Gintama 332

Hehe, leave it to Sorachi and Gintama to turn a mundane field trip into...THAT. Hopefully I'll be able to get this week's chapter out before it turns into the chapter from two weeks ago. >_<.


Hi wa mata noboru ONLY unless specified otherwise. Ask me people, I only bite if you smell good. :)

001
{Last time on Gintama:
For their field trip to observe and study various different jobs that support Edo, some children were introduced to the Yorozuya and other adults' jobs, but in front of these precocious modern day kids, what they tried kept blowing up and their faces over and over. And they could not even carry out adults most important "job", of teaching them about the world, and were beaten down by their own worthlessness.}

{Around then, letters started to arrive one after another to the rampaging precocious brats on their field trips. Those were the signal flares for a revenge match fired by the adults.}

Diamond: Lesson 332

???: Huh? You got an invite too, Daigorou?

Daigorou: The heck, you guys, too?

???: Hey! Daigorou! Ken-chan!

???: You guys, too?

(On card- Patriot Factory Observational Field Trip.)

Invitation Card)

???: I was thinking of trashing this thing, but they said they'd give us Dokkiriman stickers, so...

(TL Note: Dokkiriman stickers are a knockoff product of Bikkuriman stickers, which a popular snack with stickers inside which had an anime based off them in the 80's.)

I wonder what they called us out here for...?

(Sfx- Zah....*Swfff*)

Daigorou(?): So...

002

Daigorou(?): Patriot factory?

What the heck is that...?

Title: Lesson 332: Honestly, Nobody Ever Remembers a Thing About Field Trips to Factories

(Banner- Welcome to the Patriot factory!)

???: So what do they make here?

I guess since it's a Patriot factory, they make Patriots.

Makes sense... but what are Patriots?

???: We've been awaiting your arrival, children!

Kids: !

Shinpachi: Welcome to the Patriot Factory!!!

Kagura: You're the good children, and definitely not precocious brats, chosen from among children all over the world to be given the right to study and observe this dream factory on a field trip!!

003

Shinpachi: I'm Pachi!

Kagura: I'm Gura!

Both: And we are your guides to your dreams that will be guiding you though this dream factory!!

(TL Note: The phrase they use here "guides to your dreams" is a reference to a famous 70's song "Yumesaki Annainin" (夢先案内人) by Yamaguchi Momoe.)

Kid: Um... who are those people?

And is it okay for them to be totally ripping on Charley and the Chocolate factory?

They did pretty well to make it look this original.

But aren't they embarrassed?

Kid(2): Um, excuse me!

May I ask you, for what purpose and with what intention was this field trip established?

Besides that, did you get permission from the school for this beforehand?

Also, though you said we were chosen, could you more concretely explain for what reason it was that we were chosen?

Shinpachi: What? Even after we went through all the trouble of inviting you, do you not want to see the inside of the factory?

And find out what's made in this factory and what a Patriot is exactly?

Kagura: If you do not want to see it, we do not really mind if you leave.

But if you leave and have second thoughts, it will be too late.

We won't even give you a Dokkiriman sticker, and your chance at learning what a Patriot is will be forever lost.

004

Daigorou: W... We don't really care about any Patriot, but...

Sacchan: Kyaaah! Lookie! Loookie!!

I can't believe it! Seriously?!

Tsukuyo: I never wouldda thought I'd see a Patriot factory...

I'm pretty sure I heard that they were only manufactured for NASA, the FBI, and the NBA, but...

To think that there would be one in Edo...

Sacchan: Hey, Tsukky, let's take a look inside. This might be a once-in-a-lifetime chance or us to see a real-life Patriot!

Tsukuyo: Ah, wait, Sarutobi...

(Sfx- Doon doon dooon blam blam blaaam)

(Sfx- Dosasaaa thuuud)

(Sfx- Zah sfff)

Hijikata: Factory Chief,

I just took discovered some suspicious creeps at the front gate sniffing around for Patriots and took them out immediately.

005

Chief: Roger. So the Succeed Committed has finally made their move, huh?

That means the Ragnarock is soon, we'll need to speed up the development of Patriots.

