Gintama 287

Well... they are absorbent... XD

I will try to find time to check this.

Not planning on getting married? So sad Bomber...

@Kewl

I'm married to my work. >_> That's enough for me.

@Sparty

True, but Douman needs love! Not absorbency!

I'd say stopping the bleeding constitutes as love. XD

Ok, sorry for being late but I had zero free time last week. I'll go work on 288 now and try to finish it tonight. I'll PM this to Bomber, too, in case he doesn't check...

Gintama 287 Edits
001
(Text on right- Behind him is the past----But now he lives for the present-----looking toward the future---.)
(Text on right: Carrying his past on his shoulder---Living in the present-----looking toward the future---.)


002
[K, so despite there being only 1 raw out, you skipped over the movie poster page... now I gotta add 1 to yours to get the actual page...]

Souan has been completely defeated, and this leaves only Douman on the battlefield!!
Souan has lost his will to fight and escaped, this leaves only Douman on the battlefield!!
[I kinda liked the original way it's written better]

003
[This is fine]

004
[This too]

005

Will the Dome be able to stand after such a vicious attack?! It's like we're witnessing a wish upon the Dragonballs with the size of this light!!
The ring won't be able to take it. It's a spectacle right out of Dragonball!!

[There's no bright light when wishing with dragonballs. On the contrary, it gets dark. He just means it looks likea dragonball series-esque fight.]

Seimei!!! You will lose, and lose bigggg!!
Seimeiii!!! I won't lose... I will not lose!!
[As I said before somewhere if there's no subject it's first person unless it's a command. -nu is negative.]

006
[Ok... it would seem you have arbitrarily written a new page number in the middle of a page. Not like anyone can tell what page you're on by these anyway, but that seems like it will REALLY throw off scanlators, so you should remove this. God help them if the use the Ju-Ni Vicissistue raw. God help them.]

Annoucner: Oh my! Douman was swallowed up by the attack and sent flying!!
Announcer: Oh my! Douman has been out done!! He has been swallowed up by the gigantic wave of Seimei's spell!!

007

Seimei: Why are you so stirred up Douman? It isn't like you.
Seimei: That you get so stirred up that you're not watching your surroundings is a bad habit of yours, Douman.

(TN- A manifestation of Mahavairocana http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mahavairocana_Tantra)
[I'll just trust you on these...]

Announcer: Oh my! Around himself, Douman has brought countless blazing seals!
!
[It looks like you skipped this line]

Announcer: Even by himself, Douman's magic seals of rage are impressive!!
Announcer: That he can use this many seals by himself, Douman has truly horrifying magical power!!
[Ororubeki is an adjective meaning "terrible" like "terribly powerful" and doesn't have to do with anger particularly.]

008

Seimei: Know your place.
Seimei: Do not fudge your numbers.
[鯆を読むな, Idiomatic phrase]

While I know my 1562 wards aren't infinite either, they're a little closer I'd think.
By the way, I have 1562 wards..... [smaller] though that's still far from infinity, too.
[He actually says he's also far from infinity.]

Seimei: Douman, This is our....
Seimei: Douman this is the...

009

Seimei: Exisistance!!!
Seimei: difference of our hearts!!
[You're free to use whatever valid definition of "omoi" (the lesser used kanji 想い) you like... Hopes, wishes, desires, thoughts, but existence is not one of them. Excuse me, "exisistance" is not one of them.]


010

???: I guess it can't be helped, I'll tell you that old story again.
???: I guess it can't be helped, I'll tell you an old story again.
[If he's asking what it's about, it's clearly "a". Also "that" would need to be specified in any case.]

Or when Kintarou...
Or when Momotartou...
[This kinda needs a note, don't you think? That these are both Japanese folklores. The story of Kintarou and the story of Momotarou. And how that's where Gedoumaru's name comes from. Incidently, the character of Kintarou's name changes to "Sakatano Kintoki" in the story. Which is the origin of certain other character's name, which I'm sure you know.
Reference:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kintar%C5%8D
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Momotaro]

Once upon a time,
[This is part of the next line, you should join them.]

An extremely evil God descended upon the people.
Once upon a time a bad, bad, god lived in the capital.
[Just write it like that...]

He was called Antenmaru, an evil beast that came from the skies and draped the entirety of Kyouto in his dark rain, causing people to suffer and forget the notion of pleasure.
He was called Antenmaru, an fierce god that shrouded the skies of the capital in dark clouds and made nothing but rain fall, reveling in the pain of the people.
[May want to note Antenmaru menas "Dark Heaven-Circle". Course you usually don't note what names mean, but this seems like it has to do with the story. Also your story about Kyouto is interesting... though it doesn't say that.]

