Gintama 355

See that people? like six Aku in two days, and one Gintama in a day and a half. If that doesn't' tell you how much of a pain in the ass this series is, I don't know what will. The things I do for love, and completeness...



(Top text- The TV anime bursts into the 'Shitenou arc'!! As a reminder not to miss it, here's a center color page!!)

(Text- Running through time, creeping through time, driving through the times.)

GINTAMA
SORACHI HIDEAKI

(Bottom text- The TV anime airs each Monday at 6pm only on TV Tokyo!!)

002

{Kaientai Ship log, Oth Month, Xth Day.}

(Side text- Business is booming...?!)

Lesson 355: Space Bururun Taizaki.

(TN- A parody of a 1995 TV series 'Sekai Ururun Taizaki.' Or homestay around the world.)

(Sfx- Shuu ko shuu koo huuuf huffff)

(Sfx- Fuuu fuuu fwooo fwooo)

(Handwritten- Ugehhh uwooooh)

(Sfx- Shuuu ko shuuu ko shuuu ko huuuuf hufff huff)

(Sfx- Oborooo borooo boroo hooorrk hufff hnngh)

004

(Sfx- Shuuu kooo huuuf huff)

Sakamoto: A---all righty...Nice doing business with you.

(Sfx- zehhh hyuu zehh hhyuuu huff pufff)

Mutsu: Wha?!

{After a hour of silent negotiations, we had finally come to terms with our transaction.}

Mutsu: Sakamoto, will this really be okay? Just what is he?

Sakamoto: Hahahaha. There ain't much a point of worrying about it...We've both shaken on it and come to an agreement.

Mutsu: See, here's the thing. I think you're the only one who made an agreement.

Sakamoto: You don't get it do ya? They just want us to deliver a parcel to earth right?

Mutsu: Parcels huh? Though these things just scream suspicious if you ask me. It's just one after another with them...

Moreover, what kind of conversation could you have when all he did was huff and puff?

Sakamoto: Mutsu...when you went to the bathroom, did you notice that poster board there?

Mutsu: You mean the one with a huge 'X' on the earth?

Sakamoto: Ya think that maybe something dangerous is approaching earth? Maybe they're trying to warn us.

Hey, maybe they're even trying to protect Earth!

Mutsu: I don't really get that idea, especially with the picture there showing the complete opposite...

Sakamoto: Well, there is his pet who's already there...maybe he was some sort of watch dog.

Mutsu: I'm sorta under the impression that they want to attack people.

Sakamoto: The owners and pets are just out for a walk. Looks like they're having fun.

005

Sakamoto: I'm so moved man...I can't stop my tears from flowing....

(Sfx- Bicha bicha bloorsh bloop)

(Sfx- Oeeeh hnnnnngh)

Mutsu: Those aren't tears.

Sakamoto: To think that there are amanto this concerned with the earth...

The Kaientai's job is to find avenues for the amanto and earthlings to buy things from.

I've got some left over points from my visits to the cabaret club! Who wants to go and get hammered?!

Awwright! Let's head back to my home planet!

Lets go to the smil...!!

The earth's future is shining bright!! Just wait for me Oryou-chan!!

(Sfx- Gahahahahahah!!!)

Gintoki: HOW IS THE FUTURE SHINING BRIGHT?! YOU'VE DOOMED US TO A FUTURE OF DARKNESS DAMMIT!!

006

Shinpachi: Why would you do this to usssss?! You literally handed in invitation to the spy who wants to take over our planet!!

Er, and Mutsu-san, how long are you planning to kick him? And why are you kicking him there?

Sakamoto: I finally get to hit the ladies club, and the world is going to be destroyed huh? Well I had a n idea that this might happen, but that's not the point of me rolling over to them!

The foundation of a business man is being able to believe in others!!

Shinpachi: His seasickness is beginning and ending!!

Mutsu: Basically this idiot is the intermediary between earth and space. Due to his massive stupidity, the virus was introduced to the planet.

Sakamoto: Gahahahah! Imma kill you Mutsu.

Mutsu: It's because you suspected something and didn't follow up that this happened.

Fumiko: Yes, I remember the first time we gathered, it was on a ship like this.

Mutsu: And now we've carried their virus; their seed to earth.

Everyone will transform into an Elizabeth-like state, unable to use their mouths.

This is only the first part of their plan, however.

It's been getting harder to obtain more information, but I'm sure they're advancing towards total world domination.

007

Mutsu: All that matters is stopping them before they get too far.

You all should understand what needs to be done. We all have our responsibilities here.

