Gintama 320

Not that, you know...anyone missed me. At all.

Hi wa mata noboru's property. Do not touch.

GINTAMA
(Side text- Emergency!!!)
(Side text- The Shitenou arc completed!! Be sure to grab your copy of Volume 35, out in stores now!!)
(Side text- More and more information on ‘Treasure island 2010’ is coming out!! You can read Lessons 1-3 of Gintama, along with a selection of other lessons! Oh and let’s not forget it’s all free!! For more info, head over to page 382 post haste!!)
Hattori: Respond! Please respond!!
SORACHI HIDEAKI
Lesson 320: Annihilation Kill VS Certain Kill
Hattori: Five shady guys just entered the premises,
Without a doubt, they're the punishers!! Get back immediately!!
At this rate, Sarutobi is toast!
I can't hang on for long on my own!!
Guys, head back to base IMMEDIATELY!!
If you don’t, Sarutobi’s going to be killed!!

002
Shinpachi: What?! You're saying the punishers are already there? Okay, but there's something else we need to talk about, Gin-san, over!
Gintoki: Yeah, I got you. But man, I’ll be damned if we can’t find the injection type Borraginol that you asked for. Looks like the suppositories are all out man. Over.
Hattori: WHO GIVES A CRAP ABOUT THE BORRAGINOL!! Uh, Over.
Gintoki: What?! You’re the idiot that told me to buy it, aren’t you?! Over.
Hattori: THAT WAS BACK WHEN SOMEONE’S LIFE WASN’T IN DANGER!! PRESENTLY, I’M LITTERALLY PUTTING MY ASS ON THE LINE!! Over.
Gintoki: Quit screwing around. We’re already here, so we’d might as well buy it!! So you and your ass warts just wait patiently!! Over.
Hattori: SCREW IT!! I SAID I DON'T NEED IT!! Over.
Shinpachi: Zenzou-san!! Kagura-chan and Sadaharu have already headed back!!
We're coming soon, too, so until then please try to hold out on the wash toilet. Over.
Hattori: Dammit, I should have known that my finely tuned plan would be ruined by you dumbasses…
Respond, Please respond...This is Zenzou, china girl, where are you? Over.
Kagura: Hi—eee….
(Sfx- Gagaga *taktak*)
Kagura: Who are you people?
Hattori: Um, what are you doing? Wait you didn’t already….
(Sfx- Gagagaga *takakattak*)
(Sfx- Zaza *sfffft*)
Kagura: GYAHHHHH!!!

003
(Sfx- Zazazaaa *zzzzzzzzt*)
Hattori: CHINA GIRRRRLLLLL!!!!
Kagura: D…
D…
Do you use Secom?
(Sfx- Kakun kakun *swaaay*)
Hattori: YOU'RE JUST HAVING SOME CONVOLUTED DREAAAAAM?!!
(TN- Seems to be a Japanese security company.)
Hattori: WHY DO YOU SEEM TO BE WATCHING A SECOM COMMERCIAL IN YOUR HEAD?! AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING AGAIN?!
(Handwritten- Oh, so this is one that Secom I've been hearing about.)
Hattori: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU COME BACK FOR?! WAKE UUUUUP!! WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW?!! IN FRONT OF SARUTOBI?!!
Kagura: Nnngh, What do you want? Be quiet.
Hattori: I WANT you to wake the hell up. Do you not understand the situation we’re in?
Kagura: It is the time for children and puppies to be in bed. Zzz~
Hattori: WAKE UUUUUUP!! SARUTOBI IS DEPENDING ON YOU GUYS!!!
Kagura: All right, all right, I understand already.

004
Kagura: I will remain here with my eyes wi—wiii---
Z~~~~
Hattori: DO YOU THINK YOU CAN TRICK THEM BY DOING THAAAAAT?!
WHY ARE YOU IN THE BED WITH SARUTOBI?!
MORON!!
I’ll have to go wake her up myself….
(Sfx- zutsuuu)
(Sfx- Pararapapapapapa pararapara paraaa *ladada daadum ddadaaa*)
(Bottom text- BGM Theme of the lethal workers.)

005
(Sfx- Hyuurururu *whirrrr*)
(Sfx- Katsuuu *sheen*)
(Sfx- Dedenn dedededen deeen *Dadadaaadaaaa*)
{Punisher No 1 Makura Masa}
(TN- Pillow Masa.)
{An assassin specializing in killing victims in their sleep. In an act of blinding speed, he replaces his prey's pillow with a pillow containing a bomb, inviting them into an eternal slumber. He is a punisher who holds absolute pride in his style of killing. He is a punisher who holds great pride in his work.}
{He’s heeeeeeeeere!!!}
{This bastard couldn't show up at ANY WORSE a time!!}
(Sfx- Shubooo *fwooosh*)
(Sfx- Jijijiji *ssssst*)
{A Bomb!! Does he plan on blowing all of us up!?!}
(Sfx- Batabata *taptaptap*)
Hattori: HEEEY!! WAKE UP, AND GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!!!
(Sfx- Dooon *thok*)
Kagura: Nggh, Quiet.
Hattori: WHAAAAAAAAT?!

