Gintama 338

Well, considering I broke my eyes trying to read that really crappy raw, and my brain trying to keep up with Sorachi, I think you guys owe my existence an apology. Considering I pretty much only exist to translate.



(Side text- It's huge and on sale everywhere! The special volume of Jump NEXT with Sorachi-sensei's illustration is ripe for the picking! If you want one for yourself, read further for more details!!)

(Sfx- Chun Chuun tweet tweet)

Hattori: Yo.

How's cohabitation going with six people? Mr. Stud.

(Side text- Living under the same roof sure is fun~)

SORACHI HIDEAKI.

GINTAMA

Lesson 338: Beware of the housewife next door.

Gintoki: I think I understand how the dragonballs feel...

Hattori: Don't worry, if they rip you into six pieces, I'll gather you back together.

Gintoki: Even if you gather me together piece by piece, Shen long isn't coming.

If you were to gather the pieces of me, you'd just have garbage, and not something that can grant wishes.

Hattori: Geez, when'd you get so pathetic? I guess dealing with six at once was asking too much of ya, huh?

Hasegawa: What does he man, six at the same time?

Gintoki: All of them are just using me to get rich quick, I know it.

002

Hattori: Listen, I don't think a guy who could go and defile all of them in one night has the right to say that.

You got something pleasurable from them,

So it's only natural that you give back what you owe, and grant their wishes, right?

Gintoki: Is that what this is all about?

Hasegawa: You did WHAT in one night?! Gin-san....were you...toying with me too?!

Gintoki: I thought the point of this whole exercise was to get the six of them to dump me...

Hattori: C'mon dude, it's not so bad.

It's not every day that a guy gets not one, not two, but six people to himself.

All you gotta do is grant all six of them happiness.

Gintoki: 'All I have to do', my ass!!

(Sfx- Gakkogoh thok)

Gintoki: This is only happening to me because I did something with the six of them, something that I can't remember at all!!

At this rate, I’m going to drown in a swamp for sure! I'm just going to apologize and get it over with!

Whether I get broken down into six or thirty six pieces I'm still gonna get blamed right?!

I'll just take whatever comes!!

Hattori: And then what?

The ladies are going to be pretty down about that.

Gintoki: I think this situation is sad enough as is.

Hattori: Then you'd better be prepared to tell them everything.

003

Hattori: But remember, once you blurt out the whole truth and nothing but it...

Those girls are going to drop you into the lowest layer of hell.

So bro, are you going to keep being a good boy,

Or are you going to tell them all about the debauchery that was that night?

Repay debauchery with debauchery...

and there'll be nothing that can protect you from those ladies.

Tae: Oh! What a coincidence! I never thought I'd see you here!

Sarutobi-san, what are you doing here?

{Th---that's.......!!!}

{THE WORST CASE SCENARIOOOOOO!!!}

{The ladies have met each oooooooooother!!!}

Sacchan: Ooh~ Didn't you hear?

My darling and I have moved into this row-house and started living a lovey dovy live~

Gintoki: HEEEY!! DON'T START SAYING UNCESSARY THINGS!!

Sacchan: This must be so hard for you to accept Otae-san....so sad too bad!

Tae: Oh! That's good to hear. Are you deluded? Or is your darling CG?

Sacchan: Excuse me?! He's for real!!

Tae: Oh, I know...you bought a pair of 3D glasses~.

004

Tae: But isn't this a quinkydink! I'm living in this row-house with someone too.

Sacchan: A unrefined woman like YOU has a boyfriend?! That's not even funny! Who is he?

Tae: Teehee, it's a secret. He made me promise not to tell.

Sacchan: Oh?! Well I won't tell you about my boyfriend either!! My lips are sealed!

{There's a limit to what you can lie about!! Who the hell are you trying to impress!?}

{I did tell them not to talk about us....}

Gintoki: Until I'm ready to commit, lets just keep this to ourselves, kay?

{But dammit, I'm this close to being discovered...!!}

Kyuubee: I see...

Tae-chan, you found a great guy didn't you....?

Tae: Kyuu-chan?

Kyuubee: I'm glad I made this decision...

To be frank, I think I may have found happiness as a woman with him...