Gintoki: Hey! Don't involve us in this dammit! To begin with, this is YOUR fault!!

Mutsu: Do I look like i've got time to hear your bitching? If you've got that kind of time to kill, why not get up and do something? We're not the only ones here.

Fumiko: I get it.

Upon this ship...

Ride the 'Samurai' and our last hope.

It's like Noah's arc.

Sakamoto: Yeah.

Kintoki?

(Handwritten- My name isn't freakin' Kintoki.)

Sakamoto: Zura.

(Sfx- Zzz)

Sakamoto: It ain't no coincidence that you guys are riding this ship.

You guys are big idiots, but in a fight against the whole universe, I wouldn't want anyone else in my corner.

You feel me?

008

Sakamoto: So lets show this universe....

How we,

No how stupidly awesome Samurai are.

{Just as planned.}

{We won't even have to wait a day for those clouds to completely cover the earth.}

{Sir!}

{Our fleet is sending out some sort of signal.}

{What?}

{A signal unable to be seen by the naked eye or radar is being sent to us?}

009

{The signal apparently is from the ship we had contact with before...}

{What? Do they have some sort of complaint?}

Shinpachi: Business transaction?

Sakamoto: Yeah.

A long time ago, the Renhou were known as the tactics clan. They wouldn't progress without a plan.

I'm sending a special signal to their mothership, that isn't detectable by radar. Using this we should be able to find out where they are.

After all, they're not the type to turn down a deal, so it's gonna be hook line and sinker!

Shinpachi: A deal? What kind of stuff would you sell them?

Sakamoto: Well, it can't be something small or petty, cause they'll just give us the cold shoulder.

Shinpachi: Then...what kind of huge sales pitch will you make?

Sakamoto: I'll make them an offer they can't refuse.

And make a sales pitch for the earth.

010

Shinpachi: YOU'RE GOING TO SELL THE EAAAAAARTH?!

Sakamoto: At this point, it's the only way earthlings are going to get on board.

Wonder how much military force should go for?

Fumiko: Entering our fleet with large numbers wouldn't be as effective as simply backing up the Kaientai, and sneaking in. Not a bad idea.

Though if you want to make it through those cynics, you're going to need cover. You'll want them to be your buddies until right before you strike. So first would be finding a way to disguise yourselves.

Our vice commander has a razor like detection ability.

So you'll probably have no more than a day to negotiate.

Which means that the earth has but one last day.

Sakamoto: It's the Kaientai's most important sales pitch ever.

So lets get it straight, before the world disappears...

Shrug these guys off...

And save our future.

011

Gintoki: So this is...Elizabeth's mothership turned home planet.

It's like a fort, dude.

Katsura: There are so many Elizabeths....

I count one...two...

(Sfx- Dosu thok)

(Sfx- Zuboo poook)

Gintoki: Knock that crap off already. You fall asleep here, and our cover gets blown.

Listen up dumbasses, the plan here is to not stand out. We move together, and melt into their numbers. Got it, Zurabeth?

Katsura: N—Not Zurabeth, but Katsurabeth.

{Kinzabeth, we have to use poster boards to communicate from here on in.}

{If we open our mouths to talk, they'll figure us out immediately.}

{So don't...}

{Open your mou...}

{HOOORRRHHHK}

(Sfx- Dopaaaahhh fblooosh)

Gintoki: Forget our identities being found out, you're letting a whole lot of nasty crap come out your mouth!!

{Damn, this is no good, I'm so drunk...I forgot not to drink anything...}

(Handwritten- Uuugh...)

Gintoki: Even on a huge ship like this, you're seasick?!

{It's the smell of so many of these things around at once...it's making me queasy.}

Gintoki: NEVER RIDE A SHIP AGAIN!

012

Katsura: Sakamoto you fool. You still have that bad habit of getting drunk. When will you do something about that?

I've told you already...when you feel like regurgitating, you face a window and take a deep breath.

(Handwritten- Look somewhere far away~)

Gintoki: What window are you opening?!

If you do that, what's the point of having a disguise?!

Quit looking far away dammit! Keep your eyes over here!!

Shinpachi: Gin-san, Gin-san!

We need to get moving, that is after everyone has been properly prepped.

Gintoki: Yeah, you're right. Lets do this.

Shinpachi: LETS DO WHAT?!

TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT ME, IDIOT!! WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO'S BASICALLY NAKED?! THE ONLY WHITE I HAVE ON ARE MY UNDIES!!

WHY DIDN'T ANYONE PREPARE A DISGUSE FOR ME?!

Gintoki: Whoa, when'd you get here Shinpachi? I didn't even notice you.

