Gintama 344

So, rather than the serious arc we're hoping for, Sorachi brings the Shogun back for the second time this year, and does a snow chapter in March. Heh, I like the cut of that Gorilla's jib.



(Side text- Those guys are finally back!!! The novel 'Gintama 3rd year Z class Ginpachi Sensei' will have a new edition published on April 4th! (Monday.) The TV Anime will also start to re-air that Monday at six on TV Tokyo as well!! The latest volume of the manga #38 is out in stores now!! 'Nanjatoun in Gintama' has started!! For more particulars head over to the HP!!)

???: Huh? A company trip?

???: Yeah, it's so damn cold out that even the ronin are in hibernation.

Matsudaira Tottsuan figures we should go on a skiing trip or something to raise morale.

???: What's gotten into him?

We can't just leave Edo defenseless to go play somewhere.

Okita: Normally, even if we grovel at his feet, that old man yells at us to work.

Hijikata: I say this stinks to high heaven.

Okita: You're over thinking it. Since January we haven't had any breaks or screentime, all we've done is work.

When humans are rotten down to their core nature, they can't even simply accept people's kindness anymore.

Hijikata: I don't want to hear that from someone who's soul is rotten to the core.

Okita: If you're worried about Edo, how about we split our forces into 'Team Hijikata' and 'Team Kondo'?

Team Hijikata will consist of Hijikata-san alone...and he can protect Edo....alone.

Hijikata: Why is Team Hijikata comprised only of me? Why am I serving after-school detention?

002

Kondo: We oughtta just take advantage of this. Even gorillas hibernate.

Er...not that I AM a gorilla..

(Sfx- Kacha clack)

(Sfx- Paaaan blaaam)

Hijikata: Ko...

(Sfx- Dosssaah thud)

Hijikata: KONDO-SAAAAAAN!!!

Matsudaira: If you don't like hibernation, then try eternal sleep.

Beasts that don't know when to rest their fangs don't survive the winter.

Hijikata: To---Tottsuan!!

Matsudaira: You'll do fine on your own Kondo....is what I'd like to say. However you are the leader of this pack of Gorillas.

(Handwritten- Th—that was close...)

Matsudaira: With one decision from you, the whole pack will disappear into the snow.

So if say you're still gonna keep those cracked fang of yours out, then I'll break them off right here.

Whether you rest tomorrow, or rest for good starting now, is something you have to choose now. In fact, I'm only giving you to the count of three before I open a new hole in your cranium.

One...

(Sfx- Don blam)

Kondo: WHERE ARE TWO AND THREE?!

Matsudaira: Don't you know that a man doesn't need a count down? Remember, if you want to live, you only get one.

Hey Toshi, what do you want? Regular rest? Or eternal rest? Decide.

Hijikata: I'll stay here then. Someone's gotta fill the hole when Kondo-san's not here.

Matsudaira: No dice. You go on vacay too.

Hijikata: Just how much do you want us to rest, geezer?

(Sfx- Dooon thoom)

003

Matsudaira: You should THANK me. This nice old man is just being kind to you guys! I ain't got any ulterior motive!

Hijikata: Forgive me for saying that I don't totally buy that story.

Matsudaira: All right, all of you are going on vacation, so get yer asses in gear!

Okita: Yaaay Tottsuan~ You're not such a bad guy after all.

Matsudaira: C'mon guys, it's not that big a deal, just leave matters of Edo to me, and use this as license to spread your wings.

Oh yeah, before I forget there is one thing I'd like to tell you guys...

There's another guy who wants to go on your little trip.

Eh, he won't be much trouble...

and he's a kinda guy who never bother anybody...

But I'm gonna need you guys to look after him.

(Side text- One more time! The anime will return Monday at April 4th (Monday) at 6pm!! Be sure to mark it on your calendar!!)

(Side text- Say 'welcome' to the god of romance!!!)

GINTAMA
Lesson 344: Might I Come Skiing With You?
SORACHI HIDEAKI

004

(Sfx- Shakgaaaaaaah ssssssssssh)

???: Hey, look at that person!

Whoa, isn't he totally cool?

(Sfx- Douuu fwooosh)

???: He's really shreddin' those slopes!!

So AWEESOMME!!

Is that guy a pro or something?!

Amazing!! He's totally airborne!!

He's like a bird!

…...

Isn't he flying too far?

