Gintama 297

(To the tune of Blues Clues) Guess who's on a laptop, Guess who's on a laptop Guess who's on a laptop! No more shitty computer bluuuuues~

(You kids at home take out your handy dandy notebooks, and make a memo not to use this until BDR says so!)


Glasses dude: Huh?
You’re asking me who’s the strongest guy in Kabuki cho?
Tryin’ to rise up the ranks are ya?
I guess it’s not too rare to see guys like you in town…punks that don’t value their lives….
I was the same as you when I was young….a bright eyed brat…
But this city isn’t quite the same as others..
Edo’s a mixing pot of rouges, fallen warriors, and gentlemen.
What makes this place legendary is the staggering number of outlaws residing here.
(Sfx- Koto *tmp*)
Glasses dude: You could have an infinite amount of lives, and still never see the top here.
I hate to say it, but you’re better off drinkin’ this down and gettin’ the hell out of here.
Huh? You’re a traveler who wants to hear all the tales of this place?
Whatever you want kid…
(Sign- Kabuki cho, The number one city.)

002
Glasses dude: First thing’s first….there are four people who stand out among the others….
The Demon ‘Madomoselle’ Saigou, Grand Gentleman; Captian Doromizu Jiro, Kujaku Hime Kada, and Empress Otose.
These four are known as the Kabuki Chou Shitenou, and they’re the ones who rule over the city.
Their balance of power is delicate at best it seems.
What’s that? Not interested in political power? You want to know who’s the strongest in a brawl?
I can tell you, but there’s no way that an impatient kid like you can strive to be like those gents…
Saigou and Jiro are especially tough customers. They’re both veterans from the Amanto expulsion war.
Eh, that’s an old story for older times….they’re calmed down a bit since then.
Right now, the leader of the Doromizu gang is a youngster by the name of Kurogoma Katsuo.
I’m not sure of the details, but he’s Kabuki chou’s most feared tyrant.
A lot of ex-patriots gather at Saigou’s place as well. They’re all warriors with honor and chivalry on their side.
I’ve heard rumors that Kada’s organization is more of a well dressed affair.
This is how it’s been for a long time now…can’t say that things are particularly steady though. The big three are almost always on the brink of collapse.
The strain has been especially bad this year…
If you’re smart, you’ll get out of here before you get dragged into a fight with those monsters…
Huh?
What about Otose’s power?

003
Glasses dude: Her’s is a place to get drunk….so she doesn’t really need any strength per se…
I know what you’re wondering now….why is she a part of the four if she seems so weak?
Otose only has one soldier at her place..
And she’s no more than a kindly old lady…
But she’s got this block on lock down.
People stay out of her way because of the one guy she has.
Because out of the big three, this guy who wanders the streets is the most monstrous of them all.
A guy with completely white hair…
(Sfx- kachi *clack*)
(Sfx- Bushaaaaa *fwssssssh*)
(Sfx- Tosu *twok*)
Glasses dude: …He’s a demon.
Guy: Whoa! What’s that? A broken sword?
That’s dangerous! Where’d it come from?
???: Hehehe…
Whatta shame….I wanted to decorate that bland white hair of yours with some pretty red flowers…
I wanted to cut you as I passed with one sword stroke….but I guess that’s not happening…

004
???: Yer better than them rumors~
Kabuki-cho’s strongest man…
Sakata Gintoki-san…
(Sfx- Futsu *fwissh*)
(Sfx- Zashaaaaa *ksssssssh*)
Gintoki: Who the hell are….
You…?
???: You’re hot stuff…
Bro.
Do yous think you could take me in as yer underling?
You’ve got to be Japan’s number one gangsta don’t cha~?

005
GINTAMA
Lesson 297: Outrageous cities are full of gathering places for yahoo type guys.
SORACHI HIDEAKI.
(Side text- This man’s feet carry the unmistakable decorations of death.)
(Bottom text- Jump comics volume 1~33 are out in stores!! You can also grab presales of movie tickets; now out everywhere!!)

006
(Sfx- Pichfuu pachufuu)
Shinpachi: Ugh, it’s so cold…
(Sfx- Kan kan *Tmp tmp*)
Shinpachi: Morning’s not ready yet it seems….
(Sfx- Kan *tmp*)
(Sfx- Guuu guuu *snoore snoore*)
Shinpachi: Who’s this girl…?
(Sfx- Guu guuu *snoore snoore*)
Shinpachi: A drunk?
Um, hey…if you hang out here, you’ll get sick…
Uh...the snot bubble under your nose is frozen too…
(Sfx- Boro *roll*)
(Sfx- Pariinnn *ker-craaaash*)
???: Gotchaaa~!!
(Sfx- Gogaaaaaa *craaaaaaaaaash*)
Shinpachi: GYAHHHH!!

