Gintama 231

*sighs* Sometimes I wonder if I should drop this manga and do something easier. So much text.....but then Magicbulletgirl informed me that a Russian group wants to use my translations for a ENG-RUS Hyde scantlation! That put me in a good enough mood to finish this script. Although, no matter how much I contemplate it, I don't think I could ever drop Gintama XD Too much love for the series, and respect for Sorachi.

(Side text- This is a place where a man is the most defensless….)

(Sign- Sweet goods Yamamura)

GINTAMA.

???: Hey there pal, do you know what kind of hair is growing on your head?

???: I have NO idea, it’s like that stuff has a mind of it’s own.

???: Seriously, if the time came you could use this ‘hair’ as a helmet.

To be honest it’s really quite the handy weapon for samurai, almost like a part of our outfit.

Topknots are in fact the true soul of a samurai.

However it looks to me right now that you don’t seem to have a soul, or a samurai’s soul.

You’ve drowned. Drowned in a pool known as a perm.

I’ve seen lots of travesties since this land stopped going by the name ‘samurai country’ but this is the worst.

???: I can’t give it up though.

Mustache: I guess not. So what can I do for you today?

002

Mustache: How about long and straight?

Gintoki: Pops, you’re really getting on my nerves. I hate coming in here because you say the same thing about samurai, and then ask me if I want a straight cut.

Mustache: Sir I’d say you’re the annoying one. You come up in my barber shop asking for a haircut, knowing full well it’s like fighting a losing battle with that thing on your head.

I can’t cure your case, ‘cause what’s here is terminal.

Gintoki: Just knock it off. ‘A topknot is a Samurai’s soul’?

When I see a topknot I think ‘now there’s a guy who really doesn’t want others to know that he’s bald.’ It was probably created by some old guy who wanted to look like he was wearing some type of helmet.

Topknots are just ugly helmets for the bald idiot.

Mustache: Hey, it’s not all bad you know. Some guys feel more at ease when they see that other people have problems just like theirs. Imagine a world where everyone had topknots and understood that baldness was nothing to be ashamed of…

Gintoki: What the hell is that? Some kind of retirement plan package?

003

Kagura: Are you not yet done? Gin-chan, huh? Wait a moment. It looks different. Your head is very smooth looking.

Wow! It seems you have been completely cut bald! That is no good. It will not grow back you know.

Cut it so you look more like Master Sports please.

Gintoki: A mother?!

Kagura: It would be best if you give up. Nothing, not even time can save him.

Gintoki: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU READING?! GOLGO 17?! GO HOME STUPPIIIID!! THIS ISN’T A LOBBY!!

(TN- Sorachi’s favorite manga, Golgo 13….obviously 17 is a parody.)

Mustache: Reading that are we? Nowadays that’s the only manga I really enjoy myself. I’ve got some more….wanna read ‘em?

Kagura: Really? Well I would like to read ‘Abusan’ then. Would it be good?

Shinpachi: More like Kagura-chan, you’re picking some awfully manly stuff…

Mustache: It’s not a big deal, since you guys are the only customers that still come here.

Shinpachi: Really? Why is that sir?

Mustache: They opened a new barber shop across the street. Seems like it’s all the rage with the folks now.

They call it a ‘Charisma’ barber shop, but to me it’s the same stuff I offer.

However, to look fashionable some people are willing to shell out big bucks. They’re paying for a brand name, but it’s working…people stopped coming here.

You know a barber shop isn’t a place just to cut hair.

It’s a place where people gather and share a part of themselves. It’s a gathering hall.

A long time ago in this city, the barber shop was the most important place to be.

Everyone that considered themselves a somebody would stop in just to chat it up.

004

Mustache: I used to joke about it, that a barber shop would be more important than anything else.

Almost to a point that guys would look forward to getting their hair cut.

Here you are missy, all of the Abu-san series.

(Sfx- Dosatsu *thunk*)

Kagura: Many thanks! Master!

Mustache: And so that’s how it is. I’m happy to see that you guys still come here…

But it seems like this world has already started shifting over.

