Life The MangaHelpers Confessional Thread - Part 3

Jun

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goodboy_lawlett

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l will start by saying that I'm tired of being sluggish and unhappy every morning I wake up. It's definitely a choice but my everyday life choices certainly seem to be defined by my lack of volition. I am honestly not quite sure what's going on in my head anymore, I try self-help thoughts and habits but ultimately my cynicsm gets the best of me. I feel like I do nothing all day, everyday even though I keep a full-time job. I do try to keep sharp and I am generally pretty quick witted but I just can't shake the monkey off my back, he weighs a hundred-thousand pounds, I'm telling you. I'm constantly sore and lately I've been letting myself get fat, although I have been doing a good job restricting my dieting hours. I'm fully conscious of pretty much anything, I'm never not paying attention in fact I hardly ever zone out. But if I could, I would totally go ahead and let go of everything and zone far out. Floating out in the ocean somewhere far away...
Why do I feel this way?
 

M3J

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I confess I'm sad that this is not to be, at least not yet. It's on hold right now for some reason.
Had my first day.


So far, it looks way too confusing, but the commute's easy albeit stressful until I get on the bus.
 

BD_Beno

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You all are diseased. Your emotions allow you to dream or despair, putting you in a vicious cycle of happiness and pain. Luckily, I know someone with a cure.
 

goodboy_lawlett

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You all are diseased. Your emotions allow you to dream or despair, putting you in a vicious cycle of happiness and pain. Luckily, I know someone with a cure.
I also think I should be burned alive
 

BD_Beno

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I also think I should be burned alive
We’ll overhaul your “infection”, erasing it your from being. You’ll be cured and be able to live a life with maximum efficiency.
 

goodboy_lawlett

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Today i got in a horrible situation with like 3 friends, a major fuck up on my part , memes were right its better not to socialise wioth people.
 

Raven

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So my brother is involved in a relationship with a teacher and he announced they will get engaged next Saturday. I feel sad because i didn't know this women that he wants to engage with yet. I'd like to know her better. I feel annoyed and uncomfortable because you know my brother is as much as me, dependent on our parents.. I mean yeah he is good looking man but that ain't enough, You need a solid ground to start making a family because you will heave responsibilities and i think he don't have any ground for that step yet. To this day he still ask my father for money and then call my mother for another patch.
I can't talk tho or disagree because i was similar to him when i got married, I was fully dependent but it's different, I knew my BF/husband for 11 years now, He lived with us at some point, Traveled with us, Ate with us, Slept with us. He was another member of the family. It's not fair comparison really, He engaged this fast to a random women that we know nothing of her. I'm also a women, It's more common for women to stay home and men to work.. It's also not fair for her to get a husband who can't earn money.

My father agreed to this engagement and he said he will support him. I just don't understand how my good old man thinks? for how long he will keep supporting us. He need to say no, To make us stand on our feet and depend on ourselves. The 3 of us are dependent and can't live on our own. I'm scared to death for my poor sister and brother. A very ugly world is waiting for us if we didn't change. My family need to understand, No matter how rich they are, They are still subjected to the worst scenarios because there are literally no new producers and more of consumers. Their kids are no longer kids. They are like wild animals in cages, They will die in the wild because they have no skills of surviving.

I can't stop myself from thinking of our future, It's so frustrating. I'm now working but it still too long way for me to reach that level of self peace, I don't know if i can keep my job. I'm still inexperienced. I hope i can be a backbone for my family. I hope my family get what i'm feeling for years now and start being productive. I hope for a real change. :(
 

liductan

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**crickets**

I barely contributed anyway, I would lurk to be nosey like most. :^_^

But..for once why not?

I've lived such a hellish life from my childhood into early adulthood. From abuse(emotionally and sexually), abandonment, poverty, and I avoided death. So, I learned to endure and became really strong. Through it all, it was the courage I had that pushed me forward.
I can remember everything vividly even though my life has gotten so much better in the last 2 years. It's hard to separate yourself from the past even when you're out of it. The pain lingers in your heart, it comes back to haunt you now and then and you helplessly fall prey to it, feeling sorry for yourself. It's pitiful sometimes, well at least it feels that way.
Despite how much I have grown and improved on myself. The love, self-confidence and courage I have now is great compared to back then. However, my identity still remains trap in the past because I don't know how to let it go and live my life peacefully and free.

It's such a shame..but maybe I'm too hard on myself, I could enjoyed who I'm becoming. It's amazing, yet scary..
I'm gonna try to enjoy who am I more and not look back..that's the challenge!

Well, that's about it, I'm not sure that was a confession lol
Maybe I just needed to get it off my chest.
 

M3J

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**crickets**

I barely contributed anyway, I would lurk to be nosey like most. :^_^

But..for once why not?

