Gintama 351

Typing this chapter was also a pain in the ass Sorachi. >_> At least you get to just write a title like that and people think it's clever. Me? I have to translate this whole thing without taking shortcuts.



(Side text- Draw them in, then cut them down.)

(Side text- To commemorate the anime's successful return and the character popularity poll results, here's a center color page!)

GINTAMA

(Box- The Anime runs every Monday on TV Tokyo at 6 pm!!)

SORACHI HIDEAKI

002

Gintama 3rd Annual Character popularity poll grand results!!

(Red and white text- Thank you for participating! The total tally of votes was 27194!! Thank you for your support!!)

(Black box: To commemorate 7 years of the manga, we took a character popularity poll! We got lots of votes, and would like to thank everyone for participating! Now without further ado, the results!!)

(Green text- Shinpachi gets another miraculous result?! 3 and on are down here!)
Sakata Gintoki #1 Stayed at #1st from last poll. 4091 votes.
Hijikata Toshiro #2 Up from #3rd from last poll. 3213 votes
Kamui #3 Up from #7th last poll. 3014 votes.
Okita Sougo #4 Down from #2nd last poll. 2458 votes.
Takasugi Shinsuke #5 down from #4th last poll. 2048 votes.
Katsura Kotarou #6 down from #5th last poll. 1712 votes.
Kagura #7 down from 6th last poll. 1565 votes.
Shimura Shinpachi. #8 stayed at 8th from last poll. 911 votes.
Yamazaki Sagaru #9 stayed at 9th from last poll. 822 votes.
Shimura Tae. #10 up from 17th last poll. 659 votes.
Tsukuyo #11 down from 10th last poll. 534 votes.
Elizabeth #12 down from 11th last poll 447 votes.
Yagyuu Kyuubee #13 up from 14th last poll. 413 votes.
Kondo Isao #14 up from 15th last poll 372 votes.
Sakamoto Tatsuma #15 down from 12th last poll. 349 votes.
Sorachi Hideaki. #16 stayed at 16th from last poll. 317 votes.
Hasegawa Taizou #17 stayed at 17th from last poll 259 votes.

18th Sadaharu: 257 votes.
19th Pandemonium: 230 votes.
20th Sarutobi Ayame (Sacchan): 199 votes.
21st Abuto: 158 votes.
22nd Okita Mitsuba 149 votes.
23rd Kawakami Bansai: 131 votes
24th Kijima Matako: 126 votes.
25th Jastaway: 125 votes.
26th Yoshita Shouyou: 119 votes.
27th: Itou Kamotarou: 117 votes.
28th: Hattori Zenzou: 105 votes.
29th Ketsuno Seimei 94 votes.
30th Tama (Fuyou #0): 73 votes.
31st Ba---Hata ouji: 64 votes
32nd: Sachi: 60 votes./ Gedomaru 60 votes.
34th: Tsubaki Hirako: 57 votes. (TN- Who is this? Pirako?)
35th Mutsu: 56 votes.// 2 years later Kagura 56 votes.
37th Toujou Ayumu: 53 votes.
38th Tokugawa Shigeshige: 49 votes.
39th Matsudaira Katakuriko 48 votes.
40th Sogo S Okita the third. 47 votes.

(Green box: Sorachi's thoughts!! 'Shinpachi's a miracle!!')

003

(Top text- Now out in stores is 'Jump next' with a special Gintama X Sket Dance collaboration cover!!)

Lesson 351: Thinking of a title for this thing that sounds like a text message subject is was a pain in the ass.

(Side text- Gossping Girls!!)

Girl: That drama was sooo awesome wasn't it?

Kagura: It was~ Especially the actor for that Kadono Takuzo. He was incredible.

Girl: Um, Kagura-chan? I think you totally watched the wrong drama.

Girl 2: He~~h. I'm glad I saw it, too... But I'd like to see the whole thing from the beginning.

Girl: I'll tell ya what. We should watch it together at my place next time. I usually record them.

Kagura: Hooray, Marippe's house! We'll be able to eat all the Happyturn we want!!

(TN- Happyturns are a brand of elliptical shaped rice crackers. )

(Handwritten- Where'd you get hooked on that stuff?)

Girl: I'll email you what day's convenient for me.

