Life Single or Married and why

[Verena]

Re: Single or Married

I will die a spinster!

But before that will have a number liasons, with which all end in tragedy. Perhaps have child and raise it as single mother... hmmm. Then when I grow old I will by an old haunted house, prolifically perm my hair and wear all black. After that, I shall buy a load of tortoises and become the Mad Tortoise Witch/Lady.

Only then will I allow myself to die x3

Lol, that was plotted out by a friend of mine some time ago.

Nah, marriage doesn't appeal to me. I'll probably be a career-driven person.

 

[kadoman]

Re: Single or Married

The freedom that I'm talking about being a single is the freedom of going shoppings for 24 hours with no worries and so on. That's a freedom that marriage cannot guarantees someone. People have less freedom when they get married. They have obligations, duties to perform and commitments to stick to. However, being a single grants you endless freedom and youth that a married perso cannot experience. That's the freedom I'm talking about.

I hear what you're saying Leen. Fact is however, we each, in our everyday lives, have obligations and duties and commitments, whether these be in the workplace, with our extended families and friends, or our spouses. Many people (not aiming this at you) are under the misguided impression that marriage is 'give and take' and therefore 'restrictive', when the truth is that we must 'give and take' with everyone we work with and know. Give and take is a part of life as much as it is a part of marriage.

The bonus of giving and taking in marriage (or living together) is that you do it because you want to; because you love someone enough that you want them to be happy and you'll do what it takes to achieve that - and they do the same for you.

The other side of the coin to being single is that once you reach a certain age, being single is a very lonely existence. I know, because some of my friends who are now approaching their 40s and who put off marriage to concentrate on their careers, now cannot find anyone who they are compatible with (all the good one's are taken, they tell me) and long for companionship, nevermind love. All their friends are married with familes and have no time for them anymore, and they feel isolated and unloved.

Don't mean to sound like the wet blanket brigade there and certainly that is not everyone's story! Some people are perfectly happy never being married. But I'm just presenting the flip side to the 'freedom' of the single life, which often has an expiry date.

 

[Predator]

Re: Single or Married

... the flip side to the 'freedom' of the single life, which often has an expiry date.

True

Many people (not aiming this at you) are under the misguided impression that marriage is 'give and take' and therefore 'restrictive', when the truth is that we must 'give and take' with everyone we work with and know. Give and take is a part of life as much as it is a part of marriage.

Fact

All their friends are married with familes and have no time for them anymore, and they feel isolated and unloved.

Contradiction to overall context, especially the "no restrictions part".

...............
Well, that's how it is. Marriage is a formal agreement, same as any other piece of paper people sign.
People can doo pretty fine, give and take without any restrictions and duties without formality.

For instance, look at this MH community. We all give and take, but nobody calls this a marriage. Only because they can go and leave no trace, leaving only memories and posts behind.

You brought to light another side of the dice - children.
Even if marriage isn't "a weightbomb", children sure are.

Blargh ...... I disgress.

 

[Rampages]

Re: Single or Married

Don't mean to sound like the wet blanket brigade there and certainly that is not everyone's story! Some people are perfectly happy never being married. But I'm just presenting the flip side to the 'freedom' of the single life, which often has an expiry date.

Wet blanket brigade ? How can I argue with that ? =P

I think some people want to stay single because they aren't 100% in love with their partner, or they just might be lazy and too busy with their lives like Kado said...well a lot of people want to get married too but can't because they don't find their lifelong partner...

 

[LadyHatake]

Re: Single or Married

The other side of the coin to being single is that once you reach a certain age, being single is a very lonely existence. I know, because some of my friends who are now approaching their 40s and who put off marriage to concentrate on their careers, now cannot find anyone who they are compatible with (all the good one's are taken, they tell me) and long for companionship, nevermind love. All their friends are married with familes and have no time for them anymore, and they feel isolated and unloved.

