Gintama 347

I have such a love-hate relationship with this manga. >_< Though...according to recent news, everyone's going to have to depend on me for Gintama for now on. Which means I've not only outlasted several scantlators, but a whole company. I feel terrible and awesome at the same time. Terriwsome? Awerrible?



(Side text- We've been saying it a lot lately, but on April 4th, the newest volume of the manga #39 will be released, along with a new volume of the light novel 'Ginpachi Sensei Returns'. That night, the anime will also return to TV Tokyo at 6pm, and on April 5th the official anime guide 'Anime Babrara' will be released!!)

Tae: What's the matter Shin-chan?

(Side text- A sudden confession?)

GINTAMA.

Tae: It's strange for you to suddenly want to sit down and talk..

Shinpachi: ….........

Tae: Is something bothering you?

Shinpachi: N—no..

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make the atmosphere so heavy on the first page...

I really should've told you sooner... but I couldn't pluck up the courage...

In the end, I decided I really would need to tell you, sister....

Tae: W—what's the matter Shin-chan?

Did something happen...?

Shinpachi: Sister....I've...I've...

002

Shinpachi: G—g-g-g-g-g-..

GOT A GIRLFRIEND!!

Tae: …..Eh?

A---a girlfriend?! Shin-chan...

Are you saying you have a girl you like?

Shinpachi: I-I have a girl...

I'm officially going out with.

003

Tae: R—really?

(Sfx- Koku nod)

Tae: But when did you meet her?

Shinpachi: About a month ago.

Tae: Why didn't you tell me sooner?

Shinpachi: I—I'm sorry. I was just so embarrassed. I had no idea how to tell you this, Sister.

Tae: Mm, you got me all worried for nothing...

I lost my chance to cook sekihan!

(TN- Sekihan or red rice is food served on happy occasions.)

Shinpachi: You're happy?! Even for a half-baked samurai like me to have a girlfriend...

(Sfx- Gatah clatter)

Tae: If you waited until you became a full-fledged samurai, you'd never get a girlfriend.

I had been worrying about it lately, wondering if this dojo would meet its end like this.

But love can be the impetuous for a person to undergo tremendous growth.

A samurai isn't all about swinging his sword and training you know.

In any case, congratulations Shin-chan!

Shinpachi: T—then you mean you accept us dating?!

Tae: As if you need my permission! I'm not going to stop you from being with your girlfriend. You're already an adult, Shin-chan!

Shinpachi: Thank you so much!! I'm so happy....I was so anxious that I didn't sleep at all last night!

Tae: My! You worry far too much!~

Shinpachi: I actually brought her over so you two could meet each other!

Tae: Eh?!

(Sfx- Garaaa clatter)

Shinpachi: Now that you know, I can bring her in! Let me go get her!

Tae: W—wait! She's here now!?

004

Tae: W—wait Shin-chan! Maybe this is a little too soon! I—I have to be ready too...!!

(Handwritten- I don't even have any makeup on...)

Shinpachi: Don't worry about it! She's an openhearted girl who wouldn't worry about those sorts of things! I'm sure you'll get along with her!!

Okay, Momo-san, just come this way.

(Sfx- Doki doki throb throb)

(Handwritten- M-Momo-san's her name?)

(Handwritten- What if she's older than me? I don't even know how to address her...)

Shinpachi: Sister....

This is my girlfriend, Momo-san.

Momo: Hello.

(Side text- That's love for ya..!!)

GINTAMA
SORACHI HIDEAKI
Lesson 347: Love has no pluses or minuses.

005

{Love Choriss.}

(TN- Side of the front of the box says "Bentendou". The spine says "Love Zulas" which was the original name for this that Sorachi changed for the volumes (When they spoke the name out loud it was still Choriss but this box was wrong). But he still forgot to change the spine. Stupid gorilla.)

{Lately in Edo, this traditional pretty girl love simulation game has become a huge fad.}

{Time in the game is linked with reality and it progresses in real time.}

(Handwritten- Good night.)