Sakamoto: No need to worry, buddy. As long as you don't talk to anyone, no one will know the difference!

Katsura: Your disguise is perfect. Now let us advance, Toshio-kun.

Shinpachi: Who the hell is Toshio?! And why the hell would I want to be him right now?! Get cursed and die, idiota trifecta!!

(TN- Thanks to kurosuzaku for pointing this out, but the Toshio they're talking about is probably the one from the Grudge horror movies.)

Fumiko: I suppose it can't be helped...You can ride with me, since my disguise is big enough.

(Sfx- Bushaaaa blooooorsh)

Gintoki: How can he function like that?! You're supposed to be a white demon, not Char's blood red zaku you damn skank!

(TN- Gundam joke. Char's Zaku is blood red, like Shinpachi right now. Thanks again kurosuzaku.)

Gintoki: Kagura, you let him ride with you. You've got room right?

Kagura: Eeeh? I will not. Aruzebeth has already been custom designed for me.

(TN- Kagura usually ends her sentences with 'aru'. So Aruzebeth.)

Shinpachi: I'll give you five boxes of sukonbu.

Kagura: I suppose I cannot help it. Your fare will be 10 boxes then.

Shinpachi: HAS ANYTHING CHANGED FROM BEFORE?!

You gave in and everything, but I'm still mostly exposed here!!

Shinpachi's totally showing!! I'd be better off naked!!

Kagura: Shut up. I do not want to be below you. You will nose bleed. It will be disgusting.

Shinpachi: AS IF I'D GET A NOSE BLEED FROM YOU!!!

Kagura: Did you say something?

(Sfx- Gyaaaaaaaaaah!!)

{You guys.}

{A maintenance group?}

{What are you doing over there?}

014

{Ho shiiiiiiiiit!}

{N—nothing much.}

{Just taking a break.}

{I'm out in plain view!!}

{Why are you guys so perfectly hidden....?!}

{Huh?}

{Now that I look again, there's something in their mouths...}

{They look like they were in a flustered panic...}

{More like, what the hell were you guys doing?}

{WERE YOU ALL PLAYING UNOOOOOO?!}

{And you, what the hell do you have there?!}
{What am I supposed to do?! What kind of facial expression should I be making?}

{Hey you, what's that sticking out of your head?}

{WAAHHH!! HE'S TOTALLY NOTICED ME!! WHAT DO I DO?! WHAT SHOULD I DO?!}

{It is a pimple.}

{A PIMPLEEEEEEEEE?!}

{WHAT KIND OF EXPLANATION IS THAT?! THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH YOU CAN PAS AS A JOKE!! MORE LIKE, WHAT KIND OF FACE DOES A PIMPLE MAKE?!}

015

{I've got pimples too.}

{Its pretty obvious what you have, and it's not a friggin pimple!!}

{I've got a pimple and a draw.}

{DON'T USE A DRAW AND PIMPLE!!}

{Too bad, I've got a draw four.}

{What's too bad is your head!! STOP PLAYING UNO!!}

{Why is whatever you have multiplying?!}

{What the hell kind of uno is she playing?!}

{This is really, incredibly bad!! We've been totally found out!!}

{I can see your intentions as clear as day, pimple.}

(Handwritten- Decided to try this sort of face.)

{Thanks to these idiots, the Earth is going to be destroyed!!}

{Before we can send you out, you have to be in peak physical condition.}

{Eh?}

{No way, did we actually make it through?}

{Hold on a minute. I'll lend you my Clearasil.}

{We fooled him! And he's even going to lend us some Clearasil!}

(Sfx- Goso goso sfft sfft)

(Sfx- Viiiiii bzzzzzzzzzzt)

{We'll cut that thing off, and your face will be silky clean.}

{When he said he had Clearasil..}

{This wasn't what I had in mind at alllll!!}

(TN- First Sorachi used the katana for Clearasil...or (クレアラシル) Then he used kanji for it. (苦烈阿羅死流) Which literally means 'Violent pain shadow gauze death style'.)

{What the hell are you four idiots doing?!}

{Stop it!!! Let me goooo!!}

{Stoooooooop it!!!}

{I ain't a pimple dammmmit!!}

016

(Sfx- Karann clatter)

{All right, nice and clean.}

{Now it's dinner time, so head over to the diner right away.}

{Roger.}

{What the hell am I?!}

Fumiko: It seems we've passed the first gate..

And gotten into the nest of our enemies.

The problem begins from here though.

We still have to find a way to their center and stop their plans...but the guard will only become more problematic.

