn't it? xD No, thank you! I'll go through what I've got so far and fix it, and then be more careful in the future. ;D Again, thank you for your help! ^^
 

mikkih

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Re: My First Translation! (:

Some lines that need to be fixed:
It's all one clause here, which means: "It's not because I'm an idiot (although there's some of that too)"
Your translation is perfect :), but she can also brake up the clauses and not make a compound sentence I think. What I mean is that the phrase in () is probably just the speaker's thought that was unsaid.
 

Synthoxide

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Re: My First Translation! (:

I'm bumping up my own thread. xD

Still looking for some thoughts/suggestions/criticisms. (:
 

Hidari

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My first translation attempt

Hi all, it's my very first attempt on translating so please feel free to criticise :tem

The raw that I referred to was pretty blur so words that I really couldn't figure out are marked 'x'

So here goes, thanks for your time ^^


Page 1

電撃デイジー 校務員の秘密
Dengeki Daisy The school janitor’s secret

その30 私だけが知っている
Chapter 30: Only I know

さあ、どれがジョーカーかな、照ちゃん
Kurosaki: Now, which is the joker, Teru-chan?

その腹立つ表情からするとコレ…?
Teru: Judging from that angry expression… this…?

いや それともコレ…?
Teru: No, or is it this…?

黒崎さん、ドSモード 入りました~!
Kurosaki-san, successfully entered the S-mode~!

Page 2
たぶんみんながあまり知らなくて
Narration: It’s likely that no one really knows…

…ぷっちん
…Pucchin

私だけ知っていること
Narration: Something that only I know

黒崎は―
Narration: Kurosaki is―

Page 3

…なんだ 今の音は
Kurosaki: …What was that sound

え?音?
Teru: Eh? Sound?

なんかちっちゃい風船割れたみたいな…
Kurosaki: Something like a small balloon bursting…

何言ってんの 風船なんて…
Teru: What are you saying? A balloon…?

(ひく…)
(Hiku…)

ふぇ…
Teru: Fwe…

ぷっちん
Teru: Pucchin

はあ へんだな鼻がムズムズ…
Teru: Haa… Weird, my nose has been itchy…

…黒崎 どーしたの?
Teru: …Kurosaki, what’s wrong?

(ふる ふる ふる)
Shake shake shake

黒崎は意外と笑い上戸だ
Narration: Kurosaki is surprisingly a merry drinker

ぶあっはっはっは なんだそれ!? クシャミか今の!?
Kurosaki: Bwahahaha what was that!? A sneeze!?

(ひゃっはっはっはっ はっはっはっ)
(Hyahahaha hahaha)

な…なんで?フツーじゃないの?こーいうの…
しっ失礼だよ 笑いすぎ!!ひっどいよっ…
Teru: Wha… Why? Isn’t this normal? This…
H… How rude! You are laughing too much!! That’s mean…!

すまん悪いツボに入った だっておま… …ぶひゃひゃっ…
Sorry, I was tickled by it. After all, your… … Buhyahya…

Page 4

黒崎 祐 
金髪でヘビースモーカー 目つきも悪い
Narration: Kurosaki Tasuku
A heavy smoker with blond hair and an unpleasant look in his eyes

ハッキリ言って 見た目はいかにも頭弱いチンピラ風だと思う
Narration: To put it plainly, people would think that he is a typical young hoodlum

(いつまで笑ってんのさ
この このっ)
Teru: How long are you going to continue laughing
Why you… you…

ひっひひ… ひひ… やべ とまらん…)
Kurosaki: Hihhihi… hihi… This is bad, I can’t stop…

この人が実は“DAISY”と言う腕の立つハッカーなのは
Narration: This person is, in reality, a skilled hacker known as “DAISY” and

私を含めてほんの少しの人しか知らない
Narration: There are only a few who knows about this

(…ひひっ ハラいてえ…)
Kurosaki: …Hihi my stomach hurts….

Page 5

あー笑った笑ったすまんかった 
下僕よ ご苦労いい働きをしてくれた
Kurosaki: Ahh I’m sorry for laughing non-stop
Servant, you have worked well and hard

でももう帰れ
Kurosaki: But go back already

テスト1週間前切ってんだろ?その間は仕事ナシだ
Kurosaki: Don't you have tests in less than a week's time? There won’t be work for you during that period.

え…知ってたの?そんなの
Teru: Eh? You knew about that?

そりゃまあ そのくらいはな
Kurosaki: Well… I know that much at least

笑い上戸だったり 口のわりには優しかったりとか
Narration: Other than being a merry drinker

さっきのくしゃみカゼの前兆かもしんねーから
気をつけろよ
Kurosaki: The sneeze just now could be the sign of a cold, so
be careful

…黒崎は今日も遅くなるの?
このごろ忙しそうだね
Teru: … Kurosaki, will you be late today as well?
You seem to be really busy recently

(ガチャッ)
Gacha

あーまぁな
Kurosaki: Well… yeah…

寒くなる前にやっとくことが色々あんだよ
Kurosaki: There’s a lot to do before the weather gets cold

さすがに年中サボってばっかもいられねーわな
Kurosaki: As expected for skipping work the whole year

―なんて言うけれど 
意外と(?)そつなく仕事をしてることとか
Narration: ―That being said
Surprisingly (?) he does flawless work


Page 6

私だけが知ってるほんとの黒崎
Narration: The real Kurosaki that only I know of

じゃあこのモッブだけ洗っとくね―
Teru: So I’ll just wash this mop, okay―

お― 気に利くな 感心感心
Kurosaki: Ah― Sensible eh? Well done, well done!

それがたくさんあるのは嬉しい気もするし
ちょっとったいない気もするんだ…
Narration: I’m mostly glad about that
but I also feel a little unworthy of it…

黒崎さんの評判…か
Kiyoshi: Kurosaki-san’s reputation…?

実は 意外と肩持つ先生も多いんだよね
Kiyoshi: Actually surprisingly, there are also many teachers that side with him

そうなの?
Teru: Really?

(ぱああ)
Paaa

生活指導とか喫煙者の先生なんか特にね
あの人が役に立つこと多いみたいで
Kiyoshi: For example, especially the educational guidance teacher and the teacher who smokes
It seems that that person has helped them in many ways

Aihara: 職員室のそばに喫煙室の低予算で作ってもらってねェ
He helped me build a smoking room beside the staff room at a low price

(いやあ わるくは言えんよ~)
Ahh I can’t say anything bad~

(相原 稔 55・老文)
Aihara Jin, 55, Ancient Japanese

彼をおそれて生徒のサボりや問題行動が減ったからな
Cases of skipping lessons and other problems have decreased for students that are afraid of him

金髪はアレだが実際 助かってる文句は言えん
The blond hair is a little that, but in reality he’s always of great help so I can’t complain

(渋沢 吾郎 48・体育)
Shibusawa Gorou, 48, Physical education

Page 7

ふーん そーなんだ…
Teru: Hmm so it’s like that…

(先生の事務もいろいろだねェ)
So he has lots of work from the teachers too…

Kiyoshi:それにもっと意外なのが年配の女の先生
肩持つと言うよりファンに近い
And more surprisingly, the old female teacher
Rather than siding with him, she’s closer to being a fan of him

彼は好青年よォ 本当なの
見た目のせいで 誤解されるんでしょうけどねェ
Sakuramoto: He’s a good young man! It’s true
But because of his looks, he’s always mistaken by others

(私だけは 彼の味方よォ)
I’m the only one who’s his ally!

