Gintama 348

Sorry everyone. I really am. There's no excuse snarky enough to have kept you waiting for so long. Unfortunately there's more waiting in the wings, so please, please bear with me. I should be back to a semblance of a normal schedule in June. Honto ni gomen.



{Last time on Gintama...}

{The love simulation game "Love Choriss" is a big fad in Edo and has completely ensnared Shinpachi, plunging him into a different dimension between the game and reality with his heart taken by a false girlfriend. In order to bring Shinpachi back to reality, Gintoki picks up 'Love Choriss' and begins to play as well. Before long, Gintoki hears that the "My Wife Tenkaichi Butoukai" is being held which will determine whose girlfriend is best among all the players in Edo. And he vows to develop his girlfriend "Pinko-chan" to be the greatest girlfriend in Edo in order to defeat Shinpachi's girlfriend..}

(Side text- Starting April 4th at 6pm on TV Tokyo episode one of the anime starts! And the first one is surprisingly that episode?! You'll have to watch the legend unfold right before your eyes!!)

(Side text- Heart throbbing game action?!)

{Time to wake up~}

Pinko: It's morning.

How long do you intend to laze around in bed?

Gintoki: Shut the hell up.

Every damn morning. What the hell's with this game?

(Sfx- Moso moso rustle rustle)

(Sfx- Gah sfft)

Gintoki: Geez, just shut your noise hole already. Decide your own time to wake up time.

002

Pinko: Must be nice for you..

If you want to sleep all day, or rise and shine that's your choice.

But my son, Enari....

Will never wake up again.

He'll sleep forever and ever....

Because of you.

(Sfx- Paaan thuud)

Gintoki: I CAN”T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!

SHE'S SO ANNOYING!!!

Gintoki: IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF THAT GORILLA THAT I'M STUCK PLAYING THIS GAME!

Kondo: Listen up, from now on you can't split from that Love Choriss for even an instant. Just keep spending time with your girlfriend.

Take her with you when you eat and sleep. Your first thing you need to do is develop a bond with your girlfriend.

Gintoki: EASIER SAID THAN DONE!!

003

Gintoki: It's already the day of the Tenkaichi Butoukai and we haven't deepened any bonds at all! This broad just obstinately drags in her dead son in real time! And Enari-kun is rotting in real time!!

(Handwritten- I wish you'd go to the same place as my son.)

Gintoki: She's muttering curses to me twenty four seven on top of that!

I'm completely hated! What kind of love simulation game is this?!

I can't take this any more...I think I'm going crazy!

Even Kagura's glances at me have been painful lately.

Who gives a flying crap about Shinpachi and that stupid my wife tenkaichi butoukai thing?! I'm fucking sick and tired of this love simulator!! I'm not doing it anymore!!

Pinko: Well I'm sorry.

Why must I love a man who was violent toward my son?

But...

This is no joke.

004

(Top text- Volume 39 and the novel 'Ginpachi-sensei returns' will be released on April 4th (Monday.) On the fifth, the offical Anime guide 'Anime barabara box' will be released. Be sure to check around for more details!!)

GINTAMA
SORACHI HIDEAKI
Lesson 348: Love is an illusion.

Kagura: Gin-chan, Shinpachi said he is taking today off.

It seems he and his lover have to go to some kind of tournament.

(Sfx- Mogu mogu chew chew)

Gintoki: Oh I see..

Kagura: We had better do something about him soon, or something truly unthinkable will happen, yes?

005

Kagura: But what on earth is going to happen?

Gin-chan, you are playing the same game now, yes?

Gintoki: .......Yeah.

Kagura: Is it really that amazing? Does it get you hooked that much?

Gintoki: Well... I'm already an adult. I honestly don't get the whole thing.

Kagura: It is as I thought. Why would someone be convinced that a 2D girlfriend is a real girlfriend? It is not as if she can jump out of the screen, yes? It it quite hard to understand.

Gintoki: Totally~

I don't have a clue either.

Kagura: It is the fault of the games being released now. If people cannot tell between games and reality any more, it's all over.

Gintoki: Yep, all over~

Kagura: The men nowadays are all too flimsy. They are like herbavores. It is no wonder there are few women who like them, they are weak.

Gintoki: Seriously, someone who enjoys his sweets like me wouldn't begin to understand them.

(Sfx- Wan wan wan wan ruff ruff ruff)

Kagura: Sadaharu, be quiet.

I wonder what is wrong with him? He is acting like he does when someone he doesn't know comes to play.

Sadaharu!!

(Sfx- Gyan gyan)

Kagura: Gin-chan, Sadaharu won't stop barking, what is the matter with him...

Aiiyah, Gin-chan!!