{The game will greet the player with 'good morning' in the morning, and 'good evening' at night.}

{If a player should leave his game inactive for long periods of time, upon starting it again, it will be upset with him.}

(Handwritten- Hmph! I was so lonely!!)

{The game functions are almost like talking to someone over a phone.}

{And with it's handheld state, it's just like a pocket-sized girlfriend.}

{The result of that incredible realism is that currently in Edo}

{boyfriends that don't leave their little lovers for an instant are appearing one after another.}

Shinpachi: Ooooh~

Screen: Super Popular!?
Love Choriss [Top]
She is mai waifu. [Bottom]

Shinpachi: Good thing I don't have that problem. I mean, a game is only a game. You enjoy it and move on.

You've got to be able to distinguish between a video game and reality, or else it'll eat away at your life. Not to mention, you'll never find a real girl if you've got your face stuck in a DS.

006

Shinpachi: Right?

Momo-san?

I mean, us? We're really happy.

(Handwritten- Now open wide~)

Gintoki: I kinda feel like.......... we're just in the way here. I'll leave you guys to yourselves.

Well, Shinpachi you take good care of her.

(Sfx- Gah grab)

Tae: And where are you going?

Gintoki: The question is, where has your little brother gone?

(Sfx- Ufufu *Hehehee*)

Gintoki: Forget not being able to tell the difference between a game and reality, he's been sucked into a dimension between them!

Tae: He said he was going to introduce me to his girlfriend and suddenly brought that out.

And since then he's just been looking at that game with vacant eyes, and hasn't come back to normal.

What should I do?

007

Kagura: Boss lady, it will be fine. When Sadaharu is in heat, he sometimes straddles stuffed anmals.

When the time comes, he will forget about it.

Gintoki: Kagura-kun, I hardly think that we can compare the two.

Tae: That won't work! Shin-chan is in mating season all year round!

Gintoki: What the hell do you think Shinpachi-kun is?

Tae: I don't really understand video games too well...

Are dating-sim games things men really do that much?

Gintoki: Dunno. I've never played one personally.

Kondo: If I can speak on the subject of girl games, Otae-san...

It's a game where one has the opportunity to date several attractive girls. The eventual goal of the game is for the player to choose one that is to his liking.

Gintoki: And what the hell is up with him? He's making a 'Oh, it's totally normal that I popped up from behind here' face.

Kondo: So basically it's a quasi love game that's apparently fun.

Apparently guys who get no action love it since they can get girls without getting hurt. It's not so much the act of playing the game itself but the contents in it. At least, that's what I think it's all about.

Kagura: Your explanation seems wrong somehow.

Kondo: Basically a guy with no action dives into this game, and it's hard for him to get back out.

Especially when you consider Shinpachi-kun, who's a Super S class cherry boy. If you guys don't make moves to get him out of there quickly, he's gone for good.

Kagura: A Super S class stalker should not speak this way, nuh-huh.

008

Kondo: Shinpachi-kun in particular has no immunity against these kinds of games.

Even someone like me who's very well used to them was totally entrapped. It's hard to describe the level of its destructive power in words.

Is what my girlfriend Sayaka-chan said.

Gintoki: You've pretty much been sucked in by it's destructive power too then.

Tae: So...so you're saying that Shin-chan will end up like this?!

That if we don't do something, he's never going to come back to this world?!

(Sfx- Buunn wfff)

(Sfx- Gagagaa dddddddsh)

(Handwritten- Aaaaugh!! Sayaka-chaaaan!!)

Gintoki: Have you tried force?

Tae: Yes, I did try to snatch the game from him...

Shinpachi: Please don't touch Momo-san!!

Tae: But he got really angry and threatening......

Kondo: Shinpachi has already been convinced the game is his lover, it's encroached all the way into the core of his spirit.

If you indiscreetly try to take it away from him, he won't just refuse, he'll be crushed down to his soul.

Before you try to pull him out of it

you have to delve into the same dimension as him.

Gintoki: And how would I do that?

Kondo: Well, that's obvious.