(桜本 キヨ美 50・音楽)
Sakuramoto Kiyomi, 50, Music

いつも礼儀正しいし 気配りもあるし
Sakuramoto: He’s always polite and is considerate

(センセー おはよーございます)
Sensei, good morning!


(あっXX 
かえられました?)
Ahh,


(まっ)
Well!

(世割り上手)
Word in box: Sycophant

あの金髪のことだって…
Sakuramoto: About that blond hair…

ああ…この髪実は生まれつきなんです
Kurosaki: Ahh… That hair is actually natural.

(このせいでよく色々言われますが)
It’s because of the hair that I’m always picked on…

僕 イギリス人の血が入ってて…
大きな声では言いたくないので内緒にしといてくださいね…
Kurosaki: I have British blood flowing in me…
I don’t want to say it loudly, so please keep it a secret…

バカじゃね?
Teru: Isn’t that stupid?

(スコーンでも食ってる)
He’s even eating scone

(ふっ  ふっ)
Fu Fu

いいじゃない 信じてる人もいるんだから
Kiyoshi: Isn’t that good? There are people who believe in him

(もしかしたら本当かもしれないしさ)
It could all be true

まあでも安心したよ 味方多くて
うまく回ってんだ黒埼も
Teru: But well I am relieved, that he has many supporters
Kurosaki is doing well too

いや「意外と」多いってだけだから
ただのチンピラと思ってる人もいっぱいいるよ
Kiyoshi: No, that’s because there were a lot of exceptions
There are also many who think he’s just a young hoodlum

Page 8

(…たとえば)
ふツーにマジメな先生とかそれから…
Kiyoshi: …For example
The normally-serious kind of teachers and…

紅林!!
Kurebayashi!!

あ…江川先生
Teru: Ahh…Egawa-sensei

(江川 覧治 25 英語)
Egawa Ranji, 25, English

ああ元気そうだな よかった
入院したって聞いたら心配してたぞ
Egawa: Ahh you look well, that’s good to see.
I was worried when I heard that you were hospitalized

ちょっと大事な話があるんだ いいかな
準備室まで来てくれるか
Egawa: I have something important to tell you, is that okay?
Could you come to the preparation room?

…はい…
Teru: …Yes…

…特に黒崎さんをよく思わないのは江川先生みたく
優等生の照を気に入ってる先生だよな…
Kiyoshi: …Egawa-sensei who especially does not think well of Kurosaki
And is pleased with Teru, the honors student

(英語準備室B)
English preparation room B

Page 9

先生これ…小テストの答案用紙じゃ
Teru: Sensei, this is… The answer sheet for the small test…?

君が欠席して受けなかった2回分のね
なるべく早く記入してて出しなさい
Egawa: It’s for the 2 tests that you did not take during your absence
Finish them and hand in as soon as possible

もうすぐ定期テストだろ?
Egawa: It’s almost the common tests isn’t it?

僕の場合点数の半分は小テストから加点するから
Egawa: In my case, half of the score will come from the small test, so

いや…知ってますけど
だからこそ公平にしてもらわないと
Teru: Yes… I know that but
All the more we should do it fairly

元々 君なら満点が取れる内容だよ それより…
こんなことで君の連続成績1位が危うくなるほうが問題じゃないか?
Egawa: Considering the contents, it is something you would have obtained full marks for. Leaving that aside…
Shouldn’t the problem be that your overall first position will drop because of such a thing?

(言っちゃ悪いが私が時々イジメられるのは)
It’s bad to say this but the one who occasionally gives such an image

(こーいう先生のおかげなところもあると思う)
Is this kind of teacher

いや…むしろこのような ご厚意のほうが問題あります
Teru: But… Rather, it’s this kind of favour that is the problem

せめてちゃんとテスト形式で…
そうじゃなきゃこのテスト分の点数は いりませんから…
Teru: We should at least do it according to the test format…
If not, I wouldn’t want to count the scores for this test …

(欠席したのは自分の落ち度ですし)
It’s my own fault for being absent anyway

………

…どうしたのかな紅林は最近口ごたえが多いぞ
Egawa: …I wonder what has happened, Kurebayashi has been retorting a lot recently

そんなことないですよ 前から…
Teru: There’s no such thing, I have always been like this…

欠席も増えたし…生活態度にも問題あるよね
Egawa: You have been absent more frequently… Your living attitude also has problems

Page 10

金髪校務員の黒崎さんとずいぶん前から親密してるね
Egawa: From before, haven’t you been rather intimate with the school janitor

そういうところから悪影響でてるのかな
Egawa: I wonder if it has resulted in bad influence

(うわ やっぱりきた)
Wha, as expected it came

もしかしてつき合ってるとか
Egawa: Could it be that you two are going out, or

いやいやいや そ-いうのじゃありません!!
ただ家が近所で それとまぁ 色々とですね
Teru: No no no, this is not true!!
It’s just that we live in the same neighbourhood. And that… well… because of various reasons

(必死)
Frantic

冗談だよ つき合ってるとは思ってないさ
Egawa: I was just joking! I don’t think you guys are going out either

紅林はいい意味で色気がないし
男ウケしないよね いいイミで
Egawa: In a good sense, Kurebayashii doesn’t have any charm anyway
And has no popularity with guys, in a good sense

(ははは なにムキになってるの)
Hahaha, why are you getting serious?

そういうイミではぜんっぜん心配してないから
Egawa: Because of this I am TOTALLY not worried about you

ほんといいイミで
Egawa: And I really mean it in a good sense

(コノヤロウ)
This rascal

(いいイミってなんだよ)
What’s this “in a good sense”

Page 11

でもね 紅林
Egawa: But, Kurebayashi

先生としてはどんな事情があるにせよ
ああいう人と仲良くしてほしくないな
Egawa: As a teacher, no matter what kind of thing happens
I hope that you would not get too intimate with that kind of person

あれは言っちゃ悪いがただの無学なチンピラだよ
Egawa: It’s bad to say this but he is just an illiterate hoodlum

あんな金髪って時点で十分人としての価値が知れるね
Egawa: With that blond hair, time would tell if he’s an upright person

…そんなことない いい人ですよ
先生だってよく知ってもらえれば…
Teru: …That’s not true, he is a good person
If sensei would try to learn more about him…

あーあこりゃずいぶん毒されてるな
Egawa: Ah Ah you’re very much poisoned

(…なんだよ…)
…What’s with that…

まさかだけどイギリス人の血がどうとかっての本気にしてる?
英会話ペラペラしゃべるところでも見たことあるの?
Egawa: Don’t tell me you are serious about him being a British?
Have you even seen him speaking English fluently?

(一部のオバちゃん先生は信じてるみたいだけど)
Some of the old female teachers seem to believe in him though

(やら べら べら べら)
Yara Bera bera bera

……

純粋な子ほど影響うけるの早いんだよね
Egawa: You are too pure a child to be influenced so early

君がマネして金髪にする日も遠くないな
もっと早く注意するんだった
Egawa: You are not far from imitating him and getting a blond hair
I should have noticed that earlier

(なんだよ さっきから)
What’s with that? Since just now

Page 12

(さっきから)
Since just now

もし今度の定期テストで成績落ちたらあの金髪の…
Egawa: If your results for this time’s test slipped, that blond hair’s…

(キンパツ キンパツて)
“Blond hair”, “blond hair”

わかりました
Teru: I understand.

