Gintama 346

The guys in Gintama are always boys at heart. Nice to know that Sorachi aims for the utmost realism in his portrayal of the male species of homosapien.



(Side text- So we don't have to take up the space, please remember that Volume 39 hits stores April 4th, along with the light novel 'Ginpachi-sensei returns' Oh, and this is also the day that the Anime begins on TV tokyo at six pm.)

(Sfx-Byooooooooh fwoooooo)

(Side text- mistakes and blunders...!!)

GINTAMA
SORACHI HIDEAKI
Chapter 346: Who Doesn't Wanna go on a Company Trip!?

Shinpachi: Th---

The blizzard is only getting worse!!

What are we going to do?!

We never ended up finding a place to get out of the snow storm!! And the sun's going to set soon!!

If we don't do something, we're really going to freeze to death!!

Katsura: Fuahahaha! Can't take a little cold can you?! Pathetic!!

Thanks to the needles Bigfoot-san shot me with, my whole body feels like it's on fire!!

Hey, why don't we all just go back to Bigfoot-san's place right now?!!

Shinpachi: HELL NO!!

Tae: How about the cave I found? Look, I finally got some mouth-waterig chupacabra meat fried up!

???: So in the end, this person changed an unidentified species into unidentified matter!!

No matter what she does, it always comes out as dark matter!!

002

Shinpachi: You can't possibly expect us to spend a whole night in that nest of monsters!!

Besides, even if we did want to go commit suicide there, the snow has picked up to a point that it's too hard to see our way back!!

Hijikata: I can't even see the smoke signal anymore!! Everything's white!!

Okita: Anyhow, that thing probably blew out because of the blizzard a long time ago..

No way Kondou-san and the Shogun are gonna make it back like this.

Gintoki: Don't worry, they'll definitely return..... to the dirt.

Hijikata: DON'T SAY UNLUCKY CRAP LIKE THAT!!

If something happens to the Shogun, we're ALL going to return to the dirt!!

Okita: Don't sweat it, Hijikata-san, I'm sure we'll all get back home.

When our faces become as pure white as the shogun's pure white briefs...

Gintoki: eeeverybody's gonna be swallowed up by the snow and all will return to nought.

Hijikata: The Dynamic sadist duo has given up! They've completely gone into forfeit mode!!

Shinpachi: C'mon, we can't just lose it here!! If we hang in there, something's sure to work out!

I'm sure the Shogun and Kondou-san are alive! Right, Hijikata-san?

003

Hijikata: For now, just listen up to what I'm gonna say.

(Handwritten- Well, damn. My lighter's been snowed in, too.)

Hijikata: It doesn't seem like this situation could get any worse.

If we change to the mind set that we can't get any lower, all we have left is to crawl our way up.

So don't worry about anything....

(Sfx- Zazazaza ssshshhhshh)

Shinpachi: ......Hijikata-san.

Hijikata: Whaaat...?

Shinpachi: THINGS JUST GOT WOOOOOORSE!!

(Sfx- Gyahhh!!)

004

Gintoki: WHY THE FREAK IS A BEAR HERE NOOOOOW?!

Katsura: C-Calm down Gintokiiiii!! There's no hope for us if we try to outrun the bear!

At a time like this, our best option is...

PLAYING DEEEEEAD!!

(Sfx- Bahhh fwfiiip)

Gintoki: DOING IT THAT WAY, IT'S NOT JUST BE PLAYIIIIING!!

Hijikata: You dumbass! That whole playing dead thing doesn't actually work!!

You have to look the bear in the eyes and slowly back away!! If you show it your back then your head'll be...

(Sfx- dosu thok)

Okita: Oh my. That's no good, Hijikata-san. You've really got to watch your back...

You thought you were gonna get killed by a bear, but then you got stabbed, didn't you?

Hijikata: C-Crap....There was still somebody else...

I shouldn't have... turned my back on...

(Sfx- dosu)

005

Kagura: Hey.

You had better hurry up and play dead soon.

(Sfx- Potaaa driiip)

Okita: D-Damn you...

(Sfx- Doshaaa thood)

Shinpachi: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS DOOOING?!

Is this the time to be fighting amongst ourselves?!!

Tae: Shin-chan!!

Look out!!

The bear is right over there!!