005

(Sfx- Bata bata whirrrrr)

???: Currently gliding 58 meters in the air, flying at a rate of 45 km per hour

Targeted landing space is still 30 meters ahead.

Um, there seem to be the shadows of people in the targeted landing space...over.

We'll need to have them removed immediately, over.

(Sfx- pipih beep)

(Sfx- Dodododododo thoothoothoom)

People: Gyahhhhh!!

???: The interlopers have been removed, but the landing space has become disheveled by our fire.

(Sfx- Pipih bebeeep)

???: As it is, it is possible that he may sprain his ankle. Over.

Eh, please quickly level the ground. Over.

(Sfx- Dokaaaan THOOOM)

006

Hijikata: We are glad to see you arrived with no difficulty...

Did you enjoy your first slide down the slopes....?

Ue-sama.

(TN- Literally means 'higher up.')

Shogun: The moment I jumped my nether regions were fluffed up. It felt pleasant.

I'd like to do it once more.

Hijikata: Understood.

Hey! Hey, another dick-fluffing! Bring the helicopter back around!!

(SFX- Bara bara)

007

Hijikata: I told you guys he was up to something.

What kinda company trip is this? Where are we getting to spread our wings?!

This is just another trip where we've got to look after the Shogun, ain't it?!

Yamazaki: It's for Ue-sama. I'm pretty sure he wants to ski but without being noticed by anyone, like usual.

Pops was probably unsure on how to deal with it so he shoved the job on us

Hijikata: Geez, if that's the case we're not gonna get a second of vacation time.

If something happens to the shogun, they're gonna line up all of our heads and they will roll.

Yamazaki: With that said, aren't we going overboard here, Vice captain?

He's really standing out. Everyone can clearly see him.

Hijikata: Don't screw around. If he slips and falls we're done for.

Hijikata: Don't screw around. If he skis on his own and gets hurt, we're done for.

We just need to make the Shogun think this is the way ordinary people ski.

Yamazaki: But all the ordinary people are getting scared and leaving.

Hijikata: That's good. With them gone, we can ensure the Shogun's safety more easily, right?

Sougo, go pay off the manager and have the lift stopped. There's no need for anyone to ride it anymore.

Okita: Before that, Hijikata-san....there's a strange person below the Shogun.

They've got one majorly huge snowball going on. It seems like it could get in the way...

(Sfx- Goro goro roolll)

Hijikata: Get them to go home.

008

Okita: Hey, this place is for skiing. Go do that stuff somewhere else.

Hey, are you listening?

(Sfx- Goro goro roolll)

Okita: If you want to make a snowman, go do it somewhere else.

Kagura: Quiet.

This is not a snowman.

This is the Neil Armstong Cyclone Jet Armstrong cannon, yes?

Hijikata: ......Yes?

(Sfx- Merihh smassh)

009

(Sfx- Dogoooon Ka-booom)

(Sfx- Gogogogogo rmmmmmble)

???: Shogunnnnnnnnn!!!

Hijikata: Sogoooooo!! What the hell is going on over there!! Answer meeee!!

(Sfx- Uriyaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!)

Hijikata: Is the Shogun okay?! Where is he?!

Kondo: Toshi, answer me!!

(Sfx- Zazaaah zzzzt)

Hijikata: Kondo-san!!

Kondo: Toshi, something terrible has happened!!

Hijikata: I know that! I saw everything!!

Kondo: What?! Oh right, to be frank I'm in a bit of a tight spot too right now!!

Who'd have thunk that Otae-san and Shinpachi-kun would be here?!

Hijikata: What are you talking about?!

Kondou: I was concerned so I've been tailing them, and I was right to be!

Hijikata: What are you talking about?! We've lost the shogun's location, or didn't you know that?!

Kondou: Okay, what are YOU talking about? A hoodlum in briefs came flying out of the sky and attacked Otae-san!!

Tae: KYAHHH!!

Hijikata: THE SHOGUUUUUUUN!!!

(Sfx- Dogo dogo dogo twippidy twippidy)

010

Kondo: Oh no, if this keeps up Otae-san'll Otae-sannnn!!

(Sfx- gah goh kick kick)

Hjikata: No matter how you look at it, the Shogun's the one in trouble!!

(Sfx- Kyahhh)

Kondo: Anyhow, hurry up and back me up!!

Hijikata: Hey wait! I'm telling you that's the shogun!!