成績は落としません 約束しましょう
必ず総合1位を取ります
Teru: My results will not drop, I promise you.
I will definitely obtain the overall first ranking

(小テストも受けませぬ ハンデとして)
I will not take the small test as a handicap

(ゴゴゴゴゴ)
Gogogogogogo

もしも1位を取れなかったら
黒崎のあのキンパツを―
Teru: If I do not get first place, that blond hair of Kurosaki’s―

Page 13

黒崎さんに黒髪に染めてもらうって?
Haruka: To dye Kurosaki-san’s hair black?

(え―)
Ehhh―

(マジかよ マジかよ)
That can’t be serious That can’t be serious

(よくそんなくだらないX員成立したよね)


うん 照が1位取れなかったらだって
Kiyoshi: Yeah, just because Teru doesn’t come in first

さすがに「ハゲにしてもらいます」とは言えず…
As one would expect, I can’t say “I will make you bald”

今さら 猛勉強中
Text in box: Extreme studying only now

(ギリのとこで 思わぬ理性がはたらきました)
Because my honor was at stake, I lost my reason unexpectedly

(ブッ ブッ)
Bu Bu

そーいう問題じゃないよ
黒崎さん本人に了解とってないんでしょ? (知らないよ)
Kiyoshi: That’s not the problem
You haven’t asked for Kurosaki-san’s permission, have you? I didn’t know

(ハナ血でてるよ)
Your nose is bleeding

で…でも 大丈夫だよ うん
Teru: B… But it’ll be fine. Yeah.

私がしっかり1位になれば何の問題もないわけだしね
Teru: There won’t be a problem if I get first place


(ズビ)
Zubi

(フフン 連続1位タイトル保持者ナメンなよ)
Fufun, don’t underestimate the consecutive holder of the first position!

死亡フラグだね そー言う時に 限ってきっと失敗するよ
Kiyoshi: That’s the foreshadowing of death. It’s only in these times that you will definitely fail to do so

(大体いつも一位なの奇跡じゃん)
It’s always a miracle that you obtained first place anyway

(ゴビーン)
Gobiin

…フム しかし待てよ
Haruka: …Hmm, but wait

照が1位を取れなければ
Haruka: If Teru isn’t able to obtain first place

Page 14

あの黒崎さん
Haruka: That Kurosaki-san

黒髪に……
Haruka: Hair becomes black…

ふむ アリじゃね?(シブいじゃん)
Haruka: Hmmm it’s possible, isn’t it? (He’ll look cool)

(少女マンガのヒーローは基本黒髪優位ですし)
Moreover, the heroes in Shoujo manga predominantly have black hair

若干 地味になる心配もありますが…
いや悪くない 悪くないと思われます
Yoshi: I’m worried that he might become a little plain but…
No, it’s not bad. I think he wouldn’t look too bad

俺もあの人は黒く染めるべきに一票だな
正直ずっと俺とキャラがかぶってんのか気になってた!!
Ryou: I, too, vote that that person’s hair will be dyed black
To be honest, I have always wondered if our characters would overlap!!

黒くすると今度は俺とカブるわけだが… (ツンツン つながりで)
Ken: This time it would overlap with mine… (related by our sullen looks)

(オレは心が広い 嫌じゃないぜ)
I’m big-hearted, so I don’t dislike this

何言ってんのあんたら (X見なよ)
Kiyoshi: What are you guys saying

…まあでも いい機会かもしてない
Kiyoshi: …Well but, this could be a good chance

僕 江川先生は好きじゃないけど
大人の金髪が不適切ってのは正論だと思うし
Kiyoshi: I don’t like Egawa-sensei but,
I think it’s a sound argument that it’s inappropriate for adults to have blond hair

(許して人のは 単純に社会のやさしさだよね)
The people who approve of this is just simply the kindness of the society

よし 照 がんばるな!!!
Alright, Teru, don’t work hard!!!

(清 ノートかくせ!!!)
Kiyoshi, hide the notes!!!

(ラジャ)
Roger

くそっ
味方がない…!!!
Narration: Damn it, no allies…!!

Page 15

私が黒崎のキンパツを守らなくては―
Narration: I must protect Kurosaki’s blond hair―

黒崎さんちょっと……
Egawa: Wait, Kurosaki-san……

なんスか?江川先生
Kurosaki: Wha’tis it? Egawa-sensei

(すいませんね)
Ahh I’m sorry

さっきあなたに持っていっていただいた…
廃紙のダンボールの中見てもらえます?
Egawa: The item that I’ve asked you to hold on to just now…
Could you help me look inside the waste paper cardboard box?

ああ あったあった 危ないところだった
Egawa: Ahh… There it is. That was dangerous!

必要書類なんでシュレッダーかけなきゃいけないんです
Egawa: These are important documents, so they have to go into the shredder.

…できれば気づいてほしかったなあ
Egawa: …If possible I wished you would have noticed

一番上に乗ってたし 書いてあるでしょ 英語で
Egawa: After all, it’s placed on top and written in English, isn’t it?

(いや 僕のミスなんですけど)
Ah but it was my mistake though

はあ すんませんね 見なかったんで (ゴミの中までは)
Kurosaki: Yes, I’m sorry I didn’t see it (not all the way into the rubbish though)

…そうですか?
Egawa: …Is that so?

Page 16

読めなかっただけじゃないですか?英語が
おかしいですね
Egawa: Isn’t that just because you couldn’t read it? English is weird, isn’t it?

(くっ くっ くっ)
Ku Ku Ku

イギリス人の血が入ってるんだって話なのにな
Egawa: Although it’s said that you have British blood flowing in you

ははっ誰かに聞いちゃいました?すんませんウソですアレ
イギリス人てゆーのは
Kurosaki: Haha, who did you hear that from? Sorry that’s a lie, to say that I’m a British

(はっはっはっ)
Hahaha

(そーいうとオバサマにウケいいから)
Then I would be popular with old ladies

そりゃ当然ウソですよね
Egawa: Yeah, that’s of course a lie

(はっはっはっ)
Hahaha

バカですよね ウソつくほうも信じるほうもいいイミで
Isn’t that stupid, the one who lied and those who believe it, but in a good sense

…そういえば紅林さんから聞きました?
…By the way, have you heard from Kurebayashi?

は?
Yes?

彼女がテストで一位じゃなかったら
あなたの金髪を黒くしてもらおうって話なんですけど
Egawa: About her promising to dye your hair black if she does not obtain first place in the test

…なんだそりゃ いや別にいいですけど
なんでまた
Kurosaki: …What’s that? I’m fine with it but
Why that again?

いやちょっと口論の上での成り行きでね
あの子がやたらとあなたに心配しててショックでしたよ
Egawa: It’s the outcome of a small dispute we had
I’m shocked that you are worried because of that kid’s recklessness

Page 17

黒崎さん 僕としてはさらにお願いしたい
Egawa: Kurosaki-san, I would like to make a request

もし彼女が一位を取れなかったら それ以降
あの子と一切関わるのをやめてもらえませんか?
Egawa: If she is not able to obtain first place,
Can you have nothing to do with her?

