Gintama 343

Nghhhh. These chapters always suck. Full of really esoteric references, lots and LOTS of text, and of course an ending that's kind of....well I'd say cliffhanger but Gintoki goes right off of it.



(Side text- The TV Anime will air April 4th at 6pm on TV Tokyo!! The newest volume of the manga #38 is now in stores!! 'Nanja town in Gintama' is now open!! For more details check out the Nanja town HP!)

(Top sign- Recycle shop: Earth defense base.)

(Side text- The era of recycling!!)

???: What in the world is this?

Gintoki: It's obviously a VHS deck.

Go on, buy it.

(Tape- Doraimon 2.)

???: Never thought I'd see a tape again...

Gintoki: The tape and the deck together are a real bargain.

???: There's no place nowadays that'll buy a VHS player.

Gintoki: C'mon, you've got to understand....See, 'doraimon' is written on there and everything, but it's not actually Doraimon at all.

See from his pocket he pulled out a tool from the fourth dimension. That pocket is so obscenely huge that even Jaian gets sucked in.

If that keeps up though, we're gonna have to leave home. Cause you know Jaian is gonna come back. So before that, this thing has to be recycled.

Though I guess if you don't want to buy it, we can trade. You got a DVD player here?

(TN- Doraimon is derived from 'Doraemon', and Jaian is a character from it.)

Lady: Well pennybags, if you don't have the dime, do the time somewhere else. Oh wait...I have a Blu ray player.

Gintoki: Hm? Just now, what did you say?

Lady: I said I have a DVD player here. If you want a trade, we could break even there.

002

Gintoki: S—seriously?! But Blu ray is like...a hundred times better than DVD right? I could even see Shizuka-chan's silky smooth skin on that thing right?

(Sfx-Basah fwap)

Lady: I'm pretty sure that the Shizuka-chan you're thinking of isn't Shizuka at all. Here, you can have a look at it.

(TN- I'm not entirely sure, but I think she's another Doraemon character.)

Gintoki: Seriously? Are you serious?!

Lady: Yeah, sure.

You can have this only if you promise to recycle it when you recycle Jaian.

(Side text- The era is recycling!!)

Shinpachi: Gin-san....what's that?

GINTAMA
Lesson 343: Red and blue ecstasy.
SORACHI HIDEAKI.

Gintoki: Blu...

(Sfx- Fungogooo nnngh)

Gintoki: Bluuuu raaaaaaay!!

Shinpachi: Blu ray? What's something as high quality as that doing here?

Gintoki: I traded a broken VHS tape for a broken Blu ray player, cause I'm apparently the world smartest millionaire!!

(Handwritten- I can't get it out...)

Shinpachi: Garbage in, garbage out I guess...

003

Gintoki: Trash might be trash, but how do you feel about that idiot over there wiping her nose with the same tissue that Otsuu-chan dabbed her lipstick off with?

Shinpachi: That's not a tissue, but a sacred cloth!!

(Sfx- fuuuun blloooow)

Kagura: Would you like me to use my sacred cloth to strangle you?

Shinpachi: No matter how you try to slice it, that thing is unusable.

Gintoki: The problem is the disk that's stuck halfway in there.....if I could get it out, we could use it.

Kagura: That disk. What is it?

Gintoki: Beats the hell out of me. Apparently the last person who owned this thing tried to force it in.

Shinpachi: It's stuck inside the player, but we can still turn it a bit....

(Sfx- Kuru kuru spn spn)

Kagura: There is something written on it, yes?

(Handwritten- CURSED BLU RAY.)

Gintoki: Cursed Blu ray?

What's that?

Shinpachi: I dunno...if it were a cursed video, one would die upon viewing it.

Kagura: I have heard of this. You watch the video and a monster would come from the screen. You would be killed by a curse, yes?

Gintoki: A monster?!

004

Shinpachi: But this is the first time I've ever heard of a cursed Blu ray.

Kagura: A video is too old. Even the monsters have a duty to keep up with the times. This is how things are done now.

Gintoki: QUIT FRIGGIN KIDDING ME!!

I DON'T CARE HOW AWESOME THE QUALITY IS, I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANY MONSTERS!!

I'M RETURNING THIS CRAP BACK TO THAT BITCH!!

Shinpachi: Ah! Gin-san, don't forget the chord, it's still plugged in!!

(Sfx- Dan tap)

(Sfx- Gashaaaaa craaaaaaash)

(Sfx- Gan thok)

(Sfx- Viiiiin veeeen)

Gintoki: AUUUUUUUUUGH IT WENT IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!