Shinpachi: Sir….

Gintoki: Um hello? There’s some hair here just waiting to be cut….today?

Shinpachi: You don’t need to worry about it sir, whenever I need a haircut, I’ll come straight here.

Mustache: Really? Well you don’t need to go that far…

Gintoki: Rather than talk about what WILL happen, how about you come take care of what’s waiting now?

Shinpachi: But it’s important for people to keep their bonds…

Kagura: Master. Volume seven of Abu-san is missing.

Mustache: What?!

Gintoki: You know what should be missing? A little bit of hair off the top.

Mustache: You’re right little missy! Volume seven is missing! Where the hell is it?
Kagura: I do not see it.

Mustache: T—This is ridiculous….why volume seven…..

Gintoki: Hey, ‘Abu-san’ is just fine I’m telling you….but this hair cut is….

Mustache: All right then missy, I’m gonna run out and buy another volume seven. Watch the store for me okay?

Kagura: Roger!!

Gintoki: I WANT MY HAIR CUT!!!!

005

(Top Text- The Anime airs every Thursday evening at 6pm! Don’t miss it!)

GINTAMA
(Side text- SORACHI HIDEAKI)

Lesson 231
Gossip born in the barbershop is among the world’s most pointless.

(Sfx- Shaki shaki *snip snip*)

(Side text- Cut cut cut some more!!)

Mustache: I’m just heading out for a sec to buy another volume seven.

So just mind the store for me till then, but don’t worry I doubt any customers will show up.

Gintoki: Someone wanna explain tome how the heck we ended up minding the store while he goes to buy Abu-san?

Or how my haircut got pushed back for a lame reason like this?

Shinpachi: Wow, he’s right about there being a lot of people headed across the street…

Somehow I really pity this place, stuck in it’s own ways until the end.

Gintoki: It’s a BARBER SHOP for gods sake! What kind of ‘ways’ are there to stick to?! It just sounds like people have their priorities mixed up!!

Maybe if that old guy would think of his shop more than Abu-san he wouldn’t be in the red now!!
006

???: Hey…look there…

That guy’s back…

Shinpachi: Oh!

It’s Kondo-san!

(Sfx-Gyoro Gyro *glance glance*)

Gintoki: What the heck is he doing over there?

(Sfx- Uro uro *glance glance*)

Kagura: It looks like he is looking. He is looking for something in front of the barber shop.

Gintoki: Really? What would a gorilla need at a place like that? Wait…don’t tell me he wants an image change?

Really, Gorillas should know their place. He looks so confused there.

(Sfx- Zatsu gii *Swif peek*)

Kagura: Ah He entered. Oh no he has not. Ah on second thought he will.

Gintoki: Man look at him! He’s petrified!

What was the point of coming out for an image change if you won’t go in the store idiot?

Shinpachi: It looks like he’s trying to be sure he has the right place…

(Handwritten- Is it really this place? It can’t be! I’m in the wrong place…)

Shinpachi: Ah an employee came out.

Employee: How may I help you?

Kondo: Eh?! Um ah sorry! I just wanted to come and have a look at the new barber shop here…..is this really the place?

Kagura: He is lying. He must have known he was in the right place.
Employee: Yeah this is the place, but from the looks of it, I think you belong over there.

Shinpachi: You ARE a barber shop! What the hell are you doing getting rid of your customers!! Don’t act like you’re completely unrelated!


007

Kondo: Huh? Um well that’s er…hahah….

I just can’t seem to decide on which I want! Hahahah…uh…um that one! No stop! That!

Um er….which way should I cut my hair? I guess there’s that way…um…

Well that looks fine, er…cool or something like that…

Barber: Um sorry about this sir, but I don’t think this is the establishment you’re looking for.

Kondo: What?! You’ve got to be kidding! This is a worse like than Marudashi!!! More over, you sure are annoying!!

(TN- Is he making fun of that new Jump manga Inumarudashi? Is he?!)

Kondo: At any rate…I guess that’s no good..

But seriously all I wanted was to get my hair cut…..but I’m no good at figuring you guys out..

