Gintama 253

Think Positive thoughts everyone. Positive thoughts. (Or Shinpachi'll find you, and beat you to a verbally comatose state with his off key singing of Magical Banana.) YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

And now another PSA! People have been asking me for Traumiester raws, and while I do have the tanks I don't have a scanner to scan them in. However my bestest friend in the world MBG has access to SS and a scanner! Unfortunately she is running low on cash and will lose her subscription to SS in a little while. So if you guys ask nicely (and throw in a little tiny donation) Perhaps you'll turn on your computers, log into MH and notice that Traumiester scans have started appearing.

Don't take my word for it though. Just head over to www.conan-magic.com and do what's in your heart. I'll be posting this on Translations through mid-April, so no one can say they didn't know.

(Top text- First editions come with a special Sorachi signed bookmark!! Be sure to grab Gintama volume 28 and the novel 3rd Year Z Class Ginpachi Sensei four when they're both released on Friday April third!)

(Side GINTAMA)

Gintoki: One-Two three....whoa!

(Side text- After a long time of being broke...they've struck it big...!!)

(Sfx- Pirapira shuff shuff)

Gintoki: Gotta love it when these executive types go out and have affairs.

Cause the pay out for spying on them is always huge!

All right, today we'll eat some beef. My treat.

Kagura: You are serious?! It will be garden variety yes?

Gintoki: I just can't wait to get to a all you can eat smörgåsbord. I'm gonna eat like a hungry viking.

Shinpachi: Hahah, I think I'll be fine with eating beef with Kagura-chan.

Kagura: It will not be cheap beef will it?

Gintoki: I wonder if the smörgåsbord will include ice cream?

Shinpachi: If you're talking about good Ice cream, you should try 'there'.

Gintoki: 'There' you say? But I keep getting the idea that I'm at an age that I shouldn't get so passoniate over Ice cream...

Kagura: I will still feel the excitement. You should leave such matters to me.

Gintoki: You quit trying to destroy my dreams and self-esteem you little brat.

002

Shinpachi: Come on you two, lets stop having petty arguments.

(Handwritten- Ah go on right ahead.)

(Handwritten- Excuse me.)

Shinpachi: It's rare that we manage to get a job done this quickly and not screw up...so lets' hurry to dinner.

Kagura: Ah I can not wait. Soon I will stuff my self with much cattle hormone.
Gintoki: Beef with a pitcher of Lemon tea sounds good about now....

Hey you're drooling.

{Handwritten- What side should I have..?)

(Ah I can't decide....)

(SFX- Vin veen)

Shinpachi: Cough cough.

003

Shinpachi: It's sure taking a while..

Is anything wrong up there...?

Gintoki: It's cause this is a really fancy building.

Kagura: They must hurry. My back and stomach are beginning to ache.

Shinpachi: Gin-san, I really think something's wrong...it's taking such a long time...

It's not like we're in the Tower of Druaga.....

(TN- He actually says Doruaaga no tou. I looked that up and got the anime and game of the same name....if this is an offhand reference, can someone explain it better?)

Shinpachi: Furthermore, look at the floor we're on.

We haven't moved from number fourteen.

Kagura: We must not become too agitated. The space between floor 14 and floor 13 must be wide yes?

Shinpachi: I guess so.

004

Shinpahchi: Is this building really that big?

Gintoki: Don't think so. It didn't take us this long to get up to the 14th floor.

Shinpachi: In that case Gin-san, wouldn't you say that....

Since we got in the elevator...

We haven't moved an inch?

Shinpachi: The attendants aren't answering the call button...

(Sfx- kacha kacha Click click)

Shinpachi: The door isn't opening....

Gin-san, I hate to say it but we seem to be....

005

Shinpachi: Locked here....

Within the Elevator....

(Side text- A tasty situation indeed!!)

GINTAMA
Lesson 253: In order to reach others, you have to open your own doors first.
SORACHI HIDEAKI

Kagura: This is the worst!!!!!

(Sfx- Don don don don bam bam bam bam)

Kagura: I am at my most hungry right now!

Someone please help! Help us! Help! Help me!!

Gintoki: Hold it there Kagura, calm down.

Try to think for a second will ya? If you keep hitting it like an idiot won't that break it even more?

Kagura: However If I do not eat, I will suffer from starvation and die yes?

Gintoki: I doubt that'll happen immediately. See? Here's an emergency button, and we're in an emergency.

Kagura: Ah. There is one.

Gintoki: The whole point of having this button here is that when weird things like this happen someone will know to come and save us.

006

(Sfx- DOGYAHHH THWOK)

(Sfx- Para para Clatter clatter)

Gintoki: WHY'D YOU PRESS IT SO DAMN HARD?!
Gintoki: Now the emergency button needs someone to push an emergency button doesn't it?!

