I'll follow you into the dark

[scav]

Re: Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google or Wikipedia.

heh u're awesome

 

[riki]

Re: Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google or Wikipedia.

Oh, I just realized that the snippet contains spoilers so read it at your own risk~

Of course, if you're like me and you read the last part first, then you should be fine.

 

[goldb]

Re: Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google or Wikipedia.

I won't read the snippet til I finish the monument that is your first chapter

Awesome work riki, very much looking forward to the 2nd chapter

 

[riki]

Re: Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google or Wikipedia.

Awww... thanks!

What part are you on now? If you can't recall, just write what happened in that part (in spoiler tags of course)

---------- Post added May 28, 2012 at 12:52 PM ---------- Previous post was May 27, 2012 at 08:28 PM ----------

I lied. I wrote the first part of the second chapter since the internet was acting up so here's the beginning:

Spoiler

“Is it true that you have a sister?”

Pendance glanced up to find two young boys looking at him curiously. He didn’t recognize them so they were probably new slaves. “Yes, why do you ask?” he wondered as he picked up some more fire woods.

“Oh, that’s what we heard,” one of them said quickly, “but we didn’t see her around so we weren’t sure if we were being tricked or not.”

The boy just smiled and explained, “It’s because she is usually spending time with the Merzakian noble ladies. They considered her as their ‘personal servant’.”

The others murmured with understanding looks. “That makes sense,” the other agreed. “I’ve heard that she is very cute. By the way, how old is your little sister?”

That was when Pendance began to smirk. “Let’s see… right now, I’m thirteen, which means…” he paused for a dramatic effect as his audience drew closer to him, “… she should be twenty years old.”

And with that, he left the two confused boys behind him as he walked back to the camp with his bundle of sticks.

 

[Dried Ambrosia]

Re: Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google or Wikipedia.

Chapter 1 is out ...I'll read it later in the evening.....and and and...you're working on chapter 2 already


I'm so proud of you

 

[goldb]

Re: Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google or Wikipedia.

Slow down! I've not even started yet lol

 

[riki]

Re: Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google or Wikipedia.

Creative minds never slow down for anyone!

 

[Dried Ambrosia]

Re: Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google or Wikipedia.

Creative minds never slow down for anyone!

you tell em sistaaa

 

[scav]

Re: Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google or Wikipedia.

 

[riki]

Re: Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google or Wikipedia.

LOL That is how I feel whenever I "talk" to the cat.

Hopefully I don't say anything raunchy.

 

[goldb]

Re: Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google or Wikipedia.

Creative minds never slow down for anyone!

Good to know!

 

[scav]

Re: Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google or Wikipedia.

btw the elders should respect us cuz we made it through school with internet and video games

 

[riki]

Re: Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google or Wikipedia.

Hmm... that's true since we have a lot of more things to distract us.

I guess respect will go both ways then.

 

[scav]

Re: Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google or Wikipedia.

nice set riki

 

[riki]

Re: Well this is just a simple song

Glad you like it.

Another snippet:

Spoiler

It was dark outside and Pen hasn’t come back yet. Kejuta frowned as she tried to keep herself occupied by putting the dishes away. That blasted boy! He always knows how to make her worry! She was about to ask Adia to go look for him when the door opened and he quietly went inside. “Where have you been?” she demanded before he had a chance to sit down. “It’s nighttime now!”

“Sorry,” he mumbled, “I was helping a friend that’s all.” She stared at him incredulously. A friend? Pen didn’t have many friends among the slaves since he claimed that he wouldn’t bother befriending anyone who insulted his family. If this was one of his excuses, this one was a poor one.

I bet he has a girlfriend, Adia teased as she unbraided her hair. Her son scowled, “For the last time, I do not have a girlfriend!”

“Now, Adia, leave your brother alone,” Kejuta admonished. Pendance gave his sister a triumphant grin while Adia stuck her tongue in return. As she was putting the plates on the shelves, she asked her son matter-of-factly, “Is your friend cute?”

He shrugged. “I guess she’s somewhat cute…” He suddenly realized that his mother has tricked him and covering his face, he blushed embarrassingly. “I mean… I don’t know! I don’t think about those types of things!”

 

[Zeltrax]

Re: Well this is just a simple song

I've read through the first chapter, I actually didn't intend to finish it but I couldn't stop.
I think I will bookmark your website and wait for the second chapter to be uploaded so that I can read it through all at once.
It's such a good story and you can write very well I can't help but feel envious.
Have you considered uploading your stories to sites like fictionpress.com? From there you can gauge how many people are reading your stories and get more reviews. I believe this story can grow into something amazing in the future
Actually, I've also just started out writing. It's a small step with only 4 short chapters but it's still a step nonetheless, would you check it out and give me your comments? (It's in my sig, it would help alot if you can give me your thoughts on it)
Tbh, it's "fanfiction" but it's more like an original story because you don't need to understand the fanbase to read it.

The idea of immortal in your story and how it develops is something I look forward to and Thesben and Kejuta are well-written characters. Can't wait to see how Kejuta develops over time, I'm assuming that she'll stay the lead till the end in this case tho

 

[riki]

Re: Well this is just a simple song

Glad you like the first chapter!

Umm... I haven't decided whether or not to post on those websites yet. It's kinda nerve wrecking to think of other people reading my stories. [sizept=1]heck, I was so nervous putting my short story.[/sizept] I'll check your story then and give you feedback.

As for Kejuta, she won't be the main character in all of the chapter but she will make an appearance in all of them though. I gave some hints about her role in the first chapter.

 

[Zeltrax]

Re: Well this is just a simple song

Glad you like the first chapter!

Umm... I haven't decided whether or not to post on those websites yet. It's kinda nerve wrecking to think of other people reading my stories.

Well, I think it depends on individual, me thinks it would be great if more people get to read your story

I'll check your story then and give you feedback.

Alright thank you!~

As for Kejuta, she won't be the main character in all of the chapter but she will make an appearance in all of them though. I gave some hints about her role in the first chapter.

Do you have everything planned out? It seems to me that everyone in the family will be connected and have their own stories that eventually make up the entire plot. Btw, I really like Kejuta.

 

[riki]

Re: Well this is just a simple song

LOL I'm a shy girl so I'm kinda nervous about strangers reading my works.

Well, I have the first and last novels figure out. The second novel is in a work in progress though since I'm trying to tie the stories together.

As for the family, you'll learn more about their uniqueness in the next two chapter though...

Spoiler

Thesben is dead

 

[goldb]

Re: Well this is just a simple song