However, Antenmaru's evil was targeted and defeated by two wanderers with mysterious powers.
However, two travelers appeared before Atenmaru and sealed him away with a mysterious power.

Once again, the skies in Kyouto became clear, and everyone became happy. SO happy that they appointed the wanderers to become the guardians of Kyouto. They did so, and soon established the family name 'Mikado' within the city.
And so the skies of the capital cleared. As thanks to the brothers, the emperor gave them a name which expressed the will to protect the city, "Mikato", as servants of the city.
[It does not say Kyouto. It just says "Kyou" as in "capital". The first kanji in Kyouto and the second kanji in Toukyou. Rest is uh... wrong, and I fixed it. I would like to hear the details of this story of Kyouto sometime though.]

011
???: The two travelers, better known as the Mikado brothers got along very well.
???: The Mikado brothers got along very well.
[They just said how they got their name.]

The two of them were strong enough to defeat any evil that threatened Kyouto for many many years, mostly in part to their brotherly bond that would allow nothing to come between them.
Any strange creature in front of them would run away at once. With the strong bond between them the two protected the capital for a long time.

However, through their years of service destroying ayakashi,
But in their bond that no demon could cut
[I'm just sticking demon or something for "ayakashi". If you wanna use that, put in a note for what it is.]

Cracks began to show through their iron resolve.
cracks began to form.

The younger of the Mikado siblings fell for the younger sister of the king.
[You need to write "secretly" in the fell in love part. If you're moving around where the parts of the sentence are, you need to put it here.]

However, the Mikado brothers and the princess were as different from each other as night and day.
However, the differences in their social statuses was far too wide.
[Mibun 身分 = social status. It comes up a lot in these sorta stories, you should remember it.]

The younger brother's love was one that would never come true, a sad love.
[You appear to have skipped this line. And the next one...]

The younger brother kept his feelings for the princes in his heart and always watched over her from afar, but he could do nothing else.

An evil brigand took advantage of this, and kidnapped the princess to get back at thebrothers.
Around this such time, astonishing news reached the younger brothers ears.
[I dunno really... what line the "this" in your line came from. What the hell is a brigand? This fairy tale you're telling seems to be a different one entirely. Do samurais with wooden swords and china girls show up later and they save Kyouto from the monsters? Yeah... just change it.]

But who would do such a thing?
Someone had abducted the princess.

The answer to this is...
The one who did this is...
[Or something so these make sense...]

The oldest sibling.
The older brother.
[You can write brother... it's pretty clear they're brothers. Also there are only two, so just -er is what's right.]

The brother couldn't bear his sadness as he watch his brother get away with the woman he loved, and their whole relationship shattered.
Unbeknownst to the sad younger brother, the older brother and princess had fallen in love with each other and thrown away their status and honor to elope.
[Your story could use more giant robots.]

The King then ordered that the princess be brought back alive, and her kidnapper should be the opposite.
Indignant at this, the emperor gave an order to capture the older brother who had kidnapped the princess and punish him as a traitor.
[Your story needs more Onmyouji-on-Shikigami sex.]

He then ordered the little brother to help.
The one chosen for that mission was... the younger brother.
[DUN DUN DUN]

012

???: Confused on what he should do, the little brother returned to where his older sibling was.
Narrator: Keeping his complex feelings secret, the younger brother went to meet the older brother.

気がつくと弟の前には二人が倒れて
Before he had noticed, the brother had killed them...
When he regained consciousness, the both of them were collapsed in front of him.
[Maybe the killed part is implied...]

He returned to Kyoto and became a magnificent government worker...
He returned to the capitol and was given a magnificent government post.

His heart still remained fogged and bogged down by rain, and unable to see the sun.
[Very colorful seeing as all it says is "clear". I don't mean it's wrong or anything though.]

Because of the rain in his heart, he had changed...
that it was he who was making it rain

Becoming the same demon he had once slain.
and that he... was become a demon.
[The last part is kinda only said at the end of the page]

013

???: The same Antenmaru that he and his brother had felled,
???: Even after he was sealed by the brothers, Antenmaru was looking for openings.

Had over come him, using his hate and jealousy as a proxy. For this is how Antenmaru had decided to get his revenge against the brothers who had defeated him.
Through the brother's jealously, hatred, and other negative feelings he possessed him in order to get revenge on the siblings.
[possessed him is a bit more like what it means]

But it was already too late for the younger brother to stop and repent his ways.
But once he realized it, it was already too late for the younger brother to stop and repent his ways.
[Needs that beginning part. There is a clear thing here about how the brother didn't actually consciously do the deed.]

And he found himself the receiver of one potent arrow.
His face, warped by hatred, was pierced by a single arrow.