申し訳ないが あなたは良識的な社会人とは思えません
Egawa: I’m sorry but I don’t think you are an upright member of society

僕は一教師として生徒を守る義務があります
Egawa: As a teacher, I have the responsibility to protect my students

優秀な生徒は最良の環境で大切に育てられるべきである
An excellent student ought to be brought up in the best environment

(最新号だよ―)
Hey, it’s a new edition―

ベツコミ
Words on magazine: Betsucomi

そんな僕の考えは乱暴でしょうか?
Egawa: Am I too unreasonable?

Kurosaki: 乱暴ですか?って乱暴じゃないと思ってんすよね
そして自分を良識ある人間だと…
Unreasonable, huh? I don’t think so
And I believe I’m an upright person…

(その自信すげ―な)
That self-confidence is amazing

当然です!!少なくともあなたよりはね
Of course!! At least more than you

(もちろんいいイミで!!)
Of course in a good sense!!

(ビッシ)
Bisshi

Page 18

それじゃ!話はそれだけです
約束しましたよ 忘れないでくださいね!
Egawa: So see you! That’s all I have to say
You promised me, please don’t forget alright!

………(返事してねーけど…)
… … … (But I didn’t reply you…)

まいいや そーいえば江川先生
Kurosaki: Well alright. By the way, Egawa-sensei

Egawa: なんですか?話はもう…
What is it? If it’s about the matter just now, we’ve already…

いや別件です どーでもいい話ですけど
Kurosaki: It’s about something else. It’s nothing much but

先生が使ってる準備室のパソコン
具合悪くありませんか?
Kurosaki: The laptop in the preparation room that you have been using
Is it doing fine?

(どき)
Doki

いや?別に 今のところは…
Egawa: Yeah? It’s currently doing fine…

そっか
んじゃ“DAISY”ってハッカーのこと知ってます?
Kurosaki: Is that so?
Then, do you know about the hacker “DAISY”?

なんのことです?(Xなら…)
Egawa: What about him? (

Page 19

用があったら 紅林 照に聞いて見てください
Kurosaki: If you need help, please ask Kurebayashi Teru

DAISYは
あのコの頼みしか聞かないそうですから
Kurosaki: Because that person
only seems to listen to that kid’s requests

…ぷっちん
Teru: …Pucchin

ぷっちん!!
Teru: Pucchin!!

(ぶしゃッ)
Busha

Page 20

はッ…
Ha…

(ぶぶ)
Bubu

(クシャミの?今の…)
Was that a sneeze?

(し―)
Shhh

照 大丈夫?顔色悪いよ
昨日も徹夜で勉強したの?
Kiyoshi: Teru, are you alright? You don’t look good
Did you study all night yesterday again?

それもあるけどちょっとカゼ気味かも…
Teru: Yeah I did that but, it seems like I’m getting a cold

(ズビ…)
Zubi…

でも…ここでがんばらなくては黒崎の金髪が… …いや!!
Teru: But… If I don’t work hard, Kurosaki’s blond hair will… …No!!

(売ったケンカは勝たねばイミはない…!!!)
There’s no meaning if I don’t win this…!!

(ぎんぎん)
Gingin

敗北はすなわち 江川の「黒崎クズ説」を認めるようなもの
Teru: Defeat is in other words, to approve of Egawa’s “Kurosaki-waste theory”

(ハナ血もハナ水も出てるよ)
Both blood and mucus are dripping out from your nose

いや そんなことないと思うよ 少なくとも今回に限っては…
Kiyoshi: No, I don’t think it’s like that. At least for this time…

そんなムキにならなくても大丈夫だよ
Kiyoshi: It’ll be fine even if you don’t take it seriously

(ボク帰るからね)
I’m going home

(ぽんぽん)
Ponpon

ほどほどにね テストは明日からだ
身体壊しちゃ意味ないよ
Kiyoshi: Do it moderately, okay? The test is tomorrow
There’s no meaning if your body breaks down

…そうかな
Narration: …I guess that’s true

やっぱ私 ムキになってんのかな
Narration: As I thought, am I taking this too seriously?

(ズビ)
Zubi

Page 21
でも―
Narration: But―

やっとテスト問題完成ですって?
Female teacher: You said you finally finished with the questions?

(すいません)
I’m sorry

ギリギリですよ テスト明日なんですから
ご自分でちゃんと印刷しておいてくださいね!
Female teacher: You just barely made it in time! The test is tomorrow
Please print the questions yourself!

うるさいな―間に合えばいいじゃないか
Egawa: That’s annoying―Isn’t it good that I made it in time?

(もーオバちゃんは)
Geez, obachan is…

あとはPCから出力して印刷するだけなんだし (すぐおわるよ)
Egawa: All that’s left is to print the questions from the PC (I’ll be done soon)

…ま その前に…
Egawa: …Well, before that…

よしよし ダウンロード無事に完了
お得だよなぁ タダで新作ソフトが手に入るなんて
Egawa: Alright alright, the download is completed smoothly
It’s a gain, to be able to get my hands on the new software

(完了しました)
Completed

Page 22

(この映画見たかったんだ―)
I wanted to watch this movie―
今日はコレ持って帰って鑑賞会だな
残業後のおたのしみっと…
Egawa: I’ll bring this home today and reward myself
The enjoyment after working overtime…

(カチッ)
Click

!?
Egawa: !?

(びくっ)
Biku

(バチンッ…)
Bachin…

―!?

(ピッ)
(ピッ)
(ピッ)
(ピッ…)
Pin…

…な…なんだこれ!
Egawa: …Wha… What is this!

…どーもどーもアンディです
今ちょっとよろしいですか?緊急事態です
Andy: …Hello hello, this is Andy.
Do you have some time to spare now? It’s an emergency.

よろしくね―けどなんだよ (仕事中だよ)
Kurosaki: My best regards, but what? (I’m in the middle of doing work)

いや 今ですね管理者権限で構内LANの状況見てましたら
Andy: I’m now using the administrator account to look at the situation of the campus’ LAN

Page 23
江川先生のPCがやばいです ついにやらかしました
Andy: Egawa-sensei’s PC is in trouble. It has been perpetrated

幸いほかのPCに感染するものではないようですが…
Andy: Fortunately, it seems that the other PCs have not been infected.

…ふーん…じゃあ良かったじゃん
知らんよ俺は
Kurosaki: …Hmmm… Then that’s good.
I don’t know

下校時刻になりました
校内の生徒はすみやかに…
Announcement: It’s time to return home
Students in school, please return quickly

…しまった 頭イタくなってきた
Teru: …It’s bad. My head is starting to hurt

(ずび ずび)
Zubi Zubi

ちょっとヤバいかも…
Teru: This could be bad…

く…紅林!!
Egawa: Ku… Kurebayashi!!

(江川センセ…)
Egawa-sense…

ちょ…ちょっと助けてくれないか?
Egawa: Ca… Can you help me?

(バタバタッ)
Batabata

先生のパソコンがトラブってな…早く直さないと
Egawa: Sensei’s laptop is in trouble… If it’s not restored soon…

は?なんで私に言うんですか 直せませんよ
ほかの先生に頼んで見たらいんじゃないすか
Teru: Huh? Why are you saying this to me? I can’t restore it
Isn’t it better to ask other teachers for help?