006
Hattori: IS THIS THE TIME TO BE CATCHING UP ON YOUR Z’S?!
IF YOU DON”T GET OUT OF THERE, YOU’RE GOING TO OPEN YOUR EYES IN A BETTER PLACE ABOVE!!
Masa: Hmph.
Sleep well ladies.
(Sfx- Shaaaaaaa *fwsssssh*)
(Sfx- Minshi mishi gigi *grinnnnd*)
{Ungh…}
{So….heavy!!!}

007
{The pillow... won't budge!}
{Just what the hell is this girl?! Her head is like a lead weight!}
Hattori: That guy... Somehow or other he's having trouble change the pillows he needs to switch to kill them!!
(Sfx- Nghoooooooh!!!)
Hattori: Hang in there! Don’t let him take your pillow!!
{The bomb’s timer…!!}
Masa: OROOOOOGH!!!!
DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE ME!! BY JUST REMOVING THIS PILLOW, I WILL HAVE PASSED JUDGEMENT ON THESE MANY TRAITORS!!
{There's no way a girl like this...}
{No way a girl like this will...!!}
{I GOT IIIIIIT!!}
(Sfx- Zufoooo *fwoooosh*)
Kagura: Z~.
Masa: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIH?

008
Masa: JUST HOW DEDICATED IS SHE TO STAYING ASLEEEEEEEEP?!!
LET GO, LITTLE BRAT!! IF YOU NEED A PILLOW TO SNUGGLE WITH….
(Sfx- Bunnn bunnnn *fwsssh fwssssh*)
Masa: USE THIS!!!
(SFX- GOTSU *TOK*)
Kagura: Z~~
(Sfx- Zeha zeha *Haaah haaah*)
Masa: Yes, that’s the ticket…
I’ll be taking my leave.
Good night ladies.
(Sfx- Gata *clatter*)
Hattori: Damn! I’ve got to get down there before it explodes!!
Kagura: Nnn..
(Sfx- Goro *spin*)
Kagura: Use the Secom, Z~~
(Sfx- Gorogorogoro *sppnnnnn*)
Masa: EEEEEEEEEEEH?!

009
Masa: KYAHHHHHHHH!!!
(Sfx- Gorororororo *spnnnn*)
Masa: HEEEEEEEEEY! THERE ARE LIMITATIONS TO HOW MUCH YOU CAN TOSS AROUND IN YOUR SLEEP, YA KNOW?!! HOW FAR ARE YOU GOIIIIIIIING?!!
(Sfx- DOOOOON *BOOOM*)
Masa: GYAHHHHHH!!!
(Sfx- Gogogogogogo *rmmmmmble*)
(Sfx- Para para *clatter clatter*)
Hattori: …..
(Sfx- Gaga *fsssh*)
Shinpachi: Please respond! This is Shimura!
We just heard an explosion coming from the garden. Is everyone okay over there?!! Over.
Hattori: ……About that..
I don’t really understand what happened, but one of them is down. Four are left.
I’m pretty sure that the other enemies know where Sarutobi is,
But for now they’re out of sight, and I don’t know where they are. Maybe I should move her somewhere else.

010
Shinpachi: I'm already on the premises, but I lost Gin-san.
I’m looking for you all on a high perch nearby.
Hattori: A high perch? You idiot! Wouldn’t the enemy obviously be able to see you?!
Shinpachi: Well even so, if I don't... wait! I can see you!
Over here!
I’m right here!
In the trees!
(Sfx- Pararaaa pararpapapapa *dum de dooo dee dooo*)
Shinpachi: It sure is hot….
I brought some T-shirts I bought. Do you want one, too, Zenzou-san?
(Sfx- Parapari papaaa *Ddeee dooodooo*)
(Sfx- Zaaa *sfff*)
(Sfx- Dededeeededeeennn)
Hattori: BEHIND YOU SHIMURAAAAA!!!
(TN- Gintama meme for the win!)
Shinpachi: WHOAAAA!!!
(Sfx- Bisaaaaah *fwusssh*)