Sacchan: With HIM?! No way, Kyuubee-san! You've got someone too?!

Tae: R—really Kyuu-chan? Who is it?

Kyuubee: Well he's...

{Heeeeeeeeey!!! Things are slowly getting really complicated over there!!!}
Sacchan: Quit actin' so high and mighty!! He's probably got a face only a mother could love, right?

Tae: Yes, Kyuu-chan...if you have a boyfriend, I'll like to great him..

Kyuubee: Once we get a bit closer, I'll be sure to bring him over to Tae-chan and Polygonzou-san's place.

Sacchan: Who's Polygonzou-san?!

(TN- I guess Polygon? It plays off of what Tae was saying earlier.)

Sacchan: Anyway, just go on and tell me who it is!

Tsukuyo: If you guys keep botherin' her, she'll dislike ya.

005

Tsukuyo: A man and woman's relationship ain't somethin others should go stickin their noses into.

In short, ain't our business.

Sacchan: Alllrighty, we see you there in your little apron playing house as if this has nothing to you. But guess what, I don't really care about your man anyway~.

I have absolutely no problem telling you all about my darling~

Tsukuyo: A dot matrix printout suits you.

Sacchan: Why is it that my guy's specs seem to be gradually downgrading?!

Quit playing games, all of you! I can see that you've all got your eyes on my man!

This goes without saying, but my darling is the coolest, cutest, and greatest guy ever! Compared to your boyfriends, hes totally high-spec!!

{Shut up! Shut up! Quit talking dammit!}

Tae: That's nice for CG.

But you know, my boyfriend....while having a stupid looking face is working towards being a big businessman.

He wants to venture into a huge enterprise...starting with turning this row house into a palace for the two of us.

{Venturing into business?! When the hell did I promise you that, woman?!}

Kyuubee: My man has strength, enough to protect our home.

He's going to work extra hard and bring his earnings home to me.

I'm sure my d-d-darling has the strength to eventually become one of the Ouka Shichibukai. I think.

{That's sure some high hopes you've got for me!! Too bad I never EVER said I could ever do anything like that! What the hell is wrong with you!?}

Tsukuyo: This is a waste of time. If everyone just thinks their own is best, that's fine.

Well I don't really think mine is the best, but...

But he's real popular with tha other escorts in Yoshiwara, and he even took down a major villian down there too. And he bought my contractual freedom for 200 million.

{So in the end you joined in, toooooo!!}

006

Sacchan: You're going on about your man just like us, aren't you Tsukky!

Tae: Well...If it's about defeating a villian in Yoshiwara, I could have done that...and my boyfriend could easily become one of the Shichibukai.

Sacchan: O-Otae-san, too... That's a coincidence.... my darling just happens to be a Shichibukai, as well!

Kyuubee: It is a small world after all... to think that four of the seven Shichibukai would be in this same row-house.

{That would make most of the shichibukai one guy!.......ME!}

(Sfx- Zararara raaaaaatle)

Otose: Hmph...

You girls sure are noisy...

Even though your men left you in a place like this on a Sunday

you still don't get that you aren't really loved?

Tae: Otose-san! You're living here too?!

Sacchan: Excuse me, but this is an abandonment play!! And anyhow, what about you...?

Otose: Hmph..it's been a while since we started dating...

But considering tomorrow is the 7th...

He said we should go out for a bit, because of the 'seven' in Shichibukai and all....

(TN- Now I'll explain. The Shichibukai or Seven armored seas, are a group of really powerful pirates in the manga One piece. Hense Otose's comment about the seven.)

{OLD BAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!}

{YOU TOOOOOO!!?}

007

{Why the freak are you going on about crap I don't understand!?}

Tae: Oh, are you dating a Shichibukai, Otose-san? Me, too.

Sacchan: Ah, my darling said something like that, too.

Kyuubee: Hey now. You all should stop this talk at once. I was the first one who mentioned my boyfriend being a Shichibukai. The Shichibukai is mine.

Tsukuyo: I-I see. Well how about we all have a date tomorrow? We might meet somewhere.