いや…ちょっとそれはマズくてな…
Egawa: But… It’s a little awkward to…

Page 24
ま…まぁ何も言わずに助けてくれよ いいだろ?
Egawa: Fo… For now, can you not say anything and help me?

(あと他の人にもだまってて)
And don’t tell anyone

DAISYとかいうハッカーに口きいてほしわけ!(こっそうね)
Egawa: I want you to ask the hacker DAISY for help!

(そしたらホラこないだのことは水に流してやるし…)
And, you know, I’ll let the matter the other day rest…

なんかヤです 怪しいニオイがブンブンします
Teru: Somehow I don’t like this. I smell something fishy.

正義のハッカーDAISYは良い子にしか味方しません
Teru: The righteous hacker DAISY will only help good children.

(ぶいっ)
Bui

なんで!?頼むよ 困ったときはお互い様だろ!!?
Egawa: Why!? I’m counting on you. In times of trouble, aren’t we of equal status!!?

(ゴビ―ン)
Gobiin

せ…先生にもいろいろ事情が…いや…
わかった!!悪かった!!悪かったよ
Egawa: Se…Sensei has many circumstances…No…
I understand!!I’m sorry!!I’m sorry

何言ってんの ザマミ口だよ
Narration: What is he saying? Serves him right

正義ツラしてあんなに黒崎を悪く言っといて
Narration: Saying such bad things about Kurosaki in the face of justice

ほんとに困ってるんだ 助けてくれ!!
Egawa: I’m really in trouble, please help!!

あんたなんか助けないよ
Narration: I wouldn’t help someone like you

Page 25
Egawa: 頼むよ…!!
I’m counting on you…!!

あんたなんか―
Narration: Someone like you―

…ま そりゃそーだな
Kurosaki: …Well that’s true

いくらいい子ちゃんでも今度ばかりは
Kurosaki: No matter what a good child she is, only for this time

…なーんて 面白いことにはならねーよなあ
…this won’t become interesting

いい子ちゃんめ
You good child

(お願いします
DAISY
ウチの学校の江川先生のPCが大変そうです 助けてあげてください
お願いです)
Title: Please help
DAISY
The teacher from my school - Egawa-sensei’s PC seems to be in trouble. Please help him.
This is a request from me.

ぷっちん
ぷっちん ぷっちん
Teru: Pucchin
Pucchin Pucchin

あ…黒崎 まだいたんだ…
Teru: Ahh… Kurosaki, you are still here…

(よかった)
That’s good

おう どーした照
Kurosaki: Yo, what’s wrong, Teru?

(ぷっちんがひどくなてんな)
Your pucchin has become worse

結局いつも
Narration: In the end, it’s always

…なんか…
Teru: …Somehow…

ごめんね黒崎…
Teru: I’m sorry Kurosaki…

頼ってばっかで
Narration: I’m always relying on you

Page 27
ゴメンて何がだよ
Kurosaki: What are you saying sorry for?

一位じゃなきゃ髪 黒くしろとかいうアレか?
Kurosaki: Is it because I have to dye my hair black if you don’t obtain first place?

!!?
!!?

(ぎっくう)
Gikkuu

しっしっ知ってたの?なんで…
Teru: Y…Y…You knew? How…

江川センせーが教えてくれたよ 面白えじゃん いいイミですよ
Kurosaki: Egawa-sensei told me. Isn’t it interesting? In a good sense

………

なんでそんな話になった?言ってごらん怒らないから (そんなには)
Kurosaki: Why are we now talking about this? Tell me. I’m not angry

(リーン リーン)
Ring Ring

…ゴメン…元々くだらない話だったの
Teru: …Sorry…It’s actually something trivial

なんか…私がムキになっちゃっただけで
Teru: Somehow… I became too serious and…

(さらっと 流してれば…)
If I had let it be…

キンパツだからダメな奴だとか
Teru: About how you are a bad person because of your blond hair

黒崎とは付き合うなとか言われて…(その…)
Teru: And saying that I’m going out with Kurosaki… (Uh…)

でっでも絶対そんなのさせないから!!(黒髪なんて)
一位取るから!今日も徹夜で勉強して…
Teru: B…but I will definitely not let that happen!!(Such a thing like dying your hair black)
I will obtain first place! I’m staying up all night to study today too…

(ぐいっ)
Gui

Page 28
…熱がある
Kurosaki: …You have fever

少し
Teru: A little

Page 29
そりゃダメだ 今日は徹夜禁止な
Kurosaki: That’s not good. Staying up all night is not allow today.

…え?え?
Teru: …Eh? Eh?

帰って速攻メシ食って寝ろ 根性で一晩で治せ
Kurosaki: Eat dinner quickly once you get home and sleep. Use your will-power to heal in one night

でも私 勉強しないと…
Teru: But if I don’t study…

(黒崎が…)
Kurosaki will…

いいってもう どーせ十分やってんだろ
Kurosaki: It’s alright already. After all you’ve studied enough, isn’t it?

俺のアタマなんか 黒くしてほしけりゃしてやるよ
でもな カゼこじらせて 寝込んで赤点でも取ってみろ
Kurosaki: If you want to turn my head black, then do so
But, if you dare then try making your cold worse and stay in bed and get red marks

(ひいいっ)
Hiii

おまえのアタマ ムリヤリ真っ赤なパンチパーマにしてやるからな それでもいいか!?
Kurosaki: I’ll forcibly make your head all-red, with a curly men’s hairstyle, is that alright!?

わかりましッ 今すぐ帰って養生します!!!(すんません)
Teru: I understand! I return home to recuperate immediately!!!(I’m sorry)

(ひえ― もう暗くなっちゃった―)
Hie― It’s already dark―

「あの子と一切関わるのをやめてもらえませんか?」
「僕は一教師として生徒を守る義務が…」
“Can you have nothing to do with that child?”
“As a teacher, I have the responsibility to protect my students…”

…ふん
…Hmm

Page 30
ふざけんな
Kurosaki: You’re kidding me

離してたまるか
Kurosaki: How can I be separated from her

ありがと黒崎
Narration: Thank you, Kurosaki

やさしいね
Narration: You’re kind

(ぷっちん)
Pucchin

そういうのはきっと
Narration: This definitely is

私だけが知ってる黒崎だよね―
Narration: The Kurosaki that only I know―

くそ…やっぱりほかのPCからじゃ取り出せない…
Egawa: Damn it… As I thought, it’s impossible to get it through other PCs…

今から問題作り直しても間に合わないし
Egawa: I won’t make it in time even if I start making the questions from scratch

そもそもあんなウイルス感染バレたら…
Egawa: To begin with, if this virus infection matter is exposed…

Kurosaki: Please “Mantis”

Egawa: …?

Kurosaki: …you did it, didn’t you?

Page 31
Kurosaki: It infects my fellow’s.
It’s about to blow up in ten minutes. You’re truly mean.

Kurosaki: Hey, say it. For God’s sake, dude. It’s a real hassle for me.

Kurosaki: …O.K. How typical.

Kurosaki: Don’t goof around. See ya.

…?…えっ…?
Egawa: …? ...Eh…?