This (for me) is a big fear. I don't want to live my whole life alone. I don't want to come home after work to a quit, empty house. I want someone there to welcome me home, and ask me how my day was, and I want to be able to do the same for someone else. If all of my friends were married, I know that they'd be with their families more often than not. I wouldn't want to be the one feeling left out and alone. But also, I don't want to be in a marriage where I'm unhappy or my partner's unhappy. Even if I'm only living with someone and am not married, I just don't want to be alone. I think that many people have this instinctive need to be with someone, and to just have someone backing them up unconditionally. Now, maybe I'm naive to believe this, but I do think that there is someone out there for everyone. It's just that you have to find them.

As far as people being too busy to love someone or be married, I think that if you truely love someone, you'll find a way to make it work. If not, you could be passing up something that's very important. Even if you are busy with your career, you should still let yourself have enough time to actually live your life.

But that's me ^^

Edit: Post # 600 ^^

 

[Ichimaru Gin n Tonic]

Re: Single or Married

I don't want to come home after work to a quit, empty house. I want someone there to welcome me home, and ask me how my day was, and I want to be able to do the same for someone else.

That's sounds like what i do almost everyday, good thing there's always my cats to greet me.

Now, maybe I'm naive to believe this, but I do think that there is someone out there for everyone. It's just that you have to find them.

No you're not, i also think there's someone for everyone.

As far as people being too busy to love someone or be married, I think that if you truely love someone, you'll find a way to make it work. If not, you could be passing up something that's very important. Even if you are busy with your career, you should still let yourself have enough time to actually live your life.

But that's me ^^

Edit: Post # 600 ^^

I think this one is easier said then done. But if you are a very busy person and you can make time to be with your family or love ones, it'll really make a great difference in your life.

 

[kadoman]

Re: Single or Married

But also, I don't want to be in a marriage where I'm unhappy or my partner's unhappy.

People often worry about this, but when you find someone you are compatible with, it honestly is something you never have to think about. The people I know who are in unhappy marriages, sadly, should never have married in the first place. But it's not as easy as it seems to make the correct decisions in life - in fact, it's one of the hardest things. Plus, people can change over time, for one reason or another. But generally, if a couple starts off harmoniously, and both people are reasonable people, they stay that way. When two difficult people get together, that's when you get tension.

As far as people being too busy to love someone or be married, I think that if you truely love someone, you'll find a way to make it work. If not, you could be passing up something that's very important. Even if you are busy with your career, you should still let yourself have enough time to actually live your life.

Asolutely agreed! And my poor friends have only realised this now, later in life! It's good you realise it early on! You sound worldly already Katy! And you can find true love at any age! My hubby was your age (actually, a bit younger) when I met him and we've been together nearly 10 years now!

 

[Leen]

Re: Single or Married

I don't know why buy maybe some people can really live as a hermit forever. Some people do like solitary life. And maybe some of these people are really happy to be alone. Why must when a person gets old without a partner, then they are called as "an old bookshelf??(Kado, right?)?? I don't like people have prejudices on people who don't get married and all that. That's not fair for them.

Why must we be married? Not trying to say that I'll remain single for the rest of my life, but I'm really glad to be alone right now, in real life that is, not e-life. I feel VERY happy being able to stay away from home, from every single people that I've ever known in my life. I don't have to worry about my actions here, I don't have to have any responsibilities towards them. I feel great staying alone in a whole empty apartment and for the past 17 years, I never have any intimate relationship with anyone. I like expiry date so that after that expiry date, I can move on. I don't want to drag something with me forever. >.> Marriage stops all that. Obligations come from your heart. If you can't even adhere to commitments all along your life, how can you be committed to your spouse? Can love really change everything?

Then again, I'm speaking from a 17-year-old teenager curious of adulthood. XD Points on marriage are great but at the end of the day, I still believe that it all comes down to a person's belief, preferences and interest.

 

[kadoman]

Re: Single or Married

I don't know why buy maybe some people can really live as a hermit forever. Some people do like solitary life. And maybe some of these people are really happy to be alone.