Hijikata: Chief, I see some strange kids here, too. Should I erase them too?

(Sfx- Doooon blaaam)

(Sfx- Doshaaaa thud)

Gintoki: Fool. Those are my guests.

Those are the kids I can entrust the last hope of humanity, the Patriots, to.

Welcome to the Patriot factory field trip.

Kagura: Sir, these children have said that they have no interest in the Patriots.

Gintoki: Is that so? I'm sorry, but that isn't happening. Now that you've seen this place I can't just let you go ba...

(Sfx- Dooon doooon blaaam blaaam)

Kagura: We already told them it is fine to leave.

Shinpachi: As long as they watch their step on the way back.

006

Shinpachi: Now please leave your footwear here and pick up a pair of slippers.

Be sure to watch your step though~.

Daigorou: Waaaaaitaminute....

What the heck is this... and who are those people?

They just casually kill others....

What the hell is a Patriot?

Have we... stepped into an field trip from hell?

Kid: Seriously, I think we're bitin' off more than we can chew dude... lets get out of here, before they kill us!

Kid(2): You idiot! If we try to leave we'll be killed for sure!

You saw how they just killed the chief off like it was no big deal! These guys are nuts!

Daigorou: All we can do now is prepare ourselves and go on this Patriot field trip.

Kid: But do you think they'll kill us once we see the Patriot?

It sounded like some sorta huge secret. Like on a national level.

Kagura: Okay, please look this way.

Shinpachi: Here we have the history of the Patriots that have supported our lives since long ago and the changes they have gone through over time.

(Sign- Patriot History)

Kid: Man, it looks like Patriots have quite a deep history.

007

Shinpachi: The Patriot's current iteration has this such a shape.

Kid: I've got a feeling I've seen a Patriot before. I remember that design that looks like a grade schooler thought it up.

Shinpachi: And that history is considered to have started way back in the Jomon period. As a result of repeated trial and error, we now have this marvel that supports out livelihoods.

(TL Note- The Jomon period is from 14,000BC to 300BC.)

Kid: Hey, I don't remember being supported by that. I mean it has tissues and toilet paper in it, but I've never seen them like that.

Shinpachi: Here we have the oldest Patriot in history said to be made by the 'Father of the Patriot', the chief of the Sugomanda people.

Kid: Uh, Patriot...? Isn't that just a hunk of meat?

Sign: Inedible!!

Shinpachi: Sure this form resembles that of a slab of meat, but this is a Patriot that made history. If you look closely, you'll see it says "Inedible".

Kid: AIN'T THIS JUST A PIECE OF FOOD FROM A POINT IN TIME WHERE THEY HAD DRYING AGENTS?!!

Kagura: This very first Patriot, based on its shape, is known as the 'Bony Patriot', the 'Demon Castle Patriot', or the 'Kin(Patriot)man'.

(TL Note- The last one is a pun on the manga Kinnikuman. Wherein you'd replace "Patriot" with the word for "meat", "niku")

Kids: WHAT DO YOU MEAN KIN(PATRIOT)MAN!! I CAN ONLY THINK OF "MEAT" THERE FOR THAT TO MAKE ANY SENSE!!

Shinpachi: Next, let us go to the Heian period.

(TL Note- The Heian period is from 794 to 1185.)

Through the hands of the envoy to T'ang dynasty China, Kakinomoto Zugomaro, even greater innovations were achieved.

With the spices he brought back from T'ang China, in the form of the 'Spicy Patriot'...

???: THAT'S JUST SOME SPICY CHIKCEN, ISN'T IT?!

AND YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE THAT SOMEONE'S TAKEN A BIT OUT OF IT!! THERE'S STUFF ALL AROUND ZUGOMARO'S MOUTH!!

(Sign by chicken- Inedible!!)

008

Shinpachi: And now, the Sengoku period, by the hand of Zugo Manzou, the Patriot finally blossomed.

(TL Note- The Sengoku period or "Warring States Period" was from 1467 to 1573.)

Kids: HE JUST ADDED A SIDE OF FRIES!! WHY'S IT TURNED INTO SOME SORTA COMBO MEAL?!!