017

Fumiko: The guards are mixed with the small fries at this buffet, so there's not a lot we can do.

I see..

If we can get to that area...

The two commander in chiefs known as the double dragons are there.

The Renhou are lead by those two. It's with their orders that the others take action.

And between them is the man controlling everything. If he is the head, those two are the arms. He is the admiral of this army...

The fearsome 'dark shogun' Lord Vader.

(TN- It's written 'Beida' but it's obvious what Sorachi is trying to do.)

The plan to take over the earth was hatched up by him.

Vader has been undefeated in countless battles, and slain many of his political rivals. He is the ultimate evil within the Renhou ranks.

It is through his strict rules and regulations that the Renhou have stopped showing their skin or using their voices to communicate.

Shinpachi: I see...so in order to rebel, you became an exhibitionist?

Fumiko: The current state of the Renhou is directly connected to that man's selfishness and manipulation. To him, we're just tools to be used for his grand scheme...

If he isn't defeated, neither the Renhou or earth will have a future.

If we can just find some way to get close to him and grab him by the throat...

018

Fumiko: Ah, I have to watch what I whisper...

Shinpachi: You weren't whispering, but talking just now.

Fumiko: You'll regret it if you treat this as an ordinary mess hall...this place too is under Vader,s close observation.

Spilling even a single grain of rice is an offense punished by shooting.

Shinpachi: Eeeh?!

Fumiko: Listen to me. You must finish your food with haste. Follow my lead and you should be fine.

Shinpachi: Uugh...how can anyone eat under this kind of mental strain?

Kagura: How good. They have curry there Shinpachi.

Shinpachi: This isn't the time to get festive Kagura-chan. Whether it's curry or natou we have to eat it with discretion..

(Sfx- Zaraaah dppf)

{More than being curry....}

{There's clearly an excite bike cartridge on the plaaaaaaaate!!}

019

{What is thisssss?! Are they making fun of us?! What would have happened if we wanted somethings sweet?!}

{Sweets? You're such a child.}

{And the spicy one is a big black helping of Raid on Bungeling Bay!!}

{What the hell is up with this planet?! Does everyone eat their food with a side of nintendo cartridge?!}

Fumiko: Hurry up and cool it down so you can eat.

{Sure you can blow on the cartridge but it doesn't help!}

Kagura: It cannot be helped. You must do as the natives, yes?

Shinpachi we will split it between us and eat.

Shinpachi: No, this is impossible! You can't eat a nintendo cartridge! 8 bits aren't edible!!

(Sfx- Gohhh thoook)

{SO YOU GET THE RICE!?}

Kagura: Hurry up and eat it Shinpachi. We will look suspicious, yes?

(Sfx- Gan thud)

Gintoki: Hey Shinpachi, Kagura...you don't need to eat that.

Shinpachi: Gi---Gin-san!

Gintoki: Do you think warriors who have seen as much as us will settle for this?

Sakamoto: Don't mess with us.

Katsura: If you call this nourishment, then world domination is still a far cry for you.

Shinpachi: W—wait a minute everyone!
020

{Excuse me, do you have Dragon Quest 5?}

{Final Fantasy 4 please.}

{Is there no Virtual Boy on the menu?}

Shinpachi: That's not the problem at all!! More like, one of those things aren't like the others!!

{Oh they're over here.}

{Sweet! If it's red hot FF wings you want, it's definitely four that serves 'em up! Spicy things make me throw up though...}

{There really isn't any virtual boy to partake from?}

Fumiko: N—not good..

Dragon Quest, FF and the like are soups that only commanding officers get to eat!

Shinpachi: Even the commanding officers eat nintendo games?!

Fumiko: Especially Dragon quest 5 and FF4! They're first class goods that the Shogun himself eats!!

{You fools, what are you doing?!}

{Do you think peons get to eat like kings?!?}

Fumiko: Oh no! You've angered the Shogun's guards!!

Shinpachi: What the hell are you idiots doing?!

Watch out!!

021

(Sfx- Bara bara bara clatter clatter)

{Sorry about that Double dragon.....Take my Actraiser as penance for these people.}

{What..?! Shogun Ehou...they're your men?}

Katsura: Shogun?! Why?! I thought there were only two...?

Fumiko: That's...

Could it be because of his successful infiltration of earth that he got a promotion?

{Yeah...}

{I'd like to give you all an invitation...}

{Since it seems you've all managed to stay alive....}

{How about you fight under me?}

(Sfx- Zahhh sffft)

Katsura: E...

{Elizabettttthhh!!}

(Side text- The main star appears!!)

GINAMA LESSON 355...........END.