007
Shinpachi: WH—WH—WHY DID YOU DO THAAAAAT?!
???: What gang are ya wit?
Not that it matters…’cause if yous lay a finger on my bro, I’ll turn ya into a bright red flower, capiche?
Shinpachi: What nonsense are you spouting?! W---wait a minute!!
(Sfx-Datsu *dash*)
(Sfx- Gyahhhhhh!!)
(Sfx-Dogoooooo *thooooood*)
(Sfx- Para para *clatter clatter*)
Kagura: You are too noisy this morning.

008
???: I’ll be joinin ya Yorozuya as a new student. ‘Sup? Yous guys can call me Chin Pirako.
Otose’s gonna be my head honcho too, so let’s all play nice yeah?
Oh yeah, my bad about the mix up earlier bro. Didn’t know yous were big bro’s student and all.
To show ya that we’re square, I’ll cut off my lil’ finger.
Gintoki: Hey…
What the hell are you doing?
I’m NOT a gangster, do NOT want students, and don’t recall putting an order in for a body guard either!
(Sfx- Buraaan burrann *flllip fliiip*)
(Sfx-Ugaaahhhh!!)
(Handwritten- It’s ripping~)
Gintoki: Now go the hell home!! Gangster wannabe!!
Pirako: Aww c’mon bro! No need to be all stiff man! Yous could run this town easy!
I’m willin’ to go wit ya! Let’s go to the dark side together bro-man~!
Gintoki: Nice try Darth Vader, but I’m staying right here!!
Pirako: Aww c’mon! I don’t got no place to go!
Shinpachi: ….So who exactly is this girl….?
Otose: You’re a bad egg aren’t you…
I’ve heard some disturbing things about you…going to Jiro’s businesses and stirring up trouble…
And then when the Ueki bachi gang came to stop you, they were all slain…cut by a wild blade…

009
Otose: You’re…
The manslayer, Pirako.
Gintoki: WHAAAT? THIS MORON IS A MANSLAYER?!?
Shinpachi: HOW CAN A MORON LIKE THIS BE A MESSENGER FOR THE MOB?!
Pirako: It’s not even that serious yous guys~.
(Sfx- Moji moji *figit figit*)
Pirako: I just like flower decoratin’ and stuff.
So when tha old man asks me to decorate, I do my thing yanno~?
Pirako: The doitier the guy is, the better his flower looks when I plant it~
I just go on cuttin’ ‘em and cuttin’ em, and look! It’s like a bright red garden….!
Shinpachi: Um…sorry for calling you a moron….
And on an unrelated matter, I think it’s just great that you want to be our underling…in fact, you can take my place…
(Sfx- Gaku gaku *shiver shiver*)
(Sfx- Buru buru *shake shake*)
Gintoki: …the fact that you’re here and not there must mean something’s up at home huh?
Pirako: Sure ‘nuff…
There’s not much goin’ on at Jiro’s place..
Since ya know…it’s like a total flower field now..

010
Pirako: See…tha ol’ man picked me up when I was a lil’ one..
But now he ain’t around no more…I don’t know what to do with myself.
Then I got to thinkin…I do like flower decoratin’…
So that’s why I came here.
Jiro’s up in this here town right? So I’m gonna start doin’ my flower decoratin’ thing….
And turn Kabuki cho…
Into one great big red flower…
Yous guys! Get a move on! Bro’s comin’ through~!
Kagura: What are you lookin at buddy?! You wanna start somethin’? Huuuuuh?