009

Game: Welcome to the world of Love Zulas!

{Name:}

{A, Ka, Sa, Ta, Na, Ha, Ma, Ya, Ra, Wa}

(TN- A part of the Japanese alphabet.)

Game: First you'll have to choose a name for your protagonist!

(Sfx- Pih beep)

{Name: Sakata Gintoki.}

Gintoki: Why the hell did you put in my name?!

Kondo: If you want to bring Shinpachi-kun back to the real world, there's no helping it.

If another guy playing Love Choriss talks to him seriously, Shinpachi-kun will have no choice but to listen.

Gintoki: Don't fucking screw with me!! Why the hell should I have to do something like that?!

More like, I don't want to play this brats game!!

Kondo: I'm not asking you to go and get addicted to it, just to play it a bit.

I'm rich in experience with gal games, so for Otae-san's sake, I'm going to help you out. So start playing.

Gintoki: So why the hell aren't YOU trying to save Shinpachi?!

Kondo: Do you really think Shinpachi-kun would listen to me? You're the only one who can do it.

Sign: Tea House & Restaurant
Seizel-ya


010

Kondo: First off, you need to choose one of the three heroines in the game.

In Love Choriss, first you need to win over one of the heroines.

and then you will be able to interact with that heroine in real time just like you're an actual factual couple.

Gintoki: This is bullshit. You just want me to suddenly pick a girl, when it's not like I have luck with the non digital variety.

Kondo: First there's Otakai Sayaka-chan.

She's the captain of the railroad club that the protagonist is part of. She's also an honor student in both military and literary arts and is Kondo Isao-kun's girlfriend.

Gintoki: Why did you insert yourself into part of the character's introduction?! All that means is that she's the character you chose, doesn't it?!

Kondo: Next is Onigasaki Momo-san.

She's an upperclassman to the protagonist and is a busy body big sister type. And she's the character Shinpachi-kun won over.

Gintoki: What the hell is wrong with him? He chooses an older sister type character? That's just friggin creepy.

Kondo: Having the same character will only cause problems with jealousy and that stuff.

So, I think you'd better pick the third character.

Shiramizu Pinko-chan.

Gintoki: WAIIIIIIIIIT A MINUTE!!

Why is this the only character with a different touch from the other ones?! Did the character designer suddenly die or something?!!

Kondo: Pinko-chan is the owner of the protagonist's favorite diner 'Pain and Pleasure'. She is a recent widow of the late Kadono Takuzou.

Gintoki: What do you mean recent widow of Kadono Takuzou?! What does that mean?! She's completely Pinko isn't she?!

(TN- Seems to be a Japanese drama. I don't really know much about it though.)

011

Gintoki: From the world's perspective, she's completely different from the rest!

I don't want that! I don't want to capture this dramatic-touch sorta character one bit!

Can't I have Sayaka-chan or Momo-san?!

Gintoki: I don't care! You feel more accomplished when you achieve more difficult things, anyway!

Kondo: It's not so much the capturing part that's difficult.

First you have to shoot down your heroine choice as she comes flying towards you.

(Sfx- Pyuun Pyuun)

Gintoki: WHY IS IT A SPACE SHOOTER?!

What kind of dating sim is this?! Right from the get-go it's been way too playing-around-ish!

Kondo: This is where Sayaka-chan and Momo-san are supposed to come out.

Gintoki: The further I progress in this world, the more Pinko I see!!

Kondo: Aw, ya lost. Now you're set on the Pinko route.

(Sfx- Dokaaan booom)

Gintoki: No! There wasn't route besides Pinko from the start!! This thing hates me and I know it! You guys get the normal heroines all the time in this, don't you?!

Fine then. I'll take friggin Pinko! Just end this crap already!

If I shoot Pinko down, that's good right?

Kondo: No, not quite.

012

Kondo: After that, you have to decide one what to call Pinko-chan.

Gintoki: I DON'T CARE!

Kondo: The game fully utilizes sound capablities. You get bonus points if you call your lover by a cute nickname. They love that stuff.