011
Shinpachi: Wh---what do you want?!
{Punisher No 2: T-Shirt Tatsu.}
{An assassin who specializes in T-shirts. In an act of blinding speed, he replaces medium-size T-shirts with his own small-size T-shirt, inviting them into eternal too-tightness. He is a true artisan who loves his T-Shirts.}
Hattori: A T-SHIRT ASSASIN?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! HOW IS HE AN ASSASIN AT ALL?! MORE LIKE, ISN’T HE JUST AN OLD DUDE WEARING A SHIRT TWO SIZES TOO SMALL?!
Shinpachi: Hey! Don’t touch me!!
(Sfx- Gabaaa *sssh*)
(Sfx- Bata bata *taptap*)
Shinpachi: Ngh!!
Hattori: What the hell is THIS scenario?! It’s just creepy isn’t it?! What does a T-shirt even have to do with being an assassin in the first place?
{It’s heavy!! I can’t get his shirt off!}
(Sfx- Fugigigi *gnnnng*)
{Why won't this shirt come off?! Could it be this isn't a medium at all...}
{BUT A LARGE?!}
Hattori: THERE'S NOT THAT BIG A DIFFERENCE!!
(Circle- Zenzou)
Tatsu: ROOOOAAAH!!!
{Do not underestimate me!! By just removing this T-shirt, I will have made these many T-shirts too-tight!!}
{There's no way a large like this...}
{There's no way a large like this...}
{I GOT IIIIIIT!!}
(Sfx- Birruuuu *riiiip*)
Tatsu: It….WAS A ‘SMALL’ from the start?!
Hattori: NO ONE GIVES A CRAP!!

012
Shinpachi: Er... well Gin-san took the medium for himself, you see.
S—Sorry?
Tatsu: ......No, I'm the one... who should apologize... But if you were wearing a small... you could've just told me.
Hattori: WHAT IS THIS?! WHY DOES HIM WEARING A SMALL MAKE IT OKAY?! WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MUCH HOSTILITY TOWARD MEDIUMS?!
Shinpachi: If you want, you can take this. I have plenty of small T-shirts.
Tatsu: Huh?
Are you sure?
Shinpachi: You seem to like little shirts, so go ahead.
Tatsu: I can wear them too?
Shinpachi: As many as you’d like.
Hattori: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! AREN'T YOU A PUNISHER?! DON'T YOU HAVE A JOB TO DO?! OR DID YOU JUST COME HERE TO TRY ON SHIRTS?!
Tatsu: Whoa nelly!
This shirt really is a small!
With this skin-tight fit, I can...
(Sfx- Fukaa *fwop*)
Tatsu: It’s a little bigger than I thought…
(Sfx- Guuiii *pull*)
Tatsu: Oh, well they're not 'mediums' but it turns out the rest were 'larges'.
But that's not a problem right? Since they're not mediums?
D---down I go….
(Sfx- GOoeeeeee *uggggh*)
(Sfx- Doshaaa *crassssh*)
Hattori: WHYYYYYYY?!

013
Hattori: Why did he die because he had a large T-shirt on?!
Someone PLEASE explain to me what the deal was with this guy?!
Shinpachi: Did I do something wrong?
But now we’re down to three attackers.
Hattori: Three left, from the beginning I shouldn't have counted out something like this happening.
(Sfx- Gaga *zzzt*)
Gintoki: Respond, please respond!
Sakata here.
I heard the sound of a small-size T-shirt getting ripped apart coming from the garden. Are you guys okay?
Hattori: Okay, you have GOT to describe to me how that sounds!! What kind of ears do you have?!
Gintoki: ‘Sup? Is this where you’ve been?
Shinpachi: Gin-san! Where did you go?! I was worried about you!
Gintoki: Well, it IS kinda hot out here. I went to go rummage through the freezer for something cool. I found a Chuuped.
Hattori: Tell me, are you worried at ALL?!
THERE ARE ASSASINS WANDERING THE BUILDING AND YOU'RE OUT CHANGING T-SHIRTS AND LOOKING FOR ICE CREAM?! AND HEY, ISN'T THAT MY CHUUPED?!!
Gintoki: Don't screw around. I risked my life to get this chuuped, ya know?!
Hattori: YOU’RE ON ASSHAT!! I’M NEVER GIVING UP MY GRAPE EVER!!
Kagura: Now, now. We have a grape and a soda flavor here. Let us share them like friends.
Hattori: Why'd you come back, acting like it was the obvious thing to do, like that? Why would someone who stayed asleep even in an explosion wake up because of one chuuped?
Kagura: If we break both in half, we'll have exactly four, enough for everybody. I kinda like the soda flavor.
Gintoki: I’ll be taking grape then.
Shinpachi: Well, then I'm fine with soda.
Kagura: See how nicely that worked out?