(Sfx- Doh doh doh thoom thoom thoom)

Shinpachi: Uwaaaaaaaah!!!

(Sfx- Gagoooh thooohhf)

Tae: Shin-chaaaaaaaaan!!

(Sfx- Gah twp)

006

Shinpachi: .............

Eh?

Bear: Are you injured?

Shinpachi: ...................Eh?

Bear: It would appear that you all are unharmed.

Shinpachi: Th-That voice...

No way...

It can't be!

(Sfx- Nugiii wooomf)

The Seii-Taishogun

Tokugawa Shigeshi...

(TN- Seii-Taishogun is the full title of "sogun", translating to "great general who subdues barbarians".)

007

Shogun: Geh...

(Sfx- Garagaragoshaaa kacracakradshhhh)

Tae: Shin-chan, are you okay?!! Shin-chan!

Shin-chan?

(Sfx- Hyoooooooo fwhoooooh)

Kondou: That's the Shogun-sama for ya....

I can't believe he found a cottage like this out here on his own and got out of the storm.

To be honest, I was just wandering around aimlessly until he helped me.

It's really hard to tell who's the one guarding who now. I'm a real failure as a samurai.

008
Kondou: I'm always prepared to commit harakiri,

But with this life Shogun-sama picked up out of the snow,

I have to use it to make sure he gets home safely...

The hell.....?! SHOGUN-SAMAAAAAAAA!!!

What the hell happened？!! WHAT DID YOU DO TO THE SHOGUN?!

And why the hell are you guys all beaten up?!

Hijikata: W-Well, Kondo-san what had happened was...

Gintoki: We were attacked by Bigfoot and some chupacabras.

Hijikata: WHAT?!

Gintoki: We tried desperately to take them on but......... Dammit, I'll never forgive those cryptid bastards...

Kondo: Cryptid?! Y...You're kidding right?!

Kagura: It is so. It was all the cryptids' fault. You would agree too, Shou-chan, yes?

Katsura: Sure would, leader. (Katsura's voice.)

Kondo: Damn those cryptids!! Shogun!! Hang in there buddy!!

Shogun: Uuuh...

Kondo: Shogun!!

Shogun: W-Where am I?

What am I doing in a place like this....?

Kondo: W-Whoa! It looks like he's lost some of his memory!!

Shogun: K-Kondou...why am I here? What on earth is going on?

009

Gintoki: Have you forgotten, Shogun-sama?

These idiots brought you up to this freezing mountain to go cryptid hunting.

However, while you were following Bigfoot's footprints, the brigade was scattered in a snowstorm.

All the people here are people who have been in a mountaineering accident because they went along with your farce.

Shogun: H-how can this be... For such a meaningless diversion, I've put everyone's lives in danger.

Kondo: Wait... no...

Shogun: I... have no right to stand above others....

Oh, heavens above... If this storm is my punishment

please, be be calmed with just the life of this foolish tyrant!!

Katsura: Yes leader. (Katsura's voice.)

(Sfx- Gah goh gah thud thok thud)

Kondo: Th-This isn't your fault, Shogun-sama! Measuring the weather in the mountains is a very hard thing to do for an amateur!

Anyway, we're all safe and together now, so let's just count our blessings here.

Eventually someone will find us here and save us. So until then let's wait things out in this dirty old cottage.

Try to bear it for just a little while.

Gintoki: ...Hey, you're welcome. Now everyone's crimes are canceled.

In fact, you should go see about us getting a reward.

Hijikata: You guys are the ones who committed pretty much all the crimes! Plus, there hasn't been a damn thing resolved here, and you know it!!

010

Hijikata: From the looks of it, this is probably a cottage for emergency use by hunters or somebody.

It looks like it hasn't been used in a long time and it's gotten pretty worn from wind damage.

We can't use fire here either... I'm not sure if this'll be enough to get us through tonight's storm...

You guys get it?

Until the blizzard passes, we gotta put the kibosh on any and all movement.

Rather than screw around and cause more damage to this place, we're just gonna stay confined in here and wait for help to come.

But this place is full of holes, so the temperature won't be much different from being outside.

So if you relax too much and fall asleep, you'll die.

So we should do ourselves a favor and gather together to warm ourselves. And make sure to yell and rebuke anyone if they're falling asleep.