HEY, ZUGO MANZOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!! HE'S JUST GOING TO A FAST FOOD PLACE!!

WAIT A SEC, ALL THIS IS IS THE HISTORY OF FRIED CHICKEN, AIN'T IT?!

Shinpachi: And with a little of this and that, the Patriot evolved to its current form.

Kids: WHYYYYYYYY?!!

HOW DID YOU GO FROM EATING LUNCH TO THAAAT?! YOU WERE TOTALLY VAGUE ABOUT THE MOST CRUCIAL PARTS!!

Shinpachi: So now you've got a foundation for Patriots, but there's still plenty to learn about in this factory.

Kid: So then, what the heck is the patriot used for?

We still don't know that at all...

Shinpachi: Let us show you how the Patriot is made starting from square one.

As you can see, the Patriot is primarily created from three main parts.

There is the tissue part called a "solid".

Kid: Um, at the point you called it tissues I don't see the point of calling it a "solid" anymore.

Shinpachi: There is the toilet paper part called a "naked", and...

A pole.

Kid: WHY'D YOU GIVE SUCH A HALFASS DESCRIPTION OF IT?! RAN OUT OF THINGS TO SAY?! ISN'T IT THE MOST IMPORTANT PART?! WHY DOES IT GET ZERO DESCRIPTION?!

009

Shinpachi: These three parts undergo a process called "jacking-in" which completes the patriot.

Please have a look at that conveyor belt.

You can see for yourselves how the patriot is assembled from the parts riding on that.

Kids: ...............

It doesn't look like anything's coming out.

Well the factory chief is dead, so they've got to be having some trouble, right? So the line's stopped.

(Sfx- Uiiiin veeeeen)

{The Chief is coming down the beeeeeeeeeellt!!}

010

Shinpachi: First off, we take our broken factory chief and reassemble him. This is the first part of the manufacturing process.

Kid: THAT'S WHERE IT STARTS?!

JUST HOW MUCH CRAP DO YOU INTEND TO FEED US?! SO THE CHIEF WAS BROKEN FROM THE START THEN?! ARE YOU BROKEN?!

Shinpachi: Our chief has always had a screw loose.

Kid: THAT CHIEF TOTALLY ISN'T RESPECTED AT ALL!!

Shinpachi: Now we wipe up the chief's bloodstained body using state of the art tissues.

(Sfx- Sasah sffft shfft)

Kid: HEEEEY!! THAT TISSUE!! ISN'T THAT THE ONE FROM THE PATRIOT?! BESIDES THAT, IS THAT REALL NECESSARY? JUST ASSEMBLE THE THING ALREADY!!

Shinpachi: Next we take the toilet paper and wipe up the bloodstained chief's past.

(Sfx- Guru guru twirl twirl)

Kid: WHO THE HELL CARE'S ABOUT THE OLD GUY'S PAST OR WHATEVER! JUST GET TO THE PART WHERE THE PATRIOT IS MADE!!

Shinpachi: And now, we use the Patriot to awaken the fallen chief.

(Sfx- Goh goh thok thok)

Kids: WAIT, THE PATRIOT'S ALREADY MADE?! WHY ARE YOU USING PATRIOTS IN THE PROCESS OF MAKING PATRIOTS?!

Shinpachi: This process repeats three times.

Kids: You didn't really do anything beyond harassing the chief! And on a closer look, aren't those people working the assembly line the same ones that killed him?!

Shinpachi: In order to bring the factory chief back to life, it is necessary to settle his past.

Kids: Isn't basically what they're doing just revenge?! And wait, before that, how the hell did these guys come back to life?!

011

Shinpachi: And finally

we pass the factory chief through the healing machine.

Shinpachi: And the chief is completely restored.

(Sfx- Pushuuu fwooosh)

Kids: HE'S EXACTLY THE SAME AS HE WAS BEFORE, AIN'T HE?!!!

Shinpachi: This is the chief's perfectly restored form. You see, he's been broken ever since he was born.

Kids: SO THEN THAT WHOLE PROCESS WAS TOTALLY MEANINGLESS, RIGHT?!!