011
Shinpachi: T—This isn’t good…
Those two girls together can’t mean anything good!!
(Handwritten- ‘Smatter? You scared?)
(Handwritten- Don’t get in our way!!)
Shinpachi: Her flower decorating,
Is going to turn Kabuki cho into a blood ocean!!
It’s obvious she wants you to help Gin-san…
So that she can take revenge on Jiro!
The city….no…the Shitenou has been under enormous pressure…little fights are accumulating…like a spark into flame…..all someone needs to do is fan it with a little incident here or there…
And it won’t be long until all of Kabuki-cho breaks out into civil war!!
(Handwritten- Ya wanna go huuuuh?)
Shinpachi: I’m not entirely sure what Pirako-san wants to do on her own….but leaving her alone isn’t a good idea.
(Sfx- Wan wan *woof woof*)
Gintoki: I…It’ll be fine. I mean, if we can make her change her manslaying ways and think more like a little girl, things’ll work out.
After all, being her boss isn’t such a big deal.
Besides, I’m sure that she knows what picking a fight with the Yakuza means more than anyone.
Pirako: Bro~ Look at this! Aren’t these flowers purty?
We should get a few of ‘em to brighten up the office.
Gintoki: See? She loves pretty flowers, just like any girl her age.
Pirako: Yo granny, we’re takin’ over yer spot.
If ya wanna keep doin’ business here, ya gotta slip us, the Poliyoku gang some of yer profits.
My bro Gintoki’s gonna be the boss ‘round here so…

012
Gintoki: Kiddo, I think we should have a little lecture about using people’s names without permission.
(Sfx- Meki meki *grnnnd grnnnnd*)
Pirako: We’re gonna need to make ends meet, right bro? Don’t worry about nothin’! I’ll be the body guard for yer turf.
Gintoki: You can’t be a body guard for someone unless you’re on guard yourself!!
(Sfx- Gararara *clatter*)
???: Hiiiii!!
(Sfx-Gararara *claaaater*)
(Sfx- Pishaaa *crrrasssh*)
Gintoki: I’m beggin ya, quit trying to give me a gangster image!!
Listen, if you want to be a member of the Yorozuya,
You’ve got to forget all the crap you learned while on the dark side.
That means no more Darth Vader. You’re a normal girl now.
For now on, you’re not Chin Pirako.
Your new name is Man Pirako! Got it?!
Shinpachi: WHAT’S WITH THAT TERRIBLE NAME?!
(TN- The ‘Man’ kanji in her new name is the same as the first kanji in ‘Yorozuya.’)
Pirako: Got it. I’m Man Pirapirako.
Shinpachi: Uh…why did you elongate your name?! Stop it!
Kagura: There is a cake shoppe nearby. We can go there. You can learn how to become a woman by observation, Man Pirapirapirapirako.
Shinpachi: WHY DID YOU ADD SO MANY PIRA’S DAMMIT?! STOP THAT GANGSTA USE OF LANGUAGE AT ONCE!!
Pirako: I’m a lil’ embarrassed yous guys...
Comin to a place like this…
I feel sort of light headed…

013
Gintoki: Uh-uh! No floating!!
Kagura: You must dissolve yourself! Dissolve!
Shinpachi: You haven’t dissolved anything have you?
(Sfx- Musha musha *chew chew*)
Shinpachi: Are you okay? Pirapirapirapirako-san?
You should get used to doing things like this, as you’re a pretty cute young lady.
Pirako: Really?
Shinpachi: If it were up to me, I’d say you should stop the thug life….
Ah…sorry, I shouldn’t impress my way of thinking on you…
Anyway, you should eat! Go on~
If you don’t, I’ll eat your share~ heheh…
Pirako: Scuse me, a cockroach ate my cake…
Don’t yous guys feel ashamed, serving doity stuff like this to people?

014
Shinpachi: Cockroach you say….you wouldn’t mean me would you?
(Sfx- Meki meki *grinnnnd*)
Pirako: Sorry ‘bout that. Ain’t got nothing to do with bein’ a gangsta though. I just like my stuff to be clean, capiche?
Shinpachi: NOTHING TO DO WITH IT?! YOU MAKE IT SEEM LIKE DISLIKING ME IS NATURAL!!
Gintoki: It’s not a big deal now…
Kagura: She is fine. Just like a normal girl.
Shinpachi: WHY ARE YOU BEING SWEPT UP BY HER FLOW?! ARE YOU SAYING IT’S OKAY FOR GIRLS TO BE ANTI-SHINPACHI?!
Gintoki: Gangsta check time. I think by adding one more ‘Pira’ to your name, it would give you a slightly girlier image. For now on you’ll be Man Pirapirapirapirapirako.
Shinpachi: HOW IS THAT GIRLIER?! IT JUST SOUNDS LIKE THE NAME OF SOME MONSTER!! NO MORE ‘PIRA’S’ PLEASE!!
Kagura: There is a cute grocery store there! We should go now MaOO (Beep)
Shinpachi: DON’T BLEEP IT ALL OUT EITHER!!!
More like you guys have been going to places YOU like!! How does a grocery store make any more girlier?!
(Handwritten- Waah look look!)
(Handwritten- They are so dry Man Pirako! So smooth!)
(Handwritten- Oooh! That’s adorable! They are dry!!)
Shinpachi: Don’t talk about dried goods and Man Pirako!! Isn’t that conversation just creepy?!
(Sfx- Dooon *bump*)