Kagura: Email?

Girl: Oh right, Kagura-chan, you don't have a cell phone.

(TN- In Japan they send emails which they check on their phones rather than having text messages. Text messages are seriously overpriced, don't you think? How much could it possibly cost the company to send a few kilobytes of text a month... )

Girl 2: Yeah...okay! Once I get the text, I'll come over and tell you personally Kagura-chan.

Girl: That'll work! Well, see you later Kagura-chan, Marippe!

Marippe: Saki-chan, don't forget to watch the drama coming on today! I'll send you what I thought about it.

Saki: Okay, see ya!

004

Kagura: Sademo~n!

(Sfx- tah tap)

Kagura: Listen to me, Jaiko and Suneko were boasting so proudly about their phones!!

In this day and age, even babies are able to talk on their cellphones! But I do not have one!

I want a phone! A cellphone! I want to be able to text, Sadaemo~n!

(TN- Kagura's making several Doraemon references in a row here, from the nick names she gave her friends, to Sadaharu's new nickname.)

Sadaemon: There's nothing you can do, Kagura-chan. (Thick Kagura voice)

I mean, though it is true that having cell phones would make coordinating with each other on the job easier.

But my four dimensional pocket is no help here. You'd have better luck asking Gin to open his four dimensional wallet. (Thick Kagura voice)

(TN- Gintoki's reading One piece, lol. And then the cover of the Jump is Nyartyo.)

Kagura: But it is hard to approach him face to face, yes? A~~h, if only I had a cellphone it would be so easy to convey my feelings in an email~~

Sadaemon: I'm sure those thoughts will reach him, Kagura-chan. (Thick Gintoki voice)

Yes, even without email or a cell phone, you guys' hearts always connect to each other's.

And because of that, I'm sure that the devastating effect the cost of cell phones would have on the family finances will also get through.

If you understand then you should quit your moaning, and let the two of us go sleep in the closet. (Thick Gintoki voice)

005

Sadaemon: Don't be confused, Kagura-chan. Someone has hacked into me and is controlling what I say. (Thick Kagura voice)

Why don't you stop this dog drama? Who are you working for? A spy from the Steel Troops? (Thick Gintoki voice)

(TN- This stuff is a reference to one of the Doraemon movies, Doraemon: Nobita and the Steel Troops.)

You fiend! Riruru is our friend! I won't let you speak about her that way! (Thick Kagura voice)

Shipnachi: JUST TALK TO EACH OTHER DIRECTLYYYY!!

What kind of weird roundabout replies are unfolding out of this?!

If you've got something to say, wouldn't it be easier if you just talked to each other?!

Kagura: Listen to me, Mama!!

Shinpachi: Who's supposed to be your mom!? Although I sorta fit the role...!!

Kagura: Everyone's got a cellphone nowadays mama! I can have one too, yes?

If we do not do something, we the Yorozuya will be left behind by the times!

It would be useful for work! I say there is no disadvantage to having one! So please!

Shinpachi: Well...I hear what you're saying..

(Sfx- Basahh fwap)

Shinpachi: Well, say that all you want...

(Sfx- Basahh fwap)

Gintoki: But please stop this foolishness! Paying to feed Sadaemon and you has brought this family to a state of dire fiscal Take-Copter!!

(TN- This is a joke on a Japanese phrase "fiery chariot" which means "in a desperate financial situation". Except chariot is replaced with "Take-Copter" which is a spinning propeller thing Doraemon uses to fly.)

Even without a cellphone, papa get's crystal clear reception of all your feelings!

I even know that Sadaemon wants to take a dump right now!!

(Sfx- Buru buru shake shake)

Shinpachi: Anyone can see that!!

(Handwritten- Ah wait!)

Gintoki: Both Mama and Papa get good reception! Look how fast she's spread out the newspaper! See? You don't need a phone at all!

Shinpachi: This is all just habitual stuff!!

006

Gintoki: If you're being this selfish, then you can find any old door, close it behind you, and go live with any old family!

Kagura: Shutuuup! How about I take an air-cannon and blow that foreign substance in the front of your hair off!

Gintoki: See? Our feelings are getting across perfectly! Just a moment ago, Papa was thinking that this round thing was getting in the way!