Barber: I regret to tell you this sir, but I think it’s for the best…

Kondo: Huh?

Barber: The other customers are well…how do I put this…frightened of your gorillia-like noises as you scratch yourself and try to decide what you want. Can you please go?

Kondo: Huuuh?!

Barber: I don’t know what it is about you, but you seem to give off the image of a slimy and evil stalker type.

Customers: EEWWWWW EWWWWWWW!!

Kondo: Wait a minute! I mean I can’t exactly deny that but what does it have to do with…

Barber: I’ll call the police.

Kondo: WHAAAT? Really?! Well…I’m the police…

Barber: Do I look stupid to you old man? Go home, seriously.

Customers: Go~Home!!

Go~Home!!

(Handwritten- Go home! Go home! Go home!)

008

Shinpachi: For some reason….I’m crying….

Gintoki: What’s up with this feeling in the pit of my stomach? It’s sickening really…

What should we do? I mean, can we do anything?

Shinpachi: This is awful! I mean even for him, this is cruel!

Kagura: Let me. I will go and teach them a lesson!

Shinpachi: No you wont!

Gintoki: Listen you two. All a man has in the end is his pride.

So the last thing I want the two of you two do is bring this day up to him again. He saved us from looking like idiots.

So the codeword for today is ‘see nothing, and hear nothing.’ Got it?

Shinpachi: Uh…but Gin-san…

Kondo-san is on his way here now…

Gintoki: Oh crap! He’s headed this way!! What’ll we do?! If he finds out we’re here you’ll know what’ll happen right?!

We’ll never be able to show our faces in front of those Shinsengumi jerks ever again! We have to find a way to hide! What’ll we do?!

Kondo: Excuse me….

I don’t have an appointment, but can I come in anyway?

009

Gintoki: Hmm? A customer?

Oh Soo~sorry. We’ve been booked up completely. Try coming back tomorrow.
Kondo: Ah…is that so?

(Sfx- Zatsu *swif*)

Kondo: Ah am I really so worthless….

That a dirty and run down place like this refuses to cut my hair? I suppose it’s true…

Probably I should do my own haircut, and maybe I’ll be fortunate enough to lob my head off in the process.

Shinpachi: Ahhhh!! Wait! Wait wait!!

Someone just called us and cancelled their appointment.

Kagura: You are very lucky sir! Please enter!

Kondo: Uh…Really?

Gintoki: Just WHAT the blue hell are you guys doing?!

Shinpachi: I can’t! I just can’t send that gorilla packing!!

Gintoki: You sure can! I haven’t even gotten my hair cut yet!

Kagura: Gin-chan. You can do it! You are skilled after all!

Gintoki: Oh NOW I’m some kind of super hero?! Well even I can’t change people’s lives!!

010

Shinpachi: Listen I’ll even help! I’ll do anything!

I’d feel horrible if we make him go home after seeing what they did to him!

Kagura: We can figure something out! If we all put in our best. We can do it if we work together!

(Sfx- Hiso hiso *whisper whisper.*)

Kondo: Uh….

Gintoki: Sorry to keep you waiting sir.

Kondo: Um, not a problem…glad you could have me.
Gintoki: So what kind of style were you hoping to go with today sir?

Kondo: It really doesn’t matter I guess, I just needed a little trim or something like that.

Gintoki: Sir, that’s the wrong attitude to have when it comes to getting a haircut!

I know, lets start by trimming that face of yours right off.

Kondo: Isn’t that more extreme than what I wanted?

Well, to be honest I did come in here hoping for a slight image change.

Gintoki: An image change?

Kondo: I feel like I could be…yanno, cooler looking. Whenever I go out, I get the wrong kind of ‘kyaah!’.

Sure I’d like the girls to go crazy when I’m walking by, but I’d like it not to be followed by running the opposite direction.

So I guess what I’m getting at is a whole reset of my character.

Kondo Isao will be reborn as a whole new creature, his old chains destroyed….

011

Kagura: I understand. Let us try this first.