I'm sure the blizzard will be over by tomorrow.

And as long as this place doesn't come crashing down, the other squad will definitely come rescue us.

It's just staying patient for one night.

Okita: Gather together and keep warm? With what exactly?

Hijikata: We'll take a oshikuramanju type formation. Each person will be back to back, giving each other warmth.

(TN- Oshikuramanju is a Japanese kids game where two players push against each other back to back.)

The person in the center will be the warmest, and of course; that will be Ue-sama's place. The women and children will be closest to him,

And the guys will take the outer edges.

(From left- Gin//Kagu//Katsura//
Shin//Shou//Oki//
Kon//Tae//Hiji)

011

Hijikata: All right, first the people who'll be on the sides of Ue-sama.

Ladies, go gather together.

Wow, the Shogun's looks filled with excitement... It's written all over his face...

He's got some nasty things brewing in there for sure.

Hey, what are they doing?

Quit whispering over there, and get moving.

(Sfx- hiso hiso whisper whisper)

Kagura: It stinks, does it not?

It is like the smell of a cloth used to wipe old milk, yes?

(Sfx- hiso hiso whisper whisper)

Tae: Kagura-chan, you mustn't say things like that.

Hijikata: ...I think I heard some pretty outrageous things though.

Kagura: But even your eyes are starting to water, boss-lady.

Tae: That's enough Kagura-chan. There are things that are nice to say and then there are *uhegh*

Hijikata: Um... I can hear all the nice and bad things you're saying, and I'm pretty sure they're getting through to the Shogun, too.

Tae: I'm fairly sure it's the fur he's wearing.

That's some old thing someone threw away in this cottage, isn't it? I wonder if somehow I could ask him to take it off.

Hijikata: OF COURSE YOU CAN'T ASK THAT!! WE'RE TRYING TO KEEP WARM HERE, DAMMIT!!

THE HELL!? HE'S ALREADY STRIPPED!!

THE SHOGUN'S TOTALLY CHANGED THE MEANING HERE!! HE WANTS A DIFFERENT KIND OF KEEPING WARM!!

012

Hijikata: There, he took off the pelt. Now lets get started.

Gintoki: Hey, wait a minute...

Something.... kinda stinks.

Hijikata: NOW EVEN YOU'RE CHIMING IN?! HE ALREADY TOOK OFF THE DAMN PELT!!

Gintoki: I can see that. But what if the cause wasn't really the pelt? Cause now things sorta smell even worse.

Kagura: It is not so much worse, but a new smell now. It smells like squid, yes?

Hijikata: Knock it off already, you idiots! The Shogun's already in his undies, what else could it be?!

The Shogun's stretching his arms, trying to nonchalantly check the smell under his arms!! Stop it you guys!! You're hurting him!!

Gintoki: The problem's obviously gotta be those undies!

He was wearing a stuffy bear pelt in nothing but his underwear. He'll have to take those off now.

Hijikata: YOU CAN'T BE FREAKING SERIOUS!! You want him to be naked in the middle of this storm?! That's friggin' suicide...

SHOGUNNNNNNNNNN!! EVEN THE CONCEPT OF A PUPPET GOVERNMENT HAS A LIMIT, YOU KNOOOOW!!

Kagura: It is a little creepy now, yes? I don't want to do it now.

Hijikata: SHOULD U JUST KILL YOU GUYS, THEN?!

013

Hijikata: HE TOOK HIS CLOTHERS OFF BECAUSE OF ALL YOUR WHINEY COMPLAINTS, DIDN'T HE?!

NOW GO OVER THERE AND WARM UP!!

BOTH THE SHOGUN'S BODY AND SOUL ARE COMPLETELY FROZEN!!

Okita: Quit messing around already, you two.

This isn't the time to be saying stuff like "It's smelly" and "It's creepy".

Shinpachi: It's rude, you know. We've got to be more delicate with matters like these.

Okita: Fine, WE'LL go first then. ["WE'LL" italicized.]

Hijikata: Yeah! I don't even care anymore! Go ahead you guys, hurry up!!

Shinpachi: See, it totally doesn't stink. It's just how men smell....

Both: UBROUGHHHHHH!!!