Kondo: Dammit, my movements are limited in this snow gear...

I'll have to make it lighter!

(TN- guess there's no need for SFX?)

Kondo: You perverted bastard!! Don't you dare touch my Otae-san!!

(Sfx-Meki meki grnnnnd)

Tae: The pervert here....

IS YOUUUUUUU!!!

011

(Sfx- Dodoooon thooom)

Hijikata: Kondo-san!! Shogunnnnnnnnn!!!

(Sfx- Shaaaaaaa ssssssssssh)

Hijikata: This is bad, they've fallen off the lift and have started sliding down on their own!!

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaait a seeeeeeecond!!

(Sfx- Shagagagagag ddshhhhhh)

Hijikata: The tighty whitey duo have ended up in a really weird situation!!

Girl: Kyahhh!! What is that?!

(Sfx- Shagaaaaaaaaah dsssssssssh)

Guy: The obscenity is crossing through the ski slopes at an incredible speed!!

Shinengumi: Stop theeeeeem!! Don't let the Shogun Family.... Don't let the Bakfu get shamed anymoooore!!

Jump in front of it and stop them with your bodies!!

(Sfx- Gagoooon thooom)

Shinsengumi: Augggggh!!

The Shogun and chief hit a slope and have jumped into two different directions!!

012

(Sfx- Dokaaaaaa thuuud)

Shinsengumi: The Shogun's bumped into a person!!

Person: Ugnh!!

(Sfx- Shaggaaaaa dssshhh)

(Handwritten- Chieeeeeeeeef!!)

Hijikata: Dammitall...!! You guys go after Kondo-san!! I'll take care of the shogun!!

Hey! Are you okay?

???: Yeah, I'm good.

I'm a beginner, too, so it happens all the time. So did your board accidentally end up sliding down by itself?

Well, let's both be careful.

(Sfx- Zah)

Hijikata: WAIT A SECOOOOOOOOND!!

(Sfx- Shagaaaaaaaaa dssssh)

Hijikata: THAT'S THE FRIGGIN' SHOGUUUUN!!

013

Yamazaki: CHIIIIEF! PLEASE STOOOP!!

(Sfx- Shagaaaaaaa dshhhhhh)

Yamazaki: He's going at one hell of a speed! We can't catch uuuuup!

Oh! Hey boss! Why are you in a place like this?! Anyway, could you help us stop the chie....

(Sfx- Shagaaaaaaa dshhhhhhhhh)

Yamazaki: W---wait a second!! What are you riding on there?!

Hijikata: NGHAAAAAAAH!!

(Sfx- Dododododdo tmtpmttmp)

Yamazaki: Vice captain!! Right now, the boss of the yorozuya is riding the Shogun!!

(Sfx- Datsu dshhh)

(Sfx- Zashaaaaaaaaaaah dshhhhhhhh)

Yamazaki: Wait a second vice captain!!

That's the chieeeeeeeeeeef!!

(Sfx- Shuugoooooo fwssssssssssssssh)

014

(Sfx- Dokaaaa shooom)

Hijikata: STOP!!

Can't you hear me saying stop, you shitty permbrain?!

Gintoki: Huh? And why the freak are you here?

Hijikata: THIS ISN'T THE TIME FOR TALKING!! LOOK UNDER YOUR FEET! THAT'S NOT A FREAKIN' BOARD!!

Gintoki: Whoa, when the hell!!

Hijikata: 'When the hell' my ass!! You DO know who that is right?!

(Sfx- Shagaaaaaaaaaaaa shssssssssssh)

Gintoki: And dude, you're not using a board either.

Hijikata: Whoa, when the hell?!!

Gintoki: Et tu, asswipe?!

Hijikata: That doesn't matter, just stop right now! Seuppuku alone won't make up for this!!

Gintoki: Don't you think if I could stop this thing, I would've already?! I'm a beginner with a board, do you think I know how to stop a human?!

What do I do? Should I go on standby in the country where I'll be wrapped by folks' warm hearts?

Hijikata: You're not riding him all the way to the country!!

(Sfx- Guuuu grnnnd)

Gintoki: Hey, wait a second...

Maybe if I tug on his tighty whities, it'll slow him down a bit!!

Hijikata: So what, the undies can control a human board?!

015

Hijikata: Ah, it really does feel like a brake.

But it's making a weird ditch in the ground. What the hell?!