This is true, though, having said that, these people seem to form the minority in society.

Why must when a person gets old without a partner, then they are called as "an old bookshelf??(Kado, right?)??

Yeah, you got the gist of it Leen; people are said to be 'on the shelf', meaning they haven't been taken yet!

Why must we be married?

I don't think we must be be married/live together. But I think there is something deep in our natures that compells us to seek out companionship. I have found, in my short experience of the world, that it is inevitable and that even people who resist the notion (as I once did) sooner or later, find themselves changing their minds.

I can't say why, but it seems to me that human beings can endure many hardships, but loneliness is something we cannot endure.

- snip - but I'm really glad to be alone right now, in real life that is,- snip -

Of course you are! You're still young and have much to do! Some people marry early. Some marry late. Some don't get married at all and just live together. And still some never find anyone, and while others are crushed by this, some are pleased. There is no hard and fast rule for everyone. But the majority of us eventually end up with someone.

And you change as you grow older too, and have more experiences in life - good and bad. I will tell you with certainty that how you think when you're 17 is vastly different to how you will think when you are 30. I'm expecting to think quite differently again when I'm 40. Oh, you're still relatively the same person (though not in my case, I'm vastly different for various reasons) but your opinion on things changes - I think that's that a good thing! It's how we develop as people!

Can love really change everything?

I never would have thought it possible but yes! it does! It really does. People who are in love will undego the most crazy personaltiy changes! And they will make the most uncharacteristic decisions - for better or for worse! It's really a powerful force, just like they say in the movies and manga! Everything you once thought just goes flying out the window when you're in love! It's a truly wonderful thing (except for when you lose it and then it became a truly painful thing! It's all part of life).

But you know, I'm just expressing my personal opinion from my own personal experience and that of my friends and family - and also, work collegues and people I have known or observed over the years and in different countries. Someone else might have an entirely different perspective based on their own experiences!

 

[Rampages]

Re: Single or Married

I never would have thought it possible but yes! it does! It really does. People who are in love will undego the most crazy personaltiy changes! And they will make the most uncharacteristic decisions - for better or for worse!

So true...love is definitely a life-changing experience.

 

[DesiSkull]

Re: Single or Married

hehe.. its true when you are in love, bunch of thing changes. some for good some for bad. it was said. Love is like Heaven but it can hurt like hell. most of us been there.
however we to put the effort to find the right one. and even if u find the right one outta nowhere. u have to put the effort in maintaining the the relationship. for right now. i prefer being single [besides im too young to get married now]. but as the life goes on i will like to get marry. i really want to know the joy of having kids, being with them, and living as a family one day.

 

[cherryenchanted]

Re: Single or Married

Time can only tell, if to be a single or married...Since some events in life that you expect to happen may end up sometimes that you didn't expect to happen...

But I think being married would be more happier, since you had kids & as well as your partner...

As being single, could still be a happy life, but you can feel that loneliness...wishing you had someone that would take care of you and someone beside you, when getting old...

 

[bakashijinsan]

Re: Single or Married

Single. And plan to stay that way for a few more years. Need to to do so much first before settling with a family.

 

[ginousuke]

Re: Single or Married

Single also. Though some of my friends are married, but I'm not gonna rush myself. And I don't have any plan when I'm gonna get married. Depends on the situation. Depends whom I met.
It could be in 2 or 3 years. But who knows, maybe I meet someone tomorrow and get married next year
No problem. When the time comes, I'll figure it out myself.

 

[Paper]

Re: Single or Married

single

my opinion:

being single is like being a mob boss out on the loose. you have access to all sorts o thrills and experiences, and you pay a few concequences if you've been out extorting people. being married however is like being a mob boss in prison. you alwasy reminisce about how good it was being free....