ツイてたな先生
俺の知り合いが作ったアホなウイルスだった
Kurosaki: You’re here, sensei
It’s a stupid virus that an acquaintance of mine created

3時間でPC初期化するけど パスワードで救済…って
Kurosaki: He said it will start resetting the PC in 3 hours, but can be salvaged using the password

こんなパス普通にわかるかっつの サドい趣味だよな (シェイクスピアだぞ)
Kurosaki: People would normally know… This kind of password. (It’s Shakespeare)

Page 32
ホラ直ったよ よかったネ(じゃあ そーいうワケで)
Kurosaki: Here, it’s restored. That’s good, isn’t it? (Then with that I’m leaving)

(ウィーン)
Wiin

いやちょっと!!!ちょっと待って
Egawa: No wait!!! Wait

(そごくいろいろおかしい!!!)
Everything is too suspicious!!!

今 英語しゃべってたよね ペラペラと!!もしかしてホントに…
Egawa: You were speaking English just now right? And fluently!! Could it be that you are really…

(イギリス人の血が…)
Of British ancestry…

なんでビビッてんの?日常会話だろ あんなの
Kurosaki: Why are you so shocked? It’s everyday conversation, isn’t it? That kind of

(血がエーゴしゃべるんじゃねーから)
My blood doesn’t speak English

ていうか先生ビビるとこちがうでしょ
Kurosaki: I mean, Sensei, aren’t you shocked at the wrong things?

誰に助けてもらったかわかってる?
Kurosaki: Do you know who helped you?

お互い内緒にしときたいことあるよね?
仲良くしようね これからはいいイミで
Kurosaki: We both have some secrets that we want to keep, right?
Let’s get along well from now on - In a good sense

…はい…
Egawa: …Yes…

…それから 紅林 照のことだけど
Kurosaki: …And about Kurebayashi Teru

Page 33
あんたは心配しなくていいよ
Kurosaki: You don’t have to worry

俺がちゃんと大事にするから
Kurosaki: Because I treating it seriously

(照へ
江川先生の件は無事
終わりました
もう照は何も先生 心配しなくていい
ゆっくりおやす)
(To Teru
Egawa-sensei’s matter has ended smoothly
Teru doesn’t have to worry
about sensei anymore
Rest well)

きっと私が一番良く知ってるんだ
Narration: Surely I’m the only who knows best

ほんとの黒崎を―
Narration: The real Kurosaki―

Page 34
―そんなこんなとありまして
Narration: ―This and that happened so

結局テストはどういう結果だったかと言いますと
Narration: To talk about what happened to the test in the end

ぶっちゃけ余裕の一位でした
Narration: To put things bluntly, I came in first easily

体調を重視し 万全で臨んだのが と出たようで
Narration: By taking care of my body, I was able to handle the test perfectly

(よく考えたら いつもより勉強がんばりました)
To think about it carefully, I worked harder than usual

(ブー ブー ブー ブー)
Boo Boo Boo Boo

(ギャラリー 大ブーイング)
Gallery: Big boo-ing

江川先生は急によそよそしくなりました
Narration: Egawa-sensei became distant all of a sudden

それはろれでヤな感じです
Narration: That’s all for that matter. It’s a disturbing feeling.

(あっ 元気そーだネ いいイミで それじゃ)
Ah, you look energetic, in a good sense. Well then

そして 当然ながら
Narration: And of course

黒崎は金髪のチンピラのままです
Narration: Kurosaki stays as a blonde hoodlum

Teru: ……

(私も下僕のままです)
And I too stay as a servant.

Page 35
ちょっと黒髪も見てみたかった気もするけど…
Narration: A part of me wanted to see him with black hair though…

ねえ黒崎はさなんでずっと金髪にしてんの?
Teru: Nee Kurosaki, why are you keeping your blond hair?

(感謝してよね 私が守ったんだよ―)
You are thankful right, that I protected it―

こだわり?かっこいいと思ってるとか?
Kurosaki: An obsession? Because I think it looks cool?

………面倒くせーから
Kurosaki: ………Because it’s troublesome

かな
Kurosaki: I guess

は?何それ 面倒くさいなら染めなきゃいーじゃん
てゆーか ハゲにすればいいじゃん!!
Teru: Huh? What’s with that? If it’s troublesome then don’t dye it
I mean, isn’t it better to become bald!!

(いちばんラクだよ!?そうしなよッ)
That’s the easiest way!? Just do that

Kurosaki: ………

きっとこの金髪が一番似合うんだと思ってます
Narration: I think this blond hair surely suits him best

(おでこ同士で熱を計るなんて…もうっ
次号も黒崎のきゅん2モードは全開!!?)
To check for fever by touching their foreheads together… Jeez
In the next issue too, Kurosaki’s Kyun2mode full-trottle!!?

ベツコミ 1月号 12月12日(土)
Betsucomi January Issue 12th December (Saturday)
つづく
To be continued
 
Last edited:

mikkih

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Re: My first translation attempt

風船 (ふうせん) is not a ship.

テスト1週間前切ってんだろ?--> Use the future tense, not the past.
 

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Re: My first translation attempt

風船 (ふうせん) is not a ship.

テスト1週間前切ってんだろ?--> Use the future tense, not the past.
Oh my, my bad my bad, that was a really careless mistake of mine ^^"

Thanks so much for the help!

Just wondering, would that sentence mean "Isn't your tests ending in a weeks time?" I'm a little confused by the 前...
 

mikkih

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Re: My first translation attempt

You can translate it in different ways.

Aren't
your tests coming up in less than a week?
Don't you have tests in less than a week?
You have less than a week before your exams, don't you?
You don't even have a week before your tests, do you?

Notes:
テスト:test(s), exam(s)
words in bold: 切ってん=切っている
underlined part: だろう?
 

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Re: My first translation attempt

You can translate it in different ways.

Aren't
your tests coming up in less than a week?
Don't you have tests in less than a week?
You have less than a week before your exams, don't you?
You don't even have a week before your tests, do you?

Notes:
テスト:test(s), exam(s)
words in bold: 切ってん=切っている
underlined part: だろう?
Ahh I see, didn't know 切っている can be used in such a way! 勉強になりました!Really appreciate your help ^^
 

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My very first translation attempt

From a gag manga called Pyu to Fuku! Jaguar. Any comments, critiques, and/or advice would be GREATLY appreciated. I'm sure I've messed up in here somewhere...

Anyways- chapter is inside spoiler. It's only 7 pages long, so it's fairly short.

Pyuu to Fuku! Jaguar

第62笛 人としてブローケンマイハート
The 62nd recorder: The one who broke my heart

-

Page 1
よ... よお-し やってやるよ!
A-alright! I'm gonna do it!

-

オレ だってやるときゃやるって事 証明 してやっかんな
I'll prove that even I can do this!

もうぜってここでキメてやるYO!
I'll definitely settle things here, YO!

-

ゼッッテ キメる!!
I'm going to do it!

あの横断歩道 渡 ったとこでゼッテ-コクる!
I'll confess my love to her, right in the crosswalk!

-

行くぜ~~マジ で行くぜ!!
I'm going to do it~ I'm really going to do it!!

あのコンビニのとこまでには絶対けりつける!
When she enters that convenience store, I'll do it!