Gintoki: I'm not calling her anything other than Pinko! And she doesn't have to call me anything other than 'Gintoki'!!

Pinko: ….Takuzou...

Gintoki: SHE JUST IGNORED ME!!

(Bottom text- Is this okay?)

Gintoki: She didn't call me one kana of my name! She's only thinking of Takuzou!!

Kondo: Probably because part of Pinko-chan's character background is that she has confused the protagonist with her late husband Kadono Takezou.

You can choose your pet name from 'Takuzou' or 'Takuzo' or 'Takuzo~' . Just say the one you want.

Gintoki: THEY'RE ALL THE SAME!!

Kondo: The ones coming from the right are Takuzo~ and the ones from the left are Takuzou.

Gintoki: THIS IS A SHOOTING GAME TOO?!

Just how many shooters do I need to play until this damn game is satisfied?! I mean, come on, they're all Takezou, ain't they?!

Like I've been saying this whole time, this crap doesn't matter! Can we PLEASE just start the game?!

(Sfx- Dooon booom)

Gintoki: Great! FINALLY the game starts.

013

Kondo: All right, next you have to choose the catchphrase for Pinko-chan's son from her previous marriage, Enari-kun.

Choose which way to pronounce 'If you say it like that, there's no choice is there?'

{1) If you say it that way, there's no choice is there?//2) If you talk about your dreams that way, there's no choice is there?}

Gintoki: FOR THE LOVVA GOD, WHO THE HELL CAAAAAAARES?!

How much time does it take before the damn game starts?!

Kondo: Well you're going to be this kid's new dad, so having a good relationship with him is important.

Gintoki: FINE! JUST LET ME DO HIS SPACE SHOOTER TOO SO I CAN GET DONE WITH PLAYING PAPA!!

Kondo: The right castle is 'There's no choice is there' and the left is 'There's no choice is th're'?

First off you'll have to strengthen your domestic affairs before you should attack.

{Top Enari- 'There's no choice'}

{Middle Enari- “There's no choice'}

{Politics//Diplomacy//Military Affairs//Intelligence//Help}

Gintoki: NOW IT'S A SIMULATION GAAAAAAAME?!

WHY IS THIS TAKING SO LONG?!

(Sfx- Dokaaa thud)

Gintoki: THAT'S IT! I'M DONE!!

Kondo: Hey now, you can't be so rough with a lady.

(Sfx- Zeh hah zeh hah)

Kondo: Honestly, guys like you have no idea how to handle a woman.

If you don't save your game before you turn it off, your relationship with your girl will get worse.

Gintoki: Huh?

Kondo: See, look at my Love Choriss for example. Earlier Otae-san hit me and my game went into emergency suspension, right?

014

Kondo: So when I start it up again...

(Sfx- Fuiih fwip)

Sayaka: Kondo-kun, what am I to do with you?

You just turned off the power on me again.

Gintoki: Huh? What's this?

Sayaka: And I was so nice to you.

Gintoki: What's with her? She's pouting?!

Sayaka: I'm never going to forgive you.

{She's giving you the cold shoulder.}

Gintoki: She's ignoring you! What the hell?

Kondo: Sayaka-san, I'm sooory~

Sayaka: You want me to forgive you, I take it?

(Sfx- Dehehe)

Kondo: Pleaaaase? Just this once?

Sayaka: Then...

I want 10 kisses.

015

(Sfx- Puchuu puchuu puchuu kiss kiss kiss)

Kondo: I'm sowwy I'm sowwy...

I'm sowwy I'm sowwy!

Sayaka: Tee hee, I love you Isao-kun.

Kondo: Back at'cha, Sayaka-chan.

Paying attention?

Those are the specs in Love Choriss.

There's no difference between them and flesh and blood women.

There's an actual living organism beneath this little screen.

(Sfx- Kotoh climp)

The trick for interacting with them are is to wrap them in kindness and warmth even more than with a real girl.

If you do that, then they'll reciprocate and wrap us with warm love, too.

So what do you think? Have I sparked your interest a little?