(Sfx- Gyan)
(Sfx- Wan wan ruff)

006

Gintoki: AAAAAAAAAAAAUGGGGGGGHHHH!!

{Why?!}

{WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO MEEEEEE?!}

{No matter where I look...}

{Or how far I go....}

{Pinko and Enari.....are in hot pursuit!!!}

{The world is slowly becoming PINko colorreeeed!!}

(Pocket- Pleasure & Pain)

007

{Did she come out out of the game because of her grudge for her son?! Is this seriously just a game!?}

(Sfx- Zeh hah)

{Dammit, my head's broken or something isn't it?!}

(Sfx- Kiiiii reeeee)

???: Hey, Yorozuya.

Gintoki: Gorilla!!

Kondo: What are you doing here? C'mon, today's the 'My W Tenkaichi Budtoukai!' Want a ride there?

Gintoki: M-My bad, thanks for the save!

(Sfx- Bann Thud)

Kondo: What are you all heated over?

Gintoki: I was being chased by something you wouldn't believe...

Kondo: Something I wouldn't believe...?

Sayaka: Oh no! I'm scared, Isao-san!

Kondo: No need to worry sweety Sayaka-chan, I'm here to protect you.

008

Gintoki: Um...

Hey, er....

(Sfx- Icha icha)

Kondo: Well, now that it's finally the day of the tournament, you can finally see the, huh?

Gintoki: See them? Wait... you mean you, too...?

Kondo: Yep, I can see them.

My girlfriend Sayaka-chan, and of course...

Your girlfriend,

Pinko-chan. Quite clearly.

Gintoki: GYAHHHHHHH!!!

Kondo: Looks like I wasn't crazy. I knew you'd make it this far.

Gintoki: What?!

009

Kondo: For the onlookers perspective, we just looks like gamers enjoying a game.

But only in this world we see are our girlfriends manifested physically.

It is a domain said only to be accessible to those who have become obsessed with playing Love Choriss. The different dimension between the game and reality...

The Love Choriss Hole!!

(TN- The kanjis under "Love Choriss Hole" read "Love Infinite Space".)

Gintoki: AREN'T THOSE JUST PEOPLE WHO'VE LOST THEIR MINDS?!

What the hell is the Love Choriss Hole?! Ain't that just people who've played the game so much they've snapped and are hallucinating?! That's the exact same as Shinpachi, dammit!!

Kondo: That's exactly it. This mad world is the one Shinpachi wandered into.

But by coming here, you stand on the same ground that he stands upon...

Gintoki: I DON'T WANT TO STAND HERE!!

This ain't a joke, man! This shit ain't gonna get me closer to saving Shinpachi!! Find a hospital to drop me off at!

Kondo: Chill.


Yes, if you're talking about real-world common sense, then we're already outside those boundaries.

But do you know where our destination is now?

Yes, a different dimension where those who are under those delusions have come to do battle.

(Sign- My Wife
Tenkaichi Butoukai.)

010

Kondo: This is....

Where delusions are reality.

(Sfx- Wai wai wai)

(Sfx- Gyah gyah)

Gintoki: What the hell is this creepy place?!

Everyone's immersed in the Love Choriss Hole like there's nothing wrong with it! Has everyone in this whole place had Manuusa used on them?!

(TN- Manuusa is a spell from Dragonquest. The enemy causes the party to hallucinate, lowering their accuracy. Called Dazzle in the US.)

Kondo: Exactly. Here, those that are not within the realm of the Love Choriss Hole are equivalent to Shinigami in Soul Society that can't use Bankai.

Gintoki: The hell?! They get treated like they're that cool?! In the real world these guys would be equivalent to social rejects!

Seriously, this is like an even more lame version of Comiket! Everyone's got way too deviant tastes!!

(TN- Comiket is a gathering where people sell doujinshi and whatnot....)

Kondo: Everyone here has is at a considerably high level. Each one has a girlfriend raised to perfectly suit their tastes.

011

Kondo: But you can't count your girlfriend out, either. She's really standing out. She gives off a different color from the others.

Gintoki: Gives off a different color, or gives off a different stench, dammit!?!

With a girlfriend like that, my chances of winning are at zero!! Why the hell am I the only one who's got a handicap like this?!

Enari: You say that, but there's just no helping this is there...?

Gintoki: Yeah, there really ain't! And you're freakin' dead. So just shut up, would ya? That's creepy.

Kondo: Well, she is the maniacal heroin after all. But if it turns out you're the one one that picker her, you'll really stand out. That might be your big chance!

Besides, no matter how much these guys dress their gal's up, it's really what's inside that counts.

She's got to have gotten to know and love you over these last few days, right?

Pinko: Don't lower your guard. As soon as your back is turned I will get revenge for Enari.