Kagura: It is good. You can now test it to see if it works, yes?
Gintoki: WHY ARE YOU BEING SO CALM ABOUT THIS?! DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!

Shinpachi: That's just a rumor. Besides, the cursed video is fiction.

Gintoki: WHO CARES?! TURN OFF THE TV!!

Shinpachi: Geez, fine then. You turn around Gin-san, and we'll lower the volume.

Huh? There aren't any instructions, or a remote control.

Gintoki: WHAT?!

Wait a second, what the hell is....

Kagura: Something is appearing on the screen.

(Sfx- Zazazaaah sssshhht)

005

(Sfx- Zazazazaaa ssssshhhh)

Gintoki: Ah! Look at that! It's a water well! A water well is on the screen!! It's gotta be where THAT lives!!

W---wait.....holy crap.....

(Sfx- Nuh sfft)

Gintoki: GAHHHHHH!!! SOMETHING'S COMING OUT!!

IT'S SERIOUSLY COMING OUT!! IT'S SERIOUSLY HEEEEERE!!!

Kagura: I—It is not good. It will come from the TV and kill us with it's curse.

Gintoki: Shinpachi, go grab the Nabe's cover!! We're gonna plug it up before it can kill us!!

Shinpachi: I don't think that'll solve our problem...

(Sfx- Yoro yoro wobble wobble)

Kagura: Gin-chan, it is slowly making it's way here.

Gintoki: SMASH THE TV!!!

Shinpachi: W—wait a second Gin-san...it stopped moving. We may not have to go that far.

{Ko....}

{Ko...ta...tsu...}

Gintoki: Kotatsu?! Hey what the hell does that mean?! Is it a death curse or something?!

Shinpachi: Huh? It's going back! It's returning for something!!

(Handwritten- I can't go without it...)

Gintoki: Hey! It just said it 'can't go without it'!!

Wait, does kotatsu mean an actual friggin kotatsu?! It came out and then realized it needs it's kotatsu and is going back in to get it?!

(TN- A Kotatsu is a table with a small heater under it.)

006

Shinpachi: What kind of monster forgets it's kotatsu and then goes back home to get it?!

More like, how does a kotatsu even fit in a place like that?!

Gintoki: Anyway, this is our chance! Before it can come back, let's come up with a counter attack!!

Kagura: It has returned already.

(Sfx- Nuh fwff)

Gintoki: Dammit, it came back so quickly we weren't able to think of something...!

Shinpachi: Huh? It stopped moving again....

{I...I....}

{Need an outlet....}

Gintoki: HEEEEEEEEY!!!

Shinpachi: It realized it needed an outlet just now?! Now it's going back to find one!!

Is this monster nervous or something?!

I get it!! There are times like that!!

Gintoki: Dammit, it's planning to come out of the TV next time for sure! The kotatsu is probably cursed!!

Let's flip the breaker before it's too late!!

(Sfx- Gata clatter)

Shinpachi: It's back again...and it's got something....

Gintoki: IT'S BACK WITH THE KOTATSU THIS TIIIIIIIME!!!

(Sfx- Gataan gataaan clatter clatter)

Shinpachi: Not having the kotatsu finally got to it, and the monster decided to bring it out too!!

007

Gintoki: No waaaaaaay!!

Shinpachi: You can't possibly come out of the TV carrying that, for god's sake! Our TV's too small for it!!

Gintoki: That's not going to stop it from trying!!

Shinpachi: It's trying to push it through one corner at a time!!

(Sfx- Gan gan gan Thud thud thud)

Kagura: It cannot be helped. I will go lend a hand.

Gintoki: You don't need to help it! Don't you agree that it would be BETTER if the monster didn't come out of the TV?!

Kagura: But I feel bad for it. I will cry watching this.

Gintoki: Um...yeah the mood for cursing us all to death has totally...died. How about you call it a day and go home?

There will be other days, we'll replay this thing or something like that.

(Sfx- Zeh hah, zeh hah)

Monster: Fuuu....

(Sfx- Goro rooll)

Gintoki: Uh...did you hear me?

Shinpachi: It seems to be taking it easy...

(Sfx- Pih veen)

Shinpachi: We're watching it on TV.....and it's watching TV.

Kagura: What is it here for?

Gintoki: DON'T SCREW WITH US DAMMIT!! GO THE HELL HOME!!

THAT IS OUR TV!! IF YOU DON'T KNOCK IT OFF, I WILL TOTALLY DIVE INTO THE TOP AND PULL A 'BUBBLE FICTION' ON YER ASS!! THEY'LL CALL IT 'OTHER WORLD FICTION'!!