{Hey waaaaaait!! Don't just decide on this on your own!!}

{What the hell is a Shichibukai date to begin with?!}

{More like there's only an ichibukai here!! There's only silver haired Gintoki!!}

(TL Note: Ichi means 1. So that would translate to One Warlord of the Sea.)

{This is really really bad... at this rate the the plans are gonna overlap and they'll skin me alive!!}

Gintoki: T---tomorrow?

Tae: I know it's sudden, but we ended up doing that thing, didn't we?

So, you know... We do things like d-dating and whatnot...

Gintoki: Tomorrow's no good for me.... how about another night?

(Sfx- Ton ton ton clack clakc)


Sacchan: The lady next door said she's taking off work...

Gintoki: Wh-What does the lady next door matter? If she dies, would you kill yourself to match her?

(Sfx- Ton ton ton clack clack clack)

If you like her so much, why not marry her husband?

Toujou: Understood! We shall go out then!

In exchange, on the seventh day, you'll date princess and only the princess!

Gintoki: WHY ARE YOU HERE?!

(Sfx- Ton ton clack clack)

Gintoki: How about the eighth? I mean, seven? Eight? They're both numbers right?

(Sfx- Ton ton clack clack)

Tsukuyo: The seventh works for me.

008

Otose: Why does it have to be on the seventh?

You're saying I don't have much time left to live, aren't you?... So the eighth is too...

Gintoki: DON'T LIE TO ME OLD BAT!!

Tae: So, I'd really like to go on the seventh.

Gintoki: Then why did you do that?

(Sfx- Dosu thok)

Tae: Whoopsie, my hand slipped!

Gintoki: I mean, the eighth works too right?

(Sfx- Dasu dasu thok thok)

Sacchan: Whoops, my hand slipped!

Gintoki: Geh!!

(Sfx- Dogoooo THOK)

009

Hattori: You've only got ten minutes until showtime....you ready?

Gintoki: Ahh... Just tell Shinpachi and Kagura to live their lives with enthusiasm for me, okay?

Hattori: Hey big guy, don't be so down~

I'm gonna help you.

Gintoki: I regret to inform you that an individual can't go on five dates at once.

Hattori: Who the hell do you think I am? You're talking to the guy who's top brass with the oniwaban.

Gintoki: What, are you going to teach me a cloning technique?

Hattori: Look, there's no way you can handle five clones off the break like this, so lets start with two.

Gintoki: Seriously? No way. It can't be done.

Hattori: Just shut up and close your eyes. Now, still your breath and focus your spirit.

Now listen to my words and picture this image.

Now remember the face of Piiko in your mind and try to envision it as reality.

Gintoki: Huh? Piiko?! But why?!

Hattori: Silence! Now imagine one other Piko! Make Piko's clone!

(TL Note: Piko is a Japanese talent, fashion critic, and singer.)

Gintoki: This is kind of hard...more like, why are you talking like Piko?!

Hey, Oosugi appeared.

(TL Note: Osugi is a Japanese film critic, and is Piiko's twin brother.)

Hattori: That's super! Now you've created the clone! All done.

Gintoki: That ain't a clone!! Well, in a way it's sort of a clone!!

010

Hattori: It's easier to imagine thing that there are two of in the first place, right?

Gintoki: There's not really two of them, as much as they're just twins.

Hattori: Silence! Now for this step, try to create another set of Piiko and Osugi.

Yes! Just like that! I knew you could do it!

(Sfx- Pih poit.)

Gintoki: Uh hold on, one of them came out looking like Chris Matsuhara! Is it just me, or has this image become very...gay?



Hattori: Ugh, no helping it is there? Fine, turn the one on the right into Chris as well. We'll need pairs of Chris's to make up for this.

Gintoki: WHY DO THE RULES SEEM SO SIMILAR TO OTHELLO?!

(TN- Board game.)

Hattori: Just hurry up and change them, silly!

(Sfx- Pih poit)

Gintoki: Dammit, when you said 'silly' it made me think of a horse!!

(TN- The kanji for 'Baka' contains the character for horse. I know 'baka' is usually stupid, but seeing that Hattori is supposed to sound more 'hel~loo', I changed it a bit.)

Gintoki: WHY IS THE HORSE PASSING ITSELF OFF AS CHRIS?!

Hattori: I suppose it's because you think of Chris as a horse...