014
Sacchan: U...
uu
Gr—
Grape.
Gintoki:....
She must be having a nightmare.
Hattori: All right, let’s split them.
???: I want…
Grape!!!
(Sfx- Gatsu *grab*)
???: Gahoh!
Gintoki: Hey, why would somebody asleep and having a nightmare be making a request?
Do you know who’s fault it is that we’re in this situation?! Cruddy wench!!
Shinpachi: Gin-san, what're you doing with someone who's injured?!
Gintoki: Oh, she’s awake all right. So quit trying to mess with us!
Kagura: It cannot be helped. Let us do Janken to decide who will get the grape. The loser has to bow out.
Hattori: LIKE HELL!! Then the soda group has to do it, too!! I'd rather have soda than just a stem!
Kagura: Well I guess we have no choice then.The three people in the grapegroup will have to do janken and the loser gets the stem.
Shinpachi: I don't really care. Grape, soda, whatever.
Sacchan: Th... Then... That settles.... it... Pattsuan... gets... the stem.
Shinpachi: That's incredible that you could be saying that while you're having a nightmare, Sacchan-san!! Gin-san, she's awake!! I knew it, this person's awake!!

015
???: All right one, the one who comes in last place gets the two stems.
Now let’s do this! First is rock….paper…
Shinpachi: Hold on a minute.
Wait everyone…
Don’t those Chupert…
Look kind of strange?
Hattori: …..What?
Shinpachi: See, they’re completely smooth.
Gintoki: Huh….really?
Don't have stems?
(Sfx- Paraparaaa pararapapapaprararaaa *doumm dee do dum dumdomd de dooo)
(Sfx- Zubooooo *blloooosh*)

016
(Sfx- Katsuuu *fwissssh*)
(Sfx- Dededee~n dededennnn)
(Punishers No 3, 4.)
{Chuuped Chuu Brothers}
{Assassins who specialize in chuupeds. In an act of blinding speed, they replaces they prey's long ends of their chuupeds with short-ends of chuupeds, inviting them into an eternal brother complex. By the way, when the brothers split chuupeds they don't break them into long ends and short ends, they split them longways.}
Bros: FUWAHAHAH!! Too bad so sad losers!!
We have switched the long-ends of your chuupeds with short-ends!!
Look at those short ends! They’re perfect for the likes of you!
Now you can forever experience what it feels like to be the little brother when the older brother always takes the long-end for himself, even though you're not little brothers!!
(Sfx- Fuwahahahahah!)

017
Bro2: Big brother! Everything went great!
Bro1: Now they'll understand the souls of their comrades!
Now to go back and enjoy the fruits of our labor over these long chupert…
(Sfx- Parapapapaparapa *dumdedododooo*)
Bro2: Th—this background music...!!
Bro1: No-no way... Someone besides us who could handle this background music should not...
(Sfx- Parapapraraa *dumm de doo dooo*)
(Sfx- Shagagaaaaaa *fwisssssssh*)
(Sfx- Dekedeennn)
(Sfx- Zudoooon *TOKKK*)
(Sfx- Dekedekendennn)
Brothers: UGAHHHHHHH!!!
Wh---what just happened?!
(Sfx- Dekedenndedkekdennnn)
Bro2: Something---something’s in my ass…
It's a chuupe...
(Sfx- Gyuuuun *reeeeeee*)
(Sfx- Parapararaparararparpaaaa *dum dedooo dedododoooo*)
Brothers: WHOOOOAAAA!!

018
(Sfx- Parapapraaaa paraaa~ *Dumdedodooooo*)
(Sfx- Pararapapripaapraaa *dumddeooododoooo*)
(Sfx- Pararaparapaara *dumdedooo doo*)
(Sfx- Aaaaaaaaaahhhh!!)
(Sfx- Paraparararaaaaa *dumdedodooooo*)
(Sfx- Parapapraaaa paraaa~ *Dumdedodooooo*)
(Sfx- Pararapapripaapraaa *dumddeooododoooo*)
(Sfx- Zaaaa *sssht*)
{Nghoooooo!!}
(Sfx- Paraparpaaa *dumdedooodooo*)
(Sfx- Parararaaa *dumdedoodoooo*)
Hattori: You---
You….
Gintoki: Bastaaaaards….
(Sfx- Paraparapipraaa *dumdedooodooo*)

019
Both: Give us back those...
long-end chuupeds.
(Sfx- Dededekdeknnnn)
Bro1: N---noooo! Grant us mercy!! We already ate those…
Bro2: Big brother!!
(Sfx- Dededekdeknnnn)
Bro2: W-wait! Don't be rash, now! We'll go and buy you another! We promise!
Anything you want! Just please, please don’t take our lives!
I'm begging you! However many you want!! How many long-ends do you waaaant?!!
(Sfx- Paraparapipraaa *dumdedooodooo*)
(Sfx- Gatsu *grip*)
Brothers: WAAAAAAAAAAIT!!
(Side text- A cruel one blow strike!!
(Side text- Shagaaaaan *craaaaaaash*)
GINTAMA LESSSON 320……………END.