Shinpachi: What'll we do? Our only means to call for help is gone!!

Kagura: I am sorry. I used too much force.

Gintoki: Sorry doesn't cut it! How are we going to get help now?!

Anyway let's relax. Everything'll be fine.

I'm sure when someone comes around to use the elevator and notices that it's not descending...they'll figure out we're up here and send help.

You guys need to learn how to play it cool like me. You'll never get out of this situation if you panic.

???: Um...excuse me...

The president leaves his office at 5 sharp.

And when he leaves, everyone's expected to be out the door.

I'm fairly sure that there's not a single soul still here.

007

Gintoki: Ah..well but, with a huge ass building like this one, I'm sure Mr. President's got a guard that regularly does patrols right?

We just need to wait for the guard to show up and give us a hand.....no need to panic....

???: Um....well that's...you see...

You're speaking to the guard....

That would be me.

(Nametag- Mikoshiba)

Gintoki: GET ME OUT OF HEEEEERE!!!

(Sfx- Dogo dogo dobaggii Smack smack thud)

Gintoki: Someone! Anyone! HELP MEEEE!!

Shinpachi: Funny how the guy who said to keep calm is the least calm here....

Gintoki: You iiiidooot!! What good are you as the guard if you're here!!

What the hell were you thinking using the elevator anyway you lazy moron?!
Mikoshiba: Ah..well that is...I was taking a break on the roof, and I had a bit to drink....I didn't think it would be a big deal since no one would come back in till tomorrow....

Gintoki: Tomorrow?! Well guess what buddy, we want to eat lunch today, Right now!!

Shinpachi: Um...Gin-san? Not to add oil to the flame, but tomorrow is Saturday..which would mean they're having a three day break starting now.

I didn't want to tell you that, since Jump comes out Saturday this week, and I was sure you'd raise a ruckus over it...

Gintoki: T—THREE DAYS?! SO YOU'RE TELLING ME WE'RE STUCK HERE OVER THE WEEKEND?! WHAT USE ARE YOU TO ANYONE THEN.....

Mikoshiba: Ah it's fine really, I'm sure someone will stop by even if it is a three day breadk.

Gintoki: WHO THE HELL'LL STOP BY WHEN THEY DON'T HAVE TO WORK?! DON'T MAK ME.....

(Sfx- Guuuu grrrwooowl)

Gintoki: Dammit, I'm too hungry to get pissed off...

I should be drinking my lemonade while stuffing myself with enough beef hormone to raise a farm...and yet....

Shinpachi: For now, we should try to keep our morale up by believing someone will save us before long.

After all, there's the chance that perhaps someone forgot something here, and will decide to run back and get it before the weekend is over.

So try your best to stay positive you two.

Someone will defiantly notice that we're here and need help.

009

Gintoki: It feels like we've been here forever......

And yet no one....

Has come to save us...

(Sfx- Donyori drooooop)

Shinpachi: Maybe we should try and start up a conversation...?

Sitting here silently isn't going to help anyone, and we'll just be reminded of how our one means of help is shattered on the floor.

So let's try and lighten the mood a bit.

Gintoki: Lighten the mood? You couldn't do that with a forklift.

We're four people stuck in a tiny tiny box with no hope to get out of here. The only way anyone will lighten anything is if someone vomits, at least then we could talk about how much it stinks I guess.

Shinpachi: Could you please not talk in that negative way?

Kagura: My heart feels lighter. It suddenly hurts to breath.

I will help lighten things by dying of starvation. You may discuss how I lived after I die.

Shinpachi: Knock it off Kagura-chan....

Gintoki: Don't be stupid. No one's going to come and find us here, cause no one cares about us. Even in death we're nothing more than wastes of space.

Shinpachi: I SAID CUT IT OUT YOU TWO!!

If you've got the energy to think of such negative things, let's try to think of positive situations too!

Like, for example....think of something you'd be doing now if you weren't stuck in an elevator!

How about you Mikoshiba-san? What would you be doing?

Or even better, since you're a bit more mature than we are, you could tell us a story about your job?

010

Mikoshiba: I've had this job for 3 years now.

Shinpachi: Oh, that's a lot more recent than I thought.

Mikoshiba: Well what I mean is I lost my job as a businessman three years ago and spent a lot of time flitting about here and there during the day.

Shinpachi: Whoa!! That sounds like bad news!!

Mikoshiba: Well it was, but then again it was all for my home....

Shinpachi: Your home? That's awesome! So you're saving up to get your own place? I know my dad really was into that too! He'd get so fired up when he had almost saved enough! He was so awesome!

Mikoshiba: Speaking of fired up...

My house kind of got fired up too....and then burned down.
I still had plenty of loans to pay off on it too...

So I had to get this menial job to pay them off...

Shinpachi: Ah...I see....really....