Gintoki: HEY! THAT'S UNCALLED FOR! APOLOGIZE TO CHRIS AND I!!

Hattori: It's fine like that though, Chris and the horse are like, totally twins.

Gintoki: SHUT THE HELL UP! FINE, I'LL JUST FIX THIS ON MY OWN!!

(Sfx- Pih poit)

Gintoki: THINGS HAVE ONLY GOTTEN WOOOORSE!!

011

011

Gintoki: NOW IT LOOKS LIKE A DIAGRAM OF CHRIS EVOLVING FROM A HORSE!! I am SO sorry!!

Hattori: That's good enough. Open your eyes.

Gintoki: Wait a second, all I've got now's a friggin' history textbook!!

{It'll be fine. What's important is having a more concrete image of the division.}

{Open your eyes and be surprised!}

Gintoki: I'M SURPRISED ALL RIGHT!!

(Sfx- Dogooooo THUUUUD)

Gintoki: Yanno, I get the feeling that you're having a great time screwing with me. You're enjoying seeing me in this situation, aren't you?

Hattori: I was only kidding. Those are just masks.

Even I'm able to read the feeling in the air that much, you know.

(Sfx- Zuooooooo fwoooof)

Gintoki: THAT'S REALLY SOMETHING MADE OF AIR THAT YOU "FEEL"!!

012

Gintoki: This is no cloning technique, what the hell is this?!!

Hattori: I'm not quite as good as Jiraia, but I can manipulate ninja wire. So it should be easy for me to cover you with these guys, in all kinds of ways.

Gintoki: ALL KINDS OF WAYS?! WHAT KIND OF COVER DO YOU THINK I NEED?! AND HEY, THE WHOLE CLONE THING WE JUST DID WAS ENTIRELY POINTLESS, WASN'T IT?!

Just get rid of them! These things are just gonna get in the way, take them back! What am I gonna do if somebody sees these?!

Tae: Gin-sa~n!!

I'm sorry for being late.

Gintoki: Crap~!!

Tae: Tehe, luckily I was exactly seven minutes late, though!

I guess we've gotta keep up the theme of seven, huh?

Gintoki: Hey, don't go calling my name so loud like that....

What if someone we know hears you...?

Tae: Okay~ I'm sorry.

You're such a shy one, aren't you Gin-san?

Sacchan: Darling~!

013

Sacchan: I'm sorry i kept you waitiiiing!!

(Sfx- Hafuhhh gloomp)

Sacchan: Aww, you were really lonely weren't you, sweetie?

Ah...no... don't do that... N-Not in a place like this...

(Sfx- Zuruuu drrrg)

Toujou: Gintoki-donooo!!

He's right over here, Princess!

Kyuubee: I'm sorry for being late... I... got caught up choosing a kimono....

Toujou: What are you doing over there princess?! He's over here!

Kyuubee: S-Sorry...

I can see you... went out of your way to dress up tonight... You were so handsome I didn't recognize you.

Toujou: Seriously! He's so dashing it's like he's become a completely different person!

(Handwritten- And his skin is so glossy now, isn't it?!

(Handwritten- Sorry for the misunderstanding.)

(Sfx- Ton ton tap tap)

Tsukuyo: 'Scuse me...

Have you seen a guy that looks like this?

014

{The light of the starts we normally see above us}

{is light that was released there tens of thousands of years ago. Light tens of thousands of years old.}

Gintoki: That's pretty impressive...

the light of stars from so far away can get all the way here?

I wonder what we look to them from over there?

In the grand scheme of things, we humans are really insignificant, aren't we...?

Seriously we are, I mean we're so insignificant that one can't tell the real deal from a s*x doll.

If we could live from that kind of magnificent viewpoint, our little problems wouldn't really matter anymore.

(Sfx- Gagooo gagooo snorrre snrrr)

Gintoki: Hey, old bat... are you listening?

I was talking about living from that viewpoint.

Hey old bat, are you listening?!

I said I'm not some stupid s*x doll dammit!!

Hattori: Quiet. You're drawing too much attention.

Gintoki: I don't want to hear that from the dude who brought four s*x doll into a planetarium!!