-

よお~しはしについたっっ. ここできめんぞ
o-okay! She's on the bridge... it's decided- I'll do it here

絶好のチャントだよーし今だ
This is the perfect chance! I'll do it now!

-

Page 2
ゴッド!!やっこさん ビルに入った
Good!! Yakko-san entered the building

このチャンスをずーっと 待ってたんだよ!!
I've been waiting for this chance!!

-

よーし そこを 動くなYO~!
O-okay, don't move from that spot, YO~!

コクるぞ キメっかな~ よーし 言うぞ
I'm going to confess! I'm going to say it!

-

動くな
Man with sword: don't move

-

動いたら 死ねぞ
Man with sword: if you move, you're dead

ウソ。。。 
No way...

マジで!?
My neck!?

-

ストーカーには気をつけるって言ったんだろ美鈴
Man with sword: Didn't I tell you to watch out for stalkers, Misuzu-san?

ゴ。。。ゴメン
Misuzu: S... sorry

み。。。美鈴さんの彼氏!? 仮にも忍者のこの拙者に 。。。ていうか美鈴さんて言うんだあ ウワわ。。。
Mi... Misuzu-san's boyfriend!? He snuck up on a ninja like me in just an instant... I mean, Misuzu-san is.... ufufu...

-

い。。。いや待て! 誤解だ! 拙者はストーカーなどではない
Hammer: W-wait! This is a misunderstanding! I'm not a stalker

べ。。。別の重要な任務で美鈴さんを追っていただけで。。。
Hammer: I was following Misuzu-san for a very important mission...

。。。ん?
Man with sword: hmm?

-

Page 3
あれ?お前。。。
Man with sword: Huh? You...

もしかして ハマーか。。。?
man with sword: aren't you Hammer?

-

影千代先。。。!?
Kagechiyo-senpai?

-

な。。。何んだと!?
Jaguar: What!?

お前が焼肉食わせてくれるだと!?
Jaguar: you're treating us to Yakiniku!?

-

どういう事!?
Piyohiko: Really!?

こ。。。このやろう!!
Jaguar: You... you little!!

いい奴だな なんか いい奴だな お前!!
Jaguar: You're a good guy, you know that? A good guy!!

い。。。いや。。。
Hammer: N...naw...

-

正確には拙者がおごる訳じゃないし
Hammer: After all, I won't be the one paying...

それに。。。ひとつ条件があるんでござるYO
Hammer: Also, there's one little condition, YO

あん?
Jaguar: Huh?

-

Page 4
実わきのう街で偶然影千代先輩に会って。。。
Hammer: The truth is, yesterday I ran into Kegechiyo-senpai...

何!?
Jaguar: What!?

-

影千代先輩ってお前がアレクサンだー流忍者学園に行ってた時よくお前をパシリにつかってたあの影千代先輩か!?
Jaguar: By Kagechiyo-senpai, do you mean the one from the Alexander style ninja academy who used you as an errand boy!? That Kagechiyo-senpai!?

詳しいなやけに!!
Hammer: You sure know a lot about this!!

前ハマーさんいってたよね(寝言で)
Piyohiko: You told us about it before, Hammer-san (in your sleep)

え!?背者しんな事言ってた!?
Hammer: Eh!? I told you guys about that!?

-

まあでも。。。そう
Ahh... but still...

その影千代先輩に会ったんでござるが。。。
I met that very Kagechiyo-senpai...

いやあ なつかしいなあ。。。
Kagechiyo: Ahh, how nostolgic...

-

まさかあんなとこでお前に会うとは思わなかったよ
Kagechiyo: Who would have thought I'd run into you in a place like that?

い。。。いやあ 偶然ですね ハハハ。。。
Hammer: It was just a coincidence... ha ha ha

-

オレ今あのビルの4階でインターネット関係の小さな会社をやってるんだ
Kagechiyo: I work in that building, you know... on the 4th floor, with a small internet business.

え!?てことは先輩。。。社長!?
Hammer: Eh!? You're the manager!?

ハハ。。。まあ一応なそんあ大げさなもんじゃないけどさ
Kagechiyo: Ha ha... it really isn't that great of a job...

-

まあボチボチやってるよ
Kagechiyo: Well, we get things done, little by little...

す。。。すげえ。。。ウチの高校から社長が。。。
Hammer- Amazing... Someone from my highschool is a manager...


高校の時は絶対スパイになるんだって思ってたけど
Kagechiyo: Back in highschool, I always thought I would become a spy...

やっぱりそう甘くはないよな現実ってさ
Kagechiyo: But, you know... life isn't so easy after all...

-

Page 5
。。。まあでも 今の仕事だってかっこうやり甲斐あるんだぜ
Kagechiyo: Ah- but this job is one worth doing too

ああ 偉いなあ 先輩。。。 なんか拙者すごい恥ずかしくなってきた
Aah... senpai is so great... Somehow I feel really embarassed...

-

。。。でも嬉しいよハマ お前は夢をかなえてくれたみたいでさ
Kagechiyo: ...but I'm glad, Hammer. I can see that you've managed to fulfil your dreams

え?
Hammer: Eh?

-

さっきウチの嫁尾行してた時任務がどうこう言ってたろ?
Kagechiyo: When you were shadowing my wife earlier, you said something about a mission, right?

あれってつまり。。。ス。。。スパイの任務なんだろう?
Kagechiyo: In other words... a spy mission! Right?

-

ええ!?
Hammer: Eh!?

よ。。。
W...

嫁!?
Wife!?

い。。。いやアレはその
Hammer: n-no... that is, um...

-

絵?違うの?じゃあお前ホンとにただのストーカー?
Kagechiyo: Eh? No? Then you're just a plain old stalker?

な。。。なに言ってんスか!!
Hammer: Wh-what are you talking about!?

アハハハハハ バカバカしい!
Hammer: Ahahahahaha you're so silly!

そんあ訳ないじゃないっスか!!
Hammer: There's no way that's true! No way!!

-

ふむ。。。それじゃやっぱり。。。
Kagechiyo: Ha... then, you really...

。。。!!
Hammer: ...!!

-

。。。そうっスね
Hammer: ...yup

スパイっす。。。
Hammer: I'm a spy...

-

Page 6
うおおおホンとにそうなのか!?
Kagechiyo: Uwaaa! Are you serious!?

正直冗談のつまりだったのにホンとにそうだったんだ!!
Kagechiyo: To be honest, I was just joking around! But you're really a spy!?

ええ!? 
Hammer: Eh!?

ハハ。。。ええまあ。。。
Hammer: Haha, well... y-yeah

-

いや!でもまだ。。。その 
Hammer: Ah! But I'm still... you know...

見習いなんです!だから全然貧乏だしとてもスパイなんて呼べるようなもんじゃ。。。
Hammer: I'm still an apprentice! That's why I'm totally poor, you can't really call me a spy like this...

当然さ!誰だって最初は見習いあよ 
Kagechiyo: But of course! Everyone has to start out as an apprentice!!

そこから皆一人前になっていくんだろ!?
Kagechiyo: And from there, everyone makes something of themselves!!

-

いいじゃないかそういうの。。。
Kagechiyo: Isn't it nice, these kinds of things?

たとえ生活は貧しくても
Kagechiyo: Even if you're living your life in poverty...

夢に向かってがんばるみたいなの
Kagechiyo: Living for your dream and giving it your all...