Kagura: Hye, Sadaemon! Why don't you drag this piece of junk Papa into your four dimensional pocket?!!

(Sfx- Gyah gyah)

Shinpachi: Er..something came out of here...

Both: What?!

Shinpachi: What I'm saying is, something really came out of Sadaemon's four dimensional back pocket...

(Sfx- Parirararaaa dadadaddadaaaaaa)

Shinpachi: Cellphones....

Gengai: He probably accidentally ate them when he was out for a walk.

I tried to look into the data on the phones to find out who owns them, but it would seem they were broken in the first place, so I couldn't find out.

And the addresses in it have been rewritten as ne-JPURIPURI...

(TN- This is a reference to the 80's and 90's girl band Princess Princess.)

Gintoki: Well they were smeared with poop before..

Gengai: I don't think that the addresses changed over because of that...

Kagura: So you think I can use one?

Gengai: Well, not for talking on them. If you try to start a conversation with someone, it will change the ends of all your sentences to PURIPURI.

Kagura: So they're even more amazing than normal cell phones, right?!

007

Gengai: You guys don't have the money for me to fully restore them, so I just fixed it so you can text.

Go on and use it to your heart's content, little lady.

Yaaaaaay!

Thank you grampa! And you too, Sadaemon!!

Shinpachi: So we've got cellphones that can't do anything other than text. That just makes them beepers then, right?

Gintoki: Dude, they had crap all over them before...what makes anyone think I'm gonna want to use this thing?

Kagura: Do not worry about the little details. By their nature, people carry poop around in their bellies mobile-ly anyhow.

The only difference is having it in your belly or in your hand.

Let me have them a moment.

(Sfx- Jaraa wff)

Kagura: Teehee, this is good.

Now no matter where we are,

We will be together, yes?

008

Kagura: Do not let these go. Not even for an instant.

You promise, yes?

If you ever feel lonely, you can text me any time!

(Handwritten- We're practically always together anyway....)

(Sfx- Chun chun tweet tweet)

(Sfx- Bururu veeen)

(Sfx- Bururu veeen)

(Sfx- Bururu veeen)

Gintoki: Nngh...

'The hell man...it's too early for this crap.

What the hell is...

(Sfx- Gah clatter)

009

{From: Kagura//Sub: Good morning.// What a great morning! \(^o^)/}

(Sfx- Gatata clatter)

(Sfx- Waooon awoooo)

(Sfx- Bururu veeeen)

(Sfx- Bururu veeen)

Gintoki: Ngh...

The hell...

It's not even morn---

(Sfx- Gah clatter)

{From: Kagura//Sub: Good night.// Sweet dreams! \(^o^)/}

010

Shinpachi: Fwoo...

(Sfx- Bururu Bururu veeen veen)

{You had a smooth bowel movement today, huh?! (^_^)/~~~ }

(Sfx- Gacha gacha clack clack)

Shinpachi: All right.

This time I locked the door...should be OK.

(Sfx- Bururu bururu veeen veen)

{You had a smoother bowel movement than yesterday, huh?! (^_^)/~~~ }

011

Gintoki: I see the cat there!! I'll go around this way, you two lead it to me!!

Kagura: Whoaaaaaaaa!!

(Sfx- Tsuruu wff)

(Sfx- Dokaka thudd)

Shinpachi: Ka---Kagura-chan!!

Gintoki: Hey!

Are you okay?!

(Sfx- Burururu bururu veeen veen)

{I'm fine~ (^o^)v}

{I'm fine~(^o^)v}

(Sfx- Pii beep)

{Could you get one of the tissues over there for me?}

(Sfx- Pih beep)

{Do they have this in M size?}

(Sfx- Pih beep)

{No, that's not M, it's Michael.}

(Sfx- Pih beep Beep)

{No, that Michael isn't Jackson, it's Douglas.}

012

Gin&Shin: JUST TALK DIRECTLYYYY!!

(Sfx- Dokakaka crash)

Shinpachi: Why does she text us about every little thing?!

More like, somewhere along the line she started sending messages that are't even meant for us!! She's clearly out shopping at a clothes store and talking to the employees!!