Uh...well...um.....Sorry?

Mikoshiba: ...It's fine.

{Holy craaaaaaaaaaaaap this is depressing!! I meant to lighten things up by asking a simple question...}

{Instead I've just dragged everyone deeper into their vortexes of self pity!!}

(Sfx- joyoyooooon doooom)

011

{I have to take control of this situation! We have to drop talking about the past since there's nothing that we can change about it!}

(Sfx- Pan clap)

Shinpachi: Let's talk about what we want to do once we get out of here!

I can't wait to sink my teeth into that beef once we get out of here~!!

Rather than think about now, or the past....let's talk about what we're about to do! So who wants to go next?

Mikoshiba: That does sound like a good idea. Let's avoid talking about the painful think shal we? Hehe...

Shinpachi: Yeah! Lets! I'm glad that you're in on this Mikoshiba-san! How do you eat your beef? Do you want to fry it?

Mikoshiba: Ugh...I pass on fried foods...

Last time I had a cookout, I ended up cooking my second house. No more fires for me.....

{How do you burn beef that badlllllllllllly?!}

Mikoshiba: Honestly I had wanted to eat some chicken at the time....

But we were out, so I decided to try my luck on beef...

{I'm right back where I started with this guy!! This is the worst!!! We're even further down in the dumps!!!}

Shinpachi: Ah...umm....sorry about that...

Mikoshiba: ….It's fine.

{This mood's so heavy that it's crushing me!! I can't take it!!!}

{I gotta do something!!}

Shinpachi: Ah...yeah that's right! If you don't like having fried beef, what do you like to eat?

Mikoshiba: Well I really like eating my wife's homemade lunches....

Shinpachi: I see! Food made with your wife's love, those lunches must be pretty amazing huh?

Mikoshiba: Well...no...

Shinpachi: Please do continue! I'd like to hear more!

012

Mikoshiba: Although it's because of these lunches....

That one day she burnt everything down while making them....my house, my love...all into ash...

{BASICALLY YOUR WHOLE LIFE'S UP IN SMOKE THEN?!?!?!}

{EVERYTIME I TALK TO YOU THINGS JUST SEEM TO GET WORSE!! YOU REALLY HAVE LIVED A HORRIBLE LIFE HAVEN'T YOU!?!}

Shinpachi: Um...I'm sorry...

I didn't know that fire and frying were such terrible factors in your life...

{This is the worst!! We've finally just started to drown in pits of despair!}

Mikoshiba: It's fine really...I mean at least as a guard I can keep working to support myself and her memory...

Gintoki: You'd really do best if you got yourself another wife and made sure she doesn't cook anything.

Mikoshiba: You have a point.

{The negativity is spreading!!!}

{It...It hurts....This room has such a heavy negativity content that I can't sit up straight...}

{If I don't do something I feel like my head....It's going to implode!!}

{I have to do whatever it takes to break this depressive mood!}
{Maybe my approach has been too direct up until now...}

013

Shinpachi: Ah you guys....

How about a game?

Gintoki: Huh? In fact, what's been with you this whole time.....?

Can't we just sit here and cry on the inside in peace?

Shinpachi: Listen, someone will save us for sure. So until then let's try to keep busy okay?

Kagura: No they will not. You should shut your mouth and let us quietly reflect on our lives fool.

Shinpachi: Nothing will come of being negative in this situation! They WILL save us!

So we have to be each other's supports and keep our spirits up!!

The game's a little old but....it's called Magical Banana!

It's a game where we try to continuously think of positive situations!

So let's get this thing started shall we?

(Sfx- Zun cha zun cha zun cha Pat pat clap clap)

Gintoki: 'tha hell is his problem? Why is he so damn chipper?

Shinpachi: Ma-gi-cal Banana~

The Banana's color is 'Yellow'!!

You!

Kagura: 'Yellow' is the color of the 'banana'

Shinpachi: You!

Gintoki: The 'Banana' is colored 'yellow'

Shinpachi: You!

Mikoshiba: 'Yellow' is the color of 'The fire on that day'....

014

Shinpachi: Hey wait a minute...
'That day's fire' doesn't at all go with our key phrase...

Mikoshiba: Sorry, I'm just having abandonment issues is all..

Shinpachi: It may be rude of me, but I honestly believe you would be more positive if you'd let the past stay where it is.

Mikoshiba: I see.

Shinpachi: From here on in you guys should really try to repeat the sentence one after another...so after those two go, you join in...or else the whole chain is broken okay?

All right, let's try this again from the beginning.

Since you brought up 'fire' and 'That day',

Lets make it 'Fire' is 'dazzling'!!

You!

Kagura: 'Dazzling' is what the 'light' is...

You!

Gintoki: 'Light' is what 'we will never see again as long as we live'.