Shinpachi: Now we will move on to the next process.

The second process is to restore the motivation to the now reassembled factory chief.

The Factory Chief's Getting His Life on Track Compilation.

Kids: THE GUY'S FREAKING FINE ALREADYYYYY!!

He doesn't need shit like "motivation"! He's a factory chief, he'll work without anyone even telling him to!! Just make him get up!

Shinpachi: The factory chief is absolutely imperative to the manufacturing of the Patriot, so there really is no way to avoid this.

Kids: At just what point are we going to actually make Patriots? It's pretty much been a factory chief factory so far!!

Huh?

What's that?

Hey, it looks like the chief's outfit changed to a high school uniform. What's with that?

012

Kids: !!

The conveyor belt is picking up speed!!

(Sfx- Gyurarara

Whoa, it's like a bullet now!

(Sfx- Bata bata bata tmptmptmp)

Kids: It's all we can do to keep up with him!!

Hey! Look at that!!

Sacchan: Hooray, hooray, Kou-chan!!

(TN- They're abbreviating the title "Factory Chief" (Koubachou) like a pet-name.)

(Banner- Fight on Kou-chan! Aim to be the best Factory Chief in Japan!!)

Tsukuyo: Fight on, fight on, Kou-chan! Don't give up, don't give up Kou-chan!!

Kids: Um... why did the conveyor belt looking like a train headed to Tokyo?!

(Sfx- Zeeeh hah zeeeh hah)

Sacchan: We believe in you Kou-chan! You'll be Japan's number one chief!!

Tsukuyo: Believe in yaself Kouji! You can do it!!

Kids: Who's Kouji?!

(TN- Tsukuyo calles him Kouji, like that was his real full first name, rather than it being an abbreviation for "Factory Chief" (Koubachou))

Girls: Ah...

(Sfx- Doshaaaa ssssssh)

Kids: Heeey!! What the heck was that all about?! What kind of manufacturing process is this?!!

013

Kids: The guy isn't even doing anything and they were cheering for him?!!

Hey, now there's some kinda weird set!!

(Shirt: Paper) [Write that as a note rather than messing with the picture]

Hey look! Someone's there!!

(Sfx- Uiiiiin)

Hasegawa: You say you're becoming a factory chief...?

What kind of stupid nonsense is that?!

The moment you were born, it was to make toilet paper!! You're supposed to follow in my footsteps!!

Kids: Who is thaaaaaat?! He's really pissed, too, but WHO IS HE?!

Hasegawa: You go to Edo and take a job at a tissue factory?! Are you trying to make a fool of me?!! ["trying" in italics]

(Sfx- Bunnn GAH)

Hasegawa: So you're making a mockery of the toilet paper, calling it just paper made to wipe people's asses, too?!! Is your father's work that embarrassing to you?!

Ken: HIS DAD?! WHY IS THE FACTORY CHIEF'S DAD IN HERE, TOO?!

Daigorou: I guess this is a flashback, reminiscence kind of scene or something. Maybe this scene has to do with him getting chased out of his house 'cause he wouldn't do what his dad said.

Ken: WHY ARE THEY HAVING A FLASHBACK ON A CONVEYOR BELT?!

???: Stop this dear!!

Hasegawa: !!

014

Obviously Kondo: You have this all wrong! Our child just wants to make a paper designed for cleanliness like you, but in his own way!! That's what I believe!

Ken: Now the mooooooom?! Why is his mom here?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!

Hasegawa: Let go of me this instant, Isako! This is between men!!

(Sfx- Uiiiin veeeen)

Hasegawa: Kouji!!! Where the hell are you going! I've still got to chew you out some more!!

Hey, waaaiiit, Koujiiiii!!

(Sfx- Viiiin veeeeen)

Ken: WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE PEOPLE DOING?!

We didn't come here to see a 2-bit play, hurry and show us some work!!

And what's with this whole non-stop trip on a frickin' conveyor belt?!! What exactly are these guys trying to accomplish with this?!!

Ah! Look, he's back in his factory uniform!

About time! Maybe that stupid flashback story is over! Now go and make a stupid Patriot already!!