I'm sure you wouldn't mind flirting with girls like this, would you?

Gintoki: N--

Not really?! I... I mean... It's all 2 dimensional, right? If you could see what you looked like just now in a mirror, you'd probably cry.

Kondo: Don't be stubborn. Go ahead and turn your game back on.

And then try apologizing to her to mend your relationship.

Gintoki: N-No thanks, I mean, I'm stuck with Pinko anyhow...

Kondo: Every time you turn the power on and interact with her, the girlfriend changes to like the player more.

You've create your own ideal girl. That's what the biggest draw to Love Choriss is.

Sure she's Pinko right now, but with some time she could be transfigured into your soul mate.

016

Gintoki: Hooold the phone there. Man, they're two dimensional.

If you're soul mate is two dimensional, you're kinda screwed.

.....Well, but...

They are 2D, so I guess it doesn't hurt to play around a bit.

Since you're putting it that way, I guess I could hang out with my girl a little longer, not that I'm really into this.

So I just turn this thing back on right? Then what?

Kondou: You saw what happened to me just now right?

Since you turned it off all of a sudden, so she'll probably get mad and ignore you.

{She's giving you a bit of a cold shoulder.}

Gintoki: Oh right, that whole act.

Kondou: You'll need to get her in a better mood.

Pinko: It was horrible of you to suddenly fly off the handle and turn off the power.

Gintoki: Wow, she's really mad. She's even facing the other way. Cool.

Pinko: All because of you... Because of you...

{Her Enari has become a bit cold.}

017

Gintoki: HEEEEEEY!! It's not her attitude that's become cold, but Enari's whole friggin body!!


This isn't somebody's mood! There's no way to make this all better!!

Kondo: I guess you went a little overboard when you violently turned the power off... Well, start off with an apology.

Gintoki: I don't think an apology is gonna fix this!

Pinko: You want me to forgive you?

Gintoki: Yeah! I—I'm so sorry! Please forgive me! I didn't mean any harm by it!

Pinko: Then...

RECITE THE BUDDHIST HEART SUTRA 100 TIMES FOR MEEEEE!!!

Gintoki: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

(Sfx- Paaan smack)

Gintoki: WHY'S MY LOVE ZULAS GOTTA BE DIFFERENT?!

IS THIS REALLY A SIMULATION LOVE GAME?! OR RESIDENT EVIL?!

018

Kondo: That's harsh. You should really be more considerate. She did just lose her son, you can't expect her to forgive you and mend her relationship. You may want to back off for a bit.

Gintoki: A BIT?! THIS THING CORRESPONDS WITH REAL TIME, RIGHT?! I CAN'T OPEN THIS THING FOR ABOUT 2 YEARS!!

Kondou: Well, with the essentials I've told you, you should hurry up and win Pink-chan over.

It would be in your best interest to get things under control in the next few days, and raise her as much as you can into your ideal woman.

Gintoki: Forget this. If I've done this much, I should be able to talk with Shinpachi a little, right?!

Kondo: Did you really think with just that much you would be able to save Shinpachi-kun from the other dimension that is Love Choriss?

You should...

enter this tournament.

Gintoki: W-What's this?

The 'My Wife Tenkaiichi Budokai?!'

Poster: Love Choriss [Top]
My Wife Tenkaichi Budoukai [The "My Wife" part is in the heart. Past that is in white block letters]
Being held soooon!! [Next to the smiler on the lower right]

019

Kondo: All of the Love Choriss players from around the country will gather there.

It's the go to place to show how well you've raised and loved your virtual girl.

Who's got the most love for their girlfriend? Who's the best Love Zulas player? The players all gather here to prove that they've got the best bride on earth.

Enter this tournament...

and defeat Shinpachi-kun.

If you really want to bring him back to the real world...

you'll have to snap him out of his dreams. This is the only way to do it.

Smash them it to pieces,

Shinpachi-kun's delusion.

Using your own delusion.

(Side text- An inevitable fight to the death?!)

GINTAMA LESSON 347..........end.