(TN- It's a Japanese movie that was brought over here. The original title in Japan is 'Bubble he go!' In English it was brought over as 'Bubble fiction.')

Monster: S—sorry, it's just that everyone shots off their TV which hurts me....

I've got so many injuries, so I'll need you to stay on this channel for one night while I rest....

Gintoki: HELL NO! Why should I keep my TV on one channel for a monster?!

Monster: Please don't misunderstand...I'm not a monster or anyone suspicious...see?

008

(Sfx- Pofuhhh poof)

(Sfx- Basahhhh fwaaap)

Gintoki: Y---you're....

(Sfx- Pahhhh fwaaash)

Gintoki: This shape is...

Monster: You see, I'm not a monster...

I'm an angel....

Electronic angel Blu reiko.

Shinpachi: YOU'RE NOT AN ANGEL AT ALLLLL!! NOTHING CHANGED FROM YOUR LAST APPERANCE!!

YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU CAN FLY, AND YOUR NECK IS HANGING BY A THREAD!!

Blu reiko: Don't worry, I can't come out from the TV.

With these dirty wings, I can't go anywhere....my only choice is to remain here stuck in the TV set, rather than in those azure skies...

Shinpachi: Blu reiko suddenly became really blue!! Your name totally fits you, but for a completely different reason!!

009
Blu reiko: You see, I was created by a certain planet's mad sceintists to hijack blu ray systems all over.

Whenever I'm set to play, I take over all systems. Once cursed, they all completely shut down. I'm a digital virus.

Shinpachi: You're not an angel at all, but a demon.

Blu reiko: That was before the professor that completed me fell into debt and ended up selling me to a recycle shop.

Since then I've been known as a 'cursed blu ray' and circulated around different planets.

Shinpachi: So as a 'cursed blu ray', does this mean you could possibly curse our home electronics...?

Blu reiko: P—please...I don't have anywhere to go.

Allow me to posses this TV...

Just keep it on this channel, and allow me to make this CRT my dwelling.

(TN- Cathode-ray tube.)

Gintoki: Saying that to us all of a sudden is...

Kagura: Is that dirty, confined 1LDK good for you? Wouldn't you like a 3D high quality TV to live in? It would be better to live in a nicer TV, yes?

Blu reiko: N—no, This TV space is good enough for a dirty blu ray like me...

Shinpachi: Huh?

Blu reiko: T—that's right...I've been sent to this planet and that one, seen different recycle shops..and been torn apart by several different replays....

But I'm sure that no one will want a broken down blu ray like myself now.

Shinpachi: Would being replayed like this cause her to become this blue?

Gintoki: She is blu ray after all...

Blu reiko: With these wings, I can't fly anywhere anymore. I can't go to channel five or four like this..

Even the dark screen of a video is too good for me.

(Logo- Video 1)

Shinpachi: She just casually requested to be on video one....

010
Blu reiko: And if that wish doesn't come true...

(Sfx- Buchiii blooorsh)

Gintoki: GAHHHHH!!! WAAAAAAAAIT!!

Blu reiko: I don't need these wings any more.

(Sfx- Bushiuuuuu blooosh)

Blu reiko: Since they've been broken for a while.

(Sfx- zeh zeh)

Blu reiko: With these blood red wings...

I wonder if I can fly anywhere?

Gintoki: WWAAAAAAAAIT!! CALM DOWN, JUST CALM DOWN!!

FINE! WE'LL PUT YOU ON VIDEO ONE!!

Blu reiko: ...Will you really?

Gintoki: But that's until we find you another place!

But then you have to promise to stay in video one. No coming out, got it?!

Blu reiko: T—thank you....that makes me so happy.

Blu reiko: H—huh? This is strange...

Tears shouldn't be coming out of this right eye...but I feel something warm....

(Sfx- Shuuu sfft)

Gintoki: That IS strange!! It's blood red!!

Blu reiko: I have to do something to show my gratitude.

Gintoki: No, you don't have to! Let me just change the channel...

Blu reiko: Oh yeah..

I'll definitely pay you back, so please wait for it.

Gintoki: Hey....what are you planning there? Is it just me or did you glance over at your right wing just now?

(Sfx- Chirah glance)

Blu reiko: Until I'm able to repay your kindness, Don't change it from Video one, okay?

Gintoki: Seriously what are you planning?! You've only got one of those left, you know?

011

Blu reiko: It's fine, I mean I won't be flying any more...