-

オレは夢よりも生活を選んじまったからさ。。。
Kagechiyo: For me, who chose my lifestyle over my dream...

お前みたいな生き方。。。憧れなんだ
Kagechiyo: Seeing you live like that... it makes me jealous

あああー!!
Aaah-

一人暮らしなんだろ?困った事があったらいつでも言ってくれよ!
Kagechiyo: You live alone right? If you ever have anything bothering you, come see me any time!

い。。。いえもうホンとそんあ。。。 
Hammer: Ah- no that's okay... really...

あの。。。他のスパイ仲間と3人で暮らしてるから。。。ホンと全然平気です
Hammer: I, um... I actually have other spy friends that I live with, in a group of 3... so I'm totally fine!

-

オイオイ水くさい事言うなよ!
Kagechiyo: Hey, hey, don't be so distant!

お前はオレ達の希望の星なんだぜ!
Kagechiyo: You're our school's shining star of hope!

あうー!
Aau-

-

そうだ!それじゃ明日その2人も連れて来いよ!
Kagechiyo: I know! Why don't you bring your two friends over tomorrow!

どうせロクなもん食ってないんだろ?
Kagechiyo: I'll bet you guys haven't had anything decent to eat in a while, right?

-

Page 7
なんでも好きなもん食わしてやるよ!
Kagechiyo: I'll treat you to whatever you like!

何がいい?
Kagechiyo: What'll it be?

-

あ 焼肉で
Ah- Yakiniku

焼肉で。。。
Yakiniku

焼肉で。。。
Yakiniku

焼肉で。。。
Yakiniku

。。。
Hammer: …

-

。。。という訳なのでござる
Hammer: And that's what happened.

。。。
Jaguar: ...

-

それじゃあ何か?
Jaguar: So what you're saying is...

オレ達はお前のついたしょうもないウソにつき合って。。。
Jaguar: You want us to accompany you and go along with your stupid lie...

スパイの真似事をしなきゃいけないって事か!?
Jaguar: And we have to pretend to be spies while we're at it?

-

な。。。なんとなく口裏合わせてくれれば。。。
Hammer: If we just make it so that our stories match...

冗談じゃないぜ!!
Jaguar: Don't fuck with me!!

-

なんでお前はそうやっていつもほいほいウソをつくんだ!?
Jaguar: Why are you always making up such unbelievable lies!?

スパイだなんて急に言われても。。。
Jaguar: Even if you suddenly tell me to be a spy...

-

これくらいしか用意できないぜ?
I only have this much prepared!

行く気まんまんー!
And so they were all rearing and ready to go!

「つづく」
[To be continued]
 

mikkih

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Re: My very first translation attempt

あの横断歩道 渡 ったとこでゼッテ-コクる!
I'll confess my love to her, right in the crosswalk!

* <渡 ったとこ>after I/she cross(es)

あのコンビニのとこ*までには絶対けりつける!
When she enters that convenience store, I'll do it!

*before

Page 2
*ゴッド!!やっこさん ビルに入った
Good!! Yakko-san entered the building

*ゴッド???(God???) <--- I don't know what this is.
Good is "グッド"


よーし そこを 動くなYO~!
O-okay, don't move from that spot, YO~!
*Yo (delete)

マジで!?
My neck!?
*Really/Seriously?


み。。。美鈴さんの彼氏!? 仮にも忍者のこの拙者に 。。。ていうか*美鈴さんて言うんだあ ウワわ。。。
Mi... Misuzu-san's boyfriend!? He snuck up on a ninja like me in just an instant... I mean, Misuzu-san is.... ufufu...
(*So her name is Misuzu... Wow... )


お前が*焼肉食わせてくれるだと!?
Jaguar: you're treating us to Yakiniku!?
*BBQ beef <Readers may not know what Yakiniku is.>

え!?てことは先輩。。。*社長!?
Hammer: Eh!? You're the manager!?
*社長 is the president of a company, not a manager


ハハ。。。まあ一応な*そんあ*大げさなもんじゃないけどさ
Kagechiyo: Ha ha... it really isn't that great of a job...
(*it's nothing big)


す。。。すげえ。。。ウチの高校から*社長が。。。
Hammer- Amazing... Someone from my highschool is a manager...
*president

冗談じゃないぜ!!
Jaguar: Don't fuck with me!!
*You've gotta be kidding me. <Original text is not vulgar. I personally avoid using too many F-words.>
 

eyfey

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Re: My very first translation attempt

Thanks a lot Mikkih~

The ゴッド was a typo on my part, it really did say グッド (sorry bout that D: )
 

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Can you help me translate these passages?

I'm stumped. Five days, on and off again, and I have very little to show for it. This passage is from Chrome Shelled Regios: Missing Mail, with the characters Karian and Layfon meeting up.

Karian: やっと分かったくれたんだね
Layfon: 私は信じていたよ
Layfon: あなたにどんな思惑があるのかは知らないけれど・・・・・・・・・・・・・
Layfon: あなたの為ではない

"Finally, you understand but with kuretanda which I understand is indicative of a favor being done?"
"You know, I think I do."
Completely blank on this sentence, I think it's basically saying that he doesn't know what Karian expected, and he doesn't care.
"I'm not doing this for you."


This second passage I've already had done for a while, but I'm really unhappy with what I've translated it too, because I feel like it doesn't capture the feel of the moment very well. Layfon is speaking with Felli while holding her after she showed up on the battlefield after saying she wouldn't.
......来てくれると思っていました
助けて欲しいんです
Felli先輩じゃないと駄目なんです
......I knew you’d come.
I was sure that you wanted to help.
Felli-Senpai, you’re a good person.


I'd really appreciate any help with this; I don't want to release this chapter with what I've currently got.
 

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Re: Can you help me translate these passages?

Hi, even though I'm just an amateur, you can consider my suggestion.
あなたにどんな思惑があるのかは知らないけれど・・・・・・・・・・・・・I don't know what you are thinking (or "calculating" depend on the hero'relationship and situation) but....
助けて欲しいんです-->I want you to save me
Felli先輩じゃないと駄目なんです--> only you, fellisenpai.
Sorry for my poor translation. Hope it might help a little. (^_^)
 

saladesu

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Re: Can you help me translate these passages?

I hope this helps:

Karian: やっと分かっくれたんだね
That should be "te" and not "ta" as I have bolded in the sentence.

"You finally understand" <-- your translation is fine, it's hard to really convey the idea of "te-kureta" without sounding totally awkward in English, usually the context will suggest it anyway.

Layfon: 私は信じていたよ
"I believed you" <-- The subject is not indicated but one would assume that he is talking about Karian.

Layfon: あなたにどんな思惑があるのかは知らないけれど・・・・・・・・・・・・・
"I'm not sure/don't know what you were expecting...."

Layfon: あなたの為ではない
"But this wasn't for you/wasn't for your sake" <-- this sentence joins to the previous one, btw. The idea is that this Layfon finally came to an understanding, but it wasn't for Karian's sake/not because he loves karian or anything like that.

......来てくれると思っていました
"...... I knew you'd come"

助けて欲しいんです
"I want you to save/help me"

Felli先輩じゃないと駄目なんです
"It just has to be Felli-sempai" <-- this isn't a literal translation, but conveys the idea that if it isn't Felli, then it's no good
 
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