015
Pirako: Ah..my bad…
(Sfx- Bushaaaaa *dsssssssh*)
Guy: UGHAHHHH!!
Guy2: BROOOOOO!!! WHAT’S WRONG?!
Guy: THEY’RE BROKEEEEN!! THE SHOCK CAUSED ALL OF MY BONES TO BREAK!!
(Sfx- Guaaaaaaa )
Guy2: HEY GIRL! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS?!
{The deal real just showed up…}
(TN- No no not a mistake. In Japanese it’s written ‘Monohon’ which is backwards of ‘Honmono’ or ‘real deal.’}
Gintoki: Crap…we were just getting a positive vibration here…
If this keeps up, she’ll go back to being a gangsta again…
Kagura: Ma’am, I would like sukonbu!!
Gintoki: And then her manslayer side will awaken!!
Shinpachi: And those guys look like they’re from Jiro’s gang….
This is spiraling downwards, and fast….
Gintoki: Damn, I guess I can’t avoid it…
Shinpachi: Gin-san, don’t do anything reckless…
Gintoki: I get it. We’re going to settle this like gentlemen would.
Gintoki: Yo…
Did our friend cause you some trouble?
(Sfx- pon *pat*)

016
Dude: What the hell do y….
(Sfx- Zushaaaaa *dsssssshhhh*)
Gintoki: GUBAHHHH!!!
PIrako: B—Bro! What’s up?
(Sfx- Gaku gaku *shiver shiver*)
(Sfx- Puru puru *Shiver shiver*)
Gintoki: My boooones!! They’re broken! When I tapped him on the shoulder, all of my bones spontaneously combusted!!
{AREN’T YOU JUST DOING THE EXACT SAME THING?!}
Guy: The hell?! I didn’t do that! You broke your own damn bones!!
Pirako: Uh… are yous guys tryin to settle this fight with money?
{Whaaaat?! Aren’t you just involving Pirako-san in your little scheme?!}
Kagura: You cannot Pirako-san!! Calm yourself!
Old lady: Here’s your change~ See you again!
(Sfx- Charriiin *jingle*)
Kagura: GUAHHHHH!!!
(Sfx- Goshaaaaa *Doooosh*)
Shinpachi: WHY DID YOUR BONES BREAAAK!?

017
Gintoki: Um I think my one arm is still movable…
But if you like you can break it too, so that we’re even…
Guy: You guys did this on your own dammit!! If you think we’re gonna play your kids games and joing you, you’re dead wrong!!
Guy2: Yo bro…
Isn’t that the silver haired guy from Otose’s place?
Guy: Wh—what?!
(Sfx- Gonyoo *shhh*)
Guy: O—oh…? So this is the guy who keeps handing Katsuo’s ass back to him huh….?
Heh, I’ve heard some scary rumors about him, but I ain’t seein’ nothing special about him now.
{Katsuo the black horse?! I knew it!! These guys ARE with JIro’s gang!!}
Gintoki: All of my bones are completely broken….please go easy on me….
(Sfx- Gobaaa *cough*)
Guy: Heh, this guy is as pathetic as they come! If Katsuo got beat by him, then my day as the boss must be coming pretty soon.
Guy2: Yo bro…we should get movin now…
(Sfx- Gashii *grnd*)
Guy: Aaight….I guess that’s enough here for today….lets go.
You guys seem to be tapped out of cash, so I guess we’ll take her…
I’m sure we can put her body to good use….heheheh….
Pirako: N—no….broo….!
(Sfx- Zun *grab*)
(Sfx- Guiiii *grnnnnd*)
Shinpachi: W---Wait a minute!!
Guy: Quit draggin your feet!!
Dirty skank!!
Pirako: Wah!!

018
(Sfx- Zuraaaaaaaa *dooooom*)
{Bro!}
Dude: Huh?
What happened to those broken bones buddy?
Gintoki: My arm…
I said it was fine earlier didn’t I~?
(Sfx- Baki meki *grnnd grnnd*)
(Sfx- GOOOOOOO *THOOOOOD*)
{Oh crap…}
{HE’S DONE IT NOOOOOOWWW!!!}
(Side text- A Huge war?!)
GINTAMA LESSON 297………………END.