You can use my corpse as a stepladder to better things.

(Logo- It's okay to laugh!)

Shinpachi: Uh, Gin-san...

was our TV always this deathly pale...?

Gintoki: We'll just leave her sealed on Video one for now.

A sand storm would happen before the terrestrial broadcast goes digital.

Shinpachi: Let's change the mood. It's finally time to enjoy ourselves.

Kagura: I wonder who is today's telephone shocking?

(TN- The name for the guests on the actual variety show 'It's okay to laugh')

Tamo: Did you cut your wings?

Blu reiko: Sure did.

(Tag- Blu reiko.)

Shinpachi: Gin-san...there's a person on Tamori Kasuyoshi's hour that I shouldn't be seeing...

(TN- Tamori Kasuyoshi or 'tamo' for short, is the host of 'It's okay to laugh'.)

Shinpachi: Who is he introducing? And why does she seem to have been thrust into Tamo-san's show?

012

Tamo: We've got all kinds of flowers here for you.

(Sign- Congrats from everyone, Blu Reiko-sama// Big text Blu Reiko)

Shinpachi: She's even had flowers delivered for herself. She's totally interjected her persona into the show.

Tamo: And now, I'd like to introduce my friend!

Shinpachi: Moreover, there isn't even the usual 'eeeeh' here...this is an achievement that no one since Emoto Akira has been able to pull off.

(TN- An actor. Not sure of the reference though.)

Gintoki: STOPITTT!!!

Our TV can't take being dyed in this much bluuuuue!!

Change the channel, now!!

(Sfx- Pih click)

Announcer: Right wing, It's right wing.

(Sfx- Pih click)

Nomi monta: You know ma'am, I'd say that this is domestic violence.

Blu reiko: No...that's not it. I...er, the wife doesn't really mind...after it is her wing...

(Sfx- Pih click)

???: Today's dish is...

An angel's wing covered in blue cheese.

{She's completely submerged our television...}

{In the darkest blue....}

(Sign- Karakuri shop.)

013

Gengai: All right, the total is 50,000.

Gintoki: Pops, stop making me blue, would ya? At least knock off a digit or two.

Gengai: You'd sell your life short for one digit, don't be so stingy. There's still a chance that thing could explode.

Gintoki: Che.

(Sfx- Gasah dfff)

Gengai: But you sure are asking for strange things...

You normally don't put GPS on a scooter....

And you want a blu ray player too? What are you going to do with those?

Gintoki: I've just become lost in the maze of life....

A ghastly blue maze...

Gengai: Don't get in an accident watching your blu ray...

(Sfx- Viiiin veeeen)

(Sfx- Zazazaaa ssssshhh)

Gintoki: There, your change of address is complete.

Listen, I paid 50,000 for you....

So you'd better give me 50,000 bucks worth of work.

Blu reiko: I—I'm sorry, I've been an annoyance to you...

Considering that my original purpose was to destroy a city...I guess video specs aren't good enough for me after all...

I'm sorry...really...I can sever my neck in apology....

Gintoki: Yeah, no. You don't have to.

014

Gintoki: Your neck might be hanging by a thread, but you shouldn't waver.

If you want to repay the favor, be a decent navigation for me.

Even an idiot like you should be able to read a map decently.

Blu reiko: T—thank you. Now that I’m here, I have a place where I can move around freely...

Yo—you're like another wing to me....

So now, let me get rid of this other dirty one...

(Sfx- gah grab)

Gintoki: No! I'm telling you it's fine!!

How bad do you want to rip that wing off anyway?! You really outta take better care of your body!!

Blu reiko: I---It's just that the sight of blood clams me down. Since my heart is so blue, the sight of red flowing is important to me..

Gintoki: You know what, your first job can be to navigate yourself to a hospital.

Your job is to lead me to my destination. So do it right, okay?

The place I'm trying to go is marked on this map.

(Sfx- Piraah fwap)

Blu reiko: R—roger.

This blue feather is your current location. Your destination is the red arrow.

Gintoki: BUT EVERYTHING IS REEEEED!! WHO'S GOING TO USE A BLOODSTAINED MAP?!

Blu reiko: S—sorry, I just want you to be able to drive safely...

Gintoki: HOW CAN I FEEL SAFE?! I'M SURROUNDED BY BLOOD!!!

015

Gintoki: Fine, since you've already got that wrong, give me a three dimensional model of the map.

(Sfx- Bushaaa Bloooorsh)

Gintoki: THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN!!

Blu reiko: Something like this?

Gintoki: Yeah, something like that.