(Sfx- Gaan gaan *Thwack! Thud!*)

Kondo: WROOOOONG!!!

I know I said ‘destroyed’ just now, but lets keep it confined to my old image okay?!

Kagura: Ooh I understand. It seems I was mistaken. You should be clearer next time yes?

Gintoki: A different character huh?

I think I follow you. So then let’s go with two then. What fits you is a Blanka or Zangief image change.

(TN- And now Street Fighter. If you don’t know who those guys are…you didn’t have a childhood.)

Kondo: Waait! What kind of image change is that?! I know I said I wanted to change my character, but not a character from Street fighter!

But if we ARE going from street fighter, I’d prefer Edmond Honda or Guile.

Gintoki: So you’re trying to change your country of orgin?

Kondo: Yeah.

Gintoki: I think I follow you now. All right then, it’ll be a lot of work, but I’m sure it can be done.

For today let’s start with that hair on your face. You go home and start cutting it, and we’ll finish the rest bright and early tomorrow when you return.

Kondo: WHAT THE HELL?! IF THAT’S THE CASE WHY DON’T I JUST CUT MY HAIR AT HOME THEN?! WHY BOTHER COMING BACK TOMORROW?!

FINE THEN! I’LL JUST GO! THAT’S WHAT YOU GUYS WANT ISN’T IT?!

Gintoki: Now now, would Guile give up that easily? He’d cut his own hair before he’d let anyone else tell him what to do.

Kondo: WHAT GUILE ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?! MORE LIKE, LETS STOP TALKING ABOUT STREET FIGHTER II!!

012

Shinpachi: Sir, perhaps we could better understand what you’re looking for if you were to give us an example to follow?

That way I’d say we’d both be on the same page, with a lesser chance for mistakes.

Kondo: Oh yeah I’ve got that.

Shinpachi: Well let me have a look then!

Kondo: I was thinking something like this would do.

Shinpachi: ARE WE MIRACLE MAKERS NOW?!

RATHER THAN GETTING YOUR HAIR CUT YOU MUTATED INTO SOMETHING ELSE!!

Kondo: I was thinking that with a few changes here or there, I could be a real pretty boy.

Shinpachi: We’re here to cut hair, not plastic surgery.

If that’s the case, I’m sure there are doctors that would love to take a crack at this.

So rather than hang out here, go to one of them for goodness sake.

Gintoki: Well I think I get it. We can probably swing something that that if we try.

For now, lie back in your chair and we’ll start by cutting your hair.

(Sfx- Vi-n *veeeeen*)

Kondo: A…yeah….sure.

Shinpachi: Ah….wait a second Gin-san!

There’s no way we can get him to look the way he wants to…

Gintoki: For now let’s just cut his hair. I mean the worst that’ll happen is he’ll look a bit funny and then leave….and besides hair grows back quickly, especially in those who leave a bad impression.

(Sfx- garatsu *clatttter*)

???: Excuuuuse meeee.

013

(Sfx- Doon *Baam*)

Katsura: Sorry to be a bother.

But I came to have my appearance altered at the Charisma hair barber shop.

{The worst case scenario……..!!!}

{These two are each other’s worst enemy!!! And now they’re under one roof!!!}

014

Kondo: Hmm?

(Sfx- Dooou!! *Thuoooood!*)

Kagura: Steam towel for you please!

Kondo: Ughaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!

Kagura: Now you must endure. It is for your own good.

Gintoki: Um….and how may we help you!

Katsura: I was thinking of getting an image change.

So when I heard of your success I decided to come and see the prowess of the Charisma barber shop myself.

Gintoki: Charisma is across the street!

Now get your ass out of here you idiot! We’re already in the middle of helping someone else!!

{As usual this moron has no idea where the hell he’s supposed to be going!}

{Before he can become a big nuisance, I’ll kick his ass out of here!}

Gintoki: Get lost trash!

015

Katsura: Heheheh…

It’s just as I thought.

Did you really think you could pull the wool over my eyes?

{Crap! Did he already find us out?!}

Katsura: You sir…

Are the actual Charisma barber shop manager!