Ah! Look, it's a second conveyor belt!

Hijikata: Chief, you look tired. Let's knock one back.

Kids: SOME OTHER WORKER SHOWED UP NOOOOOOW!!

015

Hijikata: What are you doing strolling around here, sir?

Kids: He is not strolling! He's just been lying on that conveyer belt the whole time doing absolutely nothing!! The conveyor belt you guys put him on!

Hijikata: I know what it is, you were thinking of your dad again, weren't you?
務める
He was a great man... Born into a family that made toilet paper for generations.

He would never use a tissue. What he used to wipe his bottom is obvious. But whether it was blowing his nose, or writing letters, or tires for his car, he always used toilet paper.

Kids: BUT IN THE END WAS IT REALLY NECESSARY TO USE IT FOR ALL THAT?!

Hijikata: But you hated being stuck riding that toilet paper rail your dad had made... which is why you became a chief in a tissue factory.

...So much so that even to this day, you stubbornly refuse to use toilet paper?

Heh... Well all fathers and sons are stubborn, really.

But chief, if your dad saw what a great factory chief you've become,

I'm sure that he'd ask to use a tissue.

Kids: Hey, is it still going on? The flashback sce...

016

Isako: All the way to the end, that man didn't change one bit...

Heheh... He was a stubborn man, after all.

Whether it was his nose or his posterior, he stuck to toilet paper till the very end.

Even when the tissues you'd made went on sale

he would wipe the tears he cried with toilet paper...

And he'd say...

that something like this wasn't enough.

(Sfx- Viiiin veeeen)

Employees: Chieeeef!!

What the hell are you thinking!? Do you actually think anybody wants to buy a new product like that?!

I'm not going to follow your stupidity!

017

Daigorou: N---

No way...

Employee: Hey, hey did you hear?

The chief decided all on his own to run on making some kind of unknown new product...

Daigorou: No way...

Employee: Even the higher ups are worried about it. He's in real danger of getting fired.

But even so, I heard he's still gonna make it by himself.

Hey, what the hell kinda product is it?

To join the hands of toilet paper and tissues together...

Something that could wipe away tears of any sadness,

the ultimate paper wipe!

{Th----}

{Thaaaaaaaaaats!!!}

{THE PATRIOTTTTT!!!}

Gintoki: And now my ultimate work...

the patriot is produced.

018

Kids: Look! Something's above the conveyor belt!!

(Sfx- Viin veeen)

Hasegawa: Come forth!!

PATRIOT FACTORY CHIEF!!!

(Sfx- Bah fwaash)

(Sfx- Kah sheeen)

(Sfx- Dodododododdo tmmtptmptmptmp)

(Sfx- Ooooooooo Oraaaaaaah!!!)

Kids: THE FACTORY CHIEF IS RUNNING AGAINST THE CONVEYOR BELLLLT!!!

Shinpachi: Even after hearing this...

Do you still call the Patriot garbage?

Kagura: After all this...

Do you still think this kind of job is garbage?

Shinpachi: A job isn't something that can be high, low, big, small, beautiful or ugly.

(Handwritten- I'm not moving forward at all!!)

Shinpachi: It's when people go through any lengths for someone else's sake by doing work.

That is the essence of a job.

(Handwritten- Hooray! Hooray!)

(Sfx- DODODODODO)

Shinpachi: No matter what work it is you do, isn't that feeling unalterably something precious?

It is when people come together to help each other, supporing the world.

(Handwritten- Come forth! Come to meeeee!!)

Kids: ..........

Shinpachi: Do you all understand what a 'job' is now?

019

Shinpachi: So now....

go help the Chief.

{Y-You guys....}

(Sfx- DOGOOOOO THOOOOK)

Kids: ALL YA GOTTA DO IS GET OFF THE DAMN CONVEYOR BELT!!

Ken: We sure did some good work, huh?

Kid: Yeah, we cleaned up a huge amount of trash.

Daigorou: Making us watch some shitty play, idiots.

People: ..........

Shinpachi: I'd say we taught them well, huh?

Kagura: Yes.

GINTAMA LESSON 332...................END.