(Sfx- Bururu veeen)

{No I'm not at the clothes store, I'm at a Michael store.}

Gin&Shin: YOU WENCH!! KNOCK IT OFF!!

(Sfx- Piyuuu wfff)

Gin&Shin: WHO CARES IF IT'S MICHAEL OR M ANYWAY?!

(Sfx- Zeh hah zeh hah*)

Otose: That's unexpected...

Looking at that girl offhandedly, she looks pretty diligent.

Gintoki: She's gone WAY past the level of being diligent! She's emailing us every damn five minutes about crap we could care less about! It's freaking annoying!

013

Catherine: Ladies love exchanging letters and stuff.

Though we didn't have emails back in our school days.

Remember, girls used to pass lettered and stuff around, didn't they?

Girl: Can you pass this to Catherine?

(Letter: Formal challenge.)

Shinpachi: How's that primary school?! What age was this?! More like, they totally hated you back then, didn't they?!

Tama: I have heard that some things that are difficult to say face to face may be easier to communicate frankly in text form.

Though normally she tries to act like an adult, perhaps this is Kagura-sama in here natural juvenile form.

Have you at least responded to her?

Gintoki: Of course not. At this point I'm getting more communication from her by email than talking.

Tama: Then she'll probably keep sending texts until someone replies to her...

Otose: This is a good experience for you.

You men go on and on about how great you are, but you can't even say it straight.

You always mutter about how people should be able to tell without you saying anything.

And though we do actually get what you mean,

there are times when woman want to hear those obvious things

You could just go out of your way a little bit and send a nice email back once in a while...

(Sfx- Burururu veeeen)

Otose: Oh, well here's one from her, now.

Catherine: Hey! Go send one! Go reply to her saying how you're really a lolicon!

Gintoki: I'm gonna kill you, you rotten tree fruit-nana!!

(TN Note- This is a reference to Kinomi Nana. Whose last name means "fruit from a tree", even having the same kanji.)

I'm sick and tired of this crap... Shinpachi, you handle it!

(Sfx- Garara clatter)

Shinpachi: Hey, wait, Gin-san!!

014

Shinpachi: Even if you run away, as long as you have your cell phone, you won't be able to run away from this email hell...

(Sfx- Gata gata clatter clatter)

Otose: Ooh. Let me see what's written here.

Catherine: Move it, old bat! I can't see!!

Shinpachi: Hey! Don't go peeking in my phone like that!

{Where are you right now?}

Catherine: Hm? Where are you?

Tama: But she was just here. I wonder what Kagura-sama means by this?

(Sfx- Bururu veeen)

Shinpachi: Ah, another one came.

Huh? This time it's Gin-san.

Phone: From Gin-san
Sub SHUT UUUUUUUP!! I'M AT THE PA

Otose: It looks like it got cut off halfway through though... But this is his response to Kagura's email, isn't it? Why did he send it to you?

Shinpachi: I guess he accidentally sent the message to all rather than just her. And he wrote his message in the subject line, so it got cut off...

Otose: Well, at least he sent some sort of reply, didn't he?

(Sfx- Gyahahah)

Catherine: You know, your waiting screen is creepy!!

Shinpachi: Shutuuup! Rot and fall to the ground, tree fruit-nana!!

(Sfx- Bururu veeeen)

Tama: Ah, another just came.

Phone: {Where are you right now?} [There's no sub or from.]

Catherine: Another 'where are you?'

Otose: Hold on, did something happen?

Shinpachi: Wait a second, take a good look here...

This wasn't sent by Kagura-chan..

It's not even from someone who I shared my email address with... The sender field is unregistered so I don't know who it is...

Who in the world is this...?

015

{Give me back that phone.}

Shinpachi: Th-This is...

{Tell me where it is right now. And if you let the information inside it get out, your lives are gone.}

Shinpachi: Th-The owner?! Wait, could it be the original owner of the phones?!

Otose: Eh? W-Wait a moment!

"Your lives are gone", what is this...? This person sounds like he could be trouble!

Catherine: Information? Just what kinda stuff is in there?!

Shinpachi: I don't know! The phones were broken a long time ago. Gengai-san said there was no data left in them when we got them!!

Tama: For now, it would be best to contact Gintoki-sama and Kagura-sama.