 

[Nami]

Re: Single or Married

Prefabably single

- freedom
- not obligated to explain my actions to my partner
- if anything happens (e.g. partner or me cheats or whatsoever, it is much easier to change partners & move on with your life without the hassle of going through divorce- which is super messy and includes custody of children, spliitng of property, & wealth..traumatic & messy, just messy!)

but marriage is good
- if I have children - at least I know that they have a legal family identity (something like that)
- if i'm sure He's ThE ONE

 

[LadyHatake]

Re: Single or Married

Prefabably single

- freedom
- not obligated to explain my actions to my partner
- if anything happens (e.g. partner or me cheats or whatsoever, it is much easier to change partners & move on with your life without the hassle of going through divorce- which is super messy and includes custody of children, spliitng of property, & wealth..traumatic & messy, just messy!)

but marriage is good
- if I have children - at least I know that they have a legal family identity (something like that)
- if i'm sure He's ThE ONE

I kind of feel the same, Nami. I know that I don't really want to get married until I'm 30 and have an established career and life. And I don't want to get married unless I'm absolutely sure that the guy is the one for me. I like being single because I can flirt around and have fun without worrying. Then again, I like being with a guy so that I can flirt around with him, too >.> But overall, single seems to work best for me xD I can spend time doing what I want and I don't have to worry about it affects my counterpart ^^

As far as children, I think that If/When I get married, I want three kids: 2 boys, and then a girl. That way the girl has two older brothers to look out for her ^^ But I just want kids when I'm older and I have a career that I can support them with. I won't have any children until I now that I have enough financial stability to be able to provide them with more than just the basics.

 

[miyi]

Re: Single or Married

I actually used to believe in marriage, love at first sight, all that fantasy stuff. I changed my views a bit, and I'm no longer religious as I once was. Now I'm an atheist.

At least for me, marriage has a religious aspect to it.

If my girlfriend wants to be married, sure, I don't mind. But personally, I'm indifferent about marriage. For me it doesn't mean anything.

What I don't like about marriage is the idea of commitment. Why must I be restricted to just one partner? If the relationship doesn't work out, then it's reasonable to end the relationship and start new ones. Yes, it's true it sucks if you have children, but just because you're ending a commitment with someone doesn't necessarily mean you are less of a father as you once were. Of course you continue to fulfill your obligations as a father, which is to take care of them until they are an adult.

So for me, I don't mind getting married at all, but don't expect me to follow the rules and ethics of marriage since I don't believe in them.

Whether you are single or married, at least for me, it doesn't matter. What matters is whether you are happy. If you are single and not happy, then get a girlfriend. If you're married and not happy, then be single.

And if my girlfriend is as indifferent as I am towards the notion of marriage, then I don't mind staying un-married but continue to live with her, as if we were married. Why waste my money to celebrate something we both don't believe in, right?

And when you break off a relationship, I recommend not being a prick about it. It's not only you being affected, but your partner as well, so keep in mind of that.

 

[Beam]

Re: Single or Married

Ive been single since the day i was born. Why? Well cuz thats how it is i guess

 

[ILUVATAR]

Re: Single or Married

oh well, being single is fun that's for sure. doing anything you want without explanations etc. i am single and i intend to stay one for some more years. i am in the middle of a relationship with a girl right now but i don't think it will go too far.
being single has some fun in it but we have to remember that staying alone till the end isn't something funny. having someone by your side is a wonderfull thing. i have come to believe that in the whole world there is someone that suits us and we suit him. he/she is our other half, the one that will make us feal full and complete.
i had found that person once but i lost it. they took her away from me and i'll regret it for the rest of my life
stay single as long as you want and have fun, cause yes you can have lots of fun when you are single and do lots of crazy things. just don't forget that one day you might meet a special person and you will se how it is to feel complete. ^_^ don't pass by him/her. you'll regret it deeply believe me.

Singles
no commitments
few responsibilities
funny times were you might not have someone to share with
sad times were you won't have anyone to share ot talk to.

Married
many commitments and responsibilities
have someone by your side any time
funny and sad times were you'll have someone to support you or laugh with you
a bunch of kids to take care ^_^ tehehe