Gintoki: THAT'S ALL YOU WANT?!

Kondo: Ahh I see, so she's one of those yandere's that're all the rage these days, huh? You're pretty good.

(TN- Yandere is a personality type, usually for a girl, with an unhealthy romantic obsession. Usually mentally unstable, like suddenly going from sweet to angry at the drop of a hat. It's a portmaneau of "yanderu" meaning "sick" and "deredere" meaning lovestruck or exhausted. I hope you got all that.)

Gintoki: What part of this is dere, huh?! She's clearly just a yanderu old lady carrying a rotting dere Enari-kun!?

Hey swap your Sayaka-chan with the rotting Enari. If you end up winning that just means I lose anyway.

Sayaka: No! I don't want anyone other than Isao-kun!

(Handwritten- Of course not.)

Gintoki: The hell?! Why's with that wench spouting cutsy shit, huuuh?! You bitch! Your boyfriend is a real-life yandere, ya know?! He's yanderu between his legs and when he get's dere, pus comes out!

Kondou: Why you, why are you being such weird things to Sayaka-chan?!

Dudes: Hey, a fight is starting!

(Sfx- Shakiiin Claaang)

???: Stop this!!

012

(Sfx- Zaaan dooom)

Kyuubee(?): This is not a place to be jealous over other people's love.

It is a place to take pride in your own love.

Gintoki: Y...

You're...

Kondo: Wait, no way...

You... came here, too?

Both: Kyuub...

WHO THE HELL ARE YOUUUUUUU?!

Gintoki: That's Pinko! This is a Kyuubee based on Pinko!

???: Young masterrrrr!!

(Sfx- Dah dash)

Not! Kyuubee: Ayu-ta~~n!!

013

Kyuubee: Awww where did you go? I was soooo worried~~

(Sfx- Beta beta pat pat)

(Sfx- Nade nade wiff wfff)

Toujo: You know~~ When you let go of my hand, young master, I was sooo lost. Don't you ever let go again, okay~?

Not! Kyuubee: I'm sorry Ayu-tan.

Kondou+Gin: ..............

Toujo: ...............

(Sfx- Gashaaaaaaaaa swffff)

Toujo: Wh-Wh-Wh--What the hell are you doing in a place like thiiiis!!

Gintoki: Er, I could ask you the same thing.

Toujo: W-Wait you're participating in the tournament as well?

Gintoki: By the way, that's er... your girlfriend?

Toujo: N-No! Of course no...

Kondo: So, might it be that that's supposed to be Kyuubee-kun?

Toujo: I SAID NO! IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!!

Gintoki: But that's Kyuubee without a doubt. I mean, you totally screwed it up, but there's no fakin' the fact that you were reaaaally trying to make one that looked like her. Poor monster....

Toujo: Ah...no, you're wrong! This isn't supposed to be the young master!! I don't have such indecent thoughts of her!!

Not! Kyuubee: That's right. I'm not Ayu-tan's girlfriend, but his mama~.

Gintoki: Oh~~? Is that right?

Toujo: Ah! Please don't speak out of turn!

014

Gintoki: I get it. Usually you're the one coddling Kyuubee. Really you wanted to be babied by her in a way sorta like this, huh?

Toujo: As I have said, it's not like that! What are you talking about... It's just once in a while I like to play, and have a girlfriend like this... Ahu-

(Handwritten- Okay, diaper time...)

Gintoki: A play huh? What kind of play is that?

(TN- Play as in... a sexual play.)

Gintoki: Man, this tournament is in serious trouble.

It's not just about the women you like, people's weird characteristics get exposed.

Speaking of which, I wonder what kinda man I look like from a bystander's point of view.

Hey, seriously, I think I better swap with you.

Sayaka: No! I don't want anyone other than Isao-kun!

(Handwritten- Damn straight.)

Gintoki: KNOCK THAT BULLSHIT OFF YOU STUPID BITCH!! WHAT'S WAS WITH THAT "KU~~N" part?! THAT AIN'T FRIGGIN' CUTE, YA KNOW! SAY IT AGAIN, BUT THIS TIME SWITCH IN 'GINTOKI-KUN'!!

Pinko: I don't want revenge for anyone other than Enari-kun.

Gintoki: I DIDN'T ASK YOU!!

(Handwritten- If you say it like that, there's no choice, is there?)

(Handwritten- Yes there is! Both of you stop saying those things or else I'm getting rid of you!)

Kondo: Hey Yorozuya, look over there!

Was there really a heroin that looked like that? Haven't I seen her somewhere before?

Gintoki: Hm?

015

Gintoki: Hey, that's Sacchan, isn't it?

Kondo: Hm... Sure looks like her...