(Sfx- Baaan)

Gintoki: Uh….no.

Katsura: You say that, but my eyes can’t be fooled.

If there’s one thing I’m good at it’s seeing the hidden meanings in all things. This situation is no different.

I’ve been in many battles with many different samurai, and I know if it’s one of them by just looking.

Gintoki: But…I AM a Samurai.

And….you KNOW me.

Katsura: Do not belittle me. I haven’t seen a face like yours in a hundred years. Though you do have a very nostalgic aura about yourself.

016

Katsura: To make this conversation short, I’d like silve hair.

There’s a certain fellow I’d like to over take as lead of this jump manga.

(Sfx- Zun zun *tmp tmp*)

Shinpachi: Wait sir! Don’t just enter on your own!!

(Sfx- Meshitsu meshitsu *Scrunch scrunch*)

Kondo: Muguhhhh

Ughwahhhh

Owieeeeee

Just what on earth are you doing?! I’m beginning to black out here!!

(Sfx- Dopaaaan *Kathuuuuud!*)

(Sfx- Goho *Cough*)

(Sfx- Sha sha sha shabashaaa *splish splish plissh splash*)

Gintoki: With a face like that it’s no wonder you’ve come for an image change! Let’s wash you up first!

Kondo: Huh? Um…is that guy going to be okay?

I’ve heard of being fresh and clean, but it looks more like you’re preparing him for burial.

017

Kagura: Please look this way.

I will do something about your beard sir.

(Sfx- Gokitsu *Snaap*)

(Sfx- Bashaaaa *Fwooooosh*)

Katsura: Charisma-dono! It is just as I expected! However I really wonder if this will launch me to jump stardom?!

(Sfx- Shaaka *rubbidy*)

(Sfx- Shakka *rubbidy*)

(Sfx- Shakka *rubbidy*)

Katsura: If you continue this rubbing, a fire will start….

And I’m sure that people will not respect me as a jump lead character!

Gintoki: Hey that’s no big deal, people will still read Jump with your hair or not. To test that theory, lets give you a big fluffy perm. Hold still for a minute.

Katsura: Hold on! If I remember correctly, there is already a bepermed fellow in Jump!!

Gintoki: I heard that he was sealed away and moved.

Katsura: Are you serious?! They can do that now?!

Kagura: Whew…

That was very close. We succeeded though. They are still now.

Shinpachi: What’ll we do though Gin-san? If they get up there will be trouble…

018

Gintoki: Screw this, let’s go home.

Shinpachi: WHAAAAAAT?!

Gintoki: Think about it for a minute. Why the hell are we stressing ourselves out for these losers?

If they wake up and see each other, before long they’ll figure out who we are too. And that just means more trouble for everyone.

Shinpachi: True enough, but the old man asked us to mind the shop….

I’m sure any minute now he’ll walk through the door with the missing Abu-san volume…

And then everything will be fine.

(On book- Fly warrior Abu-san 7)

(Sfx- Nutsu *shift*)

???: Hey? You in there?

(Sfx- Kara *clatter.*)

???: Sorry for hanging on to Abu-san seven for so long…here, you can have it back.

(Sfx- Zatsu *swif*)

Matsudaira: Hmm…

He’s not in…

(TN- Wow my first in sequence chapter that has a Matsudaira appearance….I’m starstruck.)

019

Shinpachi: Tha….

Gintoki: That’s…

Guy: Katakuriko, why are we here?

Matsudaira: Hmm? A barber shop….I had some business here.

I wanted to touch base with the guy that runs things, but I guess he stepped out for a bit.

Well if he’s not in, I guess I’ll come back later.

Guy: I wonder…

Can he do something about topknots?

Can he handle any kind?

Of topknot, with skill?

{Th…tha…that’s…}

{It….it….it’s…}

Shogun: I’m interested now…

In seeing his skill.

In cutting topknots.

{The….}

{THE SHOGUN……….?!!}

(Side text- No way! That guy’s back!?! What’ll happen now? Find out Next issue!!)

GINTAMA LESSON 231………END.