I've lived such a hellish life from my childhood into early adulthood. From abuse(emotionally and sexually), abandonment, poverty, and I avoided death. So, I learned to endure and became really strong. Through it all, it was the courage I had that pushed me forward.
I can remember everything vividly even though my life has gotten so much better in the last 2 years. It's hard to separate yourself from the past even when you're out of it. The pain lingers in your heart, it comes back to haunt you now and then and you helplessly fall prey to it, feeling sorry for yourself. It's pitiful sometimes, well at least it feels that way.
Despite how much I have grown and improved on myself. The love, self-confidence and courage I have now is great compared to back then. However, my identity still remains trap in the past because I don't know how to let it go and live my life peacefully and free.

It's such a shame..but maybe I'm too hard on myself, I could enjoyed who I'm becoming. It's amazing, yet scary..
I'm gonna try to enjoy who am I more and not look back..that's the challenge!

Well, that's about it, I'm not sure that was a confession lol
Maybe I just needed to get it off my chest.
I don't think you're being too hard on yourself, you could still be traumatized and fear going back to how life was back then. You probably won't heal any time soon, and you may not at all, but as long as you enjoy who you are and are happy, as well as keep moving forward, that's what's more important.

But then again, I'm not a psychiatrist, so take what I say with a grain of salt if it might result in some negative effect.
 

MarmaladeSky

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**crickets**

I barely contributed anyway, I would lurk to be nosey like most. :^_^

But..for once why not?

I've lived such a hellish life from my childhood into early adulthood. From abuse(emotionally and sexually), abandonment, poverty, and I avoided death. So, I learned to endure and became really strong. Through it all, it was the courage I had that pushed me forward.
I can remember everything vividly even though my life has gotten so much better in the last 2 years. It's hard to separate yourself from the past even when you're out of it. The pain lingers in your heart, it comes back to haunt you now and then and you helplessly fall prey to it, feeling sorry for yourself. It's pitiful sometimes, well at least it feels that way.
Despite how much I have grown and improved on myself. The love, self-confidence and courage I have now is great compared to back then. However, my identity still remains trap in the past because I don't know how to let it go and live my life peacefully and free.

It's such a shame..but maybe I'm too hard on myself, I could enjoyed who I'm becoming. It's amazing, yet scary..
I'm gonna try to enjoy who am I more and not look back..that's the challenge!

Well, that's about it, I'm not sure that was a confession lol
Maybe I just needed to get it off my chest.
First of all, I think it’s pretty courageous to tell these things here. I am sure that there is so much more to your story, but the fact that you chose to tell a part of it here shows a oart of your soul. I really think that takes guts.
And perhaps that’s also a step in your progress. You say, hey these shitty things happened to me, but I have already grown so much. I have overcome these things. But i am not quite there yet, So i am going to continue to be grow, to be the best person I can be.

I really don’t think it’s pitiful to fall prey to your past at times, as you put it. Honestly anyone in your position would have - and there is nothing wrong with that.

stick up the finger, screw you shitty past I am not afraid of you, you are no going to dictate my life.
And that’s hard. I know that.
But you can do it.
You got this, even if there will be shitty days - moments that you feel like you can’t. And that’s ok, that’s only human after all.

Would recommend anyone to seek a therapist when dealing with traumatic experiences from the past, but I do realize that not everyone is in the position to do so.
So if you ever want to talk about it, need some distraction or for any reason really - feel free to shoot me a message.
(And i am sure many others here are open for that as wel!!)
 

liductan

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^^ thanks. I really appreciate your words of encouragement. Yes, you're right, it does take a lot of courage to express this. It's such a relief though, it's like making a step forward in healing.
I'm willing to be transparent to connect, I do not mind because our stories encourage each other. I just wanted to get off my chest because I tend to have a disconnection with others, even on here. I struggle with this IRL. My vibe can come off hard, like a wall of fortress sometimes, it's just my experiences make me hard. I have a very sweet heart but I'm not good at expressing it. Sometimes, I feel like I have to tone myself down because everyone isn't built like me and we don't share the same experiences.
So, I've been learning to soften up a bit since last year and it's been hard asf. It's working though, healing and trying ....to be
......n.....ice..:p
 

MarmaladeSky

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You got this <3 @liductan

So, time for a confession of my own.
I've been frustrated with life lately, perhaps even angry. I think today more so than other days. And that's okay. I know it will work out, eventually. Just probably not in the way that is ideal for me. And that frustrates me to no end.
Just went out and bought a couple of plants. Did not help fight my frustration but at least they're cute
 

BlackTiger

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You got this <3 @liductan

So, time for a confession of my own.
I've been frustrated with life lately, perhaps even angry. I think today more so than other days. And that's okay. I know it will work out, eventually. Just probably not in the way that is ideal for me. And that frustrates me to no end.
Just went out and bought a couple of plants. Did not help fight my frustration but at least they're cute
Is it still lockdown in your place? I think taking a walk outside and meeting new people can help to ease yourself.
 
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