Oh yeah, I’d also like to know how many meters I've got left, and what direction I need to follow.

Blu reiko: In 25 meters take a right.

In 50 meters take another right.

In another 75 meters take a right.

Gintoki: Uh... You know we've been turning right like...a lot.

I dunno if we can go back like this...are we going to be okay?

Blu reiko: Haha...sorry...

It's just if this right wing weren't around....

(Sfx- Bokaaa riiiip)

(Sfx- Hah hah)

Gintoki: WHAT KIND OF RIGHT TURN IS THAT?!

Blu reiko: S—sorry...It's still about 125 meters until I break this bone....

Gintoki: I have no interest in knowing the directions to a broken angel's wing, dammit!! Stick to the road, the road!!

(Sfx- Buru buru wibble wibble)

Blue reiko: Y—yes, That's right. No one cares about me, right?

Take a left here.

016

Blu reiko: And continue straight.

(Sfx- Doooon thooom)

(Sfx- Auuuuuuuugh!!!)

Gintoki: ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!

Blu reiko: Who cares whether I live or die anyway? Life only leads to death someday anyway, right?

(Sfx- Auuuuuuuuuuugh!!)

Gintoki: This navigator is a pain in the ass!!

Blu reiko: T—that's right...this navigation is too heavy for me...

All I'm doing is shackling your legs down...since that's the case....farewell....take care.

Gintoki: YOU CAN'T SAY GOODBYE WITH ME RIDING THIS THING!!

Fine, fine! I'll listen to you until this job is over....

So for now, just keep up the navigation! Put the info on the monitor!!

(Sfx- Dogyagaya doosh doosh)

Blu reiko: R—really? Then I'll do my best.

{Turn right in 150 meters.}

Gintoki: Yeah! Like that!!

{Turn left in 20 meters.}

{There's a railroad coming up ahead, we're getting too close.}

Gintoki: Hey now, shouldn't we try to turn around then?!

017

Gintoki: Okay, what next? Right turn? Left turn?

{There's a kotatsu in 6 KM.}

Gintoki: WHY A KOTATSU?!?!

You want me to make a U turn for your kotatsu?! Did you just realize you don't have it?! Why are you so concerned with kotatsu in the first place?!

{You've gone too far from the kotatsu. Would you like to travel back to it?}

{Currently 6238 meters away.}

Gintoki: Who gives a crap about how far from the koatsu we are?!

{The distance of our hearts is 6343 meters.}

Gintoki: Why'd are the kotatsu and your hearts connected?! Did you lose your heart somewhere,?!

{So far away. Even though we're right next to each other...you're still so far away.}

Gintoki: SHUT THE HELL UP!! WHERE THE HELL IS THIS ANNOYING NAVIGATION LEADING ME?!

(Sfx- Don thooom)

Gintoki: No wait wait wait! I didn't mean that! You're not annoying! Thanks for being worried about me!

(Sfx- Zazazaaaaaa flbloooosh)

Gintoki: But we can't be concerned with the kotatsu right now, because we're in the middle of a job!

018

{I'm sorry, But I just can't help worrying about the kotatsu.}

{It'll be okay right? It'll be okay....right?}

Gintoki: Yeah! Totally! So don't worry about it so much!

{I'm sorry, but I've actually got a kotatsu trauma. In all honesty I used to have six wings, but then whenever I dozed off by the kotatsu, they would all get burned...}

Gintoki: Um...that's....er...that's fine, but how about we keep our mind on work....

{It smelled like broiling meat, so I never thought to leave the kotatsu, but then my body wouldn't move and all I could do was watch as my wings were burned. And the pain, the hellish pain that came with the burning.}

Gintoki: Uh, that story is filling up the screen....I can't see...

{The burning slowly continued, and It began to smell like fried chicken. Even then I couldn't run away from it, no matter what I did. I tried yelling out for help countless times, but no one looks at video one, so no one heard me as my body began to get fried. But I could hear it, the noise of the cooking... sizzle sizzle sizzle sizzle sizzle sizzle sizzle.}

(TN- A whole lot of sizzling in the next panel.)

(Sfx- Don THOM)

Gintoki: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!

019

Gintoki: It'll be fine! Seriously!! Everyone's had to deal with that kind of pain from time to time!!

Even without wings you're going to be fine!!

You don't need those anyway...

Even without them, I'll follow you anywhere!!

{Really?}

(Sfx- Don thoom)

Gintoki: Wow....

So the sky's always been this blue, huh.

(Side text- A sad blue....)

GINTAMA LESSON 343............END.