Shinpachi: ….You

Mikoshiba: 'What we will never see again as long as we live' is 'The family that departed that day'

Shinpachi: F---'Family' Is what's called a 'group'!

You!

Kagura: 'A group' Is fine while alive. 'But death is always done alone'.

Gintoki: 'Death' is when you say 'goodbye' forever.

015

Mikoshiba: 'Goodbye' Is what I should have said 'Back on that day'...

(Sfx- Gusu sniffle)

Shinpachi: FORGET IT!!!

KNOCK IT OFF YOU IDIOTS!!

WHY THE HECK ARE YOU SO HUNG UP ON BEING DEPRESSING?!
IS THIS THE PITY MAGICAL BANNANA?!

The problem here is you! You keep turning everything positive here into negativity!

If you could learn to let go of your sad past, things would work out for everyone!!

Mikoshiba: Sorry....

Shinpachi: Tragedies are unavoidable, but they're in the past now! Take one step forward and thing happy thoughts! That is what the Magical Banana is all about!!

Mikoshiba: 'Kay.

Shinpachi: All of you get happy already! If we want to get the rhythm of the Magical Banana right we gotta stay upbeat!

Gintoki: Aww do we HAVE to do this again?

Shinpachi: SHUT YOUR NOISE HOLE! We'll keep doing this until you idiots get it right! Will you be okay this time Mikoshiba-san?

Mikoshiba: Yes! I've completely forgotten about that day!!

Shinpachi: Awesome! Now let's do this! Magical Banana!!!

(Sfx- Zncha zunzuncha)

(Sfx- Pan pan clap clap)

Shinpachi: 'Bananas' are 'long'!

You!

Kagura: A 'straw' is also 'long'.

Shinpachi: You!

Gintoki: 'A straw' is made of 'vinyl'.

016

Mikoshiba: My wife is made of 'vinyl'.

Shinpachi: JUST A DAMN MINUTE!!!!

(TN- Well I'M feeling much better now! Thanks everyone!)

Shinpachi: What did you just say?! Your wife is vinyl?!

Mikoshiba: When I think back about how things burned back then, I realize my wife burned much faster than everything else. So she would have to be vinyl.....right?

Shinpachi: SHE WAS NOTHING MORE THAN A BLOW UP DOLL FULL OF YOUR FANTASIES WASN'T SHE?!

'THE HELL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT SHE WAS LOST IN THE FIRE?! YOU PROBABLY SET IT YOURSELF DIDN'T YOU PERV?!

NO WONDER I COULDN'T LIGHTEN THE MOOD! I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS DEALING WITH A SICKO GUARD!!

Mikoshiba: I've got plenty of air....it just goes into my wife.

Shinpachi: D'YA THINK THAT MAKES ME HAPPY?!

(Sfx- Dogo Baki Dogo kick pop kick!)

(Sfx- Zehuuu Fwissh)

(Sfx- Kurashi crash)

(Sfx- Dosaaaa thuuud)

Gintoki?: SHINPACHI!!

017

Gintoki: Idiot! What did you think would happen if you move around so much in a place with little air circulation?!

Kagura: Stay with us Shinpachi!

Shinpachi: Thank goodness you two...

(Sfx- Zeha)

Shinpachi: You've gone back to normal....thanks to the Magical Banana...

No....It wasn't that....

You guys should know that doing something as pathetic as sitting and waiting for death is beneath you...

You guys are beings with much more pride than that aren't you?

(Sfx- Gacha Grip)

Mikoshiba: W—Wait you two...!!
What on earth are you doing...?

(Sfx- Zan Swiff)

(Sfx- ORAHHHHHH!!!)

018

(Sfx- Doooooon DSSSSH)

(Sfx- Uwahhhhhh!!!)

{Clearing out a path for our friend....}

(Sfx- Gogogogogogo Rmmmmmble)

{If a path like that doesn't exsist...}

{Then get up and make one....}

Gintoki: We're off to eat beef.

Smell ya later.

{To pick up your fallen friend and depart...}

{That is...your responsibility...}

019

Mikoshiba: Hold on a minute!! You can't escape that way!!

It's dangerous!!

Kagura: Just hang on Shinpachi. We will be safe soon enough.

Hey can you not hear me?

Ah...we have no choice.

Magicalllll Banaannnaaaa~

'Banana' is 'a fruit that is unrivaled'

Just like the 'Yorozuya' is 'unrivaled' as well.

Why is the 'Yorozuya' unrivaled?

Shinpachi: W...
We're the best....

{Handwritten- We're the best because we're like gods')

(And God for leaving us there is the worst...)

(Sfx- Viiin veeeen)

Rescue unit: Sorry to keep you waiting.

We're here to get you folks to safety.

{Sfx- This punch line's a straight K.O.!)

GINTAMA LESSON 253.................END.