It's not like they're going to find me out! None of these guys can tell the difference between a *utch wife and me!

Tsukuyo was straight-up looking for a s*x doll when she got here!

Hattori: Don't sulk. Isn't it cute that that's all they need to get swooped into this?

015

Gintoki: How is this cute at all?! They're dating s*x dolls for godssake!!

What kinda -netarium is this!? What's being net-ed in this arium?!

Hattori: Well anyhow, we'll be able to hold out for a while this way.

What we need to be careful of is making sure none of them meet.

Although since it's dark you shouldn't have much to worry about.

On that note, I need to take a leak. Take over the strings, will ya?

Gintoki: Ahhn? I don't know how to control those things.

Hattori: It's no biggie, just don't move em around for a while. I've been sitting down forever, my ass is at the breaking point.

This is number one, this is number two, and this is number three and number four.

Gintoki: What? Wait, do it again.

Hattori: Oh and using this you can hear the girls and also have them hear you.

Just flip this switch here corresponding with... dammit, my ass is at it's limit.

Gintoki: Hey wait! Come back!!

I still can't even tell which is number one and which is number two!!

Kyuubee: Gintoki...

{Craaaaaaaaap, someone's talking to meeeee!!}

Kyuubee: I notice that you're not talking much today...

{Kyuuubee?!}

Kyuubee: I knew it... Coming to a place like this... with me... is boring to you, isn't it?

016

{Damn. Of course she'd get suspicious if the doll sits there without saying anything...}

{How do I talk to her again....?}

Gintoki: Um...

{What the heck are these? Lines of text correspond to numbers...?}

{So there are only pre-selected lines I can send? I've gotta pick one of these depending on the situation?!!}

{And they're all full of suck, too!}

(Handwritten- 1) Do you have any Borraginol?
2)Are there any bidet toilets here?
3)No, that's a toilet with a bidet attached to it.
4)No, that's not anal hemorrhaging, it's a hemorrhoid.
5) That's not a hemorrhoid, it's Chris.)

{Hey these all have to do with hemorrhoid's, don't they?! And when the hell would you find yourself needing to use that 5th one?!}

Kyuubee: I see... I won't bore you with stupid things anymore. Sorry.

{Craaaaaaaaap!! I've gotta act fast!!}

(Handwritten- When I compare your beauty to the north star, truly, your)

{I found a decent one!! Well...it's really not that great, but it'll work at a time like this!}

(Sfx- Dosuh tap)

Gindoll: When I compare your beauty to the north star,

truly, your

017

Gindoll: wart...

is much bigger.

(Handwritten- When I compare your beauty to the north star, truly, your wart is much bigger.)

{There was...}

{an extremely nasty mole stuck on the baaaaaaaaaaack!!}

{What the HELL kind of lines did you setup, you rotten ninja?!}

{Ah, why did it have to turn into a conversation about hemorrhoiiiid?!}

Toujou: Gintoki-donooo!! Just what wart are you talking about exactly?!

{Heeeey!! Somebody totally unrelated has bit on?!

Toujou: Has the young master fallen ill with hemorrhoids? And you've noticed, Gintoki-sama?!

Kyuubee: No! I don't have anything like that!!

{Craaaap!! I have to come up with some explanation!

(Sfx- Pochih click)

{Damn! I hit the wrong one!!}

018

Gindoll: No,

That's not a hemorrhoid, it's Chri...

(Sfx- Dogooooooo THOOOOK)

{I found a place....}

{to use iiiiiiiit!!!}

{And that remarkably bright star is the North star.}

019

???: Hey look! What's that shadow!!

It's flying!!

(Sfx- Hyuurururuuu fwwfffff)

Tae: What is that?

Huh? That's... Gin-sa...

(Sfx- Zaahhh dsssh)

???: Huh? It disappeared..... what was it?

???: Maybe a black hole?

No, wasn't that some kind of constellation?

{That's a...}

{toilet with...}

{a bidet attached to it.}

(Handwritten- Ooh a toilet, eh? I never knew there was a constellation like that.)

TL Note: The joke here is the word for "constellation" or any specific constellation ends with the same kanji as "toilet seat". So it sounded like he was naming a constellation when he said "toilet".