Though seeing as how Gintoki-sama also got the email, I think it is quite possible all three phones belonged to this person. It would be good to let him know before it's too late.

{Email received
From Gin-san.}

Shinpachi: It's from Gin-san! I hope he didn't already get mixed up into this trouble...

016

{From Gin-san
Sub: SHUT UUUUUUUP!! I'M AT THE PA//
CHINKO PLACE, I TOLD YOU!!}

Shinpachi: BY TRYING TO CORRECT HIS LAST ONE, HE PLIT IT INTO SOMETHING REALLY OUTRAGEOUS!!

(TN- The later message on it own, with just the "chinko" part of "pachinko", can also mean "I said penis!")

Shinpachi: What the hell is that guy doiiiing?! He just did another sent-to-all telling his exact location!!

Tama: There's a chance the sender might go to a p*nis shop then...

Shinpachi: HOW CAN THEY?!

Tama: Ah, another one is here...

Shinpachi: It's gotta be the original owner. After reading what Gin-san just sent, he'll be pissed for sure!!

(Sfx- Bururu Bururu veen veen)

Otose: Hurry, pick it up!!

Shinpachi: No, I'm scared! Catherine-san, you do it!

Catherine: As if! You're a man, aren't you?! Pick it up, old bat!

Otose: Who are you calling a man, you idiot?!?!

Shinpachi: Ta-Tama-san...

Wh...What's written there?

(Sfx- Suhh fwip)

{From: Kyuubee
Subject [Blank]
So then, where did the p*nis go?}

(TN- The verb from the sentence Gin used in his email "itte", can mean a lot of things depending on the context. Here Kyuubee thinks Gin's message means "The penis went/left." )

Shinpachi: A COMPLETELY UNRELATED PERSON LATCHED OOOOON!!

017

Shinpachi: Wait a minute!! Now we're getting tangled emails from tangled people!! She's completely misunderstood!!

{I tried sending him this email, but he didn't reply. Should I call him Gin-chan from now on? Also, where was the plastic surgery done? I'd like to discuss if it would be all right if I were to inherit it? Please let me know.}

Shinpachi: Just what is she so interested about this for?!! What does she plan on doing?!

Tama: Emails are arriving one after another.

{From: Saigou
Subject: Welcome.
Good to see you've relieved yourself. I'm sure you'll be able to become our No.1.

be sure to tell Paako as well. [heart]}

Shinpachi: Another person got the wrong impression!! This situation is getting really outrageous now!

Enough already!! I don't have time to worry about you!

{From: Toujo
Subject: What a coincidence.
I was just coming, too.

Shinpachi: Where this guy is "going" is a completely kind of "go"!!

(TN- I don't need to explain this, right?)

MAAAAN, the emails are coming so fast I don't have time to write my own!!

{From: Zura
Subject: It's not Zura, it's Katsura.
It seems something is troubling you...}

Shinpachi: Katsura-san?!

{How do I know? You would do best not to underestimate my information network.
But, if I get my hands on your problem, I can easily solve it.
And that is a promise.}

Shinpachi: No way, does he know what's going on here?! Is he willing to lend us a hand?!

018

{So would you join the Joui Patriots and we will find happiness together?

The miraculous happiness theory
The Joui Patriots Happiness Law

I can really become part of the Joui Patriots that easily? By asking that question, people have actually joined the Joui Patriots and seized happiness. Hear the testimony of E-san who was just a housewife!

Housewife E-san

The first step so simple, the Joui was}

Shinpachi: IT'S JUST SPAAAAAAAAM!!!

Why is he sending this Joui Patriots scam to people he knows?!

More like, has he just given up on reforming the world at this point?!

(Sfx- Gashaa clatter)

Shinpachi: Crap, now I've still made no progress in fixing this!!

Otose: Hey Shinpachi!!

Shinpachi!!

(Sfx- Dah dash)

019

{Gin-chan, I made a new email buddy! I am going to go meet them right now. It should be fun!

I will introduce you to them later! \(^o^)/}

Shinpachi: Crap

Crap!!

Why aren't either of them replying?!!

What are they doooing?!

(Sfx- Burururu buruu veeeeen)

(Side text- Disaster approaches?!)

GINTAMA LESSON 351............END.