Now a strapping young man with his brother's likeness.
[Lots of colorful additions for "his brother's child." But it's fine, too.]

Finally the long rain over Kyouto's capital had finally stopped, and the sun came out at last.
[the capitol]

But it wouldn't be long until another darkness would be born...
But there was one newly born deep dark cloud.

And so the young man who destroyed Antenmaru for his father's sake eventually lead the Ketsuno clan to keep the demon at bay.
And so the young man who destroyed the resurrected Antenmaru to avenge his father was employed to serve under the emperor started the Ketsuno clan.

Meanwhile the Children of the younger brother who had become the demon and then was slayed became the Shirino-clan.
And the children of the younger brother who left the capitol and had their name taken as punishment for their father's crime became the Shirino clan.
[Took me a while, but I'm sure this is what the line is.]

Each side wanted to protect the sacred Mikado gate...
The ones who had once been the sacred gate that protected the capitol, the Mikado,

Both the Ketsuno and Shiri,
had become the Ketsuno and Shiri.

Became embroiled in a war against each other, split right down the middle just like an ass cheek.
Split right down the middle just like dirty ass cheeks.

014

???: And this became the lighter for the long and storied feud between the Ketsuno and Shirino clains.
[clans]

Douman: NEVER! I don't want to fight against Seimei-kun!!
Douman: I don't want to! You're saying to go fight Seimei-kun again, aren't you!!?

Douman: I don't care about the past! Our family linage has nothing to do with me!!
Douman: I don't care about things from the long past! Don't push things like the family's fate onto me!
怨敵呪殺法
The only thing I care about is now, and I know that Seimei-kun is a nice guy! So don't start talking about some long and stupid family feud!!
Seimei-kun is a really nice guy! Even today he taught me a sworn enemy killing curse!!

I'm sure if we get along, we can fix what's wrong with both families and live happily!! That's what the two of us promised....!!
I'm sure when our age comes we'll be able to make an age where the the Ketsuno clan and the Shirino clan get along will come!! That's what the two of us promised......

Those lowlifes and their equally useless ancestor robbed us of our rightly deserved social status!! And here you are talking about being friends?!?
Do you not understand the resentment we have towards them for robbing our ancestor of his social status and loved one?

As long as they are our sworn enemies, we have a duty to destroy them through magic....
If you have time to learn sworn enemy killing curses

And that duty now falls to you....and that brat....
then use it on that punk.

015
[Ok... I'm finally this far... the rest should be easy... As long as there are no more fairy tales...]

Douman-san's markings are...they're....!!
The dark seals carved on Douman-san's skin...!!

Shirino2: It can't be helped, after all his opponent is a member of the Ketsuno clan, and that kid in particular has been labeled a prodigy hasn't he?
Shirino2: It can't be helped, after all his opponent is said to be the more promising prodigy since the beginning of the Ketsuno clan, isn't he?

016
It's weird that someone like him is even in the running for being succesor of our clan.
I'm nervous about the miserable age that'll come with him as the next head of the clan.


017

(On box- Rorie Daily use. Super guards.)

(TN- ...Do I really need to tell you (g)als what this is?)
[What are "als"? I can't figure out what the hell you mean...If you're gonna use innuendos at least make it blatant.]

Announcer: What is this?! Douman's face tattoo has started changing....
Announcer: Wh...What is this?! The symbols carved on Douman's face...

And engulfing his whole body!!
they're engulfing his whole body!!

018

{Douman....}

{Rely on my power.}
Devote yourself to me.
[This is Antenmaru talking, you can tell I guess... But that's what this line means.]

{Rather than living in their shadow, away from the sun...}
They have chased you from under the sun into the shadows.

{Use all of your hatred to destroy your enemies.}
They are opponents that should be abhorred, enemies that should be destroyed.

{So allow us to take your body...trust your hate.}
[Should be "me", not "us". It's just "Ware" not "warera" or "wareware".]

019

{Find it deep down...the scorching hot magma of hatred....}
[This should be two lines broken at the ellipsis.]


020

{Never forgive those fools who stripped us of everything....}
[Should be "you". This is the demon talking. In fact it's really all his fault in the first place.]

021

{DROWN YOURSELF IN DARKNESS.}
[You keep using a different definition for 染まる... I guess they're all fine, people will see the parallel anyway.]

Have you fused with a Shikigami?!
You're carrying a Shikigami inside your own body?
[Fuse and carry are pretty different. Though it's unclear if the past tense means "always have" or "just put in right now". Probably the latter.]

Gedomaru: The demonic monster that the Ketsuno and Shirino once risked their lives to seal.....
[Should say "evil god" not "demonic monster" here. You could use some variant, but it's supposed to be "god".]

[Ok, that's the end. Now I'm off to do the other one...]