Gintoki: Those are skid marks from the brakes.

Hijikata: Skid marks?! Where is there an actual brake on a human?!

Gintoki: The prostrate gland brake.

It's a brake maneuvered by pulling on these underpants which stimulate the prostate gland.

Hijikata: Wait a second!! Isn't it just THAT?!

Stop it!! Don't use that brake any more!!

(Sfx- Gagagaaaaaa shhhhh)

Hijikata: If you keep that up, there won't be a successor!

Gintoki: This isn't the time for your commentary! Our priority is stopping!!

(Sfx- Mishi mishi grnnnnn)

Hijikata: AHHHHHHH!!! I SAID STOOOOOP!!

(Sfx- Doh fwoosh)

(Sfx- Bakiii crackle)

016
{The brakes...}

{Broooooooooooooke!!!}

(Sfx- Shugoooooo grnnnnd)

Both: GYAHHHHH!!!

Dammit! We've lost sight of the course!!

(Sfx- Zugagagagaaa dsshhhh)

Gintoki: Stop ussss!! Someone please stop ussss!!

???: Gin-san!!

It'll be okay!!

I'm coming to save you!!

Just wait!

Gintoki: Otae...

You're...

017

Shinpachi: We're coming now, so don't worry about a thing!!

(Sfx- Shaaaaaaaaa dshhhhhhhhh)

Hijikata: WHY DO THOSE SIBLINGS MAKE HUMAN SLEDDING SEEM LIKE A NATURAL THING TO DO?!

Tae: I wasn't able to find a board to practice on, so I decided to hop on Shin-chan instead!!

And guess what? I've been doing really well! The bond of a sibling is incredible!!

Gintoki: AT THE POINT YOU MADE YOUR LITTLE BROTHER A BOARD YOU WERE NO LONGER SIBLINGS!

Tae: I'll teach you how to control a human board.

The first thing you have to do is remove the glasses, and use them as hand controls.

Gintoki: Sorry but we really can't do that! Our boards are non glasses brand! How about thinking of something else!!

Moreover, how do glasses control a person in the first place?

Oh no! If there are no glasses, I'll have to find some counter-measure...

(Sfx-Gah thok)

Tae: Ah...

Shin-chaaaaaaaaaan!!!

Shinpachi: Um, that ISN'T Shin-chan..

Tae: Why? I can't do anything without those!!

Gintoki: WHY DID YOU TWO COME HERE?!

Hijikata: Hey, want me to tell you something good?

Did you know about the prostate breaks?

Gintoki: The vice captain is broken!! He's making uncharacteristic sexual harassment remarks!! His face is totally in 'give up' mode!!

018

Kagura: Gin-chan!!

You are okay, yes?!

I am coming to save you! Just wait!

(Sfx- Gorogorogoro roooooll)

Gintoki: QUIT LYING!!!

I can CLEARLY see that you didn't come to save me!!

How can you without your hands and arms dammit?!

(Sfx- Goro goro roooooll)

Kagura: Do not say such things. I will definitely save everyone. You will watch!

Okita: Everyone's gonna die anyway.

(Sfx- Goro goro rooool)

Kagura: If you are going to give up, the battle is over, yes?

(Sfx- Goro goro rooooollll)

Okita: Whenever things go wrong, you'll carry your false hopes with you to your grave.

Uh, there's a guy alternatingly interposing dark things between what you're saying!!

Kagura: Don't be confused.

Okita: In your own nonsense.

Gintoki: What the hell are those guys doing?! They're like that shtick with the angel and the devil on your shoulders whispering things to you!

Kagura: No, there is no me or you.

Okita: But there is both an I and a you.

019

Both: Yes, all will return to the true darkness where there is no black nor white.

(Sfx- Goro goro goro rooooool rooooolll rooollll)

Gintoki: In the end, you just turned into a gigantic black ball, haven't you?!

(Sfx- Gorogorogoro* Roooool*)

Katsura: Underneath the snowball the whole time...

I've been on standby.

(Sfx- Gorogorogoro rooool rooolll rolll)

Gintoki: Hey Kagura,

Hijikata: Sogo...

Do you know about the prostate break?

Katsura: Oh leader, what are you doing.....

(Sfx- Gari gari gari dssh dss dshhh)

(Side text- As fresh blood is dyed into the snow....)

Katsura: GYAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

GINTAMA LESSON 344.............END.