(Sfx- Bichaaaa glorrrp)

Hijikata: SHOGUN-SAMAAA!! SLICE THEIR HEADS OFF FIRST!!

Okita: I-I'm sorry china-girl.

Kagura: It is fine as long as you understand.

Hijikata: WHAT ARE YOU BEING ALL HONEST TO HER ABOUT?! SHE ISN'T THE PROBLEM HERE!!

Okita: There's no need to worry. With him naked like this, nobody's going to make any ruckus warming up.

We just need to get him a spare set of clothes.

Kagura: That way there will be a little less stink, yes?

Hijikata: You're just treating him like a 'Ken' doll now, dammit!!

014

Tae: How's this?

Hijikata: JUST WHAT PARTS WERE YOU COVERING UP?!!

Why's he naked all except the turtle neck?! THe one most important thing to cover up is dangling out in the open!!

More like, why is he wearing clothes like he's going to reveal the results of plastic surgery he had?!

Okita: The bottom's already got a "turtle neck".

Hijikata: What are you talking about with that 'That's obvious' face you've got on?! That ain't good!!

Kondo: Geez. I guess us adults will have to handle this.

Katsura: Let us change our plans a bit, shall we? Let us take the sides of the Shogun, while the women and children are on the outside.

Written as a diagram, it would be like this.

(From Top going Clockwise- Oki//Kon///Tae//Kagu//Shin//Gin
Lower Center- Katsura
Higher Center- Shogun
Upper right disconnected - Hiji)

Hijikata: WHY THE HELL IS THE MOSAIC POINTED AT ME?!

Gintoki: Someone's gotta cover that end after all.

And who else fits the bill other than the Shinsengumi's demon vice chief? There's no guy better suited to dirty jobs.

Hijikata: THAT'S WAAAAAAAAAAY too dirty!!

015

Gintoki: Quit wasting time, dammit! Warm up the Shogun's shogun!!

(Sfx- Guooooooo roaaaaaaar)

Hijikata: UOAHHHHH

(Sfx- Gahhh gfff)

(Sfx- Gigiii grinnnd)

Hijikata: DON'T FUCKING SCREW WITH ME!!

Gintoki: EVERYTHING HERE IS YOUR FAULT DAMMIT!! You take responsibility!!!

(Sfx- Gurnnnn grnnnd)

Gintoki: GYAHHHH!!

Gintoki: Zuraaaah!! This is your chance to overthrow the shogunate!!

(Sfx- Guruuun spnnn)

Katsura: Even without me doing anything, hasn't it already falleeeen?!!

Kondo: Shinsengumi!! Have you no shame!? Are you allowing the core of the governmental system to be exposed to an enemy?!

(Sfx- Gurun spin)

Kondo: UEPUH!!

Toshiiii!!

Hijikata: Shitty ass perm!!

Gintoki: Zuraaah!!

Kondo: TOSHIIII!!

(Sfx- Gururururururu spnnnnnnn)

Shinpachi: Wait! That's....

Watch ou...

016

(Sfx- Dodoooon Thoooom)

Envoy: Wh-What the...

Look at that!!

Something's flying...

There's something flying in the sky!!

Hey! Do you think that's Kondo-san's SOS signal?!

W-Wait a second...

Is--

Isn't that...

(Sfx- Ooooooh fwooosh)

017
Envoy: THE SHOGUN?!

(Sfx- Gahhhh dsshhh)

(Sfx- Dohhh thoom)

Guys: UGAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

(Sfx- Shagaaaaa dsssssssssssh)

(Sfx- Zeeh hyuu zeeh hyuu)

018

Hijikata: All...

warmed up now, huh?

(Sfx- Zazazaaa dsshhhh)

People: Look at that guy!

019

People: Isn't that dangerous?!

But he's so cool!!

(Sfx- Toff fwoof)

People: What a super jump!

But man is he badass!! Is he a pro....?!

Huh?

Matsudaira: Hello?

Ey, sorry for all the trouble earlier.

...Heh.

But geez, he must really like this place to come back again today...

There's one thing I'd like to ask though...

(Sfx- Zaaahhhh dshhhh)

(Sfx- Gyahhhhh)

Matsudaira: Is that really a way to snowboard?

(Side text- Like a bird to air!)

GINTAMA LESSON 346..............END