Maybe someone made her like the Kyuubee-kun we saw earlier.

Gintoki: Dude, there's no one who could put up with that perverted woman for more than two minutes.

Kondo: But she's calling her boyfriend over...

Sacchan: Aaah~ Pin-san! Where'd you go?

Don't leave me alone for even a second! I get soooo lonely!~

Gintoki: WHO'S PIN-SAAAAN?!

(Sfx- Dooon thok)

Gintoki: You've forcefully mutated a Pinko into a Gin-san!!

Besides that, why the hell are you even here?! This is a competition to show off GIRLFRIENDS!!! This ain't a wedding reception for pig bitches.

016

Sacchan: Hmm? What kind of gobblity gook are you going on about?

I AM Pin-san's ideal girlfriend he made in a game! I don't know any information outside that~~

Gintoki: And what game is this?! 'Let's make a really annoying broad', or 'Annybroad' for short?!

Sacchan: Stop this nonsense at once.

My boyfriend is Pin-san, here.

If you're here to express your jealousy, you're far FAR too late.

Now have a taste of the feelings I have felt!

The feeling of having your loved one stolen by some Pinko!!

(Sfx- OHOHOHOHOHOHO)

Gintoki: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS WOMAN TALKING ABOUT?! SHE'S SEEING AN ILLUSION ON TOP OF ANOTHER ILLUSION!!

Sacchan: We'll just see who's Pinko will win this! So wash your nipples and get ready for me!

Gintoki: Dude, it's not that kind of competition!!

What the hell, man! All the people using Pinko are total perverts!

C'mon, really, let me trade with you.

Sayaka: No! I don't want anyone other than Isao-kun!

(Handwritten- Damn straight.)

Gintoki: Fine... how about we have a love triangle sorta thing? If we do it that way it'll be cool. I promise not to be a big bother.

(Diagram: Gin/Sayaka: Love//Love.
Sayaka/Kondou: Love//Just a friend. Or rather, gorilla.
Kondo/Gin: Loses to// Purely a Gorilla.)

Kondo: Forget bother, you've turned me into a bothersome gorilla! No way I'm approving of that!

017

Kondo: Here, how about we try this for size?

(Diagram: All arrows to Gin: 'I guess there's no choice.')

Gintoki: I TOLD YOU GUYS TO STAY OUT OF THIS!! AND WHAT'S THIS BIG THING THERE'S NO CHOICE ABOUT?! WHAT IS SO HARD ABOUT MAKING A TRIANGLE?! ARE YOU GUYS PLANNING TO KILL ME?!

Kondo: Well, there's really no choice. You came this far, so just tighten your stomach and try to win with Pinko-chan.

Sayaka-chan is my girlfriend I've brought up to be wholeheartedly head-over-heels for me. Even if I died, she wouldn't want anyone else.

No need to worry though. Just remember, it's not looks that're important in this world, it's all about heart.

Take a good look at me, and you'll understand. If you've got a warm heart, it can break through any mountain of ice...

Huh?

Okita: Oh, there you are. Finally found you.

Kondo: Eh? Sougo? What are you doing here?

Okita: Huh? Kondo-san? Boss?

Are you be participating in this bout thing, too?

You, too, Kondou-san? Then does this mean you have a girlfriend, Kondou-san?

Kondo: Ah...well of course. Can't you see her? Sayaka-chan is my one and only....

018

Sayaka: Welcome back, master.

Okita: Kept you waiting, did I?

So how did it feel? Serving a man you felt absolutely no love or really any feelings for?

Sayaka: It was truly painful. But knowing in my heart that this would prove my loyalty to you, master, oddly my joy gushed from deep within my uterus.

Okita: Hmph. Come along then, my big bitch.

Sayaka: Please don't leave me again, master...

(Handwritten- Hm, I dunno about that.)

Okita: Well, it's time for me to go, Kondou-san.

Kondo: Sakata-kun...

Gintoki: If it's my girlfriend you want, I'm not trading.

Kondo: Puleeeeeeeeeeze?! At least let me share Enari-kun!!

Enari: No thanks.

Kondo: WHAT HAPPENED TO 'I GUESS THERE'S NO CHOICE'?!

(Sfx- Zakuuh doom)

Guys: Wh---who's that?

019

Guys: Th-Tat light!! Who's girlfriend is that....?!

S-Soo briiiight!!!

Th... That radiance... it's like she's...

a goddess!!

Who the hell is that boyfriend?!

To be able to raise her to this extent...he's no amateur!

Gintoki: Sh---

Shinpachi....

{Can I really win? With my scrawny little delusion...}

{can I destroy his enormous delusion....?!}

(Side text- Howl my wife!!